Future Aspirations (2)
The drive home was unusually quiet.
Normally it was me who would toss out any random topic just to keep Min-ah talking, and she would graciously pick up whatever thread I dropped. But this time, I was the one with my mouth clamped shut.
The suffocating silence. The awkward air between us.
Convinced I couldn't let it go on like this, I carefully opened my mouth.
"So... are you serious?"
"Yes."
This is driving me crazy. And it's not like I could even get angry about it.
Ever since Min-ah dropped that bombshell and I'd accepted and come to understand the truth, conversation between the two of us had ground to a complete halt. That was a bad sign.
Min-ah, after Ye-eun, was the person who knew me best — in some respects, better than Ye-eun did. I couldn't fathom why someone like her would make this kind of choice, but my reaction to her announcement had clearly registered in an instant.
Which meant Min-ah knew, without a doubt, that I was unhappy with her decision.
If I were the usual Kim Yi-seon — the man who crumbles the moment any of his women pushes back — the right move would be to back down here. But this was too important a matter to gloss over. I waited a while in silence, half hoping she might reconsider after seeing my reaction, but all that came back was an even firmer declaration of intent.
So I gave up on the wordless persuasion-and-debate we'd been conducting through sheer atmosphere alone, and finally had no choice but to speak up myself.
"Whew... Min-ah, it's your life, and you're smarter than I am, so I'm sure it's a choice you made with good reason. Still, isn't this a bit much?"
Early college admission? When she first brought it up, citing how COVID meant high school wasn't really functioning anyway, it had seemed reasonable enough.
The lack of detailed plans? She hadn't told me which department she was targeting or what came after, sure, but she had named the university. In the Korean admissions game, that's practically the whole story. I hadn't been curious beyond that.
But to think the reason she'd rushed into college was just to take care of me.
"The Kang Min-ah I know could do far greater things. I thought you'd want a more independent, proactive life than one spent just supporting your husband..."
"I just want to. Is that not allowed?"
I suppose it's possible. There's nothing wrong with it.
Except Kang Min-ah isn't that kind of person.
I know how ridiculous it sounds to bring up the manga at this point, but in the original story, the arcs centered on Kang Min-ah were all about her dreams.
She relied on neither her brother Kang Min-hyuk nor her lawyer mother, kept her plans secret even from them, and threw herself down her own path to the point of recklessness — and the events that unfolded from that were the heart of her story.
She was a strong woman who stood tall and declared that family and love wouldn't hold her back from pursuing her dreams.
Why this choice, then? And for me, of all people? Did I strike her as reliable enough to build a life around, or so hopeless that I couldn't even manage my own affairs?
I don't know. My head was a mess. But my emotions were simmering at the edge of boiling over, and if the argument kept going, we might actually end up fighting.
So the two of us settled back into silence and rode the rest of the way home like that.
The awkwardness lingered for days afterward, the two of us keeping to a polite, distant coexistence.
I know. There's nothing to be angry about. If anything, I should be honored.
Min-ah was declaring she'd devote herself fully to supporting me, so I was allowed to feel a little pressure, sure — but getting angry over it would be bizarre. Gratitude would make more sense, if anything.
And yet I was angry. I didn't know why. If I knew the reason, I could either vent it or calm myself down — but I'm not a child, and stewing and snapping over nothing wasn't helping. Worried I might irrationally take it out on Min-ah, I quietly kept my distance.
So why was I angry? Was it because I saw her as someone I had to take care of? That reading was too paranoid — and, in a way, also just factually true. Could the Kim Yi-seon of today really survive alone without his girlfriends? Unlike the protagonist of some wish-fulfillment harem fantasy, I'm perfectly capable of assessing myself objectively.
Then was it the fact that she'd decided without consulting me? That was never the kind of thing I kept score on, and even now, things Ye-eun or Seo-hee noona had decided unilaterally filled a truck. Looked at one way, it's her own career — what business is it of mine to object?
So why. Why was I angry?
Inside the Jamsil Dome, with the heating blasting for winter camp, I sank deep into thought.
