Pigs Aren't Obese
When I stepped out into the living room, Choi Yeram was lying on the floor, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"What are you doing?"
"Staying still."
"Why are you staying still?"
"Because it hurts if I move."
She answered without so much as twitching a finger. I walked over and asked,
"Sore muscles?"
"Yeah. I think I went too hard yesterday."
Too hard, she says. She ought to be blaming herself for never working out in the first place. If she'd been exercising regularly, she wouldn't be hurting this badly. Just as Choi Heejeong — gym director and Yeram's aunt — had said, Yeram really needed to start showing up at the gym on a regular basis.
"Get up."
"Ugh. Why…"
"If you just lie there because it hurts, it's going to keep hurting. We need to work it out."
"Work it out? How?"
"Sit up first."
"Nnngh."
Yeram groaned as she forced her upper body off the floor. She planted her arms and barely managed to sit up, looking for all the world like a dying patient.
"Where's it pulling the worst?"
"Everywhere. My whole body hurts."
I stared at her, my expression hardening.
"That's serious."
"Huh? Why, why? Is it bad if everything hurts?"
Yeram looked up at me with anxious eyes. Even that cute expression wasn't going to save her. I delivered the cold, hard truth.
"Yesterday's workout wasn't even that intense, you know? And that's not just me talking because I work out — that's objectively. Those were beginner-level exercises. If you're this sore after that, it means you, Yeram, have been doing absolutely zero exercise."
"Ugh."
Yeram shrank back like she'd been caught red-handed.
"If you keep ordering takeout every day and never work out, you'll turn into a pig in no time."
"I-I haven't gained that much weight, though?"
"That's only because you're young and still pretty active. Once you hit your late twenties, it'll show real fast. And it's not like you're skinny right now, Yeram."
She didn't look fat, exactly. But you couldn't call her skinny either. By the eye test, she sat somewhere between chubby and plump — hovering right on that line.
"Yeram, how tall are you?"
"Me? Like 169.7, maybe 169.8?"
"Weight?"
"Around sixty-six?"
This being a reversed world, she had no real hang-ups about stating her weight. Refreshingly straightforward — though I had a feeling she'd rounded down.
I punched her numbers into a BMI calculator on a portal site. It came back as normal. BMI wasn't a precise measure of body composition, but even by the eye test, Choi Yeram was nowhere near "normal." Minimum overweight. Maximum early-stage obese.
"Be honest. You're over seventy, aren't you?"
"I-I'm not! I'm only sixty-nine kilos!"
I knew it. That number put her squarely in overweight territory. For a man who never exercised, that weight would mean a belly sticking straight out. But Yeram was a woman, so the belly didn't show. She just looked like an ordinary, slightly plump girl. Precariously thicc, you could say.
Still, if you stripped her down, there'd be belly fat. Even just grabbing her arms or thighs, the flesh would be soft and jiggly. As proof.
Poke.
"Hyah!"
No muscle to speak of — my finger sank straight into the flesh. Soft, yielding fat covered Choi Yeram from head to toe.
"Wh-what was that?! You scared me!"
Yeram clutched the arm I'd poked, staring at me with her eyes wide. The look she gave me was intense — like a hungry—
"Pig."
"Wh… what?"
"Never mind. Pigs only have about fifteen percent body fat. Calling you a pig would be an insult to pigs."
"U-ugh…"
Yeram's fists trembled. I snorted a laugh and told her,
"Let's stretch. If we're going to the gym tomorrow, we need to loosen you up at least a little today."
The trembling in Yeram's face slowly faded. Her brow unknitted, her tightly pressed lips parted, and she stared at me with a vacant look.
"Huh? Tomorrow? The gym? What are you talking about……?"
She asked it like I'd just said something completely insane. I turned the question back on her.
"What? You weren't planning to go? When you're fatter than a pig?"
"Khuhk."
Yeram collapsed like she'd coughed up blood.
"That's enough…… I've eaten plenty……"
"So you're going, right?"
She hesitated a beat, then nodded.
Nice. Just thinking about getting spotted by Yeram's aunt again tomorrow already had my pecs twitching with anticipation.
"Alright, let's stretch."
"O-okay."
I started simply, loosening up her arms first. I extended her left arm, hooked it with my right, and pulled it across her body, her gaze turned the opposite way. It was an extremely simple movement, but Yeram couldn't even pull it properly — like rust had formed on her bones.
"Nnngh."
"Muscle pulling?"
"Nngh. It huuurts."
"Okay."
That was proof it was working. As I pulled, Yeram's arm gradually drifted away from her body. She was unconsciously easing off because it hurt. Couldn't have that.
"Excuse me a second."
"Augh. Huhh?"
I moved behind her, grabbed her arm, and pulled it taut.
"Ah! Aah! It huuuuurts!!"
"Just hold for ten seconds."
"Kyaaaaugh!!"
A pterodactyl had appeared downtown.
