Relationship Recovery
Having a pretty face never hurt anyone.
First impressions get decided the moment someone sees your face, long before you open your mouth, so you get to start off already holding a little goodwill. In that sense, when it came to meeting people, the advantages always seemed to outweigh the drawbacks.
Advantages were still advantages. But they brought their share of headaches too. Sweet scents attract every kind of pest, I suppose—the constant problem of guys latching on because of my face or figure had never been anything but a nuisance. Maybe it was because I got thoroughly sick of the ones who tried their luck just because I was a lightweight with alcohol. The more fed up I grew, the more even simple interest started to make me recoil. Once I began reacting so sensitively, I ended up warily scanning my surroundings for no good reason at all.
Human relationships can be built anytime. I still had that confidence. But the moment I looked at the messages I’d left on read, that confidence evaporated.
Remembering that every one of those carefully extended hands belonged to a guy made me shake my head on pure reflex. Yeah—I had zero confidence I could keep a straight face around people like that. Zero confidence I could stand in the middle of them and keep living a normal campus life either.
If I’d had more backbone, would I have managed them better? If I’d kept my distance the way you pick weeds out from between the blades of grass, would none of this have happened? I turned those questions over, but by now they were already too late. I blocked them at once, certain I wasn’t going back. Contact from completely unknown numbers was rare enough that I could simply ignore whatever trickled in later. Just in case I ran into anyone, I decided not to set foot anywhere near campus. I didn’t even want the misfortune of locking eyes in a café.
Unless, maybe, I went around with Song Hamin.
That thought was still floating through my head when I wandered into the living room and met Song Hamin’s eyes. The door stood open, so I could see him clearly sprawled across the bed.
“What are you looking at.”
If only Mom weren’t here. Her very presence felt like a heavy hand holding my actions in check. I knew perfectly well that whether she was home or not, the thing itself wasn’t right. Still, once you’d crossed the line once, that line started to feel like nothing at all.
“You.”
“Get lost.”
“I didn’t even come near you.”
After I’d barged in last night for no good reason and gotten caught, his wariness had spiked to the extreme. For someone so big, his personality was delicate; getting close was genuinely hard. The fact that I was the target of that wariness made me feel like I was facing a strange cat. When he’d first come back from the military it had been the same, but now that he was talking about leaving again for independent living, the thought of the empty space left behind felt unexpectedly hollow. Having practically lived stuck together for a month only made the feeling stronger.
“……”
I’d been so disgusted by other guys clinging to me, yet looking back I was doing the exact same thing—lusting after a woman while wearing a man’s body. Once I understood why I was going this far, I felt awkwardly embarrassed for no reason. It was the kind of double standard where I wouldn’t have a single word of defense if someone called me out. Just thinking about it alone made me so guilty that the corners of my mouth twitched.
I tilted my head a little downward. My large breasts blocked the view so thoroughly that my feet nearly disappeared. I ran a hand down my body, then cupped them from below and gave them a little bounce. The straps that had been digging into my shoulders felt lighter for a moment. Once I sorted that out, my mind eased a fraction. I finally understood what people meant when they said posture comes before mindset.
…Is it okay because it’s Song Hamin?
Or did it become okay because I ran wild while I was in Song Hamin’s body?
No—even though he puts up with it, is it because of the way he still keeps the line that I decided it was fine?
My head spun again. The thoughts tangled so tightly I felt a cramp coming on. The only comfortable thing left was my body. Even that started to bother me soon enough.
After Mom came back from Singapore she would occasionally go out to meet friends. It wasn’t often—just dropping off souvenirs with someone nearby, having a single cup of coffee, and coming straight home. Even during those short windows, every time I tried to approach Song Hamin he kept his distance, so I failed more often than not. Sneaking in at night was no easier; he turned out to have surprisingly light sleep. After the first failure I didn’t even dare try again and simply hesitated.
If it had been my own body I might have gotten him drunk, but it wasn’t, so everything stayed maddeningly difficult. With Mom in the house on top of that, even success would have been awkward. The things I needed to think about piled up one after another until they knotted together and left me frustrated.
“Still, it’s not like he’s a eunuch.”
I’d experienced it myself—it stood just fine. And Song Hamin got it up pretty well in his own right. He could do it if he wanted to; the shock of the bodies swapping before we’d even finished must simply have been too much. If we’d gotten past that moment cleanly, things wouldn’t have twisted this badly. If he’d let me finish even once, would everything have been a little easier afterward? Should I just go buy a condom right now?
Having thoughts like that about Song Hamin made me a little embarrassed. It would feel perfectly natural for a second, then the knowledge that Mom was somewhere in the house would slam the guilt back into place. No matter how hard I looked away, I couldn’t help knowing it was something I shouldn’t do. I could tell I wasn’t being upright about any of it.
“Haa…”
Even if I bought one, Mom being home would make it nearly impossible. The house wasn’t that well soundproofed either. Unless we built a booth like a streamer, even a little moaning would carry to the other rooms. Even if I took complete control, I had no intention of holding back every single sound. Steeling my resolve wouldn’t solve the problem anyway.
“Ah.”
