The Difference Between Monsters and Uninvited Guests
The doctor looked utterly exhausted. Despite his youthful face that might have passed for someone in his twenties and a harmless, rabbit-like impression, dark circles hung heavy beneath his eyes, and he exuded a weary, world-weary cynicism as though ground down by harsh realities.
Behind the doctor stood a woman in a white nurse's uniform. Strangely, her features were blurred. Information like "pretty," "cute," or "young" registered clearly, yet it was as if everything was wrapped in fog, preventing any clear visualization. That was the peculiar sensation.
The nurse's name tag read 『 SAE 』. The first part was legible, but the latter half, though clearly letters, refused to resolve into readable text. It was the sort of feeling someone with dyslexia might experience.
"Since you're awake, shall we begin? …Haa."
The doctor sat across from her and asked, "First… do you remember your own name?"
"Yes? Yes, of course…. I'm Saigo Rise…."
"Good. Do you remember your age as well?"
"Yes…. I'm twenty-one…."
"Twenty-one… hmm… yes. Understood."
Swish. The doctor scribbled something on the chart in his hand after listening to Rise.
"Alright…. Then, what is the last memory that comes to mind?"
"Yes? The last one? Well…. I went to the shrine to offer tribute… huh? I can't remember anything beyond that…."
"Haa…. So it starts from there."
The doctor pressed a hand to his forehead with a tired expression and frowned. He let out a long, deep sigh before speaking to Rise.
"Saigo Rise. I've probably said this five times already…. I'll repeat it. You are currently a patient with Schizophrenia… or rather, integration disorder (Schizophrenia)."
"What?"
Integration disorder. A mental illness also known in other countries as schizophrenia or split-mind disorder. Rise stared at the doctor in disbelief that she could be suffering from such a serious condition. But the doctor merely sighed again, as if utterly fed up, and continued his explanation.
"And this is the fifth time I've told you this. Saigo, you are suffering from both integration disorder and amnestic syndrome. That's why no matter how many times I explain, you forget it all again at some point…."
"Amnesia…? But…."
"Yes. Your memories feel vivid, I'm sure. The amnesia you've developed is anterograde amnesia, making it difficult to retain new information. Past memories seem to come back easily, but… haa. This is truly…."
"Anterograde… amnesia…."
The doctor wrote something else on the chart. Then he gave the nurse a subtle glance. Receiving the signal, the nurse handed him a notebook. The doctor accepted it, opened it slightly, and went on.
"This is a rather nasty situation. To put it simply, your past memories are in a distorted state."
"What? Distorted?"
"The distortion was convincing enough that we initially diagnosed you with Delusional Disorder. But as time passed, the delusions grew increasingly unrealistic alongside hallucinations and auditory hallucinations. On top of that, take a look at this."
The doctor opened a section of the notebook.
Today I went out. As soon as I left, the sun greeted me, but I did not return the greeting. The sun's words are laced with curses that could make one's blood boil and the brain harden. As proof, sweat flows from my body as I walk—it is the work of ants carrying poison at the sun's command. Metal in the dirt piles monitors my actions and sends them to the doctor, so I did nothing. God followed behind me, but since no footsteps could be heard, it seems God is sitting atop my head, watching the doctor in my stead. While God kept watch, the nurse was well monitored as she approached. The nurse always tries to brainwash me with injections. God dislikes it when I receive medication and laughs. The nurse who comes at dawn is a demon disguised in a nurse's uniform. There is a small chip hidden inside the syringe; if injected, it can control my body and move my brain at will. Then the smell of blood comes from my nose and a stench from my mouth. I must quickly avoid the sun and go to the shade of a tree to watch the ants. The ants report my actions to the doctor. I have no choice but to stop going out and return. The doctor is listening to me write this with a wiretap. The doctor does not love me, but is still better than the nurse.
"W-what is this?"
What met Rise's eyes was a page densely filled with writing. Remarkably, the notebook was written in Rise's own handwriting, yet the content was a jumble of incomprehensible phrases. Anyone could tell it had been written by someone mentally ill. Rise looked at the doctor with a shocked face. Seeing her pale complexion, he closed the notebook.
"This is your diary. See for yourself."
On the cover of the notebook the doctor showed her, the words 『 Diary 』 were written in Rise's handwriting. Below that was written 『 Saigo Rise's. Do not steal and read. 』 And beside the warning, in very small letters, were the words 『 Doctor excluded 』.
