I Told You Not To
Everything was hazy. My head throbbed like it was about to split open, and my stomach churned with nausea.
I wanted nothing more than to empty my guts right then and there, but my body refused to cooperate, careening straight toward the absolute worst.
The chaotic dream I'd been having blurred every time my mind started to clear. By the time I finally opened my eyes, I'd forgotten all of it.
What hit me the moment I opened my eyes was how unbearably hot and humid it was for October—and how hard it was to breathe.
—And a position I would never sleep in, plus a foreign sensation driving between my legs.
"Wh-what the...!?"
I couldn't see a thing in the darkness, which only deepened my confusion.
An unidentifiable sensation filled my insides, and it hurt badly enough that tears pricked at my eyes.
Whether I'd been fine while asleep or not, the second I woke a cramp seized my abdomen. Instinct made me try to twist my hips, but something soft immediately smothered my face.
I can't breathe...!
I instinctively raised my hands to shove it away, but the force pinning me from both sides was stronger. Half-asleep as I was, and with how little strength I had right now, I couldn't overpower anyone.
On top of that, the pain stabbing up from below made it hard to put any real force behind anything.
"Hmph—mmph! Nngh!!"
A pain like something gouging out my insides. I wanted to clamp my legs shut, but the torso wedged between them held them open.
My knees knocked against each other until the pain and irritation boiled over at once, and in a fit of temper I drove a knee into the side of whatever was on top of me.
I could barely breathe, so I had to desperately gasp for oxygen whether or not I was drooling all over the pillow. I couldn't yank the pillow free with both arms, so I could only clutch at the arms pinning me down and thrash.
My lower back ached, and my pelvis felt twisted out of place—my body wouldn't move properly. Even when I tried to cry out in distress, the pillow smothered the sound so thoroughly I could barely make a voice.
The sensation of something thrusting deep inside.
The foreign feeling of being stretched open was on a completely different level from anything I'd felt before.
With a wet, obscene sound, the pain drove all the way in, and my waist locked up solid.
My lower abdomen clenched on its own, but not hard enough to push anything out.
"Kh—ngh, ugh...!"
It was already hot, and with heat flooding my face on top of being pinned under a pillow, I felt like I was dying.
And before that—it was humiliating.
I should have been able to win. The fact that I couldn't...
I was being driven into before my mind even had a chance to clear. So this is what that sensation felt like, I thought—and then it hurt so absurdly much that tears leaked out. That other day, everything had already been over by the time I woke up, so I hadn't felt a thing. This pain was incomparable.
"Kh—ugh!"
Every time I drove my knee into the side, the thrusts came harder. When I hit at the arms and raked with my nails, they simply pinned me down harder, crushing me under the pillow.
Being unable to use my hands or feet properly while only being pounded into—it was pure misery.
I could barely breathe, so desperately inflating my chest was all I could manage.
Every time I did anything, either a counterattack came or I was pinned completely still. It was pathetic beyond words.
Thud—every deep thrust inside jolted me further awake.
"Hngh—aaah!"
It felt like being hit in the guts. The pressure from the inside out affected even my lungs.
That was probably why I couldn't breathe properly. I couldn't even swallow my spit, drooling as I struggled to gulp down air.
I tried to twist my body, but with my arms pinned too, there was nothing I could do properly. Not many people could thrash violently in a situation like this.
Thud, thud. The impact sounds carried clearly even through the pillow.
Beyond numb, it was starting to sting.
Every time the pace picked up, my head shook from side to side.
I wanted to say this was wrong, this really wasn't okay—but nothing could get through.
All that came out was the muffled noise of me screaming into the pillow.
A jolt—my hips rocked hard, and I felt the sensation of something climaxing inside.
My body was dragged slightly upward. My floating hips only managed to settle back down with Song Haneul's movement.
My hands, finally freed after straining, clutched the pillow and clawed at it.
Only then did the crushing pillow get lifted away.
"Hah—huff, kh—hah, nngh, ah."
I had so much I wanted to say, but I was so out of breath and in so much pain that the words wouldn't come.
My head was spinning, thoughts refusing to line up, and the awkward position kept my breathing from steadying.
My heart hammered. My stomach turned. And through the disordered thoughts came a sound like something being violated.
A wet pop, then the snap of rubber being pulled taut.
It hurts. I feel like I'm going to die.
I feel like my head is going wrong.
I could feel something wrong with my body. Starting from the pelvis, everything felt misaligned, twisted out of place.
"Ah..."
I blinked blankly, my expression vacant.
