In the Arms of a Trustworthy Man
While working in Armeyna Territory, I've been through all sorts of ordeals. But I suspect tonight might be the most chaotic night of them all.
"Ah...." Lur's head rolled across the floor. Seeing the cross-section of her neck spurting blood—
"U, urk!" Embarrassingly, I couldn't hold it in and vomited up everything inside me.
The corpse of the woman I'd believed was my friend just minutes ago. Knowing she'd tried to kill the Lord, I felt no pity. But that grotesqueness was more shocking than I'd imagined.
"...You okay?"
"Haa, haa! Y-yes... I'm fine."
I forced out the words, but cold sweat beaded on my forehead. More than the bruise on the back of my hand, the shock of Lur trying to kill me hit harder.
"I thought she was my friend...."
"Yeah?"
"I don't have many friends. I'm not great with words, and I'm just a woman who lives for her work."
My words tumbled out in a jumble. I barely knew what I was saying. It was utterly unprofessional for the Lord's secretary, but in that moment, my mind was a mess.
"So I was grateful when Lur approached me first. I even envied her straightforwardness."
I just felt like I had to say something.
"I assigned her to escort duty because I'd known her for so long. She was the most trustworthy adventurer I knew. But...."
I couldn't finish the sentence. Honestly, it still didn't feel real. Everything up to now felt like a nightmare—even with Lur's decapitated body rolling on the floor.
"I'm sorry...."
In the end, all that came out was my usual rote apology.
"Because of me... on top of everything else burdening you, Lord."
"Don't worry about me. It didn't really surprise me."
The Lord replied as if it were nothing. He casually shook the blood off his sword and tossed the body into a corner.
After the Gate incident—no, a bit before that, perhaps? The Lord had changed beyond recognition. He'd become more capable, more cold-blooded, and more....
"Drink this first. Even after puking, some residual poison might linger in your body."
...kinder, I think. At least to his own people.
"Take it slow. Chug it and you'll choke."
"...Ugh, cough! Haa, ha...."
The antidote burned worse than the poison itself going down. My whole body felt like it was scorching in flames. Pain throbbed in the back of my hand in time with my heartbeat, where it'd been stomped.
Was it relief at still being alive? Or did I just want to lean on someone in this awful situation? Without thinking, I clutched the Lord's sleeve tight, gasping for breath.
"Lord, I'm truly sorry.... I misjudged someone, and made you go through all this trouble...."
"I said it's fine. If you're just opening your mouth to say that, shut it again."
The Lord replied indifferently, placing my swollen hand on his knee. He pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and dampened it with water from the canteen. His touch wiping away the dirt and bloodstains was unbelievably gentle—nothing like the hand that had just swung the sword.
"I'm the one who's sorry. I was too late, wasn't I?"
"No. You couldn't have known something like this would happen."
"Actually, I knew everything."
The Lord spoke calmly, still gazing at the wound on my hand.
"I figured that bitch would betray us, so I put her on escort duty on purpose. It was a trap."
"......"
"I knew she'd attack, of course. Didn't expect her to go for you first, skipping me, though."
I stared at him in a daze. More than his words, what puzzled me was....
"Why tell me all that so bluntly?"
He didn't have to say it. He could've framed it as my mistake, with him heroically saving his incompetent secretary. It would've cemented a clear 'debt' I owed him.
"Because you stuck by me to the end, Tavi. Even when your life—maybe worse—was on the line."
Before I knew it, he'd wrapped my wrist in bandages. His skill was surprisingly practiced, like he'd done it a hundred times.
"So don't feel too responsible. It wasn't just your mistake."
...What a clumsy, endearing excuse. I'd been the one to recommend Lur as a 'friend,' and I hadn't suspected a thing either. His words were just a flimsy paper box of an excuse, awkwardly patched together to spare my feelings.
"And thanks. For fighting like that for me."
A weight lifted from my chest. I swallowed the surging emotion back down my throat. I had to hold it in. How pathetic would I look crying here? He knew that full well, too.
"...I was scared."
My lips trembled. The voice I'd always kept perfectly composed as his secretary cracked like a child's.
It was the first time I'd shown such vulnerability to anyone since taking this position.
"When Lur said you'd been killed... I really thought it was all over. That because of me—because I made a bad friend—our territory would fall...."
"Tavi."
"More than my hand breaking, if something happened to you...."
"Tavi, look at me."
Ian murmured lowly, tilting my chin up. Through tear-blurred eyes, his face came into view. He wasn't smirking crookedly like usual. If anything, he looked faintly angry.
"I'm never going to die."
He declared it like an indisputable truth, enunciating every syllable.
"Monster, adventurer, assassin—doesn't matter. I'll always win. And I won't let my comrades die."
His finger wiped the tears from my cheek. It was a hand rough with calluses, but its warmth was more than enough to reassure me.
"So no need to worry like that."
"...Yes."
I nodded faintly.
"Anyway, let's head back. You need rest after that shock."
"Understood."
We got up and returned to camp. Silence followed. A strange quiet hung between us. Maybe because of the dramatic exchange we'd just had. I had no idea what to say. The awkwardness made it unbearable.
The Lord moved first.
"Well, I'll go sort things out properly then...."
"W-wait!"
Was I scared of him leaving? Forgetting my shame, I grabbed his sleeve hard. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment.... But my hand wouldn't let go.
"C-could you... stay just a little longer?"
"...Sure."
The Lord sat back down without asking why.
A rush of relief flooded my chest, impossible to contain. Childish dependency. That's how much space he occupied in me now.
"You gonna keep holding on like that?"
"......"
"Sigh. Can't be helped."
I don't know what face I made, what look I gave him. But it must've been desperate, pleading. Just thinking about it now makes my face burn.
The reward, though, was impossibly sweet.
"Lie down first."
"L-Lord?"
He pulled me close. Soon, I was lying with my head in his lap. Spoiling myself with the man I served? Unthinkable. But my body wouldn't move, like it was under a spell.
"You're still all anxious. We've got to meet the merchant caravan tomorrow—you need proper rest."
Pat, pat. He lightly tapped my back with his palm. Maybe because I'd just faced death's terror, his embrace and touch felt wondrously tender and warm.
"Forget everything for now and rest. I'll be right here."
...Saying that in this situation is against the rules, I thought. Overwhelmed by the coziness, I slowly relaxed and surrendered my body. The rising sense of security loosened my limbs on its own. Only the steady rhythm of his heartbeat from his broad chest echoed in my ears.
For now... I'm supposed to be the older one, aren't I...?
Having such a foolish thought now, I slowly closed my eyes. As the tension fully released, my body went limp. So this is what it's like to be held in the arms of a man you can trust.
"...Lord."
"Hm?"
"This is my first time being held in a man's arms like this."
"......"
"First time being alone with a man in the dead of night, too."
I opened my eyes with a soft smile. They met his, gazing down at me. So close I could see even the flutter of his lashes. The reflection of me in his dark eyes... wore an expression too embarrassing to describe.
Seeing it made this ticklish feeling impossible to ignore. Maybe it was instinct from the body that had just faced mortal danger. The urge to leave my mark through my blood, and the outstanding man before me. No shame in such desire, right?
"It's a bit cold. Could you warm me up?"
I have no experience with men, but I've read books and heard rumors. I figured the Lord was similar. Men at a time like this usually are.
"Ahem! Tavi, sorry, but I'm not really thinking about—"
"I know."
I tugged at his clothes. At the same time, my body rose.
"But it doesn't matter. Is that still no?"
Thankfully, he didn't pull away. Our soft lips met. Even as my heart pounded wildly, our hands moved naturally.