A Low Voice
Everyone was asleep. I stepped into the bathroom with Song Haneul and got into position.
I bared my lower half and planted both hands against the wall. Having to arch my back so my ass stuck out properly was mortifying, but I couldn't exactly keep walking around with the thing still inside me, so I gritted my teeth and tried to endure it.
This wasn't something I could leave in. It had to come out.
No matter how hard I tried to stay relaxed, my whole body locked up tight.
I took a deep breath and hung my head. Glancing back over my shoulder, I waited for Song Haneul to reach out at any moment.
The delay was frustrating, but I was also grateful for the brief moment to settle my rattled nerves.
"I'm pulling it out?"
"...Yeah. Ngh."
He grabbed one side of my ass and spread me open.
His fingers tapped against the plugged hole, then pressed in. The moment he touched the plug lodged deep inside me, the stimulation made my lower belly clench.
I sucked in a sharp breath until my stomach went rigid. At the same time, I pushed hard, trying to expel the foreign object.
As if rewarding my efforts, Song Haneul gripped it firmly and pulled.
"Ugh, nngh..."
Whether the hole was too tight or the plug was simply too big, it wouldn't come free easily. I felt like I was about to split open, like my insides were being dragged out with it, and I clenched harder without meaning to.
"Hey, hey. You need to relax...!"
"Th-then, ah..."
Would it come out faster if I just stopped pushing?
I wanted to, but I couldn't manage it.
Sweat rolled down the bridge of my nose. I clenched my teeth, trembling, then finally let the tension go.
Just as Song Haneul had said, it came free. With a wet pop and a sensation like my ass was being torn open, it slid out.
"Haa, nngh..."
My hole felt gaping. The liquid that had been trapped inside splattered onto the floor. The warmed gel from my guts dripped thickly onto the bathroom tiles.
The feeling of not closing properly was unnerving. A chill ran down my spine at the thought of ending up in diapers from messing around with my back door.
"It's open, all right... but putting anything else in would be a bit much, huh?"
"If it opens any more, I won't be able to handle it. You..."
"Kinda a shame after keeping it in all day."
"Bullshit."
Good thing I'd taken my pants all the way off. If I hadn't, the gel would've ruined them.
I flipped him off, then shoved Song Haneul aside.
I turned on the shower and cleaned the floor while wiping down my ass. More than the embarrassment, I was desperate to erase the lingering sensation of fullness still sitting in my gut.
After probing with my fingers a few times to make sure everything was clear, I let out a sigh of relief and grabbed a towel.
I was shuffling out of the bathroom when Song Haneul blocked my path, eyeing me carefully.
"You said you'd do it."
"Not right now. Seriously."
"They're asleep anyway. Come to the room. They're not gonna wake up at three and check whose room is whose."
"...Ha. Fine."
Strike while the iron's hot, right?
Getting it over with quickly and getting my body back didn't sound so bad.
Though the part about having to use my mouth was still pretty bad.
I closed Song Haneul's door and went into my room.
Song Haneul casually stripped off his pants and sat on the edge of the bed. Looking at the thing dangling between his legs, my eyes narrowed into a glare.
"I'm turning off the light."
I hit the switch as I came in.
"I can't see."
"If the light's on this late, they might come check for no reason."
"You think they stay up this late? No way."
Song Haneul answered with confidence, like he'd pulled all-nighters as casually as eating meals while living at home.
I didn't stay up that late often, so I was half-convinced, half-doubtful.
With Mom already suspicious, would she really not check once?
Dad was home, so maybe she wouldn't—but being careful couldn't hurt.
Part of it was that I didn't want to see with my own eyes the fact that I was about to put my own thing in my mouth.
Ordinarily that would sound completely absurd.
"Look at your phone or something."
The situation I hated made me sound harsher than I meant to.
Song Haneul stared at me steadily. The bright screen went dark with a soft click, and darkness settled over us again.
Even with my eyes closed, what I'd seen hadn't disappeared—in the darkened space, Song Haneul's expression from a moment ago still seemed to linger.
"What's with the attitude?"
"...What's with me?"
"If you don't want to, don't. Acting like someone's forcing you."
"It is force. You're not swapping bodies back."
It was basically holding me hostage.
If that wasn't the case, he could at least try harder to switch us back.
"Ah, do whatever. I'm going to sleep."
"Wh-what?"
Song Haneul shot up from the bed and flipped the light on.
In the brightened room, he yanked his underwear and pants back up.
"Turn the light off when you leave."
With that, he pulled the blanket over himself. He didn't even glance my way—just lay down and started looking at his phone. I was more than a little thrown.
I'd only told the truth, and suddenly he was shutting me out. The whole thing left me reeling.
But we still needed to swap bodies.
"Hey."
I called out, but no answer came.
My blunt attitude had already earned a blunt response.
