Chapter 467: Reversed Roles
Chapter 467: Reversed Roles
To get straight to the point, our plan worked out pretty well.
Sara would first detect the penguins from a distance, and I would approach using assassination skills.
I’d take one out with a strike to a vital point, then immediately activate Holy Ground Proclamation.
In that time, Sara would take out another one. While I blocked the remaining penguins’ attacks, Sara and Diana would finish them off.
It was a strategy that once again left Silvia, our other frontline fighter, with nothing to do, but I figured that was fine for now.
Neither Silvia nor Matilda were at a level where they could raise their job levels just by killing monsters here anyway.
In any case, the penguins didn't travel in large flocks; they moved in groups of two or three, four at most. We began dispatching them with an ease that made it hard to believe we’d struggled so much against a single one at first.
The only problem was that it hurt me quite a bit.
Seriously. Just as Diana had said, these things had apparently poured all their stats into attack.
I never imagined their attacks would actually pierce my defense and deal damage.
In terms of attack power alone, weren't they on par with monsters from the 5th Floor, not just the 4th?
Of course, their defense was proportionally weak, so one good hit was enough to kill them.
What’s more, I hadn't noticed it when I was just frantically dodging, but it wasn't just their beaks; their wings were deadly, too.
The short wings they held out to their sides could slice through your body like blades.
“Mr. Guwon. Are you alright?”
Every time a battle ended, Leia would rush over to me, caressing my wounds and healing them.
There was something heartwarming about the way she ran so desperately, taking short steps so as not to slip on the slick floor.
“…Would you mind not doing that with my body between you?”
It was even more so because she was holding Diana in her arms as she did it.
Despite her words, Diana didn't leave Leia's embrace, which was, as always, adorable.
She was probably enduring it because she knew Leia would get sad otherwise.
Well, her expression wasn't exactly pleased, though.
Hang in there, Diana. I’ll be sure to engrave this consideration, so befitting of the eldest among us, upon my heart.
“Are you okay? If it hurts that much, maybe you shouldn't use Holy Ground Proclamation. I'm getting used to the penguins' speed, and I think I can take them out before they get close.”
“No. There’s no need to take unnecessary risks.”
Right. I’d much rather be in a little pain than have my girls face even the slightest chance of danger.
That’s what a tank is for, after all.
…My stats are uselessly skewed toward defense right now, so I have to be helpful in times like these.
Ah, this is dangerous. Just thinking about it is making me depressed again.
To keep my gloomy thoughts from showing, I deliberately joked around.
“It’s fine. It hurts less than when you hit me, Sara.”
“What?!”
“My apologies. It was a joke.”
“…D-Did it hurt that much?”
I had apologized reflexively, but instead of getting angry, Sara just mumbled with a guilty look, her confidence wavering.
Right. Of course. It’s not like Sara enjoys hitting me.
It was only natural for her to worry if I said it hurt that much.
Alright. This could be an opportunity.
“Yeah. It hurt a lot. A whole lot. So…”
“I get it. I’ll hit you a little more gently next time.”
Before I could even finish my sentence, Sara let out a small laugh, tapped the tip of my nose with her finger, and spoke.
Hey. Isn’t the normal response in this situation to say you won’t hit me anymore?!
Damn it. Was I too obvious?
“Tch. Well, shall we get going again?”
“Haaah… but at this rate, our travel speed is so slow. When on earth will we find the path leading from the 3rd Floor?” Matilda sighed, once again suffering from the dungeon’s mana after seeing the penguin split in two.
“Don’t worry. I don’t think it’ll be that far.”
At least, not according to the map.
Just like with the Kobold Cave and the Ant Nest, the paths connecting a main floor to a sub-floor weren't nearly as long as the paths between two main floors.
In other words, the passage was most likely located at the point on the map that appeared closest to the 3rd Floor.
Truthfully, I was more worried about something else than finding the passage.
The key.
When moving between a sub-floor and the next main floor—say, from the 1.5th Floor to the 2nd, or the 2.5th to the 3rd—the passage was always located where a giant Magic Stone was, so all we had to do was defeat the boss and pass through.
However, when moving from a sub-floor to the previous main floor—from the 1.5th to the 1st, or the 2.5th to the 2nd—a key was required.
Which meant we needed a key to get to the 3rd Floor from here.
And not just any key, but a penis dropped by a 3rd-Floor monster, which we couldn't obtain here.
I had at least one of every type of penis we’d gotten while on the 3rd Floor, but if the key happened to be from a monster whose penis I didn't have, we would have no way of getting out to the 3rd Floor.
Besides, among the 3rd-Floor monster penises in my possession, there was… No. It can’t be. No way.
In any case, I felt there was no need to make everyone anxious, so I hadn't mentioned it yet, but it was a very real possibility.
Of course, even if that were the case, we could still defeat the fake boss here and proceed to the 4th Floor.
Thankfully, we had plenty of food.
But I wasn't sure if Matilda could hold out that long.
No, forget Matilda; exploring with such unstable footing would exhaust everyone eventually.
If possible, I wanted to get out to the 3rd Floor, regroup, and then explore. But I had no idea how things would turn out.
Hiding my anxiety, I began to search our surroundings thoroughly as soon as the map showed we were getting close to the 3rd Floor.
All while dealing with the penguins that popped out from time to time, of course.
“Look here! Isn’t this it?!”
Two days later, as we were still searching for a hole, we all gathered at the sound of Matilda’s ecstatic voice.
“Ooh! A hole! This wasn’t made by a penguin, right?!”
“It can’t be! It just can’t be!”
What did I mean by that?
