You're Right, and You're Also Right (2)
The Seoul Twins have been riding a wave of good momentum lately. The team's surge this season is so unusual that it's almost a shame fans can't make it out to the stadium in person thanks to the COVID season.
At this very moment they sat second in the Southern Division, with a rock-solid starting rotation and a bullpen backing it up that were both ranked among the league's best — enough to soothe the long-standing heartache of the old Twins faithful.
On top of that, rookies Kim Yi-seon and Kang Min-hyuk were star players whose popularity had skyrocketed ever since their high school days. With players like those at the center of the team's rise, the Seoul Twins fanbase itself was growing, and the whole atmosphere around the club had brightened.
Just as every fan was chanting 'Let's keep this going!', a single promotional post appeared on the official Seoul Twins SNS.
[Team Hani VS Team Tani! The Twins Civil War!]
To sum it up: since so many fans love the mascots Hani and Tani, the club would release a new line of small plush dolls to settle once and for all which one was more popular.
But beyond the meme-worthy mascot showdown, there was an even more important element at play.
(Screenshot of the Seoul Twins SNS)
1. Buy a Hani OR Tani doll.
2. Take a photo of yourself watching a Seoul Twins game with your doll.
3. Send the photo to the official Seoul Twins SNS DM.
After that, a raffle will pick 30 winners per mascot for a video fan meeting with the player who supports YOUR mascot!
A video fan meeting with the player of your choosing, no less. The fans could only communicate by voice, but getting a one-on-one conversation with a popular star like Kim Yi-seon or Kang Min-hyuk was an enormous perk.
Even before COVID, the best you could hope for was a quick autograph or a photo. A five-minute video call? A once-in-a-lifetime megaservice.
The Twins fans — and the Eolppa fans above all — promptly lost their minds.
(Store page)
Both Hani and Tani sold out... next shipment is in 3 days apparently
(An old post Lee Ye-eun made on Kim Yi-seon's official SNS)
Look here, there's a Hani sticker on the phone case. No Tani sticker.
(A childhood photo of Kim Yi-seon posing with the Tani mascot)
Guess Yi-seon's been Team Tani since he was little lmaoooo
Was Kim Yi-seon a Hani guy or a Tani guy? Dozens of pieces of "evidence" and theories flooded in by the day, and the supporters of both sides tore into each other in grand fashion.
Granted, the ones doing the fighting were mostly the dopamine-addicted community veterans, while the casual newcomers just seemed to enjoy playing detective for fun.
But even this cheerful civil war among the fans was slowly drawing to a close.
[Team Hani VS Team Tani! The Twins Civil War! Results Announced!]
Thank you to the 5,200 fans who took part in this event...
...The representative supporting player for each mascot will be announced at tomorrow's game event!
The announcement day had finally arrived.
"It was a selfish request. Thank you for going along with it."
"Not at all. You're the one carrying the heaviest load today, Kim Yi-seon. This is nothing for us."
When I'd been deciding which mascot to support, my conversation with Paulo had given me a flash of insight — and so I'd decided to dig in my heels.
Today's game was a home game I had nothing to do with, days away from my next start. But since I'd been the one to propose announcing the event this way, naturally I showed up at the stadium.
Actually, "showed up" undersells it. I came to throw a baseball.
"Shall we head out now, then?"
"Yes, sir."
The moment the staff member said the word, I pulled the mascot hood resting at my side up over my head.
Yes — the reveal method I'd settled on was the gloriously absurd idea of wearing the mascot costume myself and throwing out the first pitch.
When I pitched the idea, the PR team was half delighted and half mortified, but they apparently judged it too good an opportunity to pass up, bending over backwards to align the event schedule around it.
Crouched behind the plate was senior catcher Min-jong — the man who had thoroughly cemented his place as our second-string catcher these days.
He knew there was a person inside the costume, but figured it was just a ceremonial toss, so he was expecting a soft lob and had already eased off.
I had no intention of going soft. That would defeat the entire point of the choice I'd made.
I set up with my right hand. Turns out, Hani's official lore makes her a righty. Who knew.
?????
Throwing a velocity half the league can't touch in their dreams... in a mascot suit lmao
(Seoul Twins official SNS)
They never said HOW they'd announce it, just "the announcement is coming," and now it makes perfect sense lmaooo. Whoever picked Hani just won the lottery.
The ball smacked into the mitt with a satisfying crack — crisper than anyone had expected, judging by how rattled senior catcher Min-jang looked catching it.
The costume had thrown off my control a bit, but thankfully it still landed right down the middle. The velocity came out pretty decent too.
By now I'd pulled off the mascot hood and was waving to the crowd as I walked back toward the dugout. I was absolutely certain that everyone watching this game had just been knocked sideways for one reason or another.
