Shame Is Mine to Bear
I had shouted with great enthusiasm, but that resolve evaporated after just a few steps forward.
The regret of the shame awaiting me outweighed the brief surge of anger. I knew I’d already waded into the quagmire myself.
But retreating now would be meaningless. Since I’d declared I’d do it, there was no turning back.
So I walked slowly toward the employee, cooling my burning face with the back of my hand.
The employee smiled warmly and asked, “What size are you looking for?”
“Ah, um, that, I…”
My words choked off at the first syllable.
I knew I was making a painfully awkward move, but my mind went blank in this unprecedented crisis, and I bowed my head low.
Feeling the heat crawl up my neck, I managed to spit out one word.
“I… don’t know.”
“Then would you like to start with a size measurement?”
“…Yes.”
I nodded in agreement and reached into my clothes.
To measure, I’d have to remove this cumbersome cotton fabric first.
So I fumbled along my back with my hands, searching for the knot. Once I found it, I simply tugged the string to undo it.
‘Alright. Now I just need to pull it down…’
*Slither—*
The bandage wrapped around my chest slowly uncoiled from my body.
I pulled the bandage out from under my clothes, winding it neatly around my hand like reeling in a kite.
But suddenly, a *snap!* echoed, followed by a scorching sensation on my back.
“Wh-what are you doing! Right now! You should do that in the fitting room…!”
Turning around, I saw Lee Haneul standing close beside me.
“…I was taking it off under my clothes. It’s not visible outside.”
“Still, it’s a problem…! Hurry and go inside!”
She pushed me from behind, so I showed her the bandage fully wound around my hand.
“I already… finished?”
“Your hands are so fast, really…”
Lee Haneul shook her head, glanced around, and confirmed no one was paying attention. Then she extended her hand to me.
“Then give me that. I’ll take care of it. So it won’t get in the way when you put on clothes.”
I handed her the bandage, and she stuffed it into her pocket before draping her own coat over my shoulders.
“Take care of your body. Remember that, okay?”
After adjusting the coat, she left briefly to find a trash can.
Hmm, uh…
Uh-uh…
What did I do wrong?
It felt like she was scolding me, but I couldn’t figure out why.
Mostly, wasn’t it usually men who draped coats over women? I never imagined I’d be on the receiving end of a reverse-coat-drape, so I stood frozen, staring blankly at the empty space where Lee Haneul had disappeared.
“Alright, could you come over here?”
“Ah, yes…”
Of course, the hesitation didn’t last long.
With the employee’s help, I stood quietly and let her measure me.
The result was 75C.
So… that means C-cup?
I didn’t know what the number meant, but I knew the letter.
But was a C-cup really this small?
In anime, they looked like apples or something.
I glanced down at my chest briefly, but didn’t linger.
If the employee caught me staring, our conversation would turn awkward, and my dignity would be utterly destroyed.
So moving on to the next step…
Ah.
Now I just had to put it on.
Luckily, the employee noticed I was a beginner and brought over some simple options.
“…Thank you!”
I snatched the item from her hands and dashed into the fitting room.
As soon as I closed and locked the door, my body went limp.
I pressed my head against the wall, letting the cool surface soothe my burning cheeks and forehead.
Still, every time I felt the fabric in my hands, the self-loathing rising inside me refused to fade.
I was screwed.
That was my conclusion after careful consideration.
It was awkward.
The silence inside the fitting room. Outside sounds felt like a distant, foreign world, and only my pounding heart and breathing broke the quiet.
I felt like an alien presence. So even though I was alone, I carefully removed my top without making a sound.
*Rustle, rustle…*
Once fully undressed, I didn’t bother looking down at my body. Acknowledging it would feel even more perverted.
Ah, damn. Why isn’t this guy saying anything?
Mortepheus hadn’t spoken a word since earlier. Before, he’d been teasing and poking fun, but now that I was in this awkward silence, he’d gone quiet.
He’d probably start mocking me once I finished putting on my underwear.
I sighed and picked up the piece of cloth.
Since Mortepheus would mock me no matter how fast or slow I was, the answer was to just power through.
First, I slipped on the shoulder straps, aligned the wires with my chest line, and grabbed the hooks to fasten them behind my back…
But they wouldn’t meet.
No, damn it. Since it was my first time, the two sides wouldn’t connect in mid-air. My hands were shaking from nerves.
