023. What Did You Masturbate With?
My finger touched her belly fat.
It slipped over the suds.
...It brushed past her soft pubic hair.
A little lower, and lower still.
I touched it.
That slippery place.
"...."
Only the scraps of knowledge I had picked up online raced chaotically through my head.
You mustn't stick your fingers in carelessly.
Usually, it's better to stimulate the other side.
If you start too hard, it'll only hurt.
"Haak...."
I had been determined to be considerate in my own way.
But in reality, my hand hadn't gone inside, yet I was still pressing down roughly on her clitoris.
"Hey..., wait...."
A desperate protest burst from my younger sister's lips.
But strangely, I couldn't hear her voice.
My head felt like it was buzzing, and some inexplicable urge to ram my hips forward was controlling my body against my will.
Paang, paang.
I slammed my pubic bone against her suds-covered buttocks,
and kept rubbing my fingers over her slippery clitoris, even though most of the foam had already been washed away.
As if possessed, I became consumed by the desire to simply have my way with the woman in front of me.
"Ah, fuck..., I told you it hurts...!"
Infuriated by my rough handling, she reached one arm back to slap me,
but her foot slipped on the wet floor.
"Kyaak...!"
...Fortunately, since I had been holding her, the great disaster of her falling over completely did not happen.
When I hurriedly supported her waist, Yeonju, half-collapsed in my arms, looked up at me in surprise.
"...."
Neither of us said anything.
The sound of hot water pouring from the showerhead, which had been turned to the side, filled the bathroom.
"...Are you okay?"
"I told you it hurts, you idiot."
"Sorry."
Even after standing Yeonju upright, I couldn't let go of her right away.
Until a moment ago, I had been too aroused to think about anything.
But once I realized I had almost hurt her, my head began to cool.
...I looked like a fucking virgin.
Well, I was a fucking virgin.
But I was still her oppa.
Shouldn't I think before I acted, you dumbass?
"...I'll be slower this time."
When I spoke gently with an apologetic expression,
Yeonju stared at me suspiciously for a moment before finally turning around and bracing one hand against the wall.
"...Please be gentle."
"Okay. ...I'm really sorry."
I softly embraced my younger sister from behind again, ran my hand over her stomach, and moved it back to that place.
...Slowly this time.
Just as I had imagined before.
"...."
I placed my middle finger on her clitoris and rolled it very slowly.
The foam was wiped away, replaced by her fluids, and my finger kept slipping out with a wet, slick sound, but I trembled and somehow placed it back, gently caressing her.
Slowly enough that my sister wouldn't slip.
Slowly enough that I wouldn't slip off my sister.
Keeping my waist pressed tightly against her, desperately trying to hold back my cock, which felt ready to burst.
"Haa...."
Little by little.
Yeonju's breathing began to change in response to my touch.
At first, she flinched her shoulders whenever she was startled.
Now, instead of trying to escape, she put strength into the hand braced against the wall, held her breath, and exhaled slowly.
The change was fascinating.
...The fact that Lee Yeonju was in my arms, making these sounds,
even gave me a strange sense of satisfaction.
"...You."
"What?"
"How often have you masturbated?"
When I finally blurted out the question, Yeonju's head whipped around.
"...If you're going to ask something like that, shouldn't you answer first, oppa?"
"...."
But contrary to my expectations, instead of getting angry and snapping at me, she demanded my answer first with a dazed expression.
I had naturally expected her to curse me out for being a pervert or something.
Then I was planning to tease her a little more and enjoy myself at my leisure.
...This was a sign that she would answer if I spoke first.
"...I haven't for almost a month."
"You're lying. Haa.... You did it in the bathroom last time."
So I answered honestly, but Yeonju scoffed, clearly not believing me.
...When was it that I tried to jerk off in the bathroom and couldn't?
By now, I couldn't even remember whether that was a memory erased by my regression or a memory that had become fixed.
Could I really forget things like this after regressing only a few times?
Could I perhaps remember this memory as though it had happened after I regressed?
The thought suddenly occurred to me, so instead of arguing, I merely held my sister's body quietly.
