That's What I Should Be Saying
How long was this awkward atmosphere going to last?
At times like this, a little alcohol would have made it easier to open up and talk. The feeling of only one person being stripped bare was different from both of them standing naked together.
“Tried some booze yesterday and it wasn’t bad. You drink much?”
“Not really. Why would I drink something that just tastes bitter?”
“You drink for that nice tipsy buzz. If you hate the bitter stuff, there’s fruit soju. That stuff goes down easy.”
“I don’t think the drunk feeling is all that great… but maybe I’ll try one.”
She didn’t pull away or hesitate. Guess she was curious after all.
“Wonder if I’ve got any left at home.”
I rummaged through the fridge with a rustle. There was still some left from what I’d bought for a light drink during my last leave. Never got around to finishing it, so it had just sat there.
No proper soju glasses in the house, so I just poured it into paper cups. As long as we only sipped a little at a time, our pace wouldn’t completely fall apart.
My little sister gave me a slightly suspicious look, but her hand closed around the cup right away.
“Hmm, not bad.”
“Right? You’ve never had this kind before?”
“Nah, I’ve only ever had the bitter stuff. People said the fruit ones don’t taste real.”
A brief silence settled in. The drinks were supposed to cut the awkwardness, yet here we were.
I drained what was left in my cup and refilled it. Having a little buzz might make things better.
“When’s Mom getting back tomorrow?”
“Flying in tomorrow evening.”
“Where’d she go this time?”
“Closer this time. Singapore.”
It was still about a seven-hour flight, but compared to the constant trips to the US and Europe, it counted as close. Not that we ever knew when she’d actually come home once she left.
“You come home a lot while I was gone?”
“Not really.”
“Hmm. Another cup?”
“Gimme.”
She didn’t refuse—must have liked the taste. Even with a full stomach that kept her from touching the pizza, drinking was still doable, and the tipsy feeling set in fast.
“So why’d you take the leave of absence?”
“Like you said—no future in it.”
Even a slight tipsy haze made it easier to spill what was inside. The kind of slightly embarrassing stuff you wouldn’t bring up outright. We tossed the words out like there was some social agreement that these things only got said in moments like this.
“I just pushed myself a bit too hard. But I’m not planning to keep going down that road. Just… wondering why I even bothered. Figured since you were heading off to the military anyway, I’d treat the two years like a write-off and try something else.”
“What kind of something?”
“Writing. Figured I’d try getting into a broadcasting company as a writer.”
“From the way you’re talking, you’ve got talent at least.”
“You calling bullshit?”
“You’ve never written a thing and suddenly you’re gonna be a broadcast writer.”
I snickered, but it died quick. I wasn’t thick-skinned enough to keep laughing at the sour look on her face.
“I am writing, okay? Just wait till I make it.”
When I’d cracked the door open earlier, she’d been scribbling something. Was that it?
“Fine. When that day comes, I’ll grant you one wish.”
“Song Hamin, you little shit—you’re just saying it won’t happen in a roundabout way. You’re dead.”
She huffed, but didn’t seem truly angry; she just held out the empty paper cup again.
The soju bottle emptied in no time.
“Ugh, my head…”
One cup of soju and my head was already pounding—something had to be wrong. With friends I could knock back several bottles and only end up a little short of breath, but right now it felt like my skull was splitting. My body felt heavy on top of it. Was the pizza bad, or had my alcohol tolerance turned to garbage?
Maybe the leftover effects from drinking with the guys the day before. No—wait. Even so, it hadn’t been the same amount two nights in a row, and one extra bottle of fruit soju shouldn’t leave me like this. That made no sense.
“Nnngh…”
My stiff body barely obeyed. Even the muscles felt locked up, creaking like rusty hinges. Groaning, I finally managed to sit up—and a space that was both familiar and completely foreign filled my vision.
“Huh?”
The wallpaper, the things filling the room—all of it was strange. My eyes went wide at objects I’d never seen before. The incomprehensible situation and the shock blasted the fatigue clean away.
Even the blankets were unfamiliar. I started checking the room layout and every single item one by one. The moment I whipped my head around, long hair that had no business being there slapped against my shoulders with a soft thud-thud. Startled, I looked down—and the sight stole every word from my mouth.
“What the hell is this…?”
Someone else’s body. Hair hung down on either side of a chest that stuck out so far I could barely see my own feet. The muscle that used to cling to my arms and legs was gone without a trace, replaced by soft, bare forearms that left me reeling.
My wandering eyes finally landed on the full-length mirror in the corner of the room. At the end of the hurried steps I took stood a figure I never could have expected.
Speech failed me. The features, the hairstyle—even the voice—were all Song Haneul’s, the same person I’d been drinking with just last night.
I understood right away why my head hurt and why my body wouldn’t listen.
In a flustered grab I seized whatever objects were nearby. I’d rarely set foot in this room, and the years in the military meant nothing useful came to mind. Unless something had a name written on it, there was no way to tell if it belonged to Song Haneul.
