A Confession That Cracks the Shell
The voice that tickled the edge of my ear stopped my legs dead in their tracks.
What did she mean by that?
It took me a moment to even parse the sentence.
But soon my legs were moving again.
“I thought it was just a joke… the same line you used when you asked me to be your fake boyfriend at the start of the semester.”
She’d always loved playing pranks, and so had I back then. The memory hit me like a quiet punch.
Why do you keep doing this to me?
After a short silence, Yeonhee’s voice drifted from behind me again, softer this time, carrying a hint of vulnerability.
“If it wasn’t a joke… then?”
……
I had no words left.
No thoughts came to me at all.
Maybe I really had hit my head hard enough to black out on the bus. I’d promised myself I’d just endure until the end of the semester. But how had I ended up like this? I couldn’t understand it, no matter how hard I tried.
……Why?
“Huh…?”
……Why do you like me?
She was someone who had done so much for me, yet I had given her nothing in return. Where on earth was I worthy of her love? It was absurdly ironic.
Yeonhee didn’t hesitate for even a second.
“I like the guy with the bangs who’s sometimes hidden. I like the way you pretend to ignore things and actually take care of me. I like how warm and big your hands feel when you hold mine. I like how you’re a little silly but try so hard anyway.”
“Wait a second…!”
The words poured out like a rap, leaving my mind spinning.
“And… I like your kindness.”
……
Her voice was sincere. It reached me, but I couldn’t let myself feel the same.
Even admitting you like someone is already shameless. How could I possibly say I like her back?
I was just a heavy burden to her.
“It’s fine. If you’re here, I can become light again anytime.”
I knew I’d regret this later.
“That’s not for you to decide. And I’ll never regret it.”
I had nothing to give you in return.
“Then promise to stay by my side from now on.”
Stop… please stop being so kind… if you keep it up I’ll end up imagining things… please don’t make me miserable.
“You can imagine whatever you want. I won’t make you miserable.”
The words lit a spark in the dry wood of my heart, but the thought that brushed against it put the fire out again.
If I told her I liked her now… I might really be happy.
But my life, and the future I wasn’t sure I could even face, stood in the way like shackles.
I didn’t even know what I’d be doing after high school.
I might have to work part-time just to stretch each day.
She deserved someone better. Wouldn’t I just ruin everything if I stayed?
Die alone. Don’t drag a kind girl down with you like a ghost.
My mouth wouldn’t even form those words.
While I was still lost in thought, Yeonhee’s arm tightened around my shoulder.
“Juyeong-ah….”
“Hm….”
“Tell me honestly.”
……
I could feel her heartbeat, steady and strong against my back.
How much courage it must have taken for her to say it?
Relationships ended every day when people couldn’t say “I like you.” But she had the ability to say exactly what she thought, without any pretense.
Unlike me, who had always run from everyone’s eyes.
……Will you really be okay with me?
“There’s no one else I want.”
She’d said it all this way. Was it really okay to turn her down?
It wasn’t okay at all.
If I ran now, would I regret it for the rest of my life?
Would I just add another trauma to the ones I already carried?
I knew perfectly well that what I was about to say wasn’t the best way to do this.
But I owed her this much courage.
“I like you too.”
My heart.
***
What exactly does it take to confess?
A fancy restaurant with candlelight and a heart-shaped setup?
A surprise event with pre-written cheesy lines?
None of it mattered to me right now. Still, it was okay.
“Really…?”
“Really.”
“For real…?”
“For real.”
“Not just because you want to spread the rumor across the whole school…?”
“Exactly.”
She was full of worry and doubt. How had she mustered the courage for this?
……Why?
“Why do you ask?”
“No… I mean, what’s the real reason?”
Do I really need some grand reason just because I like her?
I could list the reasons one by one, like she had earlier. But the thought of hearing myself talk made me hesitate. I’d rather let her keep going.
“Can you say it one more time?”
“What?”
“The words from before.”
“……Again?”
“Can’t you…?”
Her voice was so small and hopeful that no guy in the world could possibly refuse.
“……I like you.”
I’d said it, but the embarrassment hit me later.
Who on earth came up with these ridiculous lines?
“Waaaah…!”
“Hey…! Be careful!”
Yeonhee, completely unfazed, kept swinging her legs like a maniac, which made me panic about whether I’d actually fall.
“But!”
“I know, just calm down a little.”
I managed to calm her down and asked the question I’d been dying to ask.
“If I hadn’t answered your question honestly, why did you still wish for it?”
“That would’ve been a broken promise.”
