Amusement Park Date (4)
"Mom!"
Juho sprinted forward with his arms thrown wide, rushing to greet his mother with unrestrained joy.
Thank goodness we found his parents.
That thought vanished the instant I turned around. More precisely, my mind filled with so much static I couldn't think at all — like noise flooding my head.
"Thank you so much for looking after our Juho, kids. Juho, you should say thank you too."
"Thanks, noona! Thanks, hyung!"
The woman and Juho both turned to us with their thanks.
"Oh, it was nothing. We just did what anyone would have."
And Yeonhee answering. A wholesome little scene — a lost child found, gratitude offered, everyone smiling.
"We'll be going, then. Juho, say goodbye."
"Buh-bye~"
"That's right. Juho, don't let go of Mommy's hand this time~"
Juho turned back to wave, his mother's hand held tight in his. Yeonhee watched him grow smaller in the distance, a warm, contented smile on her face.
Yeah. It was wholesome.
If I hadn't been the one standing here.
A bad memory surfaced without warning. It felt as though the nightmare I so often had was coming true.
"Hah... hah..."
My breathing grew ragged. My stomach lurched. Yeonhee must have seen me like that, because she came running toward me in a panic.
"Juyeong, what's wrong?!"
I slowly steadied my breathing and managed to get the words out.
"Hah... I-I'm fine..."
"Let's get you to a bench nearby first."
Yeonhee grabbed my trembling hand and led me to a bench close by. I barely made it there on shaking legs. Once I sat down, she asked with a face full of worry.
"Are you okay?"
"...Yeah."
Honestly, I didn't even know what I'd just said. That person's face had simply filled my entire head and wouldn't stop tormenting me.
"Juyeong... can you tell me what's going on...?"
"......"
Yeonhee asked carefully. I wouldn't be able to brush this off this time. My mouth wouldn't open easily, but my reaction had been too extreme to stay silent.
If I told her, how would she react?
I sat in silence for a while, then steeled myself and slowly began to speak.
Up close, Juyeong's face was nothing I could even pretend looked all right. His pupils shook as if an earthquake were going off behind them, and sweat poured down his entire face like rain — a portrait of how much he was suffering right now.
I was still staring at him when he suddenly steadied his breathing and said he was fine. He didn't look fine in the slightest, so I decided to get him somewhere he could sit first.
"Let's get you to a bench nearby first."
I led Juyeong — who looked like he could barely walk — over to the bench we'd already owed so much to today, and sat him down. After a little while of resting there, he seemed to have calmed, at least a bit.
"Juyeong... can you tell me what's going on...?"
Before, I might have let it go without asking. Not anymore. I wanted to know why the person I liked was hurting this much. If it was something I could help with, I wanted to help. If it wasn't, I wanted to hold him together so he could stand back up on his own — the way he had done for me.
Juyeong was silent for a long time. Then, as if he'd finally gathered himself, he slowly began to speak.
"...Okay. I'll tell you."
I sat up straight, ready to listen.
"Do you remember the person who came to take Juho?"
"Ah. Juho's mother?"
"Juho's mother... that's not wrong. She used to be my mother, too."
"...What are you talking about?"
When I looked at him, not quite understanding, he started explaining it one piece at a time.
"I was adopted."
"......"
From the very first sentence, I had a bad feeling. Juyeong kept going anyway.
"I was told I'd been left in front of an orphanage as a baby."
"I hadn't been there long when a couple came and adopted me."
"They thought they were infertile, so they adopted a child."
"Except they weren't infertile after all."
What followed was bleak from start to finish.
"The wife suddenly got pregnant, and just like that, they didn't need the kid they'd adopted anymore."
"And around the time I started middle school, I got thrown out of the apartment like trash. That's the sad story, anyway."
He spoke as if it were nothing. But it looked so forced — so desperately hidden — that it was heartbreaking.
"Then that woman just now..."
"It's what you're thinking. Not that she even recognizes my face anymore."
I'd known there was something. I hadn't imagined it was this.
So that's why he always shied away whenever family came up...
What was I even supposed to say? I was still turning that over when Juyeong suddenly asked a question of his own.
"So? What's the verdict? Feel sorry for me now?"
Why was it that his tone sounded so indifferent, and yet the expression he was trying to hide his sadness behind — that bitter little smile, like this wasn't even the first or second time — looked so unbearably exhausted to me?
By the time I came back to myself, I had already reached out, drawn his face in, and pulled him against my chest.
"...What are you doing?"
A muffled voice came from against me, but I didn't answer. I just held the head in my arms and slowly stroked his hair.
