Chapter 16
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 16
With her reputation as a troublemaker firmly established, no one would fault John for washing his hands of her guardianship.
‘Did he plan for this, too? Was that why he pinned Bella’s actions on me?’
She felt utterly played.
Harriet looked around, her breath coming in ragged gasps of disbelief and indignation. She threw the gold pieces she had been clutching onto the bed and stormed out of the room.
She headed straight for the chapel.
The days had grown shorter, and candles were already flickering inside the sanctuary, but no one was there to pray. At this hour, the others were likely resting in their quarters.
Harriet rushed inside. At the sight of the holy statue, her pace slowed, her chest heaving as she advanced step by step.
“What… what did I do so wrong?”
Her footsteps echoed against the stone floor.
“Was taking my parents not enough? Did You still have more despair left to give me?”
Step by step, she drew closer.
“This is too much. If You say suicide is a sin, then at least give me a reason to live!”
Before she knew it, she was standing before the altar.
The statue of Yawar looked down at her with a benevolent smile. Tears streamed down Harriet’s face. That wooden smile filled her with such sudden, fierce resentment that she wanted to reach out and strike it.
“What should I do? What am I supposed to do? Don’t just smile—say something!”
The words burst from her in a fit of helpless rage.
Harriet collapsed onto the floor and sobbed.
She wanted to hate her uncle, but he had no legal obligation to raise his niece like a daughter. As he had said himself, she should have been grateful he had looked after her until she reached adulthood.
So, was it my fault for trusting him?
‘But what else could I have done? I had no power!’
In the end, there was no one left to resent but God.
Just as Harriet was losing herself to the surging waves of emotion, a stern voice rang out from behind her.
“What is this commotion? How dare you make such a racket in a sacred chapel!”
Normally, Harriet would have sprung to her feet and clasped her hands respectfully at the sound of Catherine’s voice, but she was past the point of reason. Instead, the sight of a familiar face only brought a fresh wave of sorrow.
“Mother Superior! Mother Superiooor! Uwaaaah!”
“Sister Harriet?”
Catherine had heard the wailing while passing by and assumed something terrible had happened to one of the sisters. Upon realizing it was Harriet, her expression grew even more grave.
“Calm yourself first. Crying like this won't solve a thing.”
“H-h-hoo… h-hoo… what do I do? What am I supposed to do…?”
“Get up. Sitting on the cold floor is bad for your health.”
Catherine soothed Harriet, who was weeping as if her very soul had departed her body, and managed to guide her to a pew. She sat beside her, patting Harriet’s back and waiting for the storm to pass.
After a long time spent hiccuping and gasping for air, Harriet finally stopped crying, though she continued to stare blankly into the empty air.
Catherine took Harriet’s hand.
“Tell me what happened.”
Even then, the Mother Superior believed the worst possible news was that Harriet might have to stay at the convent for another year. However, the words that tumbled out of Harriet’s mouth were utterly shocking.
“What? Your guardianship has been terminated? That means…”
“Even if I leave this place next June, I have nowhere to go. I have no relatives I’ve kept in touch with, no friends. I don’t even have any money.”
“He cut you off so suddenly? Without an introduction to a new household or even a small inheritance?”
Indeed, if he were the kind of man to do those things, he wouldn't have abandoned her in a convent only to sever ties later. Catherine immediately understood John’s true intentions.
‘He means to force her into the sisterhood so she can never leave.’
With nowhere else to turn, the convent was Harriet’s only refuge. And the convent, in turn, would never be able to turn away a girl in such a pitiful state.
“How utterly despicable.”
The curse slipped out of Catherine’s mouth before she could stop it.
Harriet began to weep again.
“My life is over. There’s nothing left for me but to die.”
“What are you saying? Die?”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be a nun. To be honest, I’m not even devout. It would be better to… just sell those gold pieces, pay for my own funeral, and end it all…”
“Harriet Listerwell! Get a grip!”
