Chapter 451: Crossroads
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 451: Crossroads
Logically speaking, the princess was right.
No, forget logic. Just thinking about my girls, doing as the princess suggested was the right thing to do.
I had no idea how many more people I would have to have sex with in the future, and I didn’t think I could possibly love every single one of them.
Besides, it was true that I felt sorry for my girls every time I took on another person.
It seemed best not to develop special feelings for anyone I had sex with, aside from my current lovers.
Logically, that is.
But if that were the case, what about Silvia? What was I supposed to do about her?
Just because we weren’t officially lovers, would it be possible to have sex with Silvia without developing special feelings?
It was obvious that Silvia liked me, and I couldn’t deny the fact that I was drawn to her as well.
But the principle of not developing special feelings for anyone other than my current lovers meant that my encounters with Silvia would have to be the same.
There was no way that was possible at this point.
So, should I make an exception just for Silvia?
Draw the line right after her, feeling something for her but treating all other pussyual encounters as a mere duty?
Let’s say, for the sake of argument, I did that.
Then what about Matilda?
If her curse was broken and she still claimed to love me, could I really turn her away so coldly?
With things as they were, I could no longer vaguely brush aside my feelings for Matilda.
Even now, whenever I was with her, I was confused, wondering if she genuinely loved me or if it was just the curse.
If I had no feelings for Matilda whatsoever, there would be no need for confusion in the first place.
Because whether her feelings were real or not, if I felt nothing for her, that would be the end of it.
In other words, I had some degree of feeling for Matilda, too.
So if Matilda still loved me after the curse was lifted, would I make an exception for her as well?
This was getting ridiculous.
I knew full well that if I started making exceptions one by one, there would be no end to it.
I had to make a clean break. Either I would have sex with anyone other than my three current lovers without any emotional attachment, or I would accept them all. It had to be one or the other.
…I can’t choose.
I never knew I was this indecisive.
I’d always thought of myself as the type to live impulsively, without much thought.
No, logically, choosing the former is the correct answer.
But sex without love…
Is doing something like that really the right thing to do?
Even in this world, which is far more liberal about sex than my original one, sex is still an act based on love.
The temple itself encourages sex with love as much as possible.
No, even without that, it was clear the Goddess herself recommended sex with love.
After all, I even have a skill called Apostle Appointment, which requires mutual love with a partner.
And this Apostle Appointment… right. I should stop trying to deceive myself and brush things aside.
To be perfectly clear, I was half-convinced that I would have to perform Apostle Appointments on people other than my three girls in the future.
The evidence was solid. On the day the Goddess descended, she had praised my relationships with Sara and Leia. To be more precise, she had praised me for giving them the Apostle’s Seal.
Yes. She had specifically singled out and praised the Apostle Appointment.
This meant my guess—that I would have to have sex with the races from the era of the War God—was only half-correct, if it was correct at all.
To be more precise, I might have to bestow the Apostle’s Seal upon the races from the era of the War God.
In fact, I had suspected as much ever since my conversation with the Goddess.
It was just that my girls cherished Apostle Appointment so much that I had been deliberately avoiding the thought.
In other words, I might be destined to have sex with love with other people in the future.
Well, it wasn’t certain whether I’d really have to do such a thing with a race from the War God’s era. No, it wasn’t even certain if there were any other races from that era besides Sara and Leia.
So should I postpone my decision until that becomes clear?
That didn’t feel right either….
Knock, knock.
As I lay on the bed, lost in my complicated thoughts, I heard a knock on the door.
“Guwon-nim. Dinner is ready.”
It was Vanessa.
I checked the time and saw it was already evening. The hours had passed so quickly it startled me.
Have I really been agonizing over this alone for so long? That’s not like me.
Of course, it was an important issue.
With that thought, I slowly pushed myself up from the bed.
I guess I’ll put my worries aside for now.
I’m worrying because of my girls, but if that worry causes me to waste the precious time I have with them, that would be truly foolish.
I slapped my cheeks to psyche myself up and opened the door.
“……”
Vanessa was waiting silently in front of the door.
Normally, she would lead the way to the dining room, but today, for some reason, she was just staring at my face.
“What? What is it?”
“…No. It is nothing.”
Vanessa hesitated for a moment, looking like she desperately wanted to say something, but in the end, she said nothing and turned away.
“What is it? Tell me. I’m curious. Or what, you can’t tell your master?”
As if to belie the fact that I had been worrying just moments before—or perhaps to hide it—I acted even more energetically, clinging to Vanessa.
“…My master is Diana-nim. In that case, I will speak.”
Vanessa didn’t even frown at my behavior. With a deadpan expression, she answered, then turned back to look me straight in the eye.
“Do not make that face. Unless you wish to cause Diana-nim unnecessary worry.”
“Huh? W-Was I making a weird face?”
“…Yes. You are making an uncharacteristically serious face.”
“Uncharacteristically! I can be serious sometimes, you know! Aren’t you being a little too harsh with me lately?! Did I do something wrong?!”
“I will now guide you to the dining room.”
Ignoring my words completely, Vanessa spun around and began walking briskly toward the dining room.
Isn’t she really trying to mess with me too much these days?
And with that expressionless face, it’s hard to tell if she’s joking or not.
Well, I suppose this time she meant well, but the problem is that she’s always like this! Always!
I glared daggers at Vanessa’s magnificent back as she walked away, but she didn’t even glance back, simply continuing forward.
