Was It Intentional? (2)

She asked if it was intentional. Instead of answering, I countered with a question of my own. You thought that highly of me all this time?

“Huh? What do you mean?”

My sudden reply must have confused her. Or maybe not—Arine had always held me in high regard. I still didn’t understand what kind of fantasy she’d spun about me from the moment we first met, but she had a consistent tendency ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to see me as someone extraordinary. The trust she’d shown during our collab streams, the way she said teaming up with me would make our virtual marriage work. I didn’t even believe in myself that much, so I couldn’t figure out how she could put that kind of faith in me. It scared me a little, too. What would happen if the illusion ever broke?

Even now, just like back then, I was nothing more than a talentless hako streamer. I’d simply gotten lucky enough to meet Arine and show viewers what little strengths I had. If I had truly been someone special, I would have made it on my own a long time ago, without anyone’s help—just like she had.

So if Arine ever realized I wasn’t nearly as great or interesting as she imagined, wouldn’t she see that I was nothing special and leave? The same way Seoyeon had.

Lately that anxiety had taken up permanent residence in my heart.

“No. I’m saying I’m not the kind of person who runs those kinds of meticulous calculations like you do.”

“Actually, it only occurred to me after I heard what you said—that this could be used as buildup too.”

There was no point pretending to be smart. The act would crumble quickly anyway. My personality leaned far more toward impulsive than planned and meticulous. Most of my broadcasts were carried by quick thinking. If Arine had been in my position, she probably would have turned the situation into exactly that kind of calculated move.

Arine replied quickly. “Ah, so that’s how it is? I figured as much.”

“What do you mean, you figured as much?”

“It means you don’t exactly look that smart? lolololol.”

“Are you messing with me right now?”

“No lolololol It’s not like that. If anything, it’s a relief. So.”

A relief? What was supposed to be a relief?

“Ah~ You’re relieved I’m not smart? Is the idiot type your preference? The airhead aesthetic?”

“No no, that’s not it lol.”

“Then what is it?”

“It means the gift you sent was pure goodwill, right? That’s what makes me happy.”

So pure. Her answer was so innocent it bordered on naïve, like fresh white snow. So that was why she had asked if it was intentional.

…I really was rotten. What a pathetic adult I’d become. I hadn’t assumed the gift carried some grand meaning, but I never imagined she would ask with such pure intentions.

Even though our relationship was built on business, maybe I had been viewing it too coldly. The realization was enough to make me ashamed of myself.

Her answer was so warm it melted something inside my chest.

“Honestly, I was really touched when I received your gift. Even on stream I couldn’t keep my expression under control. I was just that happy.”

So that was why the viewers had gotten so excited. Cam streamers couldn’t hide emotions like being flustered or moved; everything showed.

Faced with such pure, straightforward goodwill, I felt embarrassed and answered in a deliberately gruff tone.

“Expensive stuff really does leave an impression, huh? Money talks.”

“The amount was significant, sure… but more than that, we haven’t known each other very long, have we?”

“Yet it feels like you’ve been observing me much more closely than I expected. Should I call it delicate… ah, I’m not explaining this well lolololol.”

“So you’re saying it felt burdensome because I was staring like some kind of stalker?”

“Ehe lololol Why are you twisting my words?”

“You know that’s not what I meant. Like my habit of tapping my nails. It’s not that obvious, so new viewers usually don’t notice.”

“Only people who’ve watched me for a long time or long-term subscribers pick up on it. And even then, they don’t really pay much attention to small habits like that, do they?”

“But the fact that you noticed something like that, checked the broadcast audio, and gave me a gift because of it… it was touching.”

Was it really something to be that moved about? When I chose gifts for Seoyeon I had usually done the same thing—always keeping in mind what she liked, what she paid attention to, what bothered her. To me it was simply a habit that had taken ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠root naturally.

When her reaction turned out far better than I expected, I felt nothing but joy as the person who had given the gift. When was the last time I’d given someone a present and received a response like this?

“Actually, since we’re under contract and met for business reasons, we haven’t gotten that close personally, right? Even though we’ve done joint streams together.”

