The Life of a Large Streamer (7)
“Ughhh… It’s finally over… We’re done now, right? Can I go home?”
Despite everything that had happened, the broadcast wrapped up successfully. It had been intentionally kept short to account for the demands of an external shoot, and Arine—after taking a ten-minute break to recover—had returned with noticeably higher energy, making the rest of the stream even more entertaining. I wasn’t sure how the viewers felt, but I could clearly sense her tension had risen sharply after the rest. That alone made the whole thing worthwhile.
Once the broadcast ended and I slumped back in my chair, Arine dragged hers back toward the computer. A giant question mark popped up in my head at the sight.
“What? Why are you heading back to the desk? The stream’s over.”
Don’t tell me there’s still work left after all that? A surge of anxiety rolled over me. And as usual, my anxious hunches were never wrong.
She glanced back at me with an apologetic expression.
“There’s still a little bit left. It’s like post-broadcast homework. Can you wait just a bit? I’ll be done soon.”
“Uh… sure. We’re doing the full-day experience anyway. Even if I wanted to leave, I couldn’t.”
“Pfft. True enough, huh?”
She opened several emails and messengers, began exchanging messages with someone, received a few video files and image files, and kept the conversation going.
“The 17:20 clip looks solid.”
“For the thumbnail, I think the second cut works better…”
She continued working for a while, muttering to herself. When it seemed like she was nearing the end, I asked from behind her.
“What exactly are you doing?”
“Um… post-production stuff after the broadcast.”
“You handle all of this yourself?”
“I personally check the YouTube thumbnails, editing points, and planning. Then I upload the VOD and take care of all the small tasks I couldn’t finish today. Emails are better sent in advance even if I sleep right after.”
Arine said it all so casually. For me, the day ended the moment the broadcast did. But for her, the work never seemed to stop.
Watching her power through an insane schedule of external filming and live streaming, then still finish every last bit of backend work, I felt a flicker of genuine respect. So this was what it really took to succeed. I suddenly felt embarrassed for thinking I was a pretty decent streamer just because I kept my streams a little longer than average.
……Did she endure this every single day?
Her usually slender shoulders somehow looked heavier today.
Not wanting to disturb her, I stayed quiet and simply filmed the scene in silence.
The work didn’t take long. Just as she’d said, it was finished in about an hour. We stepped out of the studio to find complete darkness waiting outside. It was the dead of night—so late that not a single person was around.
“Huh? The van’s gone?”
The black van we’d parked earlier was nowhere to be seen.
Arine answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
“Of course it is. The company rented it for the schedule.”
“Oh, really? I assumed it was your personal car.”
“Oppa, do you think I’m some celebrity? How often would I even need a van? Pfft. Besides, the manager and editor need to get home too.”
Today’s filming had ended at the studio, so Arine had gone back to her usual way of addressing me. It made sense. They’d been running an intense schedule since morning. Asking regular employees to stay this late would have been unreasonable. Any more than that and people would start calling it a black company.
I understood that part, but then what about Arine?
“Then how are you getting home?”
“Me? I usually just walk.”
“You don’t take a taxi?”
“Taxis feel scarier these days. There are so many horror stories online about drivers kidnapping people.”
“Ah, I’ve heard a few of those.”
Stories about young women who get in drunk or late at night, only to be taken somewhere strange by someone pretending to be a normal driver. Or real taxi drivers who suddenly change route and drag passengers to unfamiliar places.
“Anyway, my house isn’t that far from here. About a fifteen-minute walk. Oppa, you should catch a taxi here. It’s pretty far for you.”
I didn’t know the exact distance, but it was definitely more than thirty minutes by car. If anything, I was more surprised that we lived so close to each other. Still, the thought of her walking alone down a dark road at dawn didn’t sit right with me. Even if my presence wouldn’t help much and she was probably used to it, sending a girl off by herself while a guy was right there felt like I wasn’t doing my part.
Maybe it was because Seoyeon had always treated that kind of thing as normal, and I’d grown used to it.
“Then let’s walk together. I’ll take you to your front door and catch a taxi from there.”
“Eh? You don’t have to. It’s fine. The road is a little dark, but it’s not that dangerous. I’ve walked it alone plenty of times.”
“Still. A girl walking alone at dawn…”
“Oppa, you’re surprisingly conservative about these things? Hehe. Or do you just want to spend a little more time with me?”
Arine giggled with a mischievous smile. Her words felt like a gentle poke to my chest.
……Honestly, she wasn’t wrong. After spending the entire day stuck together like this, I felt strangely reluctant to part ways. Maybe it was because we’d only worked together without any real personal conversation. Or because every interaction had carried the weight of constant filming. I wanted to share my honest impressions of the day with her in a space where no one was watching.
Even so, as she said, it was only about a fifteen-minute walk. Chatting casually with her like this might be a small luxury I’d earned after today’s hard work.
“It’s a full-day experience. Going home together makes it feel complete.”
“Ah~ Is that so? That’s a pretty weak excuse, don’t you think?”
The excuse clearly wasn’t working. So I tried again.
“……You said we should get closer.”
“Huh?”
“You told me you wanted to get a little closer on a personal level too. When else are we going to have time to talk privately?”
I swallowed my embarrassment and spoke honestly. Her earlier words could have been dismissed as a casual promise, but I didn’t want to brush them off. I had no romantic intentions toward her. But couldn’t we at least become friends—Yoo Harin and I? After spending time with her, I knew what a good person she was. Being decent colleagues as streamers should be fine, right?
“……Ah. That’s right. Hmm.”
Arine let out an awkward little cough and answered. Then she suddenly took a step forward. When I paused to watch her, she turned her head and looked back at me with a pout.
“What are you doing, oppa? Aren’t you coming? This way leads to my house.”
