The Three Hopeless Dumbasses
"Whoa!! It's the Three Hopeless Dumbasses!!"
Rai looked back and forth between the three of them, then let out a long, long sigh.
"Haaah... So. You three are really going to guard us twenty-four hours a day, right?"
Kana stepped forward as if she'd been waiting for exactly that question.
"Of course!!"
She grinned, pressing her huge fuzzy hat down onto her head with one hand.
"Leader of Mechakurachacha!! Kana!"
".........."
"Any job handled with flair, any danger smashed head-on — we're first-class fixers, at your service~!"
"Though she does often cause the accidents that make the job bigger in the first plaaace..."
Misa quietly added from behind.
"Misa?!"
"It's the truth... lies are baaad..."
Misa flinched and stole a glance at Kana's face.
"I'm Misa..."
She peeked at Rai through her black hair.
"I-I handle intel gathering and support... and... if it's something Kana says... I usually believe it and go along with it."
"Usually?"
Kana glared at her.
"N-no, I mean. All of it..."
Only then did Kana smile in satisfaction.
"That's my Misa!! And last but not least~!"
Swish.
Yuna raised a hand lazily, lollipop still in her mouth.
"Yuna."
"Yuna? That's it?"
"Yep."
"........."
"Combat."
Yuna rolled the candy around her mouth and said flatly, "This is a pain. Let's finish fast and go home."
"........."
Rai's expression curdled.
Even after hearing all three introductions, his face did not improve in the slightest. If anything, it grew graver by the second.
Orchi, meanwhile, was applauding furiously.
"So cool~~~!!"
Kana beamed at her reaction.
"Wow~! This client's energy is fantastic!!"
"What...?"
Rai stared at her in disbelief.
"When a client reacts this enthusiastically, our mission success rate goes up!!"
Kana thrust her thumb skyward.
"Alright! This mission is officially guaranteed to succeed!! Have the bonus ready in advance!!"
"..........."
Rai pressed hard against his own temple.
"First of all... the enemy is an S-rank Awakener."
".............."
At his explanation, all three faces stiffened at once.
"And the fee's already been paid up front. Looking forward to working with you."
Rai continued in a perfectly level voice.
"S... S-rank?"
The smile drained from Kana's face.
And Misa began visibly trembling.
"U-um... Kana?"
"Yeah?"
"We... we never heard anything about an S-raaank..."
Yuna spoke as nonchalantly as ever, sucking on her candy.
"We're gonna die."
"YUNA?????"
"I accepted the job."
"What?!"
Wham--!!
Kana grabbed Yuna by the shoulders.
"You accepted it without asking us?!"
"Yep."
"Why?!"
"They paid a lot. Do the job halfway, then bail."
"I-I don't wanna die!!!"
Kana shrieked, then whipped her head around to face Rai.
"Sorry, but we're putting that fee to good use!!!"
"You're actually running?!!"
"Fighting!!"
Rai's face flushed red as he roared.
"Don't you dare bullshit me!!"
Rai pointed at each of the three in turn, finger jabbing the air.
"Do you have any idea what your website ad said?!"
Kana flinched.
"It... said something... didn't it...?"
"It said you're a team of Awakeners rivaling S-rank Awakeners--!!"
Wham--!!
Rai slapped down the flashy job-site ad.
"That's why I trusted you with this!"
Misa carefully raised her hand.
"Um..."
"What. Just. What."
"That ad... I'm the one who made it..."
Misa said in a trembling voice.
"There's a bit of exaggeration in iiiit..."
"YOU SAID LIES WERE BAAAAAD--!!!"
Rai's voice cracked clean in half.
"Then what rank were you three back in your active days?!"
Kana raised her hand. "B-rank."
Misa raised hers, timidly. "C-raaank..."
Yuna said it like it was nothing. "B."
"Son of a—"
Rai's face went stone.
He stood there in silence for a long moment, then slowly brought both hands up to his face.
"We are so fuuuuuuuuucked..."
Orchi tugged at his sleeve.
"Rai, why's your face like that?"
"Could I... sacrifice those three to summon an S-rank Awakener instead..."
Rai began muttering with a look of pure menace.
"Rai, your face is being weird."
"This despair... I've never felt anything like it in my entire life..."
And that was the exact moment it happened.
Ring ring ring~!
Rai's phone rang out.
".........!!!!"
His eyes flew wide open.
"No way...!!!"
He checked the screen, and his expression changed in an instant.
Shalla was flashing on the caller ID.
"Shalla...!!!"
Rai scrambled to answer.
And in that very instant—
CRACK--!!
A gunshot split the air.
CRUNCH--!!
The phone in Rai's hand exploded into pieces.
"Ah... you have GOT to be kidding meeeee--!!!"
Rat-ta-ta-tat-tat...!!!
Rai grimaced and stared down at his own hand.