Well, that was only natural. Broadcasting was work for both of us. It wasn’t like hanging out with a friend; it was a job to entertain viewers. No matter how much we laughed and chatted on stream, that was all it amounted to. So it made sense that we couldn’t close the emotional distance as easily as old high-school friends who had met without any agenda.

“But after receiving a gift like this, I started wondering… have I been thinking of you too much like just a business partner?”

“So I reflected on myself a little. And when I think about it, the person named Do Doyun seems genuinely decent on a human level. At least, that’s how I see you.”

There it was again—that strangely high level of trust. Now it was extending past the streamer Do Doyun all the way to the human Kim Doyun.

She had never even met the human Kim Doyun, yet here she was telling me I seemed like a good person. Those words could easily be empty courtesy. They might just be polite things said because she received a gift. After all, girls often said things like that even when they didn’t mean them, only to badmouth you behind your back later.

…But why did it feel real when Arine said it? Why did it make the human Kim Doyun suddenly think he might actually be decent? Was it simply because her voice was beautiful? They said the speaker mattered more than the content of the words. Maybe that was true after all.

Human relationships that had naturally drifted away because of broadcasting. The broken bond with my parents. The girlfriend who had left me.

Not only the streamer Do Doyun but the human Kim Doyun had probably been underestimating himself the entire time. That I might not be worth much. That was why everyone around me eventually left. Because it wasn’t just a lack of professional talent—I was lacking as a person too. That was why no one stayed by my side or rooted for me until the end.

Those doubts had always lingered in a corner of my heart.

But with that one sentence from Arine, even if it didn’t heal everything, the wound felt like it closed just a little. Because she said it, I found myself believing I might actually be ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a better person than I thought.

“Is that so.”

In the end those thoughts made my nose sting, and I couldn’t manage even my usual reply. I knew I should have answered cheerfully, but I had no idea what to say, so I could only type that.

Then, as if covering up the words that had occurred to me too late, I added more.

“It’s just that you always take such good care of me, so I sent it out of gratitude. Anyone would have done the same. What hako streamer wouldn’t send a decent birthday gift when someone like Arine does this much for them?”

“What is that lololol Don’t call me Arine-nim out of embarrassment. It got super awkward now.”

“Got it. Anyway, it’s no big deal. And since we’re going to keep making content together, I figured I should earn some points in advance.”

That wasn’t true. It was an excuse thrown together on the spot. Like I said, I wasn’t the type to move with deep, calculated intentions.

“Well~ If that’s how it is, then okay lololol I’ll look at you more favorably from now on, hmm.”

“But even without that, I’m truly thankful. Doyun. Wait, no. Should I call you Doyun oppa at times like this? Doyun oppa?”

The moment she called me oppa, the corners of my mouth lifted without my permission.

“Why oppa all of a sudden?”

“You’re older than me originally. On stream I call you casually like we’re the same age because it feels comfortable, but in private, isn’t oppa better?”

“I’m fine with whatever. Call me whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Beyond the title itself, I somehow sensed in her words the hope that we could grow closer on a personal level too, and an inexplicable warmth filled me.

“Then okay, Doyun oppa. Thank you so much for the birthday gift. I’ll use it well?”

“And from now on, let’s get closer on a personal level too. We don’t have to stay stiff just because we’re colleagues, right?”

“Yeah. I look forward to it too. That’ll be better for the virtual marriage anyway.”

Even at the end I couldn’t be completely honest and had to attach an excuse. A faint self-disgust rose at my own cowardice, but I scanned the message she sent one more time. Even though it was only text, I could feel the sincerity of her gratitude.

“…To you it’s probably nothing but money, though.”

It was nearly two months of living expenses for me, but for Arine it was pocket change she could earn in a single day. Seeing how genuinely thankful she was made me feel proud, yet at the same time her image flickered in my mind.

The image of Seoyeon, who hadn’t been the slightest bit happy even with an expensive necklace, contrasted so sharply with Arine’s current reaction that it made her feel even more likable to me.

“Lolol You said you couldn’t use your head earlier? Now you’re using it? Ooh.”