Chapter 31: Guild Quest
Chapter 31: Guild Quest
The battle ended anticlimactically.
Regardless of whether they were male or female, any monster Guwon touched collapsed with absurd ease, their legs giving out as they trembled uncontrollably. After that, it was the simple task of letting Sara and Diana finish them off.
However, the damage from this battle was far from negligible.
It was a battle that left a deep, indelible scar on Guwon's psyche.
I’m completely burned out….
As the battle concluded, Guwon’s head drooped. Feeling the strength drain from his legs, he was about to slump to the ground… but then the pools of white liquid on the floor entered his vision, and he hastily forced his knees to lock.
Fuck… Leaving traps even in death.
As if I, the living Guwon, would fall for a dead son of a bitch's trick!
“Hm. Remarkable, you are. To think you could defeat monsters so easily. The Saint’s skills aren't just for drawing aggro; they're also remarkably effective for offense… What a fascinating skill.”
“It really is an amazing skill. This will make our battles much easier from now on.”
Completely ignoring Guwon’s mental state, Diana and Sara spoke as if it were a given that he would continue using this skill in future fights.
“…But why aren't you guys coming over here?”
“…”
“…”
“Is it because it's dirty?! Huh?! Are you two too noble to step into such a filthy place?”
“C-Calm down.”
“Th-That’s right. It’s not like that.”
But contrary to their words, the moment Guwon took a step forward, Sara and Diana immediately took a step back.
“Hey. I get not wanting to come over because the floor is dirty. I can understand that. But why are you backing away? Don’t tell me you think I got some on me? I didn’t, you know. Didn’t you see my brilliant footwork? I dodged it all. Aren’t you two being a little too much?”
“Th-That’s not it.”
“Indeed. And when liquids splash around, isn't it possible for microscopic particles, invisible to the naked eye, to fly everywhere?”
“What do you mean, that’s not it?! You totally think it splashed on me! Is that any way to treat a comrade who just put his body on the line and fought his heart out for you?!”
“A-Ahem. A joke, it was just a joke. Don’t get so worked up. Why don’t we start by carving out the magic stones?”
“That’s right. Then anything that splashed on you will disappear.”
Fuck… This is so degrading. How am I supposed to party with them when they treat me like this?
Still, Guwon had no choice but to start carving out the magic stones.
Dealing with the goblins, whose magic stones were embedded in their chests, was one thing. But prying the stones from the testicles of the male wolfdogs was a thoroughly disgusting experience. Yet, to completely erase the offending liquids from his sight, he plunged his knife in, feeling like he was about to vomit blood.
Once the monster corpses had vanished completely, Sara and Diana finally, cautiously, approached him.
You detestable bitches….
Next time, I'll purposely mob the monsters toward you so you can get a taste of exactly how I felt.
As if his resentful glare pricked their consciences, Diana and Sara began to praise him effusively.
“Hm. That was an incredible performance.”
“It’s true. I’m always grateful to you, Guwon, for holding the front line so reliably.”
“That spectacular technique of yours could be called a finishing move without exaggeration. I, the supreme Archmage, shall personally bestow a name upon it. Ecstasy Punch! How is it? A fitting name for your technique, is it not?”
“Wow! That’s such a cool name. That’s great, Guwon.”
The two of them were perfectly in sync, playing off each other like a well-rehearsed comedy duo.
“…Alright. I’ve made up my mind.”
“Hm?”
“About what?”
“From this day forward, our party's goal is to advance to a place where we can find a monster that doesn't cum from a single hit of my skill. I will not accept any arguments. Just one hit. All I ask for are monsters that can withstand a single hit.”
“Pfft.”
“Pffft.”
For some reason, Guwon’s completely serious declaration of the party’s new goal sent Sara and Diana into fits of laughter.
Is it funny because it’s not your problem? I’m being dead serious right now.
Of course, just because that was the goal didn’t mean we could just dig our way there. There was no way to get there right now.