While I was rummaging through my laptop a good idea suddenly surfaced. I’d learned the theory in health class, but the practical side was something you picked up from videos—one more lesson to add to the list. If I succeeded, maybe we could get close again.
A few days had passed since Mom’s return. That also meant Song Hamin’s dry spell had stretched out quite a while. I’d been watching him carefully and it didn’t look like he’d found any private time to take care of himself, so I figured the odds were decent. Surely he wasn’t jerking off in secret while washing without me knowing? He didn’t need my permission, of course, but if he relieved himself somewhere out of sight his morning erection might end up a little lackluster, and that worried me too. From the way he’d talked before, he seemed to hold it in until he absolutely couldn’t stand it anymore; I was dying to make the first move before that point arrived.
Mom never left the house overnight, so a certain amount of risk was unavoidable. Staying up all night or getting up before dawn to aim for the early hours was another option.
Creak. Whoosh!
Turning the doorknob itself was quiet, but the hinge screamed like a siren in the silent house and made me flinch for no reason. I realized then that in moments like this you had to move firmly—short and decisive. My heart hammered. After slipping into Song Hamin’s room I closed the door again, careful not to let it bang. To my ears the sound was almost a scream, yet Song Hamin never stirred.
Swapping bodies right then would have been nice, but erasing his resistance came first, so I approached slowly. I didn’t know whether he’d like it, but he was a man—how could he not? Actually I wasn’t confident at all. He claimed he liked a woman’s face and body, yet if this was a matter of personal taste the likes and dislikes could still split, and that thought left my lips burning dry.
The sun was beginning to rise, but it was still sleeping time. Even so, something under the blanket was asserting its presence with stiff insistence—standing watch alone while Song Hamin himself slept on.
I rustled the fabric, grabbed pants and underwear together, and tugged them down. Just a little lower was enough.
“Oh.”
A large cock came into view. I’d experienced this being my own body, yet seeing it from this angle felt brand-new. The unfamiliar sensation sent goosebumps racing over my skin. This had been inside me? I’d spent far more time as Song Hamin’s body, but I’d accepted my own body reasonably well too. And because I’d already lived through it in this form, even if it was hard to believe I had no choice but to believe it.
Doing it by hand felt too clumsy, and going lower meant I had no confidence I could keep the moans down. On top of that, fussing with a condom and all the rest would drag the preparations out and risk waking him.
“Hoo…”
I swallowed hard and lightly pulled my top upward. From the belly the undersides of my breasts appeared one after another. I unhooked the bra, pushed it up to rest above them, and slowly moved forward. Sliding between Song Hamin’s already-spread legs, I knelt and leaned in, lowering my body as far as it would go—almost as if I were bowing. Then I nestled his cock between my breasts.
There wasn’t any particular sexual thrill, yet once it was inside the sensation felt strange. Hot. Hard. Maybe it was simply the foreignness of having something lodged between my breasts. My body gave a little shiver, but I had no intention of stopping there; I cupped both sides and began to move them gently up and down. Song Hamin’s body twitched in response. While I rubbed I also pressed inward for extra stimulation. The thing trapped inside wriggled as if it were about to finish any second. I had no idea how long it would take, but I used that reaction as my gauge and rubbed for all I was worth.
“Kh… nngh?”
Song Hamin’s face scrunched. Whether it felt good or not, the climax arrived almost at once. Still half-asleep, he had no conscious will left to hold back the urge, so he came more weakly than I’d expected. At the same moment his eyes fluttered open.
“What the…?”
“Paizuri?”
I didn’t know the word well, but I was pretty sure that was it.
“Are you out of your mind?”
“I’m perfectly sane.”
“For real?”
At the look of pure disbelief I gave my breasts an extra hard shake for no good reason. Maybe because it had only been moments since he’d finished, he shuddered hard. Whether the last of the semen still in the urethra had been milked out as well, warmth spread thickly through the center of my chest.
“Ugh…”
Song Hamin, who had come before he even managed to sit up, looked down at me while breaking out in a cold sweat.
“I felt bad about leaving things unfinished last time, so this is repayment.”
I laughed, embarrassed—an awkward little hehe. It was hotter and thicker than I’d imagined; the valley between my breasts was already sticky. Song Hamin stared without a word, then bit his lip. But he never said he disliked it.
“Do you like it?”
“…Yeah.”
“Ah, really?”
I hadn’t expected him to admit it, so a little rush of pleasure went through me. What was with this guy who always said no and kept his distance? Had he freaked out thinking we were about to swap again, only to decide it felt good enough to accept? Well, he never really beat around the bush, so good was good.
“Want me to do it again?”
“…No, it’s fine.”
“But it’s still rock-hard.”
“I don’t want to burn energy first thing in the morning…”
For Song Hamin, who was making soft suffering noises, I kept rubbing a little longer. In the end that complaint got swallowed too and he fell silent. Maybe the sticky slide of semen-slicked breasts felt even better. I could roughly picture what the place where flesh met flesh between them looked like now—because the wet, hot, squelching sound of it seemed to fill my ears completely.
…If he likes this, does that mean things get a little better?
Will he stop being so wary and actually try?
Even while I rubbed diligently, my head stayed full of nothing but the single thought of recovering our relationship.