I Want to Go to the Academy!
I want to go to the academy! People are drawn to beauty, and to fragility.
Like how they're captivated by a beautiful flower rather than a common weed.
Like how they fixate on a sick person rather than a healthy one.
So it's only natural that people would pay more attention to a frail beauty than some ordinary guy.
Especially if that beauty is the daughter of the Northern Duke.
That's me.
I still have no idea why someone as insignificant as me ended up reincarnated as the sickly noble girl who only existed in the background of the novel I was reading.
The only thing I can guess is that I was a little jealous of all the attention the protagonist got?
And sure, I left about 57 sappy comments, but even I think that's hardly enough to justify getting isekai'd.
I didn't spam them on every single one of the 570 chapters—just the ones that really tugged at my heartstrings.
Ah, of course, I'm not complaining about reincarnating into a character who only existed in the setting.
If anything, I'm grateful.
"Cough, cough!"
On the way to the dining hall, an unstoppable fit of coughing burst out of me, and all the servants turned to look at once.
If I collapsed right here, everyone would definitely stare at me.
But... I held back.
Because if I did that, Mother might actually faint for real.
When I was little, I once deliberately coughed up blood and collapsed, and she passed out on the spot. After that, I'd been holding back.
Even so, with this ridiculously frail body, the coughs came on their own without me pushing it.
"Miss..."
Their gazes were filled with pity and deep resignation.
The eyes of people who felt sorry for me but had ultimately given up, unable to find a way to help.
"Ah, Miss! Are you alright?! Wh-what should I...!"
The only one freaking out and giving me exactly the reaction I wanted was Ainshel, the maid who'd only recently joined the duke's household.
"...Hah, hah. Ngh... Huu. I'm fine, Ainshel. Really, I'm okay."
I placed a hand on her broad shoulder and kept insisting I was fine. She bit her lip hard, her face twisting in anguish.
She must have felt so helpless.
Watching someone even a little younger than her cough like she was dying, powerless to do anything.
I loved that gloomy expression.
I loved how she treated my pain like it was her own, showering me with intense concern.
The attention she gave me because I was so sickly.
Attention I could never get in any other body.
Aah.
It was the best.
There was nothing in this life that felt this good.
But... yeah.
I was starting to get a little tired of it.
Father, Mother, Big Brother. Even the servants. Their reactions were getting predictable.
If my condition improved even a bit, I might coax out new responses, but sadly, that wasn't possible.
No matter what I did, this body never got better.
The best mage we called in said it wasn't a disease—it was something about being born with an overflow of ice attribute ether.
Anyway, he said there was no cure, apologized, and left. That's all I remember.
Honestly, what he said didn't stick as much as the attention he gave me.
The excitement of witnessing a super-rare case up close.
The guilt of feeling thrilled while watching a dying girl.
Those eyes locked in inner turmoil.
We'd stopped calling mages altogether now, so it was a shame I couldn't get those looks anymore.
I arrived at the dining hall with a smile, and the delicious aroma of food hit me all at once.
"I feel like eating a lot today..."
I don't know if it was because of my beastkin blood, but meat was so good.
But this body couldn't handle much, no matter how tasty it was.
It was a trash body, but that didn't mean I lacked appetite.
I had the three basic desires, at least.
Appetite, sleep, and attention-craving.
Sex drive? Not sure.
Probably there, though?
I sometimes felt a bit turned on looking at my own naked body.
"...I told the servants to bring your meal to your bed, yet you insist on coming all the way here."
Father's eyebrows twitched ever so slightly, clearly displeased that I'd dragged myself out of bed to the table.
If I hadn't spent so much time observing him, I'd doubt he even had emotions, let alone guess what they were.
That's probably why his attention felt so sweet.
Realizing that this seemingly indifferent man was actually intensely focused on me—how happy that made me.
"Mother, Father. Ehehe. Sorry. Today, I just... wanted to eat like a normal person..."
I grinned sheepishly, and the corner of Father's mouth dipped faintly.
That was the face he made when he felt sad or sorry for me.
I wished it were a bit more expressive, like Mother's.
"Ilisha..."
Mother's eyes started to redden at my offhand words, like she'd suddenly grown sad.
Ah, I hadn't meant to make her cry.
I loved it when she showed that much concern, even to the point of tears, but not during dinner.
Mother wasn't exactly the picture of health by normal standards, let alone Northern ones.