“Ah, right.”
That was her way of agreeing. It meant her earlier words hadn’t been empty—she really did want to get closer to me. The realization brought up an emotion I couldn’t quite name. It felt good. A warmth spread through one side of my chest. It reminded me of that fluffy feeling from elementary school, when the kid I wanted to be friends with said, “Let’s be friends.”
Too embarrassed to look at each other, we both kept our heads down, staring at our feet as we matched our steps.
Step. Step.
Our footsteps echoed through the quiet night street.
The awkward silence stretched on, and as usual, Arine spoke first.
“So? How was it? Your impressions after experiencing my day?”
There was no one here to worry about. No cameras either. I stopped being streamer Do Doyun and answered her as plain human Kim Doyun.
“It was incredible. I thought the life of a large streamer would be nothing but luxury and something to envy. Guess it was all my fantasy. Even if you told me to live like you, I don’t think I could.”
At my direct compliment, Arine covered her mouth in embarrassment and smiled awkwardly. Then she answered with a touch of humility.
“It’s not that big a deal. If you lived like this for a while, oppa, you’d get used to it.”
“I really don’t think I would. And you don’t exactly look used to it either.”
“…It showed that much?”
“Yeah. A little. It feels like you’re constantly walking a tightrope. Mentally and physically. If I lived like that, the stress would kill me. It’s already hard just living roughly like I do now.”
A life where every word and action had to be calculated. The burden itself was completely different from what a hako like me carried. The higher the position, the greater the distance to fall.
“Aren’t you scared? Living that way?”
I was purely curious about what someone named Yoo Harin felt. How did she experience the life of a large streamer that I had never touched?
She looked surprised that I would ask, her eyes wavering. After staring at me with her mouth slightly open, she finally spoke as if she had steeled herself.
“……There are times when I’m scared. What if I suddenly collapse after pushing this hard? That kind of anxiety?”
Her voice trembled. It was the fragile sound of a young girl—something I rarely heard from Arine’s usual firm tone.
“If I break down, or make even one mistake, or get exhausted here, I’ll get pushed out of this cutthroat streaming world. I don’t know how long this popularity will last. That’s why I push myself so hard. I can’t even stop.”
“……”
“Plus, I have employees I’m responsible for. It’s not just my problem anymore.”
It was different from my own carefree broadcasts where I only risked myself. Arine carried a far heavier responsibility, with countless interests intricately intertwined. The MCN she belonged to, the staff she employed, the expectations of her viewers—this small girl was shouldering all of it. It was a weight I couldn’t even imagine.
“That’s why I work harder and stay more careful. I prepare thoroughly. That’s all I can do, right?”
She said it lightly, as if joking, but the words didn’t feel light at all. Then, as naturally as if the thought had just occurred to her, she shared another piece of her pain.
“And the hardest part… is that there’s no one I can really talk to about this.”
“Really?”
“Pretty much. To my staff I have to be a reliable boss. To the viewers I always have to be a happy streamer. To anyone else it would just sound like a spoiled complaint.”
Her words sounded strangely hollow. A life where she had to perform only an unshakable, strong image. The solitude that came with being at the top. Maybe that made the burden even heavier—because she had to carry the pain alone without anyone to confide in.
“Sometimes it feels suffocating with no one to lean on. After all, I’m responsible for everything. I guess it’s the burden of being a CEO. Ahaha.”
She laughed as if embarrassed while revealing her inner thoughts. It was a little unexpected. There were plenty of other large streamers around her. I’d assumed they would share their struggles with each other.
“Don’t large streamers talk about these things together?”
“Everyone’s too busy for personal talk. And fundamentally our relationships are more business-oriented. We’re close, but we all have our own lives, and no one has the luxury to listen to my problems.”
I nodded. Her explanation made sense. Accepting someone’s pain required having some emotional leeway. Maybe large streamers simply didn’t have the mental space or time to share each other’s burdens.
Looking at her wistful face under the streetlight, that thought crossed my mind. If it was just listening like last time…
……Maybe I could do that much.
So I spoke without thinking.
“Then tell me.”
“Huh?”
“I saw it today. Even if it was only a little, I saw how hard it is for you. I know how difficult it is, and I’m not your employee or a viewer. Unlike those large streamers, I’m not busy and I don’t carry heavy burdens. I’d make a pretty good complaint partner, wouldn’t I?”
I could do at least this much. Compared to everything she had done for me—and was still doing—simply listening was nothing.
“I might not be able to help much, but I can at least listen to someone vent. My ex-girlfriend trained me pretty well, so I’m decent at reacting too.”
If it could lighten the weight on Arine’s shoulders even a little, it was an easy thing for me.
“Pfft. Thanks for saying that, even if it’s just words. Oppa.”
But she only laughed. Did she think they were empty compliments? Feeling unfairly treated, I pushed back.
“I’m not joking. It’s fine even after the virtual marriage ends. Call me anytime you’re comfortable. I’ll complain with you sometimes and hear what kind of worries a large streamer has.”
“…But we don’t even know each other’s phone numbers?”
“We can just talk through Discord like now.”
At my answer, Arine suddenly stopped walking. I had been looking at the ground while talking, but I felt her gaze on me. What? Why suddenly…
“Oppa. Just asking in case…”
“Yeah.”
“……Are you hitting on me right now?”
Oh no. Had I come on too strong? That wasn’t what I meant. A cold sweat ran down my back. I already knew Arine hated clingy guys. The reason she’d chosen me as her virtual marriage partner in the first place was because I’d been straightforward. What if she misunderstood?
The moment I turned to check her expression, I forgot what I was about to say next.
“What~? Why aren’t you answering? Is it true?”
The woman I had expected to look displeased was instead smiling brightly, like a flower in full bloom.