"Kim! The ball's coming right at you! Wake up!"
"This punk talks in sound bites."
And the one who shattered my crucial meditation was Henry, whose fundamentals were as lacking as ever.
Unbelievable. This guy, whose Korean passport had finally come through, making him a Korean citizen — and he still can't manage proper honorifics for his seniors?
"Ball! Ball! Watch out!"
I caught the ball he was flailing about without even bothering to look. Obvious, really. If a ball hit out during outfield fungo drills came flying all the way to the pitchers' practice area, the trajectory wasn't hard to guess.
Henry went right on hopping around me in a panic.
"Damn it, Kim, I don't know what on earth you were thinking to be spaced out like that, but that was genuinely dangerous! That was Park-hyung's fungo connect at full power!"
I turned my head toward home plate, and sure enough, Park Myeong-gil sunbae was standing there looking distinctly awkward. So that's why the ball had come sailing over like a classic empty-calorie pop fly.
The guy is rude no matter how you look at him, but it didn't seem to come from any bad intent, so I decided to just offer a light apology and move on.
"Thanks, Henry."
"What did you say? Wait, has my Korean not improved at all? Kim, did you just say thank you?"
English came pouring out of him in a torrent. What on earth is this guy saying.
It never made sense to me that he kept showing up to this special camp hosted by Kang Hyun-seok in the first place, given he wasn't even due to debut until next year — and now he was rattling off English faster than I could follow. What was I supposed to do with that?
Completely oblivious to my irritation, Henry suddenly shouted and bolted off in another direction.
"Kang! Kang! This is a major incident! Kim just apologized to me!"
"Uh... what did you say?"
"No, wait — hold on, I'll bring Han over."
And off he went to fetch the interpreter, dragging him over to laboriously relay some story or other.
Seriously — that was one of the rawest gems in the majors? The kind of talent scouts projected as a top-four-round high school pick?
The world truly is a mystery.
Henry Dwight Irwin could not believe this astonishing reality! He hadn't known Kim Yi-seon all that long, but even so, he had history with the man to draw on.
The guy who'd been snapping at him for the better part of four months had just apologized? Good grief — did that mean everything until now had been rookie hazing? Four months of rookie hazing. That's a long stretch, honestly.
But obviously that couldn't be it. If it were truly rookie hazing, surely only that brutish man would have been the culprit. Take Kang, the one he was talking to now — the language barrier made things rough, but he'd been nothing but kind.
No, one look was enough: something serious had clearly happened to that scar-crossed superstar. That was exactly why he'd sprinted to Kang, the person closest to him! He'd better brace himself — drifting closer just because Kim had gone briefly soft was the kind of thing that blew up in your face eventually.
So Henry asked what kind of catastrophe could have put Kim in such a state — and received an even more terrifying diagnosis.
"Ooh... well, you see..."
"Yeah. I don't know why, but it seems the guy had a falling-out with my little sister."
Henry roughly knew that Kang's little sister was one of Kim's girlfriends. He also knew that Kim, for all his looks, was far weaker to women than anyone would guess.
But that man, in a lovers' quarrel? And the cold war stretching on for a week at a time? Phew. Right call, Henry. That woman was a landmine — get too close just because she seemed sweet, and eventually you'd step on it.
Just as Henry sighed and resolved to widen his safety margin even further, Kang Min-hyuk sighed right back at him.
He couldn't for the life of him figure out why the two had fought.
Anyone with the barest social awareness would have connected it to the pointed remark his mother had dropped a few days earlier — but alas, Kang Min-hyuk possessed no such sense.
In Min-hyuk's eyes, Kim Yi-seon was a bastard for stealing his little sister away, but he wasn't the type to fight with her. Which made it all the more incomprehensible why things had turned out this way.
And so, mid-lament, he found himself saying to Henry, almost without meaning to:
"I simply cannot understand why the two of them fought. It feels strange to say this, but they're practically inseparable — as if they couldn't live without each other."
Granted, calling it inseparable when Kim had two other women besides the sister was a bit generous — but Min-hyuk was in much the same position himself, so he let that bit of face-spitting slide.
