A Mushroom's Resolve

I am a Neungi mushroom.

My initial plan was to ignore the viewers entirely.

To adopt the mindset that even though I turned on the stream, I hadn't actually turned it on.

Since it was my first time, I'd just say a quick hello and play the game like I always did.

That was definitely what I intended to do at first.

No. But. Wait. The numbers were a bit weird.

Just before I was about to say hello, I caught sight of the viewer count—and it was unrealistically high!

The thought of that many people listening to my voice made my mind grind to a complete halt.

In that instant, my brain became a ship on the verge of sinking.

The captain in my head, wearing a grim expression, ordered me to abandon ship.

Before my sanity crumbled entirely, I had no choice but to use my ultimate move...

I wasn't sure if I should call this a relief.

My racing heart did calm down once the stream was off.

But deep down, I knew.

That staying like this wouldn't change a thing.

Because of that, my mind was far from at peace.

No matter how I sliced it, the fact remained that I had promised to stream today.

Saying "that's all for today" was an excuse I could only use after some time had actually passed.

The team had even promoted my first stream on social media, so I couldn't just pretend it never happened.

It was too late for regrets.

Last night, I had prayed desperately for time to stop, but God didn't listen.

As if He had no intention of making me a believer, I was forced to face a merciless today.

Fine. The milk is already spilled.

Let's gather my courage and headbutt my way through again.

My main role is a bruiser.

And one of the virtues of a bruiser is the courage to be disliked.

You have to know how to charge headfirst, even when you know it's going to be tough.

Taking a slow, deep breath, I pressed the start stream button once more.

In times like this, mind control is crucial.

There's no need to rush. No one is hurrying me.

I checked the stream settings multiple times before starting, so there shouldn't be any issues.

Honestly, saying hello isn't that hard, is it?

It's not like I have to dance or sing here.

I just need to say a few normal words of greeting and then play the game.

It might even be better to completely forget that I'm streaming.

Once I hide the interface and dive into combat, I'll stop thinking about it in no time.

I don't talk much normally anyway, so I won't get caught up in any weird controversies.

Yes. I can do this.

I can do this. I can overcome this trial.

I can easily pull this off...!

"U-Um... Ah, he-hello... H-He..."

I... cannot do this. I am a Neungi mushroom.

I am like mold that lives in dark, damp places.

All I can do is eat and sleep.

The first prime number greater than 1,000 is 1,009, and the next ones are 1,013, 1,019, 1,021...

I barely managed to pull my thoughts back as they spiraled into weird territory.

My brain felt overloaded, completely blank.

The chat window was scrolling.

And not just scrolling, but flying by at an incredible speed.

As expected, I didn't have the confidence to handle this barrage of question marks and attention.

Thank you, Jia-eonni.

I think now is the time to use my ultimate move.

My personal lobby, which used to feel like a sanctuary.

The system message announcing the end of the broadcast remained in front of my eyes, refusing to fade.

All I had to do was click the 'X' button in the top right corner, but for some reason, my hand wouldn't move.

Honestly, I just wanted to run away.

The words "I'm really sorry, but I can't do this after all" were rising to the tip of my tongue.

A strong urge to just hide away in my room again welled up inside me.

Yet, behind the translucent message, the streaming interface was still visible.

It kept catching my eye, as if telling me that it wasn't over yet.

If I shut down the game right now, I would be at peace.

I wouldn't have to do this stream that didn't suit me at all, nor would I have to suffer through grueling daily practice.

I could say goodbye forever to the workouts and everything else that had been making my life difficult.

...No. Would that really ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠be peaceful?

Of course not.

If I ran away, the people who had prepared so much for today would be in a terrible spot.

Everything I had called a "dream" would turn to dust.

My family, who were so happy to see me brightening up, would fall back into worry.

Ever since my body changed.

The things I had slowly begun to rebuild would crumble.

The Yu Nabi who had barely managed to stand up would fall once more.

If I turned the stream back on, I would have to step into that terrifying place again.

But that was... less scary than letting everything go to waste.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

"I-I'm sorry. I just needed a moment to... prepare myself. Just a second. Let me take a deep breath. Whew. Hoooo..."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

It was better not to see.

The human brain is surprisingly simple; if something is out of sight, it's easier to ignore, even if only a little.

Don't get too nervous.

The moment I lost my composure, a panic attack might hit.

If that happened, all the courage I had squeezed out would go to waste.

Gathering my resolve, I opened my eyes.

I repeatedly took deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

"T-There was a minor accident, but... today, I'll be playing solo queue. I'll start once I... calm down a bit more and feel okay."

It was better than I thought.

Better than the paranoia I knew was just overthinking.

Surprisingly, it wasn't bad.

The chat window, which I glanced at tentatively, was relatively tame.

Aside from the overwhelming number of comments about my chest, the level of discourse was tolerable.

But seriously, why do they like breasts so much?

If they actually had them, they'd know they're more of a hassle than anything.

Aside from being somewhat soft to the touch, there wasn't really any special advantage to them.

And the weight constantly making my shoulders ache was a definite downside.

I'd even tried touching them myself, but it didn't feel like anything special.

As my gaze unconsciously drifted downward, the chat stirred again.

Feeling strangely spiteful, I covered my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠chest with my hands.

"S-Shall we get started soon, then..."

"No. If you look too much..."

Huh?

Is that how it works?

Since the stream settings were currently set to track my point of view, they weren't entirely wrong.

It felt a bit strange.

Realizing I had said something silly, a small giggle escaped my lips.

"You're right. I... was the one showing you. I'm sorry."

I felt the tension drain out of me.

I wondered if I had been getting worked up over nothing.

Now that I had headbutted my way in, streaming didn't seem like such a big deal.

I didn't know why I had thought everyone was out to get me.

My trembling still hadn't stopped, and the lingering fear remained, but...

I felt like I could at least forget everything for a moment and just play the game.

Let's do it. I have to try now.

There are things in this world that you get used to once you just try them.

I pressed the button I thought my finger would never be able to click.

"I-I'll start with one game first. P-Please cheer for me. I look forward to playing with you..."