Rina's Despair
Rina's Despair
"Cadet Rina Rosewell. Your confinement is officially over as of this moment. You're free to come out."
The day after the rank assessments concluded.
Rina Rosewell stepped outside after finishing her long confinement. Her shoulder-length red hair, once glossy, was now dry and disheveled. Dark circles hung beneath her eyes, and the skin around them was red and swollen from countless tears.
Her clothes were thrown on haphazardly, her hair barely combed, her shoulders slumped.
One hand clutched a black handkerchief tied around her neck like a choker; the other carefully held a single scrap of paper as she walked through the streets.
A considerable time had passed since the assessments ended. The few people she passed hesitated only briefly—none recognized her as Rina Rosewell.
But the look in Rina's eyes didn't match her exhausted gait. Her eyes were brimming with hope.
The reason was simple. The scrap of paper she held bore Ian Blackangus's home address.
— If you ever end up with nowhere to live, come here.
It was the note he'd slipped to her along with a packed lunch one day. She'd thought she had thrown it away, but while searching for any trace of Ian, she found it. When she discovered it tucked among the presents from the friends who'd looked after her, she was happier than she could describe.
"I-I can finally see him."
Finally, she could meet Ian. That single thought had kept her going. Nothing but an empty dormitory and confinement. Every hour, every minute, every second she had thought only of Ian.
She'd been grateful she could. Because it let her try to understand what anguish he'd suffered, what kind of situation he was in.
'Those questions Ian used to ask... He must have been wrongly accused.'
Because it let her realize what mistakes she herself had made, and why she'd been so foolish.
'I only ever thought about myself. Like an idiot, I ignored Ian.'
Even though she was foolish—worthless as a water flea—she could still find some way to apologize, to think of anything that might help him.
Thinking of Ian was a relief; not being able to see him was hell.
Rina's footsteps quickened. At last, she stood before the door of Ian's lodging.
"So this is Ian's place..."
Rina hastily shoved the note into her pocket. Then she raised her hand to knock. But the moment her hand neared the door, she flinched and froze.
— Trembling uncontrollably.
Her hand shook as though she were going through withdrawal.
'Wh-what if Ian won't open the door...?'
What if the knocking annoyed him? What if he yelled at her to get lost? What if, the second he recognized it was her, he ignored her completely?
— Thump-thump-thump.
Her heart suddenly began to pound. The old Rina never would have agonized like this. The old Rina would've flung any door open with a bright "Hi!" and a beaming smile. That was who Rina had been.
Now, she was different. She was terrified. Dark thoughts kept flooding in.
'If Ian really won't see me...?'
Her vision swam into blackness. During confinement, she'd fainted more than once from the same feeling. At this rate, she'd collapse after coming all this way—and that would be utterly pointless.
'I-I have to knock.'
Summoning all her strength, Rina barely managed to rap on the door.
— Knock. Knock.
"Um, Ian? I-it's... Rina..."
She had steadied her voice, but it kept cracking.
"I just... w-wanted to talk. Just for a moment."
Words tumbled out because she felt she had to say something. She had prepared better things to say, but none of them came to mind.
"......"
The door gave no answer. Rina swallowed.
'He'll come out any second now... I'm sure he will.'
Five minutes passed.
'Maybe he's washing up...?'
Ten minutes passed.
"Um, Ian?"
Only silence. Was he not home? But the lights were on. Ian wouldn't be wandering around outside after his schedule was over.
Which meant... as she'd feared.
'...He doesn't want to see me.'
Like a puppy abandoned by its owner, her eyes drooped, and her head hung low.
To her, meeting him was far more important than anything else. But to Ian, it clearly wasn't the same.
'I know. This is my fault.'
Every time she'd been with Ian, she'd thought only of herself. She never considered his feelings—only her own. She'd thought she'd reflected on it countless times. And yet, here she was doing it again. She hadn't even considered whether Ian might want to see her. She'd run all the way here driven solely by the maddening ache of needing to see him.
And what was the situation now? It was obvious Ian didn't want to see her.
Rina bit down on her lower lip. She was selfish.
'But still... you never know.'
Even if there was only a one-percent chance that Ian actually wanted to talk to her, she'd bet everything on it.
"A-after all this time, I finally got the chance to see you..."
Rina pulled herself together and knocked again.
— Knock, knock, knock.
"I know I really messed up. So Ian... please. Please..."
— Knock, knock, knock.
"I have so much to say to you. I thought about it so hard. I was really wrong. So just once. Please, just hear me out once. Please. Please. Please. Please, please."
— Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock...
The hand that had been pounding the door fell limply. Her knuckles were red and swollen; she couldn't put any more strength into her fingers. She couldn't call for Ian like this. She couldn't cling to him.
"N-no..."
Rina's face grew steadily paler. Her breathing grew shallow. No matter how she tried, her chest wouldn't move. She was gasping at empty air.
Only then did she truly face reality.
"I get it. I get it. You don't want to see me anymore..."
Maybe there might have been a chance to exchange a single word. The hope she'd held onto collapsed. Ian didn't want to see her. He didn't want to exchange even a single word with her.
