WGM Presentation (5): First Impressions
[......Why are you so flustered, Doyun? Did your heart skip a beat?]
The words hang in the air for a moment. Her teasing tone sends heat rushing to my face without warning. My forehead burns, and my cheeks flush hot. The sound of her quiet chuckle carries the unmistakable scent of a woman. ......Good thing there’s no camera on me. If my face had been on stream, I would’ve been in serious trouble. Arine’s playful jabs were lethal to me.
I’d fallen for her at first sight. From that moment on, what man wouldn’t feel his heart race when such a beautiful woman flirted with him? But the way she teased me felt different. There was a shy, almost innocent quality to it, like she’d never said something like this to anyone before. It was the tone of a woman who rarely played with romantic feelings, yet was trying to hide her own embarrassment while still wanting to tease me. That clumsy, endearing attempt somehow radiated a pure, untouched freshness that sent a stronger ripple through my chest than I expected.
......She really is cute. This girl.
I’d always thought she was pretty. Of course I’d thought she was cute, too. But experiencing it directly was nothing like just watching from afar. Even if her stream wasn’t this kind of content, I finally understood why the chat was flooded with donations. I felt like I could easily end up the same way.
For a split second, a dangerous thought crossed my mind. ......Having a girlfriend like her would make every single day feel happy, wouldn’t it? We wouldn’t need anything grand. Just talking about our days over the phone after work would be enough. Spending a day off lazing around together, chatting about nothing in particular, would be fun. After all, she was stunning, had an amazing figure, reacted perfectly to everything, and overflowed with aegyo. She took jokes well, stayed bright, and radiated energy. Just having her nearby would lift anyone’s mood. One look at her face, one sound of her voice, and all the day’s exhaustion would vanish. If she laughed at one of my dumb jokes, I could fall asleep smiling that night.
But the fantasy stopped there. I couldn’t trust every thought that popped into my head. Even if desire stirred, there was nothing I could do about it. She was only acting this way because this was WGM content. Because that was the concept. She hadn’t fallen for me at first sight, and she had zero romantic interest in me as a person. I’d reminded myself of that countless times. Don’t climb mountains you can’t summit. This whole thing started as a contract, and I knew that better than anyone.
Yet men were such simple creatures. Just because a pretty girl said something like that, a tiny spark of hope flickered anyway. Even while acting, I got swept up and started imagining her as my actual girlfriend. Knowing how natural that reaction was only made the self-loathing rise faster. I shook my head hard, scattering the stray thoughts.
You’re live right now, Kim Doyun. Focus on the stream.
Feeling butterflies? Fine. The viewers would pick up on that emotion. But I couldn’t let it turn into anything more. No imagining her as my girlfriend. No ridiculous fantasies that maybe she felt something for me, too. We weren’t allowed to be that kind of relationship. If I let myself hope, I’d be the one who got hurt the most. And it would mean betraying the trust of the person who believed in me enough to suggest this WGM content in the first place.
Yeah. Stop being an idiot and just deliver the lines, you moron.
I forced the rising expectations back down, slammed the mental lock shut, and buried them deep where they’d never see daylight again.
“Yeah. My heart’s racing a bit. So it can’t be because you saw my face and fell for me—what exactly made you fall?”
Even as the words left my mouth, my heartbeat steadied. There. That was the right tone. The proper distance between us.
[Pfft. I guess as a fellow streamer? That’s what I liked. When I first saw you.]
“Ah, so you fell head over heels for Streamer Do Doyun?”
[Exactly, exactly. Hehe. I’m not trying to sound arrogant, but most small streamers get super nervous when they meet me, you know?]
“I can see that happening.”
After all, the other person was Arine. Even I had been a little nervous. I just hadn’t shown it.
[But you didn’t even flinch? It felt like you didn’t care whether I was there or not. Like you were only focused on the stream.]
“Really?”
[Yeah. You weren’t intimidated by me, but you didn’t put on any bravado either. And you were funny on top of that. I thought, ‘Wow, this streamer’s actually kind of likable.’]