The guy did his utmost to respect and cherish Kang Min-ah, after all. So why on earth—?
But his remark, never meant to invite an answer, drew a wholly unexpected one.
"Couldn't live without each other? Han, what does that... Ah, I see. I understand now. Excellent — translate that precisely. Kang, listen: there is exactly one reason why two people who love and cherish each other fight seriously. When one of them tries to do something the other never asked for."
Kang Min-hyuk — a man with no sense for reading the room but plenty of virtue. And now, an unlikely advisor had appeared at his side.
"Hey, Kim! I heard everything from Kang. A marital spat, huh — not that I want to meddle, but what choice do I have? This team can't afford to have a cornerstone like you slacking on next season!"
What the hell is this punk on about now?
Still mentally preoccupied, I was doing my mind-control routine and some light strengthening work in a corner of the dome when Henry appeared in front of me again — with Kang Min-hyuk in tow, no less.
Whatever delusion this guy had cooked up, the triumphant strut he was wearing made him unbearable to look at.
"Get lost. I'm only asking nicely this once."
So Min-hyuk — the guy who didn't even overstep — had gone and told that rude punk about my private business? Honestly, a little disappointing.
But Min-hyuk went on to do something even more disappointing.
"Kim Yi-seon. Worrying is not something you solve by grinding your teeth over it alone. Haven't you listened to my relationship troubles plenty of times yourself?"
"That was because you were so damn hopeless about it I couldn't stand watching. How is that the same?"
I could see exactly what he was angling for, and watching him swing and miss so transparently had grated on me enough to prompt a little coaching in the past — but he'd never dragged himself into anything this sensitive before. Whatever his stake as her brother, this was too far.
Just as my patience snapped and I was about to blow up, Henry, smirking off to the side, piped up.
"Let me guess. Kim, that Min-ah of yours is trying to devote herself to you in a way you never wanted. Am I right?"
"...Get lost."
"And Kim doesn't like it, and he keeps getting angry for reasons he can't name. Correct?"
"I said get lost."
I was telling Henry, my temper steadily climbing.
But Henry paid me no mind and declared, with his chest puffed out:
"Well, that's nothing. Matters like this are the specialty of this Henry Dwight Irwin. Give me the details, and I'll hand you a solution, easy as anything."
"Ha. You?"
"Yes. Me."
I'd been willing to let it slide for one of the only juniors I had, but this guy had blown past the line and into a full-on relay race over it.
"Fine. I'll explain it once, so try answering. If your answer doesn't satisfy me, you're dead."
"Oh, saying this may awaken your violent nature, Kim, but it simply must be said: are you, by any chance, an idiot?"
"Cut the crap."
Having listened to my exquisitely delicate and precise account of events, Henry had behaved himself at first — or at least pretended to — only to start crowing like a rooster the moment I finished.
Kang Min-hyuk, listening beside him, had stayed quiet, being the sort of man who'd never had much use for humor or frivolity to begin with.
"For once, I find myself agreeing with Henry. I already knew you were a lost cause, but isn't this a bit much, even for you?"
Oh, wonderful.
I glared at Kang Min-hyuk, who had just betrayed the last shred of my faith in him. If he weren't my future brother-in-law, I'd have decked him the night before last.
Choking back the injustice, I fired back at the both of them.
"I don't even know why I'm angry, so what do you want from me? And Min-ah's being ridiculous too. Kang Min-ah — the Kang Min-ah — spending her life doing my errands? Does that sound sane to anyone?"
Anger aside, it simply didn't compute. A woman of Min-ah's caliber had no need to shrink her dreams down to managing my affairs.
As for childcare — you hire people. That's what I earned the money for, not to bury it in a grave. In the original story, Kang Min-ah strode down her own path as a proud career woman. So why would she choose 'Kim Yi-seon's wife' as her profession?
"How do you not understand this? There's no way someone that dense got this far."
"What."
"Listen carefully, Kim Yi-seon. You're right that Min-ah is extraordinary. A woman like that is certainly wasted on nothing but supporting the likes of you. But have you ever considered it from Min-ah's position?"