Then the desk beside the bed caught my eye. The computer I’d glimpsed when I cracked the door open earlier looked familiar. With a sinking feeling I turned toward the door. When I opened it, everything was exactly as it had been.
“So right now… I’ve become Song Haneul…?”
I couldn’t tell dream from reality. The words I spat out in disbelief sounded wrong even to my own ears—more than one or two things off. I’d never imagined something like this could happen in real life, so accepting it wasn’t easy.
“WAAAAAAAH!!!”
“Ah—Jesus!”
A man’s scream made my heart lurch. But the reason I’d clawed back told me whose voice it was right away. From the moment I found myself in this room, only one answer had ever made sense.
“What the hell did you do to me!!”
The voice that rattled the whole house made me flinch. I hesitated over whether I should even open the door and go out—but I hadn’t done anything wrong, so I bolted out anyway.
I had nothing to feel guilty about.
At first I’d been shocked by the unfamiliar space, but the second I stepped into the living room I had no choice but to accept it.
“Song Haneul…?”
When I opened the door, there on the bed was “me,” clawing at my hair in an undignified mess. Since I was the one looking like this now, there was no need to wonder who was inside that body.
I already knew the answer, but I said it out loud just to confirm.
“What is this? What did you feed me?”
“…What the hell are you talking about, ‘fed you’? Look at me right now.”
“You think this makes any sense?”
“W-wait a second. There’s no way just eating something would do this. You think a little convenience-store soju turns us into this? Does that sound right to you?”
The only reason I could answer rationally was that the whole thing was so far removed from reality that my head had gone ice-cold. And since I hadn’t done anything wrong, there was zero reason for me to babble excuses.
But Song Haneul, drowning in confusion, was hunting for a cause. The mix of rage and irritation immediately painted me as the culprit. Clearly she thought the guy who’d casually offered the drinks had done something.
“Shit, then how do you explain this?”
Trembling hands demanded an explanation. Unfortunately I had nothing to give back. I didn’t know a single thing myself—how was I supposed to explain?
“We buy the same soju again and drink it… for starters. You’re the one who decided that was the cause too.”
“You must’ve slipped something in. You think just buying more and drinking it will fix this? Then half the world would be swapping bodies.”
The easy conversation from last night felt like a lie; the mood had turned vicious. We were both hunting for a culprit and coming up empty, and the gulf of conflict and misunderstanding only grew deeper.
“Just go buy it. We won’t know until we try.”
“This some kind of scam?”
Seeing that expression on my own face was terrifying. I’d only ever seen my face in mirrors; I never expected to face it this objectively. It was sharper than I’d realized.
Every time those fists clenched, the arm muscles flexed right along with them. It was a little threatening. She hadn’t even said she’d hit me, so why was I shrinking back on my own? Having to feel this way when I hadn’t done anything wrong just felt unfair.
I went to the convenience store and bought the exact same soju from last night. I hadn’t thrown the bottle away, so I was sure it was the same brand.
Song Haneul trailed after me the whole way, staring hard to make sure I wasn’t doctoring anything, then yanked out a mug and slammed it onto the table in irritation.
Without waiting for who would go first, we each poured half the bottle and chugged it down. The rest went in and got knocked back just as fast.
“Fix this. Now.”
I didn’t do it, damn it. I felt wronged, but repeating exactly what we’d done yesterday was what mattered. I believed without a doubt that figuring out the cause was the only way back.
Even if it meant the insane act of pouring half a bottle into a mug and downing it, I had to know.
Fruit soju was sweet. Nothing about the taste put me off. But this body didn’t seem to handle alcohol—my head started spinning almost immediately. The world swayed and my face twisted on its own.
“Nnngh… what did we even do after this…”
The memories were hazy. Had we just drunk and gone straight to sleep?
Song Haneul chewed her nails, looking anxious.
“Hey. Be honest. Did you do something to me while I was asleep?”
“I didn’t do anything…”
I clutched my throbbing head and slumped forward onto the table.
“Ah—Mom’s coming today! Just spit it out!”
“I don’t know…! I don’t know either!”
We just growled at each other, venting our frustration at the situation. Time crawled on until evening, and we never found a solution. Drinking and sleeping, tearing through my pockets and my room—nothing turned up a single clue.
Finally Song Haneul’s patience hit its limit; she ground her teeth.
“Don’t say anything weird in front of Mom. She’s only staying a few days anyway, so just keep quiet.”
She kept pinning it on me—couldn’t I suspect her right back? Did she think swapping into her body was a win for me and swapping into mine was pure loss for her? Was that why she was talking like this?
“That’s what I should be saying.”
I snapped back, irritation rising for no good reason.
But I hadn’t seen Mom in ages—how was I supposed to act? No, however I acted would feel natural enough… but how did “Song Haneul” usually act around her?
My head throbbed.
When the door-lock beeped, my mind went completely blank.