Those thoughts consumed Rina.
"Ugh."
She couldn't breathe. Not a choking sensation—more like someone was squeezing her heart.
The world went pitch black.
Her right hand no longer functioned, so she raised her left.
— Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock.
She kept hitting the door. If it didn't open, she genuinely felt she would die here.
Ian didn't want to see her. Someone as insignificant as her was better off living somewhere his gaze would never fall.
That would be what helped Ian.
"Save me. Ian. Please. Please. I was wrong, okay? Just once. If you just see me once, I'll never bother you again, I swear! So just meet me once. Please. Please. Please. Okay? Please... please..."
But still... she might be able to help him. If she devoted her body and soul entirely to him, maybe Ian would look back at her.
If she vowed to become his slave right in front of him... that might bring her some peace. She couldn't think of any other way to survive.
"Please, please... please..."
Tears kept streaming down. They soaked her dress, then the floor. Still, she kept knocking.
How much time passed like that?
— Click-clack.
The sound of footsteps echoed from a distance.
"Rina... Rosewell?"
At the voice calling her name, Rina slowly turned her head.
◆
Rina Rosewell was slumped against Ian's door as if she'd collapsed there.
'Whoa.'
Sylvia swallowed her shock at the pitiful sight. The girl had cried so much that her soaked dress clung to her, nearly transparent. This was her second visit to Ian's place, and both times a different woman had been standing outside his door... but the sheer distress in front of her was enough to make jealousy vanish for a moment.
"Are you all right?"
Sylvia asked after her, almost without thinking.
Rina's trembling gaze met hers briefly before her eyes dropped.
"It's not Ian... Sniff. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ian... open the door. Just once, please... please..."
— Thud, thud.
She began to knock with her forehead. Sylvia hastily stopped her.
"Hey, get a hold of yourself. Ian probably isn't home right now."
Rina's eyes struggled to focus.
"Ian... isn't here?"
"No. He's likely very busy at the moment. He jumped more than a full star-rank in this latest evaluation, so plenty of guilds must be clamoring for him."
"Oh... he's not here."
Rina wiped her tears with the backs of both hands, then let out a soft, giggling laugh.
"I-I thought Ian was home and just not opening the door because he saw it was me. What a relief. Such a relief."
In an instant, Rina's green eyes filled with life. Color returned to her pallid face.
"Sorry you had to see me like that."
Rina Rosewell got to her feet as if nothing had happened and chuckled again. Watching her, Sylvia couldn't help but ask.
"Aren't you embarrassed?"
"Hm?"
"Looking like that."
Rina glanced down at herself, then scratched her head with a laugh.
"...A little? Hehe. But being embarrassed really isn't that important."
"?"
"Now I've got another chance to see Ian, right? To me, that's the only thing that matters."
It was an energetic, cheerful voice—the Rina Sylvia had always known. Yet, oddly, a chill ran down her spine.
Rina looked at Sylvia, tilting her head.
"But Sylvia, why are you at Ian's place?"
"Oh, I-I got my hands on a hard-to-find dessert, so I came to share it..."
Sylvia's words stumbled. Rina's eyes were almost tranquil, but they held something unsettling. Her obsession with Ian looked alarmingly dangerous.
Sylvia asked cautiously, "...Are you jealous, by any chance?"
But Rina beamed with a sunny smile and shook her head.
"Nope. Thanks to you, Ian gets to eat something good. If Ian's happy, I'm happy too. Thank you."
"Oh..."
"I am a little envious, though. If I had money, I'd buy Ian lots of nice things too. Ehehe."
"It's not like I bought it for him! I just had leftovers!"
"That's still enviable. You have something to give Ian. My place has nothing... I'm worried about how to repay him."
Sylvia understood.
'She's basically turned into a total pushover.'
Rina Rosewell had, in effect, become nothing more than a pushover for Ian. Sylvia let out a sigh at the blind devotion. Somehow, it felt like she'd gained another rival.
'Seriously, why is this house so popular...?'
Sylvia stared blankly at Ian's door. At first, she'd thought it was a blue ocean.
'Now that I've jumped in, it's an endlessly bloody red ocean...'
This kind of fierce competition wasn't Sylvia's taste. But now that she was in, she had no intention of backing down.
'Still, I think I'm kind of ahead, aren't I?'
An image of the cat that came and went from Ian's room flashed through her mind, but Sylvia quickly shook her head. That prickly cat was clearly nothing more than a pet. Creatures that rely on cuteness never last. You have to be genuinely helpful to the person.
"Oh, right."
There was another reason she'd come looking for Ian. The dessert, yes, but also the disciplinary committee summons. And if it was Rina Rosewell... she might actually be quite useful.
"Now that I think about it, Rina, there is something you could do for Ian."
"R-really?!"
Rina latched on immediately.
"S-so, can I see Ian?"
Rina looked up at Sylvia with shining eyes. The sight was adorable, like a puppy that's heard its owner's footsteps returning.
Sylvia sighed inwardly.
'A cat and a puppy... Am I doing the right thing?'
But Ian's success came first. Sylvia nodded to Rina.