About five seconds in, Yeram couldn't take it anymore and her hips started bouncing.
"Ah, aah!! It hurts! For real! It feels like my skin's tearing!"
"Just five more seconds."
But Yeram's body kept bucking. The more she struggled, the harder I held her still, our bodies pressed together.
"Alright. Other side."
The moment I let go, both arms sprang free like coiled springs.
"Haaah……"
I waited for her arms to come back up, but Yeram just sat there with both arms hanging, completely checked out. I had a pretty good idea how she felt. This had to hurt worse than yesterday's workout.
Of course I knew. I'd been a gym baby once myself, and I'd done plenty of stretching. Working out knotted muscles was about as painful as splitting your legs to a hundred and eighty degrees. But it had to be done. If we didn't loosen her up now, she wouldn't be able to work out tomorrow.
I grabbed Yeram's arms and forced them into the stretch.
"Kyaaaaah!"
Another scream rang out. I held the thrashing Yeram firmly in place and kept stretching — arms, shoulders, chest, back, thighs, hip joints, calves. She screamed herself hoarse and collapsed, and I kept hold of her crumpled form, working through every last muscle.
"Done. Good work."
"Grrrrlk……"
The pterodactyl had turned into a zombie. A zombie soaked in sweat from head to toe. I'd gotten pretty soaked myself, wrestling her every time she tried to escape or her form collapsed. This was surprisingly good exercise.
"Haaah…… I'm dying. For real."
After lying there a moment to rest, Yeram muttered under her breath. Seeing how quickly she'd become human again, the pain must have faded fast.
I glanced at the staff member filming Yeram's panting face up close and asked,
"How's the soreness? Still the same?"
She slowly got up and rotated her arms and legs to check.
"Oh. That's way better?"
Watching her move smoothly without any creaking, I felt satisfied. Worth pinning her down to the end to work those muscles loose.
"I was hurting even just lying still. How is it like this now?"
She twisted and shook her body this way and that, marveling. Completely different from before the stretching — she was moving freely.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. There's still a little leftover pain, but it's just mildly uncomfortable?"
"Good thing we did it, right?"
"Yeah. This is nice."
"Next time you get sore, I'll do it again."
"Uh, um…. Y-yeah. Okay."
Yeram nodded reluctantly. I knew that feeling. It hurt so much you never wanted to do it twice, but it worked so well you couldn't not do it either. A brief burst of double the pain, or aching all day long. If you were hurting too badly to even move, most people would pick the former, I figured.
"I'm completely soaked from all this sweat. I need a shower. Beomjun, you're sweaty too — go wash up."
"Yeah. I should."
Most of the sweat on my body was Yeram's. That's how hard I'd worked holding her down. She'd thrashed so much that her sweat had gotten smeared into every corner of me.
Rubbing up against her like that had been plenty embarrassing on its own. I couldn't help but keep brushing against her chest and hips. Even if I was just helping her stretch, I couldn't help flinching every time I made contact. But with the goal of getting her to the gym tomorrow — and the sense that the stretching was actually working — I grimly pushed through. Yeram didn't seem particularly bothered by it either.
"Good work."
"You too."
With her body loosened up, Yeram's face looked distinctly brighter. She smiled at me and left the living room to shower.
I should go shower too.
Before leaving the living room, my eyes met Gwak Hyeona's. She looked at me and gave a thumbs-up. Thanks for thoroughly wrecking her, I guess? I nodded in reply, then went to my room, grabbed underwear and a change of clothes, and came back out.
I'd have to shower again after the gym later anyway, so it was a good thing I'd packed extras. I'd even grabbed an extra set of underwear and clothes just in case. Praising my past self, I headed for the bathroom.
We lived under the same roof, but I still spent more time alone than not. Being a huge YouTuber must have been a different life — they seemed to have no shortage of work even outside of filming. Leaving them to their busy schedules — they'd said they'd be eating lunch separately — I sat down to eat alone.
I'd been eating alone until just two days ago, so I had no idea why it felt this lonely now. I was gloomily chewing my way through a chicken breast.
"Oh? Are you eating alone?"
Someone approached and asked.
"Yes. As you can see."
"Then would it be alright if I joined you?"
"Ah, of course. I'll set a place for you."
"Thank you."
She sat down at the table with a bright smile. She was the staffer who'd chased me all the way into the bathroom yesterday to film me in the shower. Her name was definitely……
"Kim Sehee."
"Huh?"
"My name. You looked like you were trying to remember. Hehe."
"Ah, Sehee."
"Just call me Sehee. And talk casually, too. I'm three years younger."
Well, I never turn down an offer like that.
"Oh, okay. Got it."
"Then I'll call you Oppa. Beomjun Oppa."
She'd said she was the youngest on staff, right? Being the baby of the crew, she had that fighting spirit.
"Go ahead."
She beamed at me. For some reason, it was a smile I couldn't bring myself to dislike.