"...Why aren't you saying anything, oppa?"
"Ah..., I really didn't do it then. ...Because you were loitering outside."
"...Weren't you trying to jerk off while thinking about me anyway?"
"I told you I wasn't."
As if trying to shatter my silence, my sister began spouting another ridiculous misunderstanding and laughed irritatingly.
"Did the real thing suddenly showing up make you feel guilty?"
"Hey."
...Again.
She was needling me again.
After begging me so cutely to be gentle.
"...I guess even an oppa feels a little weird about doing it while thinking about his own younger sister. Pfft-heh-heh...."
...Why were you so excited about the idea of me masturbating to you?
No, I had never actually done that, but..., even if I had, shouldn't that be the part that made you horrified?
What could be more disgusting than a biological older brother using his younger sister as jerk-off material?
"Ah..., hey..., that hurts, seriously...."
"...What?"
Unable to hold back the sudden rush of heat, I pressed down hard on her clitoris.
At that small touch, Yeonju lowered her head and panted.
"Haa, hey, Lee Yeonwoo..., stop...."
The mouth that had teased me so skillfully only moments ago kept breathing hot air instead of spitting out insults.
The sight made my body heat up all over again.
...I hadn't known I had a taste for this.
Yeonju, who had been acting so insolent, was now unable to say a word under a single touch of my hand.
It was incredibly stimulating.
Every inch of my body
craved to torment her more, hungering for cruelty.
"Yeah."
I lowered my voice as much as possible and brought my lips close to Yeonju's ear.
"I usually jerk off twice a day, but I've been holding it in since you came, so it's all built up."
"Haa...."
"You take care of it for me. ...I got hard because of you, so make it three times a day."
"Don't talk crap, seriously...."
Even as she answered with an insult, there was no strength in her voice.
After all, you were far too delicate and fragile a younger sister to push me away.
No matter how pathetic and puny my body might be, a man was still a man.
No matter where I touched you, you were soft as a marshmallow—you weren't strong enough to win against me.
"...I told you my number, so keep your promise."
"Haa, what...?"
"How often do you do it? ...Masturbate."
As I whispered into her ear while craving that exquisite female body, Yeonju didn't answer for a while.
She steadied her ragged breathing, lightly rested her forehead against the wall, and thought for a moment.
"...Per week."
"Yeah."
"...About three times."
Her answer was more specific than I had expected, leaving me at a loss for words instead.
...Three times a week.
I had no idea whether that was a lot or a little for a woman.
I didn't know anything about it, either.
"...When do you do it?"
"Haa..., why do you need to ask something like that...?"
"Because I'm curious."
"Just..., haak.... When I get horny, obviously. You fucking moron...."
"Then what do you masturbate to?"
But the fact that this Lee Yeonju was confessing all these things one by one in her own mouth was so entertaining.
It was funny, and it was sexy.
So I kept interrogating her, asking for every last one of her secrets.
"...Haa, whatever my tastes are."
"Yeah."
"I'm still better than you, jerking off to your own younger sister...?"
...This bitch.
Right to the end.
She kept slandering me right to the very end.
"Fine."
In the end, I,
unable to overcome my urge to torment her,
"Yeah, I masturbated while thinking about women like you. So what?"
decided to give in halfway to her slander.
"Big breasts, bad attitude. A woman who looks down at people with contempt."
"When did I ever do that?"
"You did in high school, for fuck's sake...."
"Shut the fuck up, when did I ever...."
It wasn't a complete lie.
...I had always liked big breasts, after all.
I had just never thought of Lee Yeonju specifically.
Though I had now been cursed to think of her forever.
"...Anyway, you."
...I couldn't be the only one cursed like this. That would be too unfair.
"Who were you thinking about when you did it?"
I wanted to curse you so that you would think of me for the rest of your life.
I intended to torment you until you answered.
But Yeonju placed her palm against the wet wall and moved her throat faintly.
"...Sometimes, after my stream ended."
"...I mean, what were you thinking about?"
