Chapter 43
Chapter 43
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 43
Chapter Title: Mirror Practice and Midnight Swing
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That day, we kept messaging even past midnight.
It showed no signs of wrapping up until dawn...
Telling her to call it quits because it was late wouldn't fly now—after all, she was my (future) boss.
Do all streamers have a warped sense of time?
In the end, my bedtime got dragged out pretty late.
Once I start streaming, I'll have to get used to this schedule, won't I?
-I'll handle the streaming setup for you.
At least there was some payoff for sticking it out that late.
I'd been thinking about streaming for a while, but I hadn't prepped a thing.
I didn't even know where to start buying gear.
Or what kind of content to make my main focus.
Most of it was stuff I'd kept putting off with "later, later."
All those worries got swept away in an instant last night.
-You can hold off on setting up the streaming PC for now, but the urgent stuff is...
-The audio interface isn't super urgent right away, but in my opinion...
-Your specs look pretty solid, but the graphics card still...
-Dual-channel RAM like this... For the capture board, for starters...
I'd just popped into the group chat to casually ask the manager for advice, and before I knew it, things had escalated like this.
When we swapped numbers with the boss, I got an extra contact for one of her staff too. They handled it all in a flash with a systematized manual.
When my replies started lagging, they even had me install remote access software and whipped up quotes on their own.
As time kept dragging on, I typed and deleted "Time to sleep!" over and over.
I chugged some coffee midway because I was getting sleepy, but the caffeine hit late at night must've put me on edge.
I nearly turned into a raging beast...
-Okay. I've got some spare gear on hand, so I'll send that over first.
That one line turned me back into a docile pup.
Woof woof woof.
Staring into the mirror and watching myself was apparently peak entertainment.
I gazed blankly into it, tilting my head this way and that to check angles.
Then I threw up a V-sign, moved my hand to my eyes, my chin, experimenting.
Might as well go all out—I even tried the gal pose.
Putting real effort into posing paid off.
Even if my wardrobe options were still limited no matter how hard I tried...
This time, I challenged myself with a skirt.
I went simple: an A-line long skirt with a knit sweater over it.
Just adding a crossbody bag changed the whole vibe.
Sure, no one was around at dawn to see it, so why bother dolling up?
But that's exactly why I could go all out without holding back.
Constant stares already made me uncomfortable enough—amping that up felt too daunting still.
I softened my stiff expression a bit, then practiced various faces.
Lately, I'd been drilling expressions every single day.
Partly to get comfortable with the mirror, partly to shake off that lingering sense of alienation, like this body wasn't truly mine.
The mirror was too small for full-body shots.
The one inside the closet door was awkward to use.
Backing up to peek at myself made me think maybe I should just buy a full-length one.
"Looking like a full-on photoshoot."
The results were satisfying, at least.
Kang Ji-min really was something else. A face that was content in itself.
Debut with this as-is, and I'd need no virtual avatar or fancy content.
Worst case, shoot some lookbooks and I'd never starve.
...Not that I've got the guts for that!!
Unlike me, Kang Ji-min had killer social skills.
Her phone contacts showed just how vast her network was.
Phones really do hold all sorts of personal secrets.
Even now, before bed, I'd fire up Messenger and dig through the history bit by bit.
Search logs, chat records—tons to sift through.
Not something you knock out in a day or two.
It was great learning more about Kang Ji-min little by little, but the growing intimacy with her life was becoming a real chore.
It felt surreal, getting sucked into a stranger's memories alongside her.
I'd never even met these people face-to-face, yet suddenly I had this inner closeness with her friends.
And this was just the start.
What if her friends or family started reminiscing about a past I had no memory of, celebrating her recovery instead of mine?
Would that feel even stranger?
How alien would that get?
Could I even sum it up with just "strange"?
...Yeah, I wasn't ready to handle that future.
My brows furrowed without me realizing.
The beauty in the mirror stared back with a stiff, icy glare.
...Still hilarious.
Entertaining enough that it almost felt selfish hogging it all to myself.
But what could I do?
The day I debut as a camgirl or VTuber was looking more distant than ever.
I had no desire for it anymore, and the necessity had vanished too. That future probably wouldn't come.
I shot one last wink at the mirror, then slipped on some boots from the shoe rack.
"...Chilly."
So I quietly changed back into pants.