"So? What about it."
"It's not as though Min-ah is the only one at your side. Right now, Lee Ye-eun has already had a child with you and made caring for you at all hours her life's work. And... there's the CEO, too, isn't there."
"Yes, yes, so what's your point."
"Did you imagine she wouldn't feel a flicker of rivalry or anxiety about that? The thought that maybe she helps you less than the others do?"
"Huh?"
And now — only now, hearing it spelled out — did everything up to this moment suddenly make perfect sense.
"I know. You're not the kind of man who'd sideline one of your women over something that petty. But from Min-ah's side of it, even knowing that — she's human, isn't she? Of course she'd get anxious."
He was right. No matter how remarkable a woman Min-ah was, if the share of her energy spent on her own ambitions shrank, she'd inevitably measure herself against Ye-eun, who poured nearly every waking moment into me, or Seo-hee noona, who had so much to offer from the very start.
And it was painfully obvious that if our positions were reversed — if I slammed into that same wall — I'd be drowning in panic too.
"And as for why you're angry, Kim — that much is clear. Right now, you feel like you've become the thing that's wrecking her career. You're furious at yourself, but since you don't understand why, the anger just comes out blind."
Henry's words kept coming, one after another.
My head spun as if I'd taken a hammer to it. Of course. The Min-ah who once stood so proud hadn't given a single thought to any other future — she'd simply tethered herself to my side. Because of me.
Even in a world where polygamy was legal, this problem hadn't gone away. It wasn't something I could wave off with 'I love you all equally.'
"Honestly, it still doesn't add up to me. If that's what you're angry about — isn't supporting you already Ye-eun's whole job? Why doesn't that make you furious at yourself too?"
Because with Ye-eun, it would've been the same whether I'd asked her out or not, whether we saw each other one-on-one or not. Ah, I know that leaning on the original story isn't exactly an admirable habit, but the thought keeps coming anyway.
In the manga too, devoting herself to Kim Yi-seon — who never even accepted her love — had been Lee Ye-eun's stated life goal, and nothing changed much in the arcs that followed.
But if I really thought about Ye-eun, she was undeniably a woman of enormous capability. Far more capable of building a grand future for herself than of playing caretaker to some guy who happened to be good at throwing a ball.
"Kim, frankly that sounds like the whining of a man with too much on his plate... but fine, I'll allow it. I am, after all, an exceptionally forgiving man."
"Shut it, Henry."
Now that I understood everything, I felt filthy. Wasn't my very existence just a burden? Come to think of it, Seo-hee noona lost all restraint whenever I was involved too, and that wasn't a good influence on her either.
Good grief, I'm not some plague on humanity. But the sense that I was bad for the women I loved — it made me feel absolutely wretched.
Kang Min-hyuk, watching the sight of me in anguish, was only now beginning to grasp why his mother had made that pointed remark.
But the most fearless Korean-American in the room squared his shoulders and announced his next words with pride.
"And since I am a truly magnificent person, I happen to know the solution as well."
"...And what would that be."
"Listen closely. It's simpler than you think. In the end─"
Kang Min-ah hadn't managed a proper conversation with Kim Yi-seon in days.
They exchanged greetings and handled necessary business, of course. But there had been no light chatter between them, no real giving and receiving of what was on their hearts.
Under normal circumstances, with an oblivious Kim Yi-seon on the other end, she might have humored him and let it go. And if he'd never put it into words, she'd never have known for certain — she could have smoothed things over with a few careful words and moved on.
But her mother's words from the day she left for the college entrance exam kept circling in her head, and Kim Yi-seon's reaction to her impulsive confession had stung her pride. And so Kang Min-ah was sulking in a way the old her never would have.
A full week now of trading nothing but curt replies with Kim Yi-seon, radiating a hurt sulkiness that anyone could read as: even gentle as I am, I am angry.
All this time she'd held out on stubbornness — he hasn't apologized? He won't admit he's wrong? — growing more wounded by the day. And then, at that very moment, Kim Yi-seon approached her with a fumbling, awkward air.