Yeonju turned her head, and her eyes narrowed slightly.
Was she embarrassed?
Or was she wondering whether it was okay to say something like this to her oppa?
After hesitating for a long while, Yeonju finally opened her mouth, avoiding my gaze.
"...People are always praising me while I'm streaming, you know?"
"...."
"They tell me I'm cute. They tell me they like me. People who don't even know my face give me nothing but unconditional approval."
Yeonju's voice grew quieter and quieter.
"...And then I betray all those people."
"...."
"Imagining that, normally..., the moment I turn off the stream, I have sex... with my boyfriend."
Yeonju bit down hard on her lip.
"When I imagine that..., it feels like I'm doing something really bad."
"...."
"...That's what I did. So what? Why? Is it bad...?"
For a moment, my mind went completely white.
Imagining betraying all the people who had liked her until then.
Lee Yeonju, who was rude by nature yet acted so cutesy in front of everyone else.
Imagining herself being thoroughly ruined by her boyfriend while no one knew.
"You're going to get stabbed if you keep that up."
"I only imagined it, fuck.... Who, who said I actually did it? I'm just as inexperienced as you...."
"...."
"Still..., I'm better than a fucking pervert like you, aren't I...."
...And I was the one playing the role of that boyfriend?
Her own biological oppa?
"...Ha, fuck."
"Euk...."
I couldn't hold back any longer.
If I didn't reform this wicked younger sister of mine, I couldn't see any way to cool the heat pouring out of my body.
...What a crazy bitch.
Her fetish was getting fucked from behind after acting so cute in front of everyone else?
"Haa..., haaak..., hey..., don't put your finger in...!"
"I'm not putting it in, fuck...."
...Did you imagine that kind of thing even when you played the piano?
You played so elegantly onstage, then imagined getting fucked in the bathroom the moment you came down?
Was that why your tone had been so sweet?
Was that why the sound had been so sticky?
No matter how much I disliked you, I had at least acknowledged your piano playing—but did you pound those keys while thinking about that kind of thing?
"Eu, mmph...."
I turned my younger sister's head, her small, delicate hand braced against the wall instead of a piano keyboard, and kissed her deeply once again.
So she couldn't say anything stupid anymore.
So she would be bound by my tongue even without me holding her chin in place.
Holding her like that, I tormented the weakness of Yeonju's that I had just discovered and slammed my hips against her like a madman.
I tightly grabbed her ample breasts,
pinching her carelessly protruding nipples.
I pressed down hard on her already dripping-wet sex with my middle and ring fingers, then rubbed her clitoris frantically.
Completely forgetting the danger that she might fall again,
I wedged my burning-hot cock between her buttocks and slammed my pubic bone against her with a Paang, paang.
"...Mmph...! Eu..., chuu... mmph...."
...This time, too.
With our tongues still intertwined.
Sharing each other's fluids.
But this time, it wasn't just me.
Together, my sister and I released this thrilling pleasure at the same time.
You on my fingers.
Me on your... back.
Just as much as before.
"Haa."
After releasing once, my legs gave out.
Yeonju seemed to be the same, unable to move for a while as she leaned against the wall.
The water pouring from the showerhead turned toward the wall flowed across the bathroom floor, slowly washing away the traces of what had fallen.
But... countless traces of our lewdness still remained on our bodies.
"...."
I took Yeonju by the shoulders and slowly turned her around.
Her face was thoroughly disheveled.
We were so close that neither of us could hide anything from the other.
Even in that state, Yeonju did not look away first.
"...Today."
Yeonju forced her lips open.
"I really think we should... stop here for today, oppa...."
"...."
"If we go any further, something really bad... might happen."
This time, I didn't argue.
...I could clearly see what would happen if we went any further.
I didn't have even the tiniest bit of confidence that I could hold back if she gave me the okay.
We'd probably..., right here.
We'd do it on this wet floor.
And whether we slipped or fell like before,
even if we were lucky enough to avoid that...,
...I probably wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.
"...Let's wrap things up."
"Yeah. Mmph...."
Instead, it felt too disappointing to end things like this.