But my plan didn't end here.
Dang it... I picked Tani.
Min-hyuk's great and all, but Yi-seon's my number one.
Other clubs are doing stuff here and there too, but the Twins seem to be trying the hardest?
A player throwing out the first pitch in a mascot costume — I couldn't even have imagined it.
And of course, as you've no doubt guessed — Tani was me too.
"Kim Yi-seon. Are you really going to take on the event fans yourself? It's going to eat up a lot of your time..."
"I'm the one who pushed for it and chose both sides. The fans shouldn't have to pay the price for that, either."
Sensibly speaking, this had started as a pick-one campaign — the PR team's plan to split the fanbase between me and Kang Min-hyuk down the middle and maximize the promotional effect.
But when I stubbornly insisted on doing both sides AND tossed in the mascot-costume first-pitch idea on top, they'd reluctantly gone along with it. I really should apologize for that.
Still, the fans would be happy — no matter which side they'd voted for, they'd all get an online fan meeting with me. And the message "same-team fans shouldn't fight each other" got delivered in the process.
For the record, Kang Min-hyuk got hit with guilt by association and strong-armed into picking both sides as well. Something about "if you're choosing the opposite of what I chose, then..." Well, if I picked both, then the opposite of both is also both, isn't it?
Anyway, with Tani's first pitch also on my schedule, there was no time to waste. I quickly swapped the Hani hood for the Tani one and got ready to throw again.
When I climbed the mound, senior catcher Min-moon greeted me with a look of utter resignation. Trust me, sunbae, I know how ridiculous this is.
But hey — for the sake of domestic peace, a man's got to do what a man's got to do.
???
I'm the best one either way. (Slight paraphrase)
Kim Yi-seon – Kang Min-hyuk – Hani – Tani – Kang Hyun-seok
The ultimate five-man rotation, holy crap
Turns out, Tani's official lore makes her a lefty — the exact opposite of Hani.
Which made her the perfect character for a guy planning to throw with both arms.
The moment the ceremony ended, I bolted straight to Ye-eun and Min-ah without a second to spare.
When I flung the door open, the two of them were still frozen in front of the TV, watching the broadcast.
"Did you see my pitches?"
"...Yeah. It's not even a game day and you're out there throwing? What happens if your conditioning takes a hit."
That was Ye-eun's worried response, but that wasn't what mattered right now. I rushed over, plopped down snug against both of them with an arm around each, and said my piece.
"Then you already know, right? Hani and Tani are both me."
"Haah... Yi-seon, what on earth is that supposed to mean?"
Min-ah asked him to repeat himself, clearly lost. But I had a perfectly airtight reason.
"Since Hani and Tani are both me, I'm telling you two not to hate the other side too much."
Paulo had settled things by devouring both wives' chili and giving himself a stomachache, but if I'd just announced "I pick both" out of nowhere, I'd have gotten nothing but pushback. So I'd staged a performance outrageous enough that picking both actually looked plausible — even if it took a little bending over backwards.
Maybe there was some cleverer way than this boneheaded approach, if I'd thought hard enough. But brute-forcing it with my own two arms was the only method I could come up with — which is exactly why I threw with everything I had.
Only then did they seem to grasp what I meant, and Ye-eun let out a long sigh.
"Fine. We're sorry we fought over pride for nothing. But that doesn't mean you get to push yourself like this—"
"Honestly, you two can keep bickering as much as you want. Forcing yourselves to hold it in when nothing's actually resolved is way more exhausting."
Not that I wouldn't prefer less fighting, of course.
"Just understand one thing. Don't ever think I love one of you more — I love all of you, genuinely, every single day."
That had to be the same heart Paulo wanted to convey to his wives. My own mild discomfort, my fatigue — none of that mattered. The only real disaster would be if one of my girls got her feelings hurt.
After I said it, we stayed tangled in that embrace for a long while, and then the two of them each let out a sigh and spoke up in turn.
"How is that any different from emotional blackmail? 'If we fight, you'll grovel until you've made both of us happy'?"
"I've said it before and I'll say it again — your methods are so primitive. You're always lecturing everyone about 'scientific workload management,' and then you do this."
But mercifully, the mood between the two of them had thawed just a little as they traded those jabs at me. I took the scolding with a grin.
"Well, what can I say? Managing this idiot apparently takes more than one of you."
"True. I've been at it for over ten years myself, and going solo just doesn't cut it. Min-ah, Seo-hee-unni — you'll have to pitch in too."
One incident wouldn't erase the fighting, of course. But at the very least, they'd never again have to wonder whether I was taking sides, or whether one of them had been left out in the cold.