Well, sometimes when we were dodging the penguins’ attacks, their beaks would get stuck in the ground or the walls.
Of course, that left holes in the walls, the floor, and even the ceiling, but it wasn't easy to remember the exact location of each one in the heat of battle.
No, even if I did remember them all, what if a penguin’s beak just happened to get stuck in the exact spot where a hole already was?
Unable to dismiss that possibility, we had been shoving 3rd-Floor monster penises into every single hole we saw, including the ones made by penguins.
I was on the verge of developing a neurosis from the act of shoving monster penises into holes in the wall.
I cautiously observed the hole Matilda had found.
Its size was almost identical to the ones the penguins had made.
This size should be perfect for the Lizardman’s penis.
I took the Lizardman’s penis out of my inventory and, with a trembling hand, shoved it into the hole.
“……Damn it… Dammit all!”
Again! Do I still have to shove more penises into more holes?!
I’m getting sick of even touching monster penises!
I can now identify any 3rd-Floor monster’s penis by touch alone! Dammit all!
“D-Don’t give up! Let’s at least try the others!”
Matilda hadn't abandoned hope yet, but I had a gut feeling that this one was a dud, too.
“It’s no use! Look at the size! The Yeti’s penis won’t fit, and neither will the polar bear’s! And the owl’s is too small!”
Even as I said it, I took out every single penis from my inventory and tried them in the hole.
Of course, no matter what I put in, the hole showed no reaction.
“M-Mr. Guwon, calm down. It’ll be fine… M-Mr. Guwon?!”
“That’s right! I still have this!”
Sunk in despair, my attention was drawn not to Leia, who had come to comfort me, but to the staff in her hand.
Snatching the staff from her, I muttered with a crazed smile.
“This was made from a penis, too. With this, surely…”
“C-Calm down, lad. I understand how you feel, but…”
Rumble, rumble, rumble.
“…I-It opened.”
As I pushed the tip of the staff into the hole, the ground shook, and the ice wall before us split apart, revealing a passage.
“It opened! It opened!”
“Aah! You! You did it!”
Forgetting all about escaping, Matilda and I threw our arms around each other, beaming.
I was only half-sane myself, but it seemed Matilda had been just as mentally cornered.
Even while hugging me, she didn’t shift into her pink mode, simply sharing in the pure joy of the moment.
“It’s the 3rd Floor!”
“The floor isn’t slippery! And the mana concentration is so much better than before…!”
“Yeah! Now I don’t have to touch any more monster penises! Mwahahahaha!”
Even after emerging onto the 3rd Floor, Matilda and I were still hugging, beside ourselves with joy.
I had a feeling we were celebrating for slightly different reasons, but to think about it would be to lose.
“But I don’t understand how this happened. It wouldn’t open with any other penis, but it opened with Leia’s staff. Of course, it is an item made from a penis and enhanced by them, but weren’t all the enhancements done with items you already had?”
“……You’ve got a point.”
“You know something, don’t you.”
“You’re so easy to read.”
I tried to play dumb, but I couldn’t fool the sharp gazes of Diana and Sara.
Eeeek! How did they know? My acting should have been perfect!
“…Well, the thing is, there was one monster on the 3rd Floor where we only ever managed to kill one male, right?”
“…The harp seal, I presume.”
“Yeah. The one you all made a fuss about being too cute to kill… Anyway. Its penis. After we went down to the 4th Floor, I figured we wouldn’t have any more business on the 3rd, so…”
“You used it as an enhancement material for Leia’s staff, I take it.”
“Whaaat?! That child’s penis is in my staff?!”
…My dear angel. Please, I’m begging you, don’t look so shocked.
It was a monster, no matter how cute it looked.
Well, for a monster, it didn’t attack us at all, so I did feel a little bad when I killed it.
Damn it. This is why I didn’t want to say anything.
“…Well, it all worked out in the end, so let’s just move on. We even made the new discovery that a staff can open the way, as a bonus.”
Though that also meant all my suffering from trying every single penis was for nothing, but thinking about it will just make me sad, so let’s not. It’s all in the past.
“Haaah… but we were really lucky. If that hole hadn’t been the real one, we might have had to go all the way to the 4th Floor without ever knowing, right?”
“…That is true, but.”
“Ah, no. I’m not blaming you. I’m sure you didn’t know it would turn out like this, Guwon.”
Seeing my crestfallen expression, Sara must have been reminded of how I’d been on the verge of a breakdown before our escape, because she flusteredly tried to comfort me.
Tch. Too late for that now. My wounded heart won’t heal.
I decided to heal myself by hugging Silvia, who was standing nearby.
“Hyiik! S-Sir Guwon…?!”
Even though her resistance to me had weakened lately, Silvia was still much calmer during combat than she usually was.
Thanks to that, she only trembled for a moment when I hugged her, which was a little boring since there were no vibrations, but Silvia Therapy was nonetheless incredibly effective at calming my mind and body.
“Phew. All healed. Alright. Shall we head back for now?”
“…I don’t even know where to start with you anymore.”
“Haha. What’s this, all of a sudden?”
“Don’t laugh! That wasn’t a compliment, you idiot!”
One way or another, Sara seemed just as happy to have escaped the ice cave, as she was being more tolerant of my foolishness than usual.
The path from the ice cave’s entrance to the 3rd-Floor town wasn’t very far.
After camping for one more day, we were able to return to the surface through the town.
“Rachel-noonim! I’m back! Here’s the mosquito penis I promised you.”
“Oh my! Mr. Guwon! You’re back much sooner than usual this time. Hehe. You didn’t rush just because you wanted to keep your promise to me, did you?”