As my blurred vision gradually adjusted to the dark and began to show me my surroundings, I couldn't bring myself to look down.
I just closed my eyes and focused on steadying my body.
I worked to catch my breath, trying to calm my racing heart even a little.
Is it over now? Thank god.
I wanted to curse at least, but I didn't have the strength. I'd forced myself sober from the alcohol, so there was no way I could do anything properly.
Besides, looking at how this was happening even after I'd already said everything that needed saying—this wasn't normal. I got the feeling Haneul would have done it no matter what.
The foreign sensation remained, but as the pain faded I could at least think.
Even through the dizziness, I could manage some kind of judgment.
But how to handle this situation...
W-wait?
"W-wait—"
"You're already awake, so I'm just gonna keep going."
"D-don't—aah! Ah, augh...!!"
It hadn't scraped, but the pain of something that had pulled out thrusting back in was beyond description.
This was nothing like the porn I'd used to enjoy whenever I felt a little horny. Something made for fantasy could never compare to reality.
The moment even a little of it entered, my mind went pure white.
Every muscle in my body tensed, and my locked-up form focused consciousness solely on that place inside.
Creak.
Did it go in a little? A lot?
No—it just hurts too much.
It hurt so badly now that I could barely believe it had been inside me just moments ago.
If I'd gotten used to it, maybe I could have just accepted it going back in. But no.
"It hurts...!"
I screamed like I was wringing the air from my throat.
"You already did it once...!"
"Y-you f—! Th-ugh!"
As the body drove in with a grinding push, my words cut off.
I clenched my fists and pounded on the upper body, but without any counter it simply crushed down on me.
"Aaaah!"
"Just stay still...! Tsk."
The sensation of being violated while crushed under my own body—it was horrific.
I hadn't even been hit anywhere, yet being pinned under that weight left me helpless. The state I was in was beyond words.
With our bodies pressed flush, I was driven even deeper and felt like I was going to die. Being forced to take those thrusts inside, a strange feeling began to build.
Something different from simple pain.
The forced stimulation of erogenous spots made my eyes squeeze shut.
Pressed so close for so long, I couldn't even hit properly anymore. I raked my nails down the back, but every time I did, the hips only snapped harder against me.
The sensation of being stabbed into over and over left me dazed. With the alcohol still not fully gone, the haze set in almost instantly.
"Kh—huff, please, it hurts, nngh, ah."
"Kh—ngh, hhk!"
"Augh, I said don't—do it...! Hngh, ugh."
Whether my voice wasn't getting through or not, the hips rocked on pure instinct.
Maybe because of the first round, even after a long time there was no sign of finishing.
My whole body creaked and groaned. It wouldn't even listen to me properly—it didn't feel like my body at all.
Crushing down on my chest while driving deep inside, leaving me gasping for breath.
The upper body rose briefly, then hands grabbed my chest and even pinched my nipples.
I could see the face looking down from above. That expression gradually came into focus.
Through narrowed eyes—my own face, scrunched up in a grimace.
It was a strange feeling, having to look at my own face when I wasn't even looking in a mirror.
How was I supposed to put this into words?
That I, who had been a man until just recently, had become this body and was being violated—did that even make sense?
Could I even believe that what was inside me was none other than Song Haneul?
If this was a dream, I wished I'd wake up.
I'd tell myself I'd just had a weird dream from the alcohol—that the reason I'd brought up that topic before drinking was because I'd actually been thinking these things all along—
"I'm coming—I'm gonna come..."
"Ah, aaah."
Even my voice was gone; only vacant sounds came out.
With my raw throat, even swallowing spit was an ordeal.
Song Haneul, who'd been slamming into me so violently, pulled his hips all the way back.
The semen that spurted out soaked my lower body and even splattered up onto my chest.
It wasn't a realistically huge amount, but the mere fact that that unpleasant, sticky fluid had touched my body left me with nothing but revulsion.
"...At least I didn't come inside."
I'd said not to do it.
Not coming inside didn't make it okay.
Even as my consciousness faded, a surge of emotion welled up.
Unable to hold back the overflowing feelings, I spat out a voice thick with resentment.
"I told you... not to..."
It hurts. It's weird.
Do all women live feeling sensations like this?
There wasn't a single good feeling in it. Once in a while the erogenous spots got jabbed in a way that produced a strange sensation, but it was hard to call that pleasure.
I just... really. All I'd learned was that when it's forced, a woman can't feel good at all.
"Ugh."
I'd been forced awake, but I didn't have the stamina to stay up.
Clutching my trembling arms and legs, I squeezed my eyes shut tight.