Words I Want to Hear (1)
They linger in her eyes. No matter how hard she tries to ignore them.
Ever since that donation earlier, the chat had been flooding in like a steady stream.
No matter how much the mods tried to steer the flow, the chat refused to change course. In the online world, people spoke their minds without caring who was watching. Messages that left her hands a beat too late kept claiming the chat one by one.
…This was exactly why she had avoided face-cam streams. Every single one of her broadcasts ended up revolving around her appearance. Chats defending her clashed with chats asking why everyone was making such a fuss. Countless opinions tangled together, splitting into sides and arguing. Yet the only messages that reached her eyes were the negative ones.
Or maybe they weren’t even negative. Maybe what they were saying was simply the truth. That was why it hurt even more.
She knew from years of streaming experience that she shouldn’t keep staring at the chat. If her mood plummeted any further, the collab stream would be ruined. She wasn’t alone here, either. If she broke down now, it would affect Doyun too.
But her mouth had already stopped moving, and her eyes were blankly fixed on the rising chat. She stared straight into the barrage of words being hurled at her. Or rather, even if she didn’t want to look, her heart pulled those appearance-related messages toward her like a magnet.
And then fragments of old memories surfaced.
“Must be nice, huh? You can’t sing or dance, but you get to stay because you’ve got a decent face. Ha. Did you offer your body to the producer or something?”
No.
“Harin, you’d be better as center. Let’s give the main vocal and main dance parts to Yujin and Hyunjoo. You’ve got the visuals, after all. Right?”
No. I worked hard too. I’m not some parasite living off my face just because I got lucky with my parents. I’m not here by chance.
“It’s not that you can’t sing, but… it’s a bit ambiguous. Still, with your visuals, you’ll probably snag a main position anyway.”
“Just memorize the formations well, and keep your dance lines tighter than the others. You’ve got a good figure, so emphasizing that will work better than trying to dance perfectly.”
“Skills can be improved after debut. Don’t stress too much about not being good enough. You’ve got clear strengths.”
She had wished they would just eliminate her. If she lacked the skills, if she had no talent and could never become an idol no matter how hard she tried… But they never dropped her. Even when there were trainees who sang better, danced better, and had more star quality than her. The producers never, ever let her go. It felt like torture disguised as hope. That was even more miserable.
And then—
“Hey, isn’t Yoo Harin seriously annoying? I hate how she pretends to be nice. The trainers only like her and it makes no sense. What’s so great about a girl with no skills who’s barely surviving on her looks?”
“If she knows she doesn’t have what it takes, she should just leave on her own. Why does she keep clinging on? Doesn’t she feel sorry for the others? How many people got cut because of her? Ha. Such a nuisance.”
…I’m not a nuisance.
The fact that she couldn’t say it out loud even now made her feel pathetic. It was as if she secretly agreed with them. She could barely breathe. Years had passed since she left that place, yet those words still shackled her. Maybe that was why she had started hating men who only approached her for her looks. They only saw the empty shell, not what was inside—just like the trainers and producers back then.
Her expression hardened. Her mouth closed. Her breathing grew shallow, and she knew she needed to say something, but nothing came to mind. She had to calm the chat and keep the WGM stream going. She had to, but…
How long had she been silent? One minute? Three? Her sense of time was blurred. She forced her mouth open, desperate to speak.
“Ah, everyone—”
[To the person who sent that donation. I didn’t really want to know either, but it caught my eye. Arine’s only popular because of her looks? You really don’t get it~]
Her words stopped. Because the voice coming through Discord had sealed her mouth shut.
[People who say she’s only popular because of her looks are seriously basement dwellers. Basement dwellers.]
[Her face definitely helps create a favorable image. I’ll admit that. But if that’s the case, how many idols and streamers are good-looking?]
[Did all of them succeed? No. There are good-looking people who aren’t popular, and plenty of average-looking people who rank high.]
[In the end, Arine has other charms besides her face. That’s why she’s doing this well. Try giving someone else her face and see if they can grow their stream this much. They couldn’t, right? Because even I’m not confident I could. She’s actually skilled, you know?]
He was defending her skills more passionately than she ever could. Why? Why was he protecting her like this?
And just like that, when the stream’s owner spoke up, the tide of public opinion shifted again. The disruptive chats tried to push back, but they were quickly buried under the rising flood of supportive messages. Doyun broke the slightly heavy atmosphere with his usual sly grin.
[…Almost said it~ Sorry for the unnecessary lecturing. Everyone, I’m just a small streamer, but I’ve got this weird broadcasting pride.]
[I get too worked up whenever streaming comes up. But I really can’t stand listening to things that aren’t true. Honestly, you’re all worse at this than I am.]
Before anyone realized it, the target had shifted from Arine to Doyun. He shielded her, took the blame himself, and provoked the viewers to redirect their attention. In mere seconds, with just a few words, Doyun steered the public opinion exactly where he wanted. One wrong step and he could’ve been labeled a streamer who lectures his audience, earning their resentment. It could’ve turned into controversy or bad rumors. He knew how fatal that was for a small streamer, yet he walked that dangerous tightrope without hesitation.
……All of it was for Arine.
[Whoa whoa. I’m watching Arine’s stream on my second monitor right now. The chat looks pretty scratched up. Are you guys really that bad at streaming? Why so triggered?]
Doyun chuckled, and Arine’s viewers laughed while pretending to be annoyed. The atmosphere lightened in an instant, and Arine’s mind returned to reality.
……What was I doing just now?
For her, who hadn’t said a single word, Doyun had been working hard. Reviving the stream’s mood, taking the hits, shielding her, buying time. How long was she going to stay silent like some newbie streamer?
You’re a pro. This is how you make a living.
Only after scolding herself did her mouth, which had felt so heavy, finally open.
“Doyun, stop bullying my viewers~ They’re all scratched up and in an uproar right now~!”
When she forced some energy into her voice and jumped into the conversation, Doyun replied in his usual bright tone, as if he had been waiting for exactly this.
[Ah~ Sorry sorry. Arine’s viewers’ reactions are kinda tasty though? I’ll be on my way after having some fun~]
“I’ll give you that. That’s why I always scratch them too.”
[What? You’re not in any position to say that to me, you punk.]
“It’s fine if I do it, but not if you do. They’re my viewers. Even if someone’s going to insult them, it should be me.”
[Wow. That’s some seriously twisted possessiveness.]
Watching the chat pretend nothing had happened and Doyun’s easygoing attitude…
……Thank you, Doyun oppa.
Arine silently offered him her gratitude.