Chemistry (1)
It was 6 p.m. As usual, I turned on the stream right on schedule and started warming up the chat with the viewers. Random everyday stories, what was happening in the world, talk about new games. I filled the time with the usual subjects. It was the standard pre-stream chatter, but a strange current flowed between me and the viewers. Everyone sensed it, yet no one mentioned it outright.
The reason was the joint stream with Arine at the forefront, along with the other top-tier streamers. That was the main content I had prepared for today’s broadcast.
“Ah, only fifteen minutes left. I’ll hop into Discord to get ready for the collab. Be right back, guys.”
I took a deep breath after speaking. For some reason cold sweat was forming on my palms—the kind that hadn’t even appeared when I first started streaming. As I wiped my hands on my pants, the chat noticed my tension and burst into laughter.
At the sight, I let out a small chuckle and answered them. Still, the nervousness I felt right now was the good kind. Excitement. And trembling. Of course, if I ended up ruining the broadcast because of it, that tension would quickly turn sour.
“Wow, I really don’t usually get like this. But this one’s actually scary, guys. What do I do?”
No one joins the voice channel fifteen minutes early like this. I was probably the only one. I wasn’t the type to get nervous easily. If I had been, I never would have chosen a job where I performed in front of people, and I certainly wouldn’t have gone full maniac mode in front of Arine during that sponsored stream.
But when I thought about how my entire broadcasting future might depend on today’s show, even someone like me couldn’t help but shake.
“Sorry about this, everyone. Let me just take a few deep breaths. Hoo… haa… sssip… haa…”
While I was making a big deal out of calming my racing heart with exaggerated breaths, I heard the familiar ding of someone joining the Discord call.
The voice was like a beautiful melody carried on a breeze through silk. Just from the sound you could tell it belonged to a pretty woman—pure, elegant, and slightly coquettish. Of course it was Arine.
I glanced at the viewers’ reactions, ignored them, stopped my deep breathing, and greeted her. Just knowing it was the two of us made my chest flutter even more.
“Ah, hello, Arine.”
Her tone made it hard to tell whether she was speaking to the viewers or to me.
“Do people usually gather right on time for these collabs?”
She really is diligent. Even though she’s a top-tier streamer, she still joins ten minutes early to wait. That kind of sincerity was surely one of the reasons for her success.
“No, I’m closer to Type-P. I just live however it comes, just like I look.”
“Deep breathing.”
“No way?”
Her tone scratched at my pride. The mischievous teasing made me instinctively want to act tough and deny it. After all, no man wants to lose face in front of a beautiful woman. But I didn’t put on a front. Because I had no intention of treating Arine as a woman.
Of course my instincts were screaming that she was a woman, but there was no way she would ever see me as a man. It might sound cold, but romance is an exchange of value. A top-tier streamer who casually makes thousands a month versus a hako broadcaster whose viewer count had stayed in the double digits for three years. She had idol-level looks; I was just an average guy. Trying to buy luxury with pocket change only gets you cursed out. It was only natural for people of the same level to date.
From Arine’s perspective, there was no way I could register as an attractive member of the opposite sex. Wasn’t that exactly why Seoyeon had left me? The balance of value we had somehow maintained during college had collapsed once she got a job at a solid company and started polishing her appearance. The scales had tipped, so she left. If the balance hadn’t even worked with Seoyeon, there was no chance it would work with Arine.
Therefore I had zero intention of approaching her as a man. After all, the only reason she had invited me to this collab was because she saw potential in me as a streamer. So I answered honestly.
“You’re right. My hands were shaking so badly I was seriously debating whether I should take a pill for it.”
What kind of image did this woman even have of me? Then again, the only side of myself I had shown her was a broadcast-obsessed madman. She probably thought of me as some kind of streaming weirdo.
“How could I not be nervous? I’m collabing with top-tier streamers, and this is my first time doing a big group one.”
I had never done a six-person collab in my life. At most I had done viewer participation streams.
“That’s true.”
She trusted me? How much had she even seen of me to say that? Was this blind faith? The groundless trust was both pleasant and burdensome. Had Arine always been like this? Come to think of it, she had always seemed warm and kind when I watched her streams. I told myself not to read too much into it. This was just her way of easing my nerves. Even if it was only polite words, I was still grateful.
“What exactly makes you trust me?”
There was no trace of falsehood in her voice. If it had been empty politeness, it would have been obvious. Could Arine really believe I would do well? I was nothing but a hako streamer who had gotten lucky enough to collab with her and make her laugh a few times. Why was she showing me such excessive kindness? And why was her trust in me so thick?
Not even my family, friends, or girlfriend—the people closest to me—had believed in me. Yet Arine said she trusted me after only one collab. At those words, I felt a strange flutter in my chest without meaning to. I couldn’t understand the reason behind her favor, but I was endlessly grateful to her for it. At the same time, I couldn’t help endlessly doubting whether those words were her true feelings.
A soft giggle. It was a pure joke with zero malice, meant to lighten the suddenly heavy atmosphere. I felt my heart ease a little at her teasing and answered.
“No. I could never do something so ungrateful.”
So the only way I could repay her was by giving my absolute best on today’s broadcast. That was what I thought.
As soon as the clock hit the hour, just as Arine had said, people flooded into the channel.
The sound balance was chaotic from the start. My mind started spinning from experiencing my first six-person collab. As people entered and familiar voices filled the channel, the tension hit me even harder.
Amid the noisy chatter, Arine’s clear voice cut through distinctly.
The other streamers were so famous they didn’t need introductions. Their audiences already knew one another. But both the viewers and the other streamers would have a hard time knowing the streamer named Do Doyun.
I swallowed once and greeted them.
“U-um… hello… I’m Do Doyun, I stream at 6 p.m. on Naty…”
My voice was obviously trembling. The moment they heard it, the other top-tier streamers burst out laughing.
I wasn’t supposed to be nervous. When it had been just the two of us, Arine had even said she believed in me and cheered me on. Yet my body was trembling on its own and I couldn’t stop it. My head and body were completely out of sync; I felt like I was going crazy.
When I couldn’t say anything more, Arine spoke.
“Yes?”
“Ah…”
Arine rattled an empty coffee can. There was no way a top-tier streamer like her would actually be nervous here. She was simply trying to ease my tension. Maybe my response wasn’t satisfying enough, because Arine put on a haughty tone.
Everyone chuckled at Arine’s joke. Their own chats were probably exploding with messages. She and I were nothing to each other, yet she was looking out for me like this. If I kept freezing up, the one who would get criticized by both the viewers and the other streamers would be Arine. After all, she was the one who had pushed an unknown like me into the collab.
…Get a grip, Doyun. You can’t do this to Arine after she’s been so good to you.
Watching her try to liven up the mood, I took another deep breath to steady myself.
“A nonsense pass? Okay. I’m trusting that and going to say whatever I want. No take-backs, Arine?”
Somehow, the voice coming out of me wasn’t shaking at all anymore.