“Oh, so that’s it. First time you’ve been treated like a statue, huh? Everyone usually treats you like a princess, but this guy just ignores you and keeps streaming? Whoa, first time meeting a guy like that, right?”
Given Arine’s visuals and recognition, only a tiny handful of people could ignore all that and just focus on streaming. Even most large streamers would struggle. Maybe that was why she’d been willing to collab with me in the first place. The faint unease I’d been carrying eased a little. Maybe this was her way of acknowledging me, too.
[I exaggerated a bit, but yeah, that’s pretty much how it felt? When I say it out loud, I sound pretty unlikeable, don’t I?]
She laughed softly, then asked like she’d been genuinely curious.
[So I was really curious. What was your first impression of me? You didn’t think I was pretty or anything? Guys always think that, right? Usually.]
Anyone would think that when they saw her, not just guys. Anyway, it was already in the past. No need to lie here.
“Of course I did. Obviously.”
[Yeah? You did? Really? You didn’t show it at all, though.]
“But I didn’t have any romantic interest in you.”
[Huh? You can separate it like that?]
Maybe she’d never met a guy who could. After all, most men wouldn’t admit those kinds of thoughts out loud. I answered her genuinely curious question.
“What do you think when you see a sunset over the ocean?”
[It’s pretty? Something like that?]
“Yeah. It was exactly like that. More like admiration for nature. When you see something so beautiful, you just feel awe, but at the same time it makes you feel solemn, you know?”
[......What is that. So you’re saying I’m on that level of pretty?]
Some of the guys in chat seemed to relate. Arine looked completely flustered by the compliment, but I hadn’t meant it as flattery. I was just being honest, so I kept going.
“For example, imagine seeing the prettiest idol or actress in Korea. You wouldn’t think about wanting to get close to them, right? You’d just feel like they’re from a completely different world than you.”
Someone from another planet. The kind of person whose life had nothing to do with someone ordinary like me. That was exactly the feeling I’d gotten from her, so of course I’d never considered her romantically. If I went to an AXU concert and saw AXU, I wouldn’t walk up and ask for her number. We instinctively knew those things didn’t happen. They only happened in dramas or movies.
[Ehh... Isn’t that exaggerating way too much...?]
Arine fidgeted, glancing around nervously. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. How could even that be cute? Her eyes darted around, unable to hide her embarrassment.
“No, that’s why I wasn’t nervous around you at all. If anything, seeing you made me calmer.”
[......]
“Sometimes I can’t tell if you have low self-esteem or if you just don’t understand your own level. Do you even realize how high-tier you are? Arine, your rank is insanely high.”
Honestly, I’d never seen a woman as beautiful as her. But my honest confession seemed to fluster her even more.
[Ah... Really...? Th-thank you... Yeah.]
She looked completely lost, unsure what to do. Even that pure reaction was one of the things that hit hardest. When she froze up like this, I had to steer the mood back on track before it turned into an awkward back-and-forth that would send us spiraling into Andromeda.
“Anyway, back then I never imagined things would turn out like this. So, can I ask you a question too?”
[...Yeah. Sure. Ask me anything.]
“Then how about now? Compared to your first impression, how do you feel about me these days?”
A question the viewers would love. If Arine picked a good answer here, we could keep the good atmosphere going. And there was no way the quick-witted Arine would miss that.
[Um... Well... Back then I thought you were just a broadcasting-obsessed lunatic, like a streaming machine or something... But now...]
“Now? Still think I’m a lunatic?”
[Pfft. No, not that. Hehe.]
She burst out laughing at my joke, then calmed down and answered, her voice a little shy.
[I realized you’re more human and more thoughtful than I thought? Like with the birthday gift... And you know what else?]
“Yeah.”
[.......When I look at you, you’re kind of cute?]
She delivered the perfect line the viewers would eat up.
Enough to stop my heart along with everyone else’s.
......Her acting really was the best.