“What if it had happened?”
“I’d have cried.”
A ridiculously cheap answer. I couldn’t help laughing.
“Ah! Why are you laughing!”
“Ouch, ouch, it hurts.”
She was patting my back in protest, but it didn’t actually hurt much. I just played it off as being dramatic.
“I don’t know… I hate you.”
I’d only heard the good part minutes ago, and now she was saying she hated me?
***
I gently set Yeonhee down in front of her apartment door.
“Be careful.”
“Yeah.”
“Today was fun. See you next week.”
……
“Why the long face?”
I was about to turn and head home when she suddenly went quiet. I glanced back just as she opened her mouth again.
“Um… could you give me one more Wish Ticket?”
She’d been dragging it out, then dropped the full greedy line without warning.
“That’s a bit too greedy, isn’t it…?”
“Just one. Please?”
“Haa… fine.”
What was there for me to refuse? Watching her light up at something so small was worth giving up the whole thing.
“Then I’m using it right now!”
……?
I hadn’t even thought of that.
She waited for me to ask what she wished for, but her mouth stayed shut. Instead she suddenly held her arms out.
“Did you… really wish for this?”
She nodded eagerly, but words were embarrassing, and walking was still too hard, so she just stood there with her arms open. The pose was unbearably cute.
Her sparkling eyes looked straight at me, taking in every detail.
I stepped forward, wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her into a tight hug.
The height difference, the thin waist I could feel under my hands, the warmth of her body against mine, the faint scent of shampoo in the air.
I felt every sensation as if it were the last time. Then she hugged me back with all her strength.
“It’s done, right?”
“Yeah… thank you.”
“Go inside now. Just don’t trip and fall on the way.”
“If I fall, you’ll carry me again, right?”
I gave her a playful smack on the butt while she teased me with a silly grin.
“Ouch!”
“Stop saying stupid things. I can carry you anytime you’re not even hurt.”
“Uuu… a boyfriend who hits his girlfriend?”
I rubbed the spot I’d “hit” gently and puffed out my cheeks. She looked like she was about to keep teasing, so I reached up and ruffled her hair instead.
“Hehe….”
She really was just like a puppy.
“Now go inside and rest. Check your ankle too.”
“Yeah. I’ll call you later~”
Only after I watched her open the door and go inside did I turn toward my own apartment.
The warmth still clinging to my body felt like it was scolding me to remember: don’t forget about her.
***
“I’m home~ ♬”
Even though the feeling in my chest was soaring, I couldn’t help humming as I walked, letting the pain fade for a moment.
“Our daughter’s back?”
“Dad. I’m home.”
I was sitting by the door, slowly taking off my shoes when my mom came out from the living room.
“Why are you taking your shoes off like that?”
“I twisted my ankle when I got off the bus earlier.”
“What?! Yeobo, what do we do?! Is there even an orthopedic clinic open right now?”
“Calm down. There’s no way it’s open now. Yeonhee’s mom is coming to help. Come sit on the couch, sweetie.”
“Okay~”
While I fussed in the background, my mom helped me onto the living-room sofa and started checking my ankle.
“No swelling. Good.”
The heat on my ankle felt warm, but the swelling hadn’t appeared. Mom pulled out an ice pack from the freezer and wrapped it in a towel.
“Put this on it until the ice pack is ready.”
“Okay~”
“Look at you, all cheerful after injuring yourself.”
“Hehe.”
Now it was safe to smile. He was really here, right next to me.
“Did something good happen today?”
Mom had been through this once before. She knew exactly why I was glowing.
“Yeah… a really good thing happened.”
“Oh? Tell me later when you’re feeling better. Go shower first and rest.”
“Okay~”
I slowly stood, limped to the bathroom, and let the warm water wash everything away.
It was a little sad that the warmth was leaving my body, but I didn’t mind. I could feel it again whenever I wanted.
After showering and changing into pajamas, I collapsed onto the bed.
I thought about picking up my phone and calling her, or sending a text, but before I could decide, she messaged first.
She’d been right there with me minutes ago and was still worried. I smiled.
“Hehe….”
It was nice.
“Good thinking.”
She typed again.
“……Sorry. I have something I need to do tomorrow.”
Do I have to do something?
The question was on the tip of my tongue, but the disappointment that I couldn’t go with her was bigger, so I let it drop.
—
I stared at our chat, planted a kiss on the screen, and waited impatiently for next week.
***
Back at my apartment, something was changing.
— Male Hairstyle Categories
I don’t know what’s going on…