If she cried too hard, she might collapse, so I was about to shut up when Big Brother stepped in to comfort her.
"...Mother, you know it's not your fault. No one's fault at all... If there's anyone to blame, it's the god who inflicted this trial on Ilisha."
Nice one, Big Brother. Perfect timing.
I gave him a mental thumbs-up and quietly waited for Mother to calm down.
"If only I were a little healthier... maybe our Ilisha would have been born healthy too..."
"Mother..."
"My lady. Regretting the past changes nothing. We have enough to worry about with the present and future."
Only when Father joined in did Mother finally settle down.
"...Sorry, Ilisha. It's been so long since the family gathered, and here I am crying..."
"No, it's fine. Like Big Brother said, you haven't done anything wrong."
Her eyes welled up again at that, but this time she tried to smile.
"...Yeah, if our Ilisha says so, then it must be true, right?"
I felt a little bad for making her cry, but it also made me happy that she cared enough to shed tears for me.
I knew firsthand that if no one cared, no one would even look when you were hurting.
I sat down and sliced into the steak with a big cut.
"Ilisha, can you even swallow a bite that big...?"
Mother fretted over whether I could manage it in one go.
Heh. Watch closely, Mother. Even a frail patient like me can handle this mu—
Nope. Oof.
My jaw felt like it might dislocate trying to force it, so I swallowed my pride and cut it smaller.
Mother seemed relieved at the sight, managing a faint smile.
"Someday... you'll be able to swallow it in one bite, Ilisha."
Gathering around the table like this for the first time in ages, chatting with my family—it was fun.
Mostly about my health or Mother's health, of course.
Now then, maybe it's time to bring it up?
With the mood softened, I carefully laid the groundwork.
"Mother, Father. I have... one favor to ask. Could you hear me out...?"
"You... have a request?"
"Ilisha? Really?! Tell me anything! I'll grant whatever it is, just say it...!"
Father's eyes widened for the first time, and Mother looked ready to shed tears of joy.
Big Brother just gaped at me silently.
It was understandable.
I'd never made any real demands of my family before.
I'd never refused grueling treatments or asked for pretty clothes.
So of course they'd be this moved by my first-ever request.
I flashed the brightest smile I could at my family, who were hanging on my next words.
"I want to go to the academy!"
In that instant, the dining hall felt frigid.
Or maybe it actually was.
Judging by Father's face.
He might have unconsciously unleashed his ether from the emotional shock.
"The academy... you mean the Imperial Central Academy."
I nodded.
"I-Ilisha. Even if it's your request, that... reconsider, okay? There are plenty of other academies. It doesn't have to be that one..."
"...Ilisha. It's too much for your body. Even if the Central Academy's curriculum has gotten easier lately, it's still tailored for healthy people."
Mother trembled behind her smile, while Big Brother pressed a hand to his face and calmly urged me to give up.
Hmm.
Tricky.
I couldn't compromise on going to the academy, though.
I'd decided not to fake being sick in front of my family, but this time, I'd have to break that promise.
I exhaled shallowly, then inhaled deeply, filling my lungs.
After that, I just let my body take over.
"Cough, cough... Hack, kehuk...! Hnngh, hah... hah..."
My breathing went haywire in an instant, and an unbearable cough exploded out.
It felt like someone was squeezing my lungs in a vise.
I stayed sharp enough not to spill my food or tumble from the chair, but it still hurt like hell.
"My baby!!"
Mother broke the silence.
She half-rose from her seat, tears streaming down her face again.
Even I felt uneasy seeing her like that.
It didn't feel great exploiting a mother's love for her child.
But I couldn't give up on the academy.
It was where all the main characters gathered... and
where tons more spectators awaited me.
"Please... I want to see the wider world... Dad, Mom... please? Pretty please?"
My intentions might be impure, but those words were sincere.
I wanted the wider world, more people, more attention.
I didn't want to wither away in this gilded cage where everything was handed to me.
I wanted to etch my existence into the world's memory, to bask in their gaze.
"Ilisha. Hate to say it, but that's like walking straight into a beast's jaws. It's insane! And the semester's already started—how would we even...!"
"Sorry, Big Brother. But... hah... I want to see the world."
Big Brother tried blocking me with practical reasons.
But when Father spoke, the mood flipped.
"...I'll make it happen, somehow."
"Thank you, Dad."
And sorry, Mom.
I apologized to her inwardly, but thinking of the academy packed with new audiences brought a smile to my lips anyway.