No, I'd never worn a skirt before, so I didn't realize.
These things are way colder than expected.
I'd psyched myself up and gotten all dressed up, but I didn't really have a destination in mind.
The consult had run so late it was past 1 a.m., and options were slim.
I ended up heading to my usual convenience store.
Nothing caught my eye, so I grabbed a single beer can—then realized buying one would push me to get four to hit that 10,000 won sweet spot.
4,600 won a can, but four for 10,000...?
I hesitated and put it back.
"No..."
"I don't need a receipt."
"...Okay."
No, I just meant no receipt this time.
Wasn't drawing hard lines or anything.
Why the long face, mister?
"..."
Was my tone too frosty?
If I'm gonna stream, should I start tweaking how I talk?
I left the store lost in pointless thoughts.
Ended up just getting one domestic beer.
Buying a single imported one felt wrong on principle.
Financial pressure was off the table now, but...
Still couldn't justify dropping 5,000 on one fancy black beer when four cost 10,000.
And buying four? With the mountain of booze already at home? Nah.
I trudged along, mulling over random nonsense.
It'd been bitterly cold the other day, but now that I'd bundled up properly, the temperature had climbed again.
Just when you think summer's not over yet, it'll turn freezing in a flash.
I wandered aimlessly and spotted a playground, so I slipped inside.
Late as it was, no one was around.
I plopped straight onto the swing and kicked off the ground.
Swaying gently on it brought back old memories.
Been a while since I'd swung alone in an empty playground like this.
Back in the day, I'd grab a beer and do this often.
Probably boosted sales at the nearby store plenty.
Wonder if I'll ever go back to the convenience store by my parents' place.
I could if I wanted.
Eh. Didn't feel like it.
Scared? Yeah.
Scared of what I might run into there.
"Sigh. Miss it weirdly, though."
Never imagined I'd one day long for those times.
I'd come to spots like this a lot back then, moping around.
When I didn't want to think about anything.
When being alone at the family home felt suffocating.
When I wanted to distract my mind but couldn't.
I stopped swinging and cracked open the beer for a swig.
This sentimental surge was definitely Messenger's fault.
Never knew peeking at someone else's chats could be this riveting.
Too riveting—I overdid it.
Should've stopped at a reasonable point, but I couldn't.
Some frequent names in her Messenger matched those in the suicide note.
That note sitting plain as day on her desktop.
I could guess the mindset behind it so clearly that I'd never dared read it closely.
But I couldn't hold back forever—alternated between Messenger and the note until I'd read it all.
A twinge of regret. Shouldn't have.
Now Kang Ji-min's thoughts were vivid in my head.
Gratitude to those who'd cared, apologies to those left behind, flowing naturally into self-deprecation.
Habitual apologies. Lame excuses at the end. Groveling self-loathing.
Chronic irritability seeping through. Dripping resentment. More self-loathing.
Less a suicide note, more a reflection essay.
Practically an apology letter.
I hated even looking at those listless lines.
She hadn't even done anything wrong, really.
Kang Ji-min had died in a car crash too.
Eerily parallel—even down to getting caught in a drowsy driver incident.
Just like the crash on my discharge day, she couldn't have prepared or prevented it.
It hit me anew: that disgust every time I saw the pills on the desk.
The chills from hints of her suicide.
Kang Ji-min was Lee Jin-cheol without Odin's Son.
When life tried to crush me at every turn, when I wanted to hurl it all away, when existence felt pathetic and worthless with no reason to cling on—that was me.
I had Odin's Son.
It took a full year to realize that if you could just endure, you'd somehow make it through.
The friends who'd fretted over me dying like a halfwit anchovy—they all stuck around thanks to Odin's Son.
She hadn't had anything like that.
When did the deceased parents fade behind Potbelly Uncle and my Omal Gallery buddies in my mind?
Whenever it started, that was one area where I had way better luck than Kang Ji-min.
"Whew..."
Still, poking through her personal info despite the mental wobble had its rewards.
I pulled out my phone and opened the banking app.
Thanks to combing every corner of her data, her finances were an open book.
"At least no more rent worries."
This one-room was truly mine.
Meant I could blow through the 3 million won in my living expense account freely.
"Might as well make an avatar with this."
With the leeway now, I didn't have to stream anymore...
But no urge to quit either, so why not give it a shot?