Sigh… Fine. I’ll let it slide this time, since she was probably just worried about my troubled expression. But this is the last time! The last!
Ah, speaking of my worries… I had sex with Vanessa, too.
She wasn’t entirely unrelated to the dilemma I was currently facing.
I mean, I doubt she’s in love with me or anything… but wait. Is that really true?
I’d tried to sound her out before and let it go, but the reason she was masturbating in that spot was never clearly revealed.
It was the exact place where I had pleasured her body. It couldn’t be unrelated to me.
So the question is… was she just reliving the pleasure and chose that spot to masturbate, or does she actually have feelings for me? Ugh! Seriously! Because I was already agonizing over this, now I’m becoming conscious of Vanessa, too!
Felicia’s attempt to persuade me is having the complete opposite effect.
Damn it! I don’t know anymore! Why am I even worrying about this?!
I’m a man! I can just find out for myself!
“Hey! Vanessa!”
I grabbed the shoulder of Vanessa, who was walking ahead of me, and pushed her against the wall.
She must not have expected such a sudden move from me, because her body was surprisingly light as I guided her back against the wall.
I slammed a hand against the wall next to her head and stared intently at her face.
Hah. How do you like that? This is revenge for that one time.
Not that I was still hung up on the time Vanessa pinned me to a wall. …Seriously!
“…What is it?”
In any case, despite being so easily pinned, Vanessa’s expression, when I looked at her from up close, was surprisingly blank. I thought she’d be at least a little surprised.
No, on closer inspection, it wasn’t just a blank expression.
Her face was impassive, but I could feel her entire body tensed up.
I could sense a tremendous power emanating from her, as if she would unleash a fist or a foot the moment I said another word.
But a man has his pride. I couldn’t back down now.
Steeling my resolve, I asked Vanessa my question.
“Do you… by any chance… like me?”
“…Are you in your right mind?”
At her response, my knees gave out, and I crumbled to the floor.
This girl. Didn’t anyone ever teach her not to answer a question with a question?
No, before that, wasn’t that a bit too harsh? Couldn’t she have phrased it more gently? Something like, “What do you mean by that?” or “Are you serious?” would have been a sufficient answer.
Of all the questions she could have asked, did she have to ask about my sanity?
I mean, I understand that as someone who deeply serves Diana, she might get angry if Diana’s man asked her such a question.
Still, it felt like a solid punch to the gut.
“The serious look on your face earlier… was it for a reason like this?”
Vanessa looked down at me, crumpled on the floor, and spoke in a tone slightly higher than usual, as if she were angry.
“Of course not, you idiot!”
“…I see. That is a relief.”
With only those words, Vanessa turned and continued walking toward the dining room.
Damn that iron-clad butler. I swear, one day, I’ll make her cry.
I had found a new goal in life.
* * *
“Fuaah… Hmph. So, what did the princess say to you?”
After dinner, as I was waiting in my room like always, Diana came in after her bath, lay down on the bed, and looked up at me.
And that was the first thing she said.
“What? What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
“You have been wearing a serious expression ever since you filmed that video. It is unlike you. What did the princess say?”
Not Diana, too… I can’t believe the master and servant said the exact same thing.
No, more importantly…
“You knew?”
“Of course. Who do you think I am? No, not just me. I believe everyone knew.”
Is that so? So they were worried but waited for me to bring it up first.
I feel like I did something I should be sorry for.
“So, what is it? You seem to be troubled by something. Come, tell me.”
Diana, now in full-on mature mode, spoke in a soothing tone.
Assuming Felicia’s reasoning was correct, this meant Diana had been thinking about this issue for much longer.
And yet, she never showed any sign of it, but she was willing to listen to my worries.
I was touched, but at the same time, I hesitated over whether I should tell her or not.
No, hearing Diana’s opinion might certainly be important.
But if I heard her opinion, wouldn’t my heart just sway in her direction?
In other words, I would be giving up on choosing for myself and leaving the choice to Diana.
I had relied on my girls to make important decisions quite a few times before, but I felt that this time was different.
This was an issue that involved my feelings for Silvia and the others.
Making a decision like that would be incredibly disrespectful.
This was something I couldn’t leave to anyone, not even my girls. It was a problem I had to think through and decide on my own.
“Sorry. It’s a little hard to talk about.”
“Hmph. I see.”
At my answer, Diana nodded with a warm smile.
Honestly, I was a little surprised. I expected her to say something like, ‘Is it a problem you cannot even tell me?’
“I’m sorry. I just feel like this is something I have to decide for myself.”
“Fufu. It is fine.”
I offered an excuse, but Diana, as if she understood everything, sat up and gently stroked my head.
Like a grandmother watching her grown-up grands—No! My Diana is young and vibrant! If anything, her physical age is the youngest of all!
“But sometimes, the solution to a problem is found by emptying one’s mind. How about it? For tonight, at least, you clear your head and think only of me.”
“Ah, yeah. Of course! There’s no way I’d waste my precious time alone with Diana on worries, right? Actually, I was just thinking about what we should do today.”
It was the same thought I’d had earlier: I’m worrying because of my girls, but if that worry causes me to waste the precious time I have with them, that would be truly foolish.
I immediately changed the mood and started talking about the roleplay I had in mind.
And as I spoke, Diana’s expression, which had been watching me so warmly, gradually morphed into a look of utter exasperation.