I cupped Yeonju's cheek and slowly pressed my lips to hers.
It wasn't a kiss that threatened to devour each other like before.
With our exhausted lips barely able to muster any strength,
we slowly shared each other's breath, as if promising that this really was where we would stop for today.
"...Puh-ha. I told you to stop, you idiot...."
"This is me stopping."
"This is really the last time. ...If you cross the line any further, I'll run away."
...I seriously doubted there was any line left for us to cross.
But we... didn't take even one more step beyond this point.
Without looking back at the line we had crossed long ago,
"...Chuu...."
we intertwined our tongues one more time and turned the showerhead from the wall back toward us.
We had to wash ourselves, after all.
...We couldn't sleep like this.
***
By the time we left the bathroom, we were both completely exhausted.
I didn't even have the energy to think about straightening up the bed in the bedroom.
...Besides, there was no need to bother, since we would regress anyway.
Neither of us had the strength left to talk about anything, completely drained.
"...I'm tired, oppa."
"Me too."
"You have a reason to be, but why am I tired?"
"...Beats me."
In the pitch-black living room, we lay sprawled side by side on the mattress, muttering in hollow voices.
...When we woke up tomorrow, what kind of faces were we supposed to show each other?
If we regressed, this would all become something that had never happened—but if I failed to regress, what kind of eyes would we have to look at each other with?
"Yeonju-ya."
"...What?"
Even if only to decide that, there were so many things I wanted to ask.
...Why she hadn't pushed me away until the very end.
Whether she would have done the same if I hadn't been her oppa.
But...,
would there be any point in asking?
"...Never mind."
"...What is it, seriously?"
Before Yeonju could finish grumbling, my eyelids grew heavy.
...I would return after sleeping and waking up anyway.
If that was the case, I might as well enjoy this a little longer before falling asleep.
I held her tightly and savored this warmth while I still could.
"...."
...Since,
in any case,
it had already become a memory I would never be able to forget for the rest of my life.
***
I opened my eyes.
Before I could even draw breath, I searched for Yeonju.
...But my hand found no skin at all.
"...I came back."
Instead, when I opened the phone my fingertips touched, the date was July 17.
7:47 a.m.
...I had succeeded.
After crossing an even greater line than before and falling asleep together, I had returned to the previous day again.
"...."
I knew it in my head.
The Yeonju from the morning of the 17th was sleeping in the bedroom.
Now that I had returned, everything had naturally gone back to the way it was.
"...Fuck."
I sat up on the mattress.
Without giving myself time to think, I ran to the bedroom and opened the door.
Yeonju was asleep on the bed, clutching the blanket.
"...Yeonju-ya."
I gently shook her shoulder.
"Hey, wake up."
"Mmng...."
Yeonju squirmed and whined sleepily.
Then she finally opened her eyes and looked at my face.
"...Oppa?"
"Yeah."
"...."
The moment our eyes met,
Yeonju's pupils trembled faintly.
She quickly looked away and pulled the blanket up to her chin.
"...What?"
"Why?"
"...Knock before you come in."
"You were dead asleep. What would be the point?"
"Still, knock before you come in...."
Yeonju pushed my shoulder away grumpily for no real reason.
Then she got out of bed and fled into the bathroom as if trying to escape, without even properly looking at my face.
"...So she does remember, at least."
She probably didn't remember everything.
It must have felt like she had another strange, vivid dream, just like last time.
The regression had succeeded.
Now I could use the chart from the 17th again.
Of course, I had no idea which way things would twist this time, but if it really didn't work out, I could just regress again.
I would recover the money I had lost, then stop at the amount I had originally promised myself.
This was the result I had wanted so badly.
And yet.
"...."
...I wasn't happy.
The Yeonju who had given me permission the night before was gone.
Lee Yeonju, who had shared her first kiss with me and confessed her secrets, was nowhere to be found.
All that remained of my younger sister in the bathroom
was the lingering trace of a dream too embarrassing to even talk about.
I was the only one who had returned.
That fact...,
was far lonelier
than I had expected.