The conversation had collapsed. Negotiation no longer seemed to exist.
Whether it was from behind or with my mouth no longer mattered. If December just drifted by like this, it would be a disaster of the highest order—my mouth went dry.
Going back like this was an option, but I was desperate right now.
"You serious?"
I yanked the blanket off and climbed on top of him.
I couldn't believe I was the one initiating this, but I told myself I could at least do this much.
Song Haneul had been the one forcing things first, so I was allowed to force things a little too.
Once I was on top of him, Song Haneul set his phone aside without a word.
His eyes, slightly widened in surprise, trembled faintly.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"If you won't do it, I'll force it myself."
I said it and tipped my upper body forward. I wrapped my arms tight around the still-lying Song Haneul and squeezed my eyes shut.
I was banking on the hope that maybe we could swap even without penetration. But what came back wasn't a fading consciousness or the long-lost sensation of my own body.
It was a large hand clamping hard onto my back.
"Can you handle it? With Mom and Dad here?"
"...Ah, no. Not that far."
"Want to go out during the day?"
"Dad's home. That's too much."
Leaving the house to spend time together the day after Dad came back felt a little too conspicuous. Song Hamin might have managed it, but as Song Haneul, I couldn't muster the courage.
I'd been so shut in that Mom had to tell me to go out—there was no way I'd suddenly announce I wanted to leave the moment Dad arrived.
Not being myself made me cautious about everything.
I worried that I was acting too unlike Song Haneul, second-guessing even my own behavior.
Everything felt suspicious, and I fretted over every little thing.
I was realizing all over again how exhausting it was not to be myself.
There was no end to the things I had to watch out for.
"What's too much about it? You said you'd give me a blowjob."
"...You said you didn't want to."
"Then why climb on?"
"To force the swap."
"Unbelievable."
"You forced the swap too."
I glared at him, and for a moment a sense of betrayal washed over me.
No matter what we tried, we weren't swapping—and the thought that the conditions I knew might be fake flickered through my mind.
I didn't want to believe it, but the circumstances suggested it might be true, and my mouth twisted.
"...Did you lie to me?"
"About what?"
"About the body swap."
The first day. The first time was the most important.
I found myself wondering for a long while what he might have done while I was asleep.
No matter how hard I thought, nothing felt certain.
If it wasn't even hugging, then what was it?
Holding hands? The thought made me want to sit up and try, but Song Haneul was gripping my back so tightly I couldn't even pull away.
Our parents were in the master bedroom, so there wasn't much to worry about—but doing this under the same roof still made my heart race, my pulse pounding hard.
"What lie are you talking about?"
"I know everything. It's not hugging while you're inside. It's not just hugging either. Hugging isn't even a condition, is it? The whole 'hugging' thing is vague as hell."
Hugging from behind, from the front—none of it mattered?
I wasn't looking for a logical reason behind the body swap. I just wanted to confirm whether the conditions could even be properly defined.
It could depend on the surface area of contact, or how tightly you had to wrap your arms. All these vague conditions coming together to swap bodies just didn't make sense.
"What's vague about it?"
"I'm hugging you like this and there's no sign of anything changing."
"Because I'm not inside you."
"We've swapped before without that, haven't we?"
"No, we haven't."
That wasn't right—I was sure we had without penetration.
"It doesn't always happen right away either."
"...Huh?"
I looked up at Song Haneul with a furrowed brow.
Looking up from within his arms felt strange somehow.
My chest tightened and I wanted to get off.
"The first day we swapped, we were each in our own rooms."
Right—I'd woken up in Song Haneul's room that time.
How panicked I'd been...
"That was because of you, so why the hell did you demand your body back?"
Thinking about it now, it was ridiculous.
"I didn't know it would swap."
"So you did that shit to my body even then?"
"No comment."
"No comment is absolute bullshit. Spit it out. Ngh."
When I hesitated, he grabbed my ass hard.
It was still sensitive from having the plug in until just a moment ago, so the stimulation wasn't light.
My words stuck in my throat as his fingers dug in more blatantly.
Through the fabric, he was trying to probe the cleft, and I bit down on my lip.
"Go to your room. Text me, or go out tomorrow during the day."
"Fuck off."
"Then do that."
Watching Song Haneul act so nonchalant, like he had nothing to lose, pissed me off a little.
"You didn't swap bodies because your life was ruined, right?"
"Why would I think my life is ruined? Skipping school a bit doesn't ruin your life."
"Sure, whatever you say."
"Why are you being so annoying?"
"You're the one making me act annoying."
"Hamin."
The quiet way he said my name sent a jolt through me.
Had a low male voice always been this scary?
"...What."
"See you tomorrow."
He brushed it off with a smile, like it was nothing.
I didn't know what he'd been about to say, but the fact that I'd gotten scared left me feeling oddly embarrassed.