Soybean Paste Stew
To me, gaming is not a hobby.
Even though I was only a trainee, I was receiving a salary, so it wouldn't be an exaggeration to call it my livelihood.
In this day and age, it was rare to be able to say "gaming is my job" in a positive sense.
In short, gaming had become work rather than a hobby.
Since I loved this work, I suppose you could call me a workaholic of sorts.
Wake up, exercise for an hour or two, and go all-in on gaming for the rest of the day.
Aside from the time needed for basic biological functions, I spent my entire day playing games.
By any normal worker's standards, it was a harsh working environment—"murderous" didn't even begin to cover it.
Until now, this pattern hadn't been a problem.
Was it some kind of compensatory psychology for the time I spent bedridden?
I could tolerate keeping myself busy all day, but I couldn't stand doing nothing.
Lying in bed without a purpose made me feel like I had reverted to my past self.
Above all, my love for gaming was genuine.
My desire to game was strong enough to squeeze itself right in among the three basic human desires: appetite, sleep, and sex drive.
Since I had never really felt a sex drive anyway, maybe it could just take its place.
At any rate, it was now evening, and the twilight was slowly settling in.
For office workers, this was a blissful time to head home, but for me, it was usually nothing more than a brief window to refuel.
Normally, I would have dove right back into the game the moment I finished dinner.
But today, I had reached my limit.
"I'm exhausted..."
Returning to reality, I immediately collapsed onto my bed.
I buried my face in the fluffy pillow and burrowed under the covers.
Right now, I didn't want to do anything.
I finally understood why people said it was dangerous outside the blankets.
This tiny sanctuary was exactly where I belonged.
Just running solo queues didn't drain me like this.
But once I was fully thrown into scrims, the drain on my concentration became severe.
It was a competitive environment where not a single opponent was easy.
Even when I fought with every nerve on edge, the games didn't resolve easily.
After a scrim ended, it felt like my overheated brain was turning to mush.
And yet, as soon as the scrims were over, the coaches' feedback would begin, followed by separate individual assignments.
On days without scrims, just completing these individual tasks was overwhelming.
Especially the tasks assigned by Hero—every single one of them was incredibly demanding.
Oh, you want to know what happens when you complete an individual assignment?
Don't you know?
The next scrim begins.
How long had I been lying there?
Knock, knock, knock. Someone tapped on my door.
"Come in..."
"Oh, you're out of the capsule? Are you done for the day?"
"I just logged off. I'm going to rest a bit today."
I was truly exhausted today.
If I played any more, my brain might actually melt.
"Is there anything you want for dinner?"
"Dinner? Um... can I choose anything?"
"I'll make whatever you want."
Normally, I just ate whatever was put in front of me without a word.
Perhaps because I had logged off early, I was given the right to choose the menu.
Though, now that I was asked to choose, nothing immediately came to mind.
Still, if I had to squeeze my brain for something...
"Doenjang-jjigae. I want it a little spicy."
"We just had that a few days ago."
"Still... I want to eat it today."
"Alright. I'll make it quickly, so just wait a bit."
My mom's cooking is generally excellent, but my absolute favorite is her doenjang-jjigae.
A Korean's soul food.
While it was a dish that naturally paired well with any side dish, there was another reason why I was particularly fond of it.
It was the last home-cooked meal I had before I was hospitalized.
Come to think of it, once upon a time...
I had made a wish like this.
"M-Mom."
"Yes?"
"Could you... teach me how to cook too?"
"Do you happen to like someone?"
"I-It's not like that!"
"When you get a boyfriend later, you have to tell Mom, okay?"
"I told you to stop saying things like that..."
"Mom needs to see if he's a good person or not. What if some bad guy sweeps our Nabi off her feet?"
"Ugh..."
I really wished she wouldn't tease me like this.
In society, my mom was definitely a sharp, professional career woman.
Why did she turn into a typical K-drama ajumma the moment she stepped inside the house?
Her sly, teasing smile was almost annoying.
Thanks to that, I felt like I was losing my mind before we even properly started cooking.
Do all women change like that when they become mothers?
Come to think of it, I was in a female body now.
Does that mean I'll become a mother someday and say things like that to my own daughter...?
My mind momentarily went blank at the thought.