"Whaaat...?!"
Kana's face froze too.
"Th-that's... a guuun!!!"
Misa frantically scanned their surroundings.
"Don't tell me..."
Swish.
Yuna turned her head, lollipop still wedged in her mouth.
On the rooftop of a distant building—
A woman stood there.
A long sniper rifle rested in her hands.
And of course, it was Chain.
Fwooooooosh...!!
She peered down at the group through her rifle's scope.
Then she laughed, as if the whole thing were utterly delightful.
"Junior-kun~!"
Rai's face hardened.
Chain's voice rolled out across the night streets.
"I do believe I told you — mention me to anyone else, and I'd come at you in dead earnest~!"
".........!!!!"
"I didn't expect you to go and call in actual people, though!!"
Kana looked around wildly.
"It's already started?!"
"Aaagh--!! Why now of all times--!!"
Rai shouted.
Clunk--!!
At that moment, Yuna yanked open the car door.
"Everybody in."
"Yuna?"
"Hurry."
Wham--!!
Yuna swung herself into the driver's seat.
Vrrrrrrroooom--!!
The engine roared to life almost in the same breath.
"If we stick around here any longer, this gets really annoying."
"Wait, Yuna!! Do you even know how to drive this thing?"
Thud!
Kana had just dropped into the seat beside her, and Yuna answered flatly.
"Yep."
"Your license?"
"Don't have one."
"WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS NOOOW?!"
Vroooooooom--!!
Yuna gripped the wheel.
"In."
"Ngh...!!"
"It's moving!!"
"Don't leave us behiiiind!!!"
The three of them scrambled aboard the car as it started to lurch forward.
Hoof--!!
Rai cradled Orchi in his arms and tumbled into the back seat.
"Rai. Squeezyyy..."
"Just bear with it!!!"
Misa wedged herself in beside Rai.
Shoosh.
"Sorryyy...!!"
"Going."
Vroom~!
Yuna grabbed the gearshift like it was nothing at all.
KRAAAANG-----!!
Before anyone could even reach for a seatbelt, the car shot forward like a bullet.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"
Rai was slammed flat against the back seat, but Orchi, far from frightened, was laughing with pure delight.
"Fun~!"
"IT IS NOT FUN!!!"
The car tore down the narrow streets like something possessed.
Vroooooooooooom~~~!!
And behind them, Chain's sniper rifle was already training on them once more.
Click.
And so, from the very first moment, Mechakurachacha's mission was already a disaster beyond anyone's imagination.
A dark space.
The top floor of an enormous tower, overlooking the countless lights of the city.
The night spread endlessly beyond the windows, but inside the room, the only presence was the quiet stillness shared by two people.
This was Argentium.
The world's largest organization for the development and production of Awakener armaments — a place that analyzed the abilities of Awakeners and rendered those powers into real combat equipment and weapons.
Custom weaponry built to match each Awakener's unique ability, gear that amplified those powers, special instruments of war reserved for the highest ranks. So vast was its influence that a substantial share of every piece of Awakener equipment in use across the world was tied, directly or indirectly, to the technology born here.
And in its upper echelons sat a great many individuals, each presiding over their own domain.
Tap.
One of them sat by the window.
A man with neatly combed black hair. Dressed in an immaculate black suit, hands folded together, he gazed down at the city without a word.
A relaxed smile played at the corners of his mouth — but behind it, his eyes held a cold, glittering intellect.
Edrik Pearl Darksnow.
Chairman of Argentium, overseeing its entire weapons development and production division.
Behind him stood a woman, silent as a shadow.
Red hair falling to her waist. A black suit worn to flawless perfection. Her cold eyes and expressionless face made it plain that she was not a woman swayed by trivial emotions.
Her name was Sinedes Zugarite.
Chief researcher in charge of Argentium's special weapons R&D division.
Sinedes glanced down at the terminal in her hand and quietly spoke.
"She has begun to move."
Edrik gave no answer, his gaze still fixed on the city below.
"S-rank Awakener, Chain Curtlay."
At that name, the corners of Edrik's mouth curled up — just a little.
Sinedes continued her report.
"Her movement was confirmed moments ago. She is advancing faster than projected."
"Is that so?"
"We are tracking her current position, but she is displaying markedly aggressive behavior."
Sinedes paused for a moment.
"It appears... she is hunting 'him.'"
Only then did Edrik slowly turn his head.
And he smiled.
"Chain Curtlay... it's been a long time since I heard that name."
"Yes, sir."
Edrik looked back out the window.
A city brimming with a hundred thousand lights.
Somewhere in that glittering sprawl, a woman was moving.
Still held fast in the grip of the past.
Edrik chuckled, low and soft.
"That woman..."
His eyes narrowed.
"She's still living back there, isn't she?"
Sinedes said nothing, simply watching him.
And silence settled over the room once more.