I frowned and tugged harder, but pulling too hard might tear or stretch it, so I hesitated, waving my hands uselessly in the air, only growing more anxious.
“Haa…”
Okay, let’s take a deep breath. Hoo, haa, hoo, haa.
My hands are sweaty from tension, right? Calm down, be more composed.
Just as I thought that, footsteps sounded outside the door.
By the spacing of the steps and the way they walked…
Lee Haneul?
*Knock, knock.* A light knock on the door.
“It’s taking a while. Are you okay?”
“Ah, um…”
It was Lee Haneul’s voice. She must have returned after disposing of the bandage. So I hesitated briefly. Should I say I was fine, or honestly ask for help?
The hesitation was short.
If I keep struggling out of pride, I’ll end up asking for help later, which would be even more embarrassing.
This wasn’t a dungeon. There was no “die if you don’t know” instant-fail scenario.
“…No. The hooks won’t fasten.”
“Ah. That part.”
So asking for help like this wasn’t strange. …Probably.
Lee Haneul thought for a moment before speaking.
“I’ll give you two options. One, I fasten it from behind. Two, I’ll explain how, and you follow along. Which do you prefer?”
“…Which is faster?”
“Me doing it directly. Though you’ll need to open the door.”
I hesitated.
One option was briefly embarrassing but quick and done.
The other was just listening and following instructions.
…Honestly, thinking back to my earlier self, I didn’t think explanations alone would solve it. Relying on an actual woman’s help seemed more reliable.
The God of Spectating tells you: Admitting your weaknesses is not shameful.
What the heck? He’s agreeing with my thoughts.
I firmly decided to let Lee Haneul help me. Still, showing my back in just underwear was embarrassing, so I kept the hoodie on, lifting only the back portion, and unlocked the door while facing away.
“…Come in.”
The breeze from the open door brushed my skin, making me shiver slightly.
The strange unease of my back being exposed, my heart racing—I closed my eyes. It’s nothing. It’ll be over soon. I held my arms crossed like I was hugging myself, waiting for Lee Haneul to finish quickly.
One unexpected thing, though…
“Wow, your back muscles…”
“…Hyaak?!”
The moment Lee Haneul’s fingertips touched my back, a strange sensation ran down my spine. My heart leapt into my throat, and a cute scream burst out.
As soon as my brain processed the situation, my face burned red. Before I could even realize what expression I was making, I shoved Lee Haneul away.
“…Get out, I’m done, I don’t need help! Just go!”
“Ah, wait! Sorry, that was…”
*Bang!*
The door slammed shut and locked. I leaned against the wall, my legs feeling weak.
Attacks with malice or hostility would’ve been easier. I had zero resistance to this kind of thing—it was a critical hit.
Just a moment, let me cool down. I’m so embarrassed my brain is spinning…
“Haaaa…”
I rested my head against the cool wall to lower my temperature. After a while, her voice came from outside.
“Sorry for touching you without asking… Are you okay? Calmed down?”
“…I’m fine, ah. Maybe.”
Truthfully, I wanted to bang my head against the wall for creating another dark history. But at least I wanted to leave the fitting room, which meant I needed to put on my underwear.
Of course, I had no courage to try the previous method again. So this time, I asked her to explain verbally.
“Right now, you’ve got the shoulder straps on, right? Lower them. Both sides.”
I slowly followed Lee Haneul’s instructions. Not stripping my dignity… I lowered the shoulder straps along with the hoodie.
“Done.”
“Now, hold the hooks in front of your body and fasten them first. There are three hooks, right? Start with the outermost one.”
Ah.
Wait, fasten the hooks first, then twist them around to fit the body?
No way. There was such a simple method, and I went around in circles for nothing…
Half-skeptical, I followed Lee Haneul’s instructions, and soon I found myself easily putting it on by raising the shoulder straps and aligning the wires with my chest line.
“……”
“Done?”
“…Yeah.”
No. No. Wait. If this is the case…
Cognitive dissonance hit me. I’d opened the door for nothing and gotten played, and actually, listening to explanations was the smarter choice?
There was a simple explanation even a beginner like me could understand?
The God of Spectating adds: If your head is stupid, your body suffers.
This guy’s agreeing with my thoughts again. He knew all along, didn’t he?
Shiiipppp…
I banged my head against the wall. Shame was mine to bear.