"Um... Min-ah. Can we... talk?"
"Now, of all times?"
She had her pride too. Normally, when Kim Yi-seon hemmed and hawed like that, her anger would have softened and she'd have let it slide. But this time he'd let it drag on for ages — and above all, he'd gotten angry at her!
Why? Why only her? He had never once gotten angry at Lee Ye-eun over anything like this.
Just recently, the unfairness of it had stung so badly she'd shed a few quiet tears into her pillow before bed.
But Kim Yi-seon, heedless of her prickly demeanor, began laying out what he'd come to say.
"Whew... I'll be honest. I still don't understand why you're doing this."
"Ha. So that's the grand thing you came to say?"
And at that very first line, her anger surged. Good grief — she'd thought he'd come to make peace, and instead he'd come to fight some more?
"Min-ah, you're a capable person. I thought you'd carve out your own life with far more confidence than this."
Words like that were no comfort at all.
She knew. She knew Kim Yi-seon rated her absurdly high. In truth, she was just an ordinary girl whose only real gift was being a little clever.
Frankly, she couldn't understand why he treated her this way when he never did the same to Lee Ye-eun, with her monstrous talents, or Han Seo-hee, a chaebol heiress to the bone.
She did like, a little, how he leaned on her. But whenever it made her feel like she was being singled out for different treatment, what rose in her wasn't anger so much as fear — the fear that maybe, in truth, she ranked last in Kim Yi-seon's heart.
Now she finally understood. What her mother had said — that doing something for someone isn't always what that person wants. It applied to her own actions, yes, but to Kim Yi-seon's as well. His consideration for her was, entirely, something she had never asked for.
Just as she finished sorting through her feelings and steeled herself to unleash her anger once more—
"So here's my decision. Min-ah, do exactly what you planned. My dedicated agent? However much you want."
Kim Yi-seon said it with both eyes blazing.
The words she'd been about to throw slid back down her throat, and all she could do was stare. She had never seen that expression on Kim Yi-seon's face before.
"An agent handling just one baseball player has always struck me as a waste of your talent. But if you won't change your mind, there's only one way. I'll simply become a player so great that managing me alone is all your talent can handle."
That's how sports agents usually work. One agent manages anywhere from a handful to dozens of players. But how many of them does that agent truly look after, one on one?
Mostly they just handle transfers and contract terms; the players who get dedicated, personal care are vanishingly few.
So Kim Yi-seon had decided. If he became a player so extraordinary that one agent would struggle to handle him alone — and if Min-ah became the powerhouse agent managing that extraordinary player — wouldn't that be a position worthy of Kang Min-ah's caliber, and then some?
"Honestly, until now I played because baseball was fun. Because I was good at it, because I wanted to try. But I'm changing my thinking. Since it's come to this — I'd better make the Major League Hall of Fame at the bare minimum. No... maybe I'll need to hear 'greatest pitcher of all time' before it counts."
Kim Yi-seon had shown firm resolve before. But at its root had always been desire or hope — wanting to play, wanting to see how far he could go. This was different. This was a concrete goal, set in stone, backed by a will that declared it would be achieved, no matter what.
"You'll need time anyway — college, law school, opening your own agency. And establishing yourself always takes time. Call it ten, twelve years, to be safe? If I'm the best pitcher in the world within that window, the numbers should line up nicely."
The fury Kang Min-ah had been about to unleash collapsed into something else entirely as she watched him lay out his resolve.
It was absurd. And even if he kept this vow, hadn't that strange, inflated opinion of her stayed exactly the same?
And yet.
"You're sure you can keep that promise?"
"Of course. Who do you think I am?"
That man — normally all wagging tail and puppy-dog charm — had transformed, because of her, into something like a fighting dog overflowing with ferocity.
And the fact of it made her feel strangely, ticklishly warm.
Simply because she liked the sight of him, Kang Min-ah decided to let it go, just this once. So this is what Mom meant when she said I should try actually talking to him, she thought — and she thought it with a small smile.