For the time being, the best plan was to move as quickly as possible through the unexplored areas and map them out.
Judging from the earlier situation, the wolfdogs and goblins were clearly hostile toward each other.
It seemed the goblins had invaded the wolfdogs’ territory.
As if to support Guwon’s theory, the next three encounters were also with groups of goblins.
Of course, those fights were over in a flash. Guwon just had to deflect the occasional thrown rock while Diana and Sara took care of the goblins before they could even get close.
“This… Is this maybe our fault?”
“Hm. It would be logical to assume so.”
“So those Transcendent Species were holding back the goblin invasion with their females until now.”
“Mm. If you think of it that way, it also naturally explains why no females have been found until now.”
“In that case, there must be a path leading to the goblin territory somewhere around here…”
Just as Guwon was poring over the map, trying to find the way, they finally encountered a pack of wolfdogs.
There were four males and three females.
It seemed that being pushed back by the goblins had forced them to travel in larger groups.
Perfect!
A triumphant smile spread across Guwon’s face.
He had not yet forgotten his earlier humiliation.
It was Guwon’s personal rule to always pay back what he was owed.
“Alright, Sara! Diana! Attack!”
Of course, even without Guwon’s command, Sara and Diana already had an arrow and a Magic Arrow nocked and ready.
The wolfdogs were fast, so it was impossible to take them all out before they closed in, unlike the goblins. Normally, Guwon would have to step forward and tank, but this time, he only took a single step forward and waited.
Heheheh. The humiliation I suffered earlier. I’ll make you two suffer the exact same thing.
I call it: Operation Double Bukkake with the Cool Beauty Sara & the Adorable Beauty Diana!
“Guwon! What are you doing?!”
“Hurry and get to the front!”
As if they had sensed his grand plan, Sara and Diana began to panic noticeably.
For the cool Sara and the unflappable Diana to be this flustered, they must really, really hate the idea.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you don’t get a single scratch, even if I don’t go far.”
“That’s not the issue here!”
So it’s not the issue, huh?
So you’re not worried about getting hurt, you’re worried about getting jizz on you.
When Guwon let out a wicked grin, Sara and Diana seemed to realize they couldn’t stop him.
Ignoring the females—who were several times more dangerous than the males if they managed to attack—Sara and Diana began to pour all their attacks solely onto the males.
Just how much do you hate it? Is it more important than your own lives?
Well, it’s not like I was going to let you get seriously hurt, so your lives weren’t really in danger, but still.
In the end, their choice was not in vain. They achieved the remarkable feat of annihilating all the male wolfdogs before they could reach them.
Tch. A failure, huh?
With no other choice, Guwon charged toward the females.
“Go! Guwon! Ecstasy Punch!”
You seem to have taken a real liking to that name, huh?
I never even told you to shout the skill name, yet you’re applying it perfectly. As expected of the Archmage.
Wait, is that even relevant?
“Pun~ch!”
“What in the world are you doing…?”
Sara stared at Guwon, who had enthusiastically played along, with a look of disbelief.
Hey, what’s the big deal? If we’re going to do this, we might as well have fun.
The female wolfdogs shuddered and collapsed on the spot after being hit by Guwon’s punch.
A few light stomps later, and the situation was resolved.
Diana’s addition to the party had already boosted their offensive power dramatically, and now that Saint’s Touch was proving this effective, he couldn’t imagine losing to monsters of this level anymore.
While Guwon was carving out the magic stones, Diana approached, her earlier lighthearted demeanor gone, and spoke with a stern voice.
“As the vanguard, you have a duty to prevent enemies from approaching the rear guard! Do not mix your personal feelings with your duties during battle!”
In short, she was telling me not to even think about trying a stupid plan like that ever again.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hmph. As long as you’re reflecting on it.”
Since she was right, Guwon obediently bowed his head.
He had been confident there was no danger, but in a dungeon, anything could happen. It wasn’t good to let his guard down too much.
