The Girl in the Mirror
For a moment, words failed me entirely.
What Iris had just said was a shock no clear mind could simply accept. If Viviana made me feel as though she treated me like a whore, Iris was saying it to my face without the slightest pretense.
A painful truth I had never wanted to face unfurled right before my eyes. My chest throbbed as I tried to force a smile, yet my frozen features refused to form one.
"…Your words go too far, Iris. Are you certain you don't mind if I tell Lady Viviana about this?"
I managed the counter with eyes and a voice that had gone ice-cold. Yet even under my threat, Iris only snorted and sneered at me.
"Go ahead and tell her."
"What…?"
"Snitch on me once. Nothing will change."
"…What makes you so brazenly confident?"
"I'd rather you learned your place. Stop wasting the young lady's time already. Do you have any idea how busy she is?"
Iris's audacity far surpassed anything I had imagined. Could she be some hidden blood of the ducal house? Or the child of a family with real power?
…Or perhaps—
A hypothesis flashed through my mind for an instant, only to be erased just as quickly. There was no way they would assign a secret weapon even the game itself treated with extreme caution to wait on me.
"…Does Lady Viviana know what kind of person you are?"
"Hmm. She probably does."
Iris seemed to consider it for a moment, then continued with a smile laced with mockery.
"Shall I go fetch the young lady for you, then?"
"…What?"
"Wait here a moment."
With a voice utterly devoid of emotion, Iris left the room. Alone in the bedroom, I sat for a long while with vacant eyes, struggling to grasp what had just happened.
Had she truly gone to bring Viviana?
I could not understand Iris's behavior at all. Why had she suddenly turned so hostile? Had she, like Siril, simply been displeased all along at having to serve me, and merely kept silent until now?
"…This is infuriating. You, Iris—I won't let this slide."
It didn't matter.
Whatever sort of person Iris was, I had no reason to care. In the end she was only Viviana's servant, and Viviana was completely smitten with me.
Once Viviana learned that Iris had insulted me by calling me a whore, Iris would not escape her fury.
Then I would make my request. I would ask Viviana to cast Iris out of this mansion forever, to ensure she never set foot on ducal grounds again.
I would laugh my fill at Iris's face twisted with regret. Even if she clung to my ankles and begged forgiveness, I would not grant it.
That was how it would go. I was certain of it deep inside.
Viviana had lost her heart to me; she would surely take my side.
I forced down the anxiety rising within me and gazed into the mirror, managing a faint smile.
"Just make up with each other and be done with it."
Viviana's low, irritated voice. At that indifferent tone, my heart seemed to plummet all the way to the bottom of my chest, a sharp pain blooming there.
Unable to accept her words, I seized her sleeve with trembling fingers.
"L-Lady Viviana… she called me a whore. Do you know how much that hurt me…?"
Viviana fixed Iris with a sharp glare.
"I'll deal with you later."
"Yes, my lord."
A cold current passed between them, yet it was nowhere near the intensity I had hoped for. I had expected her to drive Iris out with murder in her eyes; instead the atmosphere suggested she would settle for a few scolding words.
Wasn't it normal to be furious when someone called the person you loved a whore…? So why was she trying to end it with just that?
And she meant to speak with Iris alone, leaving me behind? I was the one who had been wounded—why meet Iris privately?
"Tina, I'll scold her thoroughly, so don't worry."
Viviana meant to reassure me, yet my chest only ached more fiercely.
This couldn't stand. I absolutely could not let it end like this.
If it finished so lightly, I could already see how thoroughly Iris would continue to look down on me. Grasping at straws, I clung to Viviana.
"Tina?"
"…Please cast her out."
"Hm?"
"Please throw Iris out of the mansion."
At my blunt demand, not only Iris but even Viviana showed clear surprise. Holding back tears that threatened to spill, I looked straight into Viviana's violet eyes.
Please, Viviana.
Just this once, take my side.
I won't treat you like a pushover anymore.
It will be hard, but I'll face you with a more honest heart.