Catherine snapped. Her voice was laced with a sharp anger Harriet had never heard before—it was enough to make her tears dry up instantly.
“Are you truly so incompetent that you can do nothing without your uncle? To entrust your entire life to the whims of others—how can you be so irresponsible!”
“But… what can I do?”
“Anything! But before that, you must think clearly about what kind of life you actually want to live. The future you left in your uncle’s hands was nothing but a vague dream, wasn't it?”
Harriet couldn't find an answer.
Marrying a ‘decent man’ and living a ‘moderately peaceful’ life—that was the extent of her vision. It was hard to deny that every word of that future had been hollow and ill-defined.
Catherine firmly grasped Harriet’s shoulders, looking directly at the girl who seemed to be in a state of delayed shock.
“Envision the life you want in detail. Then, recall every connection you have and every ability you possess, no matter how small. If there is even a slight possibility of success, you must cling to it.”
“People will point their fingers at me. They’ll call me pathetic.”
“Are you, someone who was just preparing for death, truly afraid of such trivialities?”
Catherine’s steady gaze held Harriet’s wavering eyes.
“You must forge your own path. Fortune only follows those who move.”
* * *
That night, Harriet couldn't sleep.
Thoughts raced through her mind as if a horde of dwarves were brawling inside her skull.
The first thing she realized was that she had been avoiding any deep thought about her future. She had vaguely assumed things would just work out, that she would live like everyone else. Looking back, she had been incredibly naive and woefully unprepared.
“You must think clearly about what kind of life you actually want to live.”
Catherine’s voice spurred her on.
For the first time, Harriet analyzed herself—her true desires, unburdened by the expectations of others.
She had desperately wished for marriage before, but she had never actually imagined building a happy family.
‘I just wanted to escape my uncle’s house and live freely.’
Though, thinking about it now, she wondered if she could have ever been truly free by using marriage as an escape hatch.
‘What do I need to gain the freedom I crave?’
The answer didn't require much thought.
In this era, where factories hummed and iron horses thundered across the rails, there was one thing more potent than honor—something that could bend even power to its will.
Money.
But for Harriet, who had nothing, earning money in commoner society would be impossible. If a woman who clearly looked like an aristocrat were to wander the streets seeking work, she would be seen as nothing more than easy prey, perfect to be sold off to the highest bidder.
Therefore, she had to find a way to earn money within the aristocratic society she understood.
‘To do that, I need to find another guardian.’
The problem was that she hadn't met any relatives other than her uncle’s family since she was twelve. Who would welcome a girl who suddenly contacted them after all this time, begging for guardianship? Especially when her reputation had hit rock bottom.
‘The fact that I have no particular talent for earning money is also a problem.’
She sighed.
This fruitless deliberation continued for several days. In the meantime, other nuns and monks who had learned of her situation came to offer comfort, asking if she would consider staying at the convent permanently.
For a moment, she thought that living as a nun among such kind people wouldn't be so bad.
However, a certain visitor’s arrival made Harriet discard that thought instantly.
* * *
“I beg your pardon? Who did you say you were?”
“Alfonso Billay. I hold a barony, but my family isn't particularly prominent, so you likely haven't heard of us.”
An elderly gentleman she had never seen before had come to the convent to see her. He looked to be in his early seventies. For a man of his age to travel four hours by carriage, his business must have been of the utmost importance.
“I apologize, but I don’t recall ever meeting you, sir. Are you perhaps an acquaintance of my grandparents?”
“Not exactly… I’ve come regarding a matter concerning your parents, Lady Listerwell.”
Harriet’s eyes widened. It had been a very long time since anyone had brought up her parents.
“Regarding my parents? What is it…?”
When Harriet asked, Alfonso Billay hesitated for a long time. His expression was that of a man who had reached a difficult, final decision.
“I heard that Viscount Listerwell has terminated his guardianship over you, Miss Harriet.”