No. Let's not think about this topic any further.
"So, what brought this on? Why did you suddenly want to learn how to cook?"
"Well, I just wanted to have a hobby."
"Oh my. Our Nabi is all ready to be a bride. You could get married right away if you just find a decent guy."
"Please... stop."
I really just wanted to try something new.
But as I had said in my excuse, having cooking as a hobby didn't seem like a bad idea.
Since my parents had always taken care of me when I was sick, it would be nice to treat them to a meal once in a while.
Even though she teased me, Mom taught me diligently.
We started simple, with how to wash rice and vegetables.
I also learned how to use a knife properly and memorized the doenjang-jjigae recipe by heart.
I hadn't realized it when I was just eating it, but there were far more ingredients than I expected.
Above all, it took a lot of effort.
Had my mom gone through all this trouble every single day, even while working during the day?
A sudden wave of guilt washed over me.
Mom grinned as she tasted my stew.
"The seasoning is just right. You're better at this than I thought."
"Really...? You don't have to flatter me. Isn't it a bit salty?"
"No, you did great. We're going to add the other ingredients soon, so this is the perfect level of saltiness for now."
"Ah, I see. Because the tofu has water in it too."
I guess experience matters even in things like this.
Following Mom's guidance to finish boiling the stew, it tasted exactly like the one I always ate.
The taste I loved. The very taste I had desperately wished to experience just once more.
Was it because I was doing something out of character?
Today felt just like a dream.
All humans die.
So, it wouldn't be wrong to say that everyone begins dying the moment they are born.
Since the end of every life is destined to be death, the value of life must surely depend on how one spends the journey leading up to it.
But back when I was a boy, I was no different from a living corpse.
Did those days, spent merely dying, hold any value as a life?
Back then, I couldn't find the answer.
"My daughter, things seem to be going well for you lately, huh?"
"Huh? Yeah. Well, I guess so."
"I'm so relieved that things are working out. Your personality has gotten a lot brighter than before, too."
"Has it?"
"You'd be shocked if you knew how you used to be."
"Hmm..."
But not anymore.
Since becoming Yu Nabi, I have been living a dream-like existence.
Despite my personality, people have approached me, and I am steadily becoming a professional gamer.
The things I only imagined in my hospital bed have actually become reality.
There was no such thing as a worthless life.
The dreams I had even while knowing they were impossible. The trivial wishes, like wanting to eat doenjang-jjigae.
I am moving forward, fulfilling those past wishes one by one.
Those difficult, dark times are what support the current me.
The Yu Nabi in my memories was the same.
I can still recall the wounds she suffered.
It was heartbreakingly painful, agonizing enough to make one want to sink into the abyss.
Yet, deep down in her heart, she had hidden away the desire to dream again.
It is probably thanks to that that I can run forward with all my might.
Lately, I've started wanting to play the piano again, little by little.
Right now, I'm too busy with my trainee life to have any spare time, but I plan to try it again slowly.
If I recall the memories bit by bit, I should be able to recover my rusted senses in no time.
"Hey, Mom."
"Yeah?"
"Have I... changed a lot?"
"You've changed beyond recognition."
But there was just one thing.
One thing I couldn't be sure of.
Right now, my identity as Yu Garam is clearly stronger.
Even if it hadn't been for me, Yu Nabi might have stood up again and nurtured her dream of becoming a pianist.
Perhaps I had stolen Yu Nabi's body and dreams.
And maybe I was just comforting myself, claiming it was for the best for both of us.
Had my mom... had her only daughter stolen from her by me?
"You know the day I called you to ask for a gaming console? Compared to before that... and now. Which version of me do you like better, Mom?"
"Well, I'm not really sure."
Ah, I shouldn't have.
I had told myself so many times not to ask this kind of question.
Why couldn't I hold it in, even when I knew any answer would hurt?
"Mom will always love our daughter the most. So I don't really know about liking one version more than the other."
I pretended to stir the doenjang-jjigae for no reason.
I swirled the ladle around and around.
The brief silence couldn't have felt any heavier.
"If Nabi does well, I'll congratulate her. If she falls, I'll comfort her."
"..."
"So wipe those tears. Why are you suddenly crying? Go wash your face in the bathroom."
"Okay."