Academy-Approved Pongpongi
Academy-Approved Pongpongi
Fanta X Aca.
A mobile character-collecting game. The kind where, as long as you had the money, you could enjoy charming characters and storylines without much stress.
I'd been lying in bed after a long day, watching the newly updated episode video.
A thunderous crash.
The academy exploding under a violent blast.
— Why! Why the hell! I gave you everything, all of it, and not a single one of you will even look at me?!
— C-calm down, Ian...
— Die, you whores! All of you, die!
An academy cadet, his entire body stained black, rampaged through the wreckage. The academy lay half in ruins.
Above it, text announcing the start of a new episode rose into view.
[Chapter ■. Act 1. The Rising Darkness]
And with that, the new episode video ended.
"Wow. Knew it. This motherfucker."
The words slipped out before I knew it.
That was only natural. The extra who'd suddenly wrecked the academy in the latest episode was someone I'd been suspicious of for a long time.
[Ian von Pong Eastan Blackangus]
A guy I'd kept an eye on because he shared my name. Not my full name, of course.
"What kind of name is Ian von Pong Dong Sucker, anyway?"
I had a respectable name my parents gave me: Kim Ian. This character, on the other hand, was stuck with "Ian Pongpongi" (Pongpongi: Korean slang for a man treated as a sponsor or sucker in romance, giving support without receiving affection), a name that reeked of the dev team's lacking sense of humor.
Anyway.
A character sharing my name usually isn't a bad thing. If the guy built a harem, at least I'd get some vicarious satisfaction.
But this guy was different.
Right from the opening scenario, he was a thorn in your side.
"Honestly, I'd have preferred a proper villain."
Calling him a villain felt wrong, too.
If I had to define him, he was the type who did nice things in the most obnoxious way possible.
How does that make sense?
Ian von Pong Eastan Blackangus.
In a word: a sucker. A simp Pongpongi.
The second he saw a pretty character, he threw himself at her.
Whenever players were raising the female characters, this guy would suddenly appear and hand something over.
Like this.
Let's say you were playing Rina Rosewell, the spirit mage heroine.
— Rina, don't you need this? It's an elemental crystal. Hard to come by. Ah. Did you see the class supplies I left in your desk? Oh, and here's a lunchbox. Want to eat together at lunch?
He'd provide all the tedious, hard-to-find things.
And not just for Rina.
He'd look after the other three heroines, too.
If you raised Sharon the knight, he'd give her swords and equipment. If you raised Aria the saintess, he'd offer psychological support. If you raised Emilia, the lightning mage and trade company heiress, he'd help with all sorts of miscellaneous tasks.
"Rare items, hard-to-get gear, all kinds of jewels, even growth buffs..."
The guy provided a lot.
And around this point, a certain question inevitably arose.
— Isn't he, like, an absolute god-tier character?
Naturally, opinions like this started popping up.
During newbie influx season, the community would be flooded with posts praising Ian Blackangus.
— TakeThisNewbie: If I had a friend like Ian Pongpongi IRL, I'd want for nothing fr lol
'Mostly newbies.'
You figure it out once you actually play the game.
Everything this bastard handed over came with ulterior motives.
If you just kept blindly accepting what he gave you, certain events would start triggering.
The moment this lunatic started hitting on the characters you'd raised.
[Rina (5-star) has received a confession letter. Will you allow her to accept? (Y/N)]
— TakeThisNewbie: What happens if you accept?
— anon: Your heroine gets NTR'd
— TakeThisNewbie: □□ the hell, what kind of game is this bullshit?
— anon: That guy above's just messing with you. Even if you hit accept, the heroine rejects him. But your relationship score with her still tanks lol
Ian von Pong Eastan Blackangus. Shortened to "Pongpongi." Every single one of his doormat acts came bundled with that greasy aftertaste.
He'd help and make sure you knew it. Help, and make sure you knew it. You'd almost wish he wouldn't help at all, but then he'd help again—and make damn sure you knew it.
And it wasn't just one person. Any pretty heroine in sight, he'd repeat the cycle. If a girl caught his eye, he was hitting on her. Every single one of them.
— TakeThisNewbie: Wtf is wrong with this crazy bastard, hitting on every damn character. So sick of this shit. Can't you just kill him?
— anon: Yeah, you just gotta tough it out until he offs himself later lol
And so, players would naturally start thinking things like:
— TakeThisNewbie: Proof of game deletion. Piece of shit game, never playing again. bye
That's why Ian Blackangus had two nicknames. One was "Pongpongi." The other was "Newbie Slasher."
He gave you a ton of stuff. But he was an insufferable prick.
"Even the guys who go into debt to run fan clubs for female streamers don't go that far, seriously."
Though, honestly... after a while, you got numb to it.
The heroines never actually fell for him, and at the end of the day, the help was still help.