I'll try to lean on you more.
Because I've come to want to like you more…
So please…
Just this once, stand with me.
Please…
"Mmm… Tina."
The moment I saw the troubled look flicker across Viviana's eyes, instinct told me everything.
Viviana would not choose me.
"Iris may look like that, but she's quite capable in many areas. Casting her out is impossible… I'll make sure she never says anything like that again."
"…"
A sense of liberation washed over me, as though my soul itself were draining away. An emptiness and loss beyond words pressed heavily down upon my chest.
Capable.
A word so distant from me, who knew how to do nothing but fawn and coo. If a person's worth were measured by competence, I would be a creature living at the very bottom, not even worth keeping alive.
Iris was capable. I, by contrast, was endlessly incompetent. That was why Viviana had not chosen me.
Iris had been right. I was nothing more than a pet. A toy one might love for a while and then discard once the novelty wore off. That truth shattered even the faint self-respect I still possessed.
The hand that had been clutching Viviana fell limply to the floor along with my gaze.
My chest burned as though molten lava had been poured into it, while my body no longer held the strength to move even a single finger.
What am I even doing here?
"Pull yourself together a little. I'll come back later."
Viviana stroked my hair once and left the room. Iris hesitated for a moment in front of me for some reason, then followed Viviana out.
My body began to tremble little by little.
It was cold.
I wrapped my arms around myself. Yet the icy chill still coiled around me, and my body would not stop shaking.
I forced my trembling limbs up, lay down on the bed, and wrapped the blanket tightly around my entire body.
Even so, the cold remained.
No matter how hard I rubbed my hands together, the chill refused to leave.
"Cold…"
I hate this. I hate this cold so much. I thought I would never have to feel it again…
At times like this she had always… always been by my side…
My breathing grew steadily more labored. I pressed a hand to my stifling chest, slid off the bed, and collapsed onto the cold floor.
On all fours I crawled with difficulty to the chair and sat. The large mirror resting on the elegant table gazed back at me.
When I raised my hand to the glass, the girl within it took hold of my hand in return.
"Help me…"
The only friend who had ever smiled so beautifully at me when I had always been alone. Thinking of her, I lowered my head.
"Help me… I'm so tired… I want to die again…"
I called for her desperately, yet no answer came.
Of course not. There was no reason for her to be here. The woman in the mirror was simply "me," with blue eyes and pure white hair.
At the thought that I would never see her again, the tears I had held back for so long finally gathered at the corners of my eyes.
"Hic… uh…"
Once the dam broke, the tears poured down without resistance. Unable to bear the sight of my own ugly sobbing, I clamped a hand over my mouth and bowed my head deeply.
Anyone… anyone, just give me a little affection… even the smallest bit of interest…
Then a voice reached me.
A voice I had missed so desperately, one I had longed for with all my heart.
With eyes wide open I turned my head and looked into the mirror.
I was still there inside it.
But it was not me.
Not the pathetic, tear-streaked weakling, but a girl offering me a tender, gentle smile.
"Ah…?"
"Ah, ah…?"
The girl in the mirror smiled faintly. Yet I knew instinctively who she was.
In those blue eyes of the girl in the mirror rested a single black cross that, even against a deep and dark sky, could warm and comfort the heart.
"You… is it you…? Is it really you?"
The girl in the mirror nodded.
"H-how…? What do I have to do to see you?"
The girl in the mirror fell silent for a moment. Her black cross regarded me for a long while. Afraid she might vanish, I pressed my hand harder against the glass.
The girl in the mirror wore a meaningful smile, as though she knew something.
"W-wait…"
I called to her desperately while staring into the mirror, yet the eyes of the girl within still shone the same blue as my own.
But I was no longer lonely. I was no longer cold.
She was here.
Together with me, in this world.
At the thought that I was no longer alone, I could open my eyes brightly once more.
If she could be by my side again—
I could find the courage once more.
The condition for meeting her was the same as before.
To break.
Fortunately, I knew exactly how to break.
"Yeah… I'll break even more."