Of course, that doesn’t mean a kid younger than me gets to pat my head!
When Guwon snapped his head up, sure enough, Sara was in the middle of awkwardly reaching out her hand before quickly pulling it back.
“…Miss Sara?”
“Wh-What is it?”
She was so cute trying desperately to keep a cool expression that I decided to let it slide just this once.
After the failure of “Operation Double Bukkake with the Cool Beauty Sara & the Adorable Beauty Diana!”, Guwon didn’t try again and simply stuck to standard battle tactics.
He had just mindlessly struck the wolfdogs with Saint’s Touch earlier in his panic, but on second thought, all he had to do with the males was get behind them and take out their testicles.
And so, they established a solid strategy: snipe the goblin hordes from a distance, use Saint’s Touch on the female wolfdogs, and subject the male wolfdogs to forced castration. With this, they steadily filled out the map.
The further they advanced, the less frequently they encountered wolfdogs, until eventually, they were only seeing goblins.
It seemed they had crossed the border between the wolfdog and goblin territories at some point.
That meant this area was definitely the uncharted territory the guild wanted a map of.
He wasn’t worried about being defeated by mere goblins, but he proceeded with a bit more caution. Just then, he heard the clash of weapons in the distance.
Is it really other adventurers this time?
Dammit. To think there were people ahead of us.
Guwon’s party had gotten a slightly late start, but they weren’t at a level where they should be struggling with these kinds of monsters.
Their exploration speed should have been overwhelmingly faster than any other adventurers messing around in this area.
Most importantly, unlike other parties, Guwon’s party spent no time at all drawing a map.
Because of that, he’d been nursing a vague hope that they might be the first ones here, but it seemed the world wasn’t so easy.
Adventurer etiquette dictated that it was better to find another route to avoid running into them, but unfortunately, the path here was a straight line.
“What should we do?”
“Hm. In this case, we have no choice. Let’s be careful not to be misunderstood and pass through.”
“Right. We’ve come too far to turn back.”
That’s probably for the best, right?
I hope we don’t get dragged into anything troublesome….
“Hey! Over here!”
“Help us!”
“Sob, sob, sob.”
As if to mock him, a troublesome situation unfolded right before his eyes.
A party of adventurers, consisting of two female warriors and one female priest, was surrounded by eight goblins and struggling.
How did they get mobbed by so many goblins?
The two warriors were fighting desperately, but they seemed to be having a hard time just defending. The priest behind them was crying while trying to heal.
He quickly scanned their faces, but as expected, none of them boasted the same level of beauty as his Sara or Diana.
Sigh… I kind of want to just pass by. Have these two made my standards ridiculously high?
With a faint glimmer of hope, Guwon threw out a joke.
“Tch. Can’t be helped. Let’s get through as fast as possible!”
“What?! You’re not going to help them?”
“Huh? Why should we? It’s a pain.”
“Now, now… There is such a thing as common decency.”
The looks in Sara’s and Diana’s eyes were slowly turning into the kind you’d give a piece of trash.
“I-I’m kidding, just kidding. Do you two really see me as such a heartless scumbag?”
Dammit. Guess I have no choice.
Since it’s come to this, I guess I’ll have to follow all the steps for rescuing someone that I saw online to avoid any trouble later, right?
Back then, I just laughed, thinking, ‘Who the hell actually does that?’ I never thought I’d actually have to use it.
“Hey! Do you need help?”
“H-Hwaaah.”
The two warriors at the front were too preoccupied with the fight to answer, and the priest crying in the back let out a sound that could have been an answer or just more sobbing.
“I can’t understand what you’re saying. Please answer clearly. Do you really want our help?”
“Sob, yes!”
“Is there any chance that after we rescue you, you’ll turn hostile and claim ownership of the loot, or dump all the monsters on us and run away, or…”
“Hey, you son of a bitch! If you don't want to help, then fuck off!”
One of the female warriors, having heard enough, finally exploded.