"This… this is supposed to be my diary?"
"It is."
The doctor handed the diary back to the nurse.
"Since you should have roughly grasped the situation by now, I'll finish the explanation. You are currently suffering from integration disorder. As seen in that diary, unrealistic delusional symptoms are present."
"That can't be…."
"But the problem is, we can't find any abnormalities in your brain."
"What?"
"Usually, patients with integration disorder show increased dopamine levels, but yours are perfectly normal. Not only that—the frontal lobe, cerebral cortex, basal ganglia, lateral ventricles, third ventricle… all were normal. The same goes for the amnesia. The hippocampus and diencephalon were both normal. What that means is…."
The doctor paused for a moment before continuing.
"…neither medication nor electroshock therapy will work."
What a troublesome case, isn't it? the doctor said. But Rise could not properly react to his words. Her mind was too chaotic from the unimaginable information. It felt like everything was spinning. The shock had bleached her brain white, and she could not think properly, as if it had stopped altogether.
Yet the doctor showed no particular interest in Rise's state and continued to extract information she did not want to know—information she never wanted to know.
"Clearly, the symptoms suggest there should be effects on the brain…. So after much deliberation on what to do, we sought advice from a skilled counselor. And from that person, we heard a treatment method that might work for you."
The doctor said, "It seems highly likely that you cast a self-suggestion to escape from Trauma—that is, psychological trauma. In other words, you brainwashed yourself. Therefore, rather than the traditional methods our hospital has used—yes, electroshock therapy and medication—we judged that deprogramming would be more effective in naturally freeing you from the brainwashing and allowing you to perceive reality. We will cure you using that method."
"B-brainwashing?"
"Yes. To escape a shocking reality, you created a fictional being called 'God,' bound yourself to it, and became a fanatic and blind believer. Then you distorted the past and altered your memories around that fictional existence."
The doctor continued speaking, then looked Rise straight in the eyes and said, "Saigo. Most of the reality you currently remember is different from what is actual."
"T-that can't be…."
"Saigo. Please believe me. Believe in me, in the medical staff of this hospital. We will spare no effort for your complete recovery. We will definitely cure your illness."
"No…."
"The deprogramming process may be painful and difficult. But we will never leave you to suffer alone. We will undo the brainwashing together, suffer together, and heal the illness together. I will never give up on you."
"No! I'm not crazy!"
"Haa…. We will begin. Please prepare yourself."
At the doctor's words, the nurse who had been standing quietly behind him approached Rise. With strength that seemed impossible from her frail appearance, she overpowered Rise, forced her into a straitjacket, and tightly bound her to the bed. Whenever Rise screamed and tried to resist, the nurse subdued her with ease, as if she had multiple arms, and secured the straitjacket. In the end, Rise was left tightly restrained, unable to move an inch.
"Untie this! Let me go!"
"This is a measure to prevent self-harm or violent acts."
"What is this?! Untie me! Untie me right now!"
Suddenly bound, Rise twisted her body in panic and fear, but the restraints were so firm that she could not escape—nor could she even shake the bed. The doctor watched quietly until Rise calmed down. Once she exhausted herself and lay still, panting, he finally spoke.
"Let's start with your family. Saigo. What is your family situation?"
"Hic… please untie me…."
"That is not possible."
"Untie me…!"
"If you cooperate with the treatment, you will be released soon."
"Hic…. Sob…."
Rise shed tears, as if deeply sorrowful. But soon, as if accepting reality, she answered the doctor's question in a sobbing voice.
"It's just my father and me…. like this. Sob…. Hic…."
"Saigo Kenji. Correct?"
"Yes…. Sob…."
"Then what is Saigo Kenji's occupation?"
"A priest… hic… he's a priest…."
Scratch. The doctor recorded something on the chart after hearing her words.
"I see. Next, your peer relationships. I heard you have close friends you've known since school days. Is that right?"
"Yes…."
"How many?"
"Four…."
"What are their names?"
"Munakata Airi…. Hojo Mahiro…. Takamura Shiori…. Nishikawa Rena…."
"I see. When was the last time you met those friends?"
"A week ago…."
"What did you do when you gathered with your friends?"
"We met at a café and talked together…."
Scratch. The doctor scribbled on the chart once more. Then he raised his head and met Rise's eyes.
"Rise. Listen carefully. Your father, Saigo Kenji, is not a priest."
"What?"
"And all of your close friends are dead."