Chapter 29
Chapter 29
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: penny
Chapter: 29
Chapter Title: The Effects of the Special Military Training -1
-----------------------------------------------------------------
***
As Union Berlin earned promotion to the 3. Liga, the club underwent a massive shake-up.
A ton of players left for various reasons, and just as many new ones were brought in to fill the gaps.
Nearly half the squad turned over, which naturally reset the team's cohesion to zero.
With the season fast approaching, they needed to build some teamwork—and fast.
But there wasn't enough time to start from scratch and build it up step by step.
'No helping it.'
Union Berlin's jack-of-all-trades—me, Park Chan-hyuk—decided to take matters into his own hands.
The easiest way to unite a squad? Give them a common enemy.
Just like how soldiers see officers as the main foe, I resolved to sacrifice myself and become Union Berlin's public enemy number one.
'Ah... Who better to personify self-sacrifice than I, Park Chan-hyuk?'
The plan I came up with actually worked like a charm in bonding the team.
"That bastard... I'm gonna kill him someday."
"Chan-hyuk, you little shit."
In no time flat, Union Berlin's players became one unified team. It was shockingly effective, just like the method proven in South Korea's massive boot camp of a nation.
Sure, the looks they were giving me were murderous, but if I spun it positive, it meant Thomas Tuchel's dream of reshaping the squad's mentality had succeeded.
'Two birds with one stone? Nah, make it three.'
And hey, it wasn't so bad for the players either.
'It's like a preview of military life. Germany's still got the draft, after all.'
This was 2006, and Germany was still a conscription country.
(For reference, Germany kept the draft until 2010, then effectively switched to a volunteer force.)
'Ah. What about my own military service?'
Speaking of which, maybe it's the army vibes, but my thoughts keep drifting back to my own service dilemma.
If I naturalized in Germany, Korean fans would definitely tear me a new one.
'But hey, I'm not doing military service twice.'
Still, I didn't want to go just to avoid the hate. The army back then was straight-up hell.
'Think they'd exempt me if I won gold as a coach at the Asian Games?'
As I pondered my military woes—
My eyes met the main PD's. He flashed a beaming smile, clearly thrilled with my performance.
I nodded back at him and barked my orders.
"Everybody, drop and give me twenty!"
The future me can worry about the future.
Right now, I had to keep cranking out those broadcast gold moments.
***
The main PD had been sweating bullets right up until filming started. He'd bragged to the higher-ups that it was a surefire hit, but even he wasn't fully confident a show with a non-celeb could pull it off.
Sure, civilians brought that raw, unfiltered vibe that could spark laughs, but plenty froze up on camera.
This time, though, he wasn't worried about that.
Park Chan-hyuk had already nailed the supporting role in the last shoot, stealing the spotlight from the public.
[Title: Park Chan-hyuk Variety Show Appearance Edit.]
└ Wait, he's really a coach? Dude talks way too smooth.
└ Nah, his tone's got this weird inciting vibe. Not feeling it.
└ Inciting? More like con artist vibes.
└ Con artist?
└ Yeah, smells like a scammer.
└ Fr, like Kim Sun-dal peddling Daedong River water.
'Chan-hyuk, just deliver like last time, please.'
The main PD prayed, picturing Park Chan-hyuk's face before the cameras rolled.
This shoot hinged entirely on his individual talent.
If Park Chan-hyuk half-assed the drill instructor act as a draft dodger, it'd just piss off every vet watching.
[Is the army a joke to you?]
[Holy shit, treating sacred national duty like a game?]
[Draft dodger playing instructor? Lmao passing by.]
[Ugh, figures from a draft dodger.]
He could already predict the comment storm.
Short-term buzz? Fine. Long-term? Disaster.
Shaking a "boring" rep once it stuck would take forever.
But once filming kicked off—
"Trainee No. 1, you here to play? Is military training a joke to you?"
Park Chan-hyuk went full drill sergeant, channeling the sadistic senior who'd tormented him in the army.
"Trainee No. 2, why so much beef with the world?"
His venom toward Union Berlin's manager Thomas Tuchel and president Dirk Zingler was downright chilling.
'He seems weirdly into it. Why?'
At first, the main PD wondered what the hell was up.
- CP, you punk—drop and give me twenty.
But then he imagined chewing out his direct boss and the variety department head. Suddenly, he got a taste of whatever rush Park Chan-hyuk was riding.
'Must feel damn good.'
Of course, he probably couldn't pull it off even if given the chance.
'But can that kid handle the fallout?'
Only a madman like Park Chan-hyuk would swing without thinking about the consequences.
***
Yannik Foigt was entering his second year with Union Berlin.
Now in the 3. Liga, he'd quit his factory job to go all-in on soccer. Even though it was still amateur ball, topping the scoring charts in last season's 4th division had restored his confidence.