Getting it all off my chest left me a little lighter. Separate from that, though, I couldn't stop worrying about what she was thinking right now. Would she look at me the way everyone else did — with nothing but pity? That was what I was afraid of.
So I'd always hidden it. But after what had just happened, I couldn't hide it anymore, and I'd told her everything — and Yeonhee had suddenly reached for me.
A moment later, something soft closed around my head. I froze, not understanding what had just happened, but she paid that no mind and simply kept stroking my hair.
A voice endlessly gentle, endlessly kind. I wanted to ask her what she meant, but the feeling welling up in my throat wouldn't let a single word out. And so, embarrassment forgotten, I stayed buried against her chest for a long time.
"Feeling a little calmer now?"
"...Yeah."
A long while later, my shame had hit its absolute peak, and I couldn't even look Yeonhee in the face. At my age, clinging to a classmate like that for that long... mortifying didn't begin to cover it.
"How do you feel right now?"
"...I want to die."
I'd meant I wanted to die of embarrassment. Yeonhee seemed to take it differently, because her expression turned completely serious as she scolded me.
"Don't say things like that..."
Had she actually thought I was going to kill myself? I'd like to think I'd lived pretty decently, all things considered — never gone off the rails even when things were hard. Or maybe I was giving myself too much credit.
"A while back, you asked me why I went so far for you."
"Ah... the stalker thing?"
"Yeah."
"What about it?"
"This time I'm asking you. Why are you going this far for me?"
It wasn't idle curiosity. I genuinely wanted to know. To her, I was supposed to be nothing more than a tool. Saying it like that felt a little strange, but wasn't that what our relationship was?
Would she give me the same excuse I'd given her back then? Or a different one?
Yeonhee hummed in thought for a moment, then opened her mouth.
"It's a se.cret."
"What?"
"It's a secret~."
She said it with a sly little smile, a finger pressed to her lips, looking unfairly charming. The answer was so far from anything I'd imagined that I lost the ability to speak.
Yeonhee, apparently done with the subject, started changing it herself.
"So what do you want to do now? Should we just head back?"
"...Can we ride one last thing?"
"Yeah? What do you want to ride?"
I pointed at the Ferris Wheel in the distance. It wasn't that I'd always liked them, or that I'd been dying to ride one. I just suddenly wanted to. If someone asked me why, I wouldn't have an answer. Maybe this was what it felt like to follow your heart.
"Come on. Let's go."
She stood first and held out her hand. I took it, and together we walked toward the Ferris Wheel. We waited in line for a bit, watching the cars come to a stop, then climbed on together.
A little later, the Ferris Wheel began its slow climb. The car we were in stopped at the very top.
Night had settled over the amusement park, and bright lights spilled across every corner of it, filling our eyes.
"Wow... it's so pretty..."
The wonder in the voice beside me pulled my head around on its own. Yeonhee was looking out through the glass, taking in the view beyond. She seemed to shine brighter than any of the lights illuminating the night sky, and my gaze drifted to her before I even realized it.
What are you thinking right now? Are you going to pity me like everyone else, say you'll help, and then leave?
Her voice, soothing me, was still ringing through my head. The hand that had stroked my hair — a touch I'd never felt from anyone before — had felt so good. I knew it was a foolish hope, and still, some small part of me couldn't help expecting. Because the kindness she'd shown someone who had nothing to do with her — that first real warmth I'd ever been given — had been so impossibly warm.
"Don't you think so too?"
I'd been lost in my own thoughts, and the question from in front of me snapped me back.
"...Yeah."
I hadn't even tried to look outside. I'd just been staring at Yeonhee the whole time, and only looked away when the Ferris Wheel started moving again.
"Ah... what a shame..."
That brief stop at the top hadn't been enough for her. The disappointment in her voice was thick. I don't know why, but the sight of her looking so reluctant made my mouth move on its own.
"...We can just come again."
"Huh? Really?"
"Yeah."
I didn't know if this arrangement would still be going by then. But even as friends, we could come together. That much, at least.
Right after we got off the Ferris Wheel, we decided to head home before it got too late. On the subway back, Yeonhee sat beside me, her head bobbing as she dozed off.
She must be exhausted.
Which probably meant she'd had that much fun.
Her head kept dipping, and when I saw her about to topple the other way, I quickly pulled her toward me and let her rest against my shoulder. She seemed a little more comfortable after that. A silly little smile spread across her face.
"Hehe..."
That foolish little laugh pulled a snort out of me. I watched her for a while, and before long I closed my eyes too.
Although... I feel like I'm forgetting something...