'At this point, isn't he just... kind of nice but a little dumb?'
Like any Pongpongi-type out there.
Just when you started thinking that, the worst side story of all would pop up.
[The Suicide Threat Show]
As you progressed through the story, at some point, the guy disappeared. If you dug through the next day's student newspaper, you'd find this story.
[A cadet jumped from the rooftop in the early evening. The extent of the injuries from the suicide attempt is unknown. Four letters were found at the scene, and fingerprint analysis suggests they are the cadet's suicide notes.]
He'd hit on everyone indiscriminately, and when things didn't go his way, he threw himself off the roof.
— Because none of you would accept my confession, I'm jumping.
And he sent suicide notes like that to each and every heroine.
"Absolutely revolting. Peak disgust."
Pongpongi. AKA the Newbie Slasher.
There was no debate: this guy was the main reason Fanta X Aca had turned into a trash game.
"... Wait a second."
And now that bastard was back from the dead, wrecking the entire academy...?
'Even if he'd fallen to darkness, you've got to admit, taking down the academy solo is a hell of a talent.'
But this was the worst kind of potato.
And things were already bad enough. Players were dropping the game left and right; I was basically the only one filling up the leaderboards.
"This game can't die."
For the sake of all the money I'd sunk into it, I absolutely would not allow it.
I shot up from my bed.
"Feedback. I need to send feedback."
I rushed to my computer desk.
I needed the keyboard if I was going to fire off a proper complaint.
Finding the game's homepage wasn't hard.
Click. Click.
I navigated straight to the feedback tab.
[TooLazyToName] : I'd like to make a suggestion.
[TooLazyToName] : The character Ian von Pong. I think he needs some adjustments.
This guy, in a lot of ways...
...
(omitted)
...
He's a character that's hard to like, not just for the cast but for the player. Honestly, in the early game, just seeing him show up was infuriating. And now in this new scenario, he goes dark and blows up the academy? I'd recommend reducing his role from the start of the scenario. At least then you might save a few newbies who are just trying the game out.
"... Enter."
— Click.
The feedback sent with a crisp sound.
Satisfying.
Then, a chat window suddenly lit up green.
Oh, what's this?
Was the developer watching all along?
[Developer] : I find it hard to agree with the opinion that a character like Ian is so repulsive. Ian provides a great deal to the characters. If you give someone that much, shouldn't they like you at least a little? Ungrateful slut.
"... What?"
S... slut? He's not seriously saying that about the heroines, is he? This developer. His reply's a little unhinged.
[TooLazyToName] : Just because you throw things at people doesn't mean they'll like you. Excessive kindness can feel like a burden sometimes.
[Developer] : Humans really are ungrateful. The intelligence programming is faulty. Starting with that goddamn bitch. She's the culprit.
What's with this guy?
Why's he throwing around words like "goddamn bitch" all of a sudden?
And what's this about a culprit?
Is he projecting onto Pongpongi? He seriously thinks the heroines should've reciprocated that kind of one-sided, indiscriminate affection?
'Is this literally just his self-insert wank fantasy?'
A developer who'd emotionally imprinted on a character who looked just like him.
Maybe this guy had designed every part of the Pongpongi character himself.
"... Hold on."
So in this new scenario, where Pongpongi blew up half the academy... that wasn't just a cutscene. He actually blew it up?
A cold sweat broke out down my back.
"Wow..."
This developer bastard.
He's out of his mind.
[Developer] : Players like you... stole my... my characters. It was wrong from the start. It's my fault. I gave away too much to the players.
A sudden chill crawled up my spine.
With crazy people, the best move is to avoid them.
My fingers flew across the keyboard.
[TooLazyToName] : Ahaha... well, that was just my personal opinion. You're the developer, you know the game better than I do.
Even as I typed, cold sweat rolled down my back.
An ominous feeling washed over me.
I glanced behind me.
"Right. Obviously, no one's there."
So why did it feel like someone was watching me?
My mouth went bone-dry.
No. This is absurd. No matter how crazy the developer is, he can't be monitoring my house.
'Just apologize and shut it down.'
The moment I reached for the keyboard with that thought—
— A sharp beep!
The monitor screen suddenly went dead.
"Aagh! Jesus, you scared me."
My heart pounded like crazy.
Probably just a blackout, right?
Worst timing ever.
"Ugh."
But then.
White text rose up on the black screen.
[Developer] : You.
... What the hell?
Wasn't the screen dead?
What's going on?
"Ah... fuck."
A dreadful feeling settled in.
[Developer] : Sharp, aren't you?
No, seriously.
Please, no.
[USER] : I'm sorry...
Before I could finish the sentence.
The screen started glitching like it was broken.
[Developer] : Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you? Sharp, aren't you?
Countless letters flooded the screen in white.
— A piercing whine.
A ringing that split my brain in two.
And I blacked out.