Of course, the gap between 3rd and 4th division was bigger than expected, so he wasn't getting cocky.
'Thomas Maier.'
Plus, they'd signed a serious position rival recently.
Last season had Daniel Teixeira as competition, but he felt more like a mentor sharing know-how and experience than a real threat.
But before Yannik Foigt could fire up any real rivalry—
"...I'm gonna kill that bastard someday."
"I'll back you up whenever. Just say the word."
Thomas Maier and Yannik Foigt bonded over their shared hatred of a certain great evil: Park Chan-hyuk.
But that fire didn't last long.
"Trainee No. 2's still got that selfish streak!"
Seeing the infamous hothead manager get giggled at and reamed by the assistant coach—
'...Psycho.'
Yannik Foigt shrank back without realizing it.
'Better steer clear.'
Park Chan-hyuk wasn't just intimidating the new signings—he was leaving a hell of an impression on everyone.
***
The training camp had been a roaring success so far.
"Trainee No. 2, wipe that look off your face. Got a problem with your instructor?"
"Agh!"
"Problem? Then drop."
"No, sir—agh!"
"Oh? Then drop anyway."
I'd steadily provoked the players while venting some pent-up rage of my own.
The result?
The squad forgot all about position battles and gelled perfectly.
But all good things must come to an end.
The final day of military training arrived.
And with it, payback time.
I scanned the mood and sighed.
'Ah. I'm screwed.'
Guess I got too carried away.
The "trainees" (?) were giving me ice-cold stares.
-Chan-hyuk, I'll never forget your love for the camera.
The main PD's eyes screamed, "You had that coming—even if I shot you in the back of the head."
'I wasn't gonna go this far, but no choice.'
To survive, I pulled out my ace in the hole.
"Grab your battle buddy's hand next to you!"
Campfire time.
Emotional manipulation, in other words.
A precious chance to launder my ruthless instructor image.
Blending boot camp campfire cheese with Hitler-Goebbels speech-inspired German?
The effect was tremendous.
"Close your eyes now and picture the faces of the fans who bled for this club."
Tears welled up in the players' eyes.
"Every Union Berlin player is here tonight. I ask you: Are you ready to repay the fans' love?"
"Jaaaaa!"
I smoothly redirected their inner rage elsewhere with some natural agitation.
"Dem Morgengrauen entgegen, ziehn wir gegen den Wind."
(The dawn awaits—we march into the wind.)
As the vibe heated up, I led the chant.
"Wir werden alles zerlegen, bis wir Deutscher Meister sind."
(We'll smash everything until we're German champions.)
The players responded.
"FC Union, du sollst leuchten wie der hellste Heiligenschein."
(FC Union, you shall shine like the brightest halo.)
Union Berlin's anthem echoed across the training ground.
'Yes!'
I cheered inwardly. Survival odds: looking good.
As the players soaked in the feels—
"It was an honor to meet you all. Safe travels—go achieve your dreams."
I wrapped up quick.
And as I moved to exit all crisp and sharp—
"Chan-hyuk, don't we have some unfinished business?"
Someone grabbed my shoulder.
Thomas Tuchel.
Dirk Zingler loomed behind him.
That's when it hit me.
'Ah. I've racked up way more karma than I thought.'
The karma from those two wasn't getting washed away with some sappy speech.
And that day—
I got chewed out royally.
Eh. At least I survived.
***
A few days after Union Berlin's wildly successful military training/variety shoot wrapped—
SBK Network aired a promo for the Union Berlin special.
[Union Berlin Hits Military Training Camp.]
The title popped up, sad BGM kicked in, and the footage rolled.
"Trainee No. 1, you here to play? Is military training a joke to you?"
Park Chan-hyuk (Instructor. Trait: Draft Dodger.)
The subtly drugged-out edit grabbed viewers' attention.
"Agh!"
Dirk Zingler (Trainee No. 1. Trait: Union Berlin President.)
As the character intros flashed, viewers' heads exploded with question marks.
It blew up certain communities.
[Title: Uh, what the hell is this?]
(Union Berlin Military Training Promo)
└ ???
└ Who's the dude face-down up front?
└ Dirk Zingler.
└ Who the fuck is that?
└ Union Berlin president.
└ ??????
└ President? As in big shot? Why's he dropping for push-ups?
└ Park Chan-hyuk made him.
└ ?? What kinda bullshit...
└ Don't ask me, I don't get it either, fuck.
└ Lmao this promo's pure clickbait gold.
And a few days later—
[Union Berlin vs. Osung Red Wings Event Match: Ticket Reservations Surge.]
The public's eyes naturally turned to the exhibition between Union Berlin and Osung Red Wings.