The Peaches of Immortality
“I don’t know what rumors you’ve been hearing, but eating an immortal peach doesn’t make you deathless!”
The stories had swollen and twisted with every retelling—claims that someone had lived for thousands of years, or achieved true immortality. None of it was true.
The peaches certainly held tremendous energy, yet even that fell short of the rejuvenation a martial artist attained upon enlightenment.
“I know.”
Do-ha shrugged at Dool’s words.
Eating an immortal peach simply dissolved the vast energy within it into the body and prolonged one’s life. Ordinary spiritual medicines would kill an ordinary person who could not control the force; the immortal peach, however, converted every scrap of that power into pure life force, safe even for the untrained. That was how the wild rumors had been born.
“I simply cannot give you one! The Queen Mother of the West’s Peach Garden is a place even the Jade Emperor himself does not enter!”
“The Jade Emperor doesn’t enter because he chooses not to, not because he can’t.”
“Ha… In any case, it is something I simply cannot obtain!”
“You don’t need to obtain it.”
“Hm?”
What did that mean? He didn’t need to obtain it…?
“You just have to hand them over to me.”
“What are you talking about…?”
“You used to be the caretaker of the Peach Garden.”
“….”
The moment Do-ha smiled and spoke, Dool’s face froze solid. Strictly speaking he had never been the official caretaker—only the temporary watchman whenever the Queen Mother stepped away.
“I know you stole a few peaches back then.”
“Th-th-that never happened!”
“Is that so? Then I guess I’ll just kill Hwa-ryeong.”
“No!”
Dool thrust out a hand, brow knotted in pure misery. This dog-shit situation… How in the world did Baek Do-ha know a secret that neither the Jade Emperor nor the Queen Mother of the West had ever discovered?
“Hoo… The peaches I have are bruised, undergrown rejects that were supposed to be discarded. I merely pocketed them during disposal.”
“Sure, sure. Hand them over.”
“How on earth did you know I still had them?”
“Does it matter how I know? What matters is that you have them.”
Do-ha grinned and held out his hand. Bruised or not, an immortal peach was still an immortal peach.
“How did I ever get tangled up with the likes of you… Fine. I’ll give you one. Just send Hwa-ryeong back.”
“No. Three.”
“What?!”
Had he ever met a more deranged lunatic? Demanding three immortal peaches!
“You’ve got five. I’m not asking for all of them—just three. Why the shock?”
“….”
When Do-ha named the exact number, Dool’s jaw dropped. How did this bastard know even that?
“I can’t stand the curiosity any longer. Tell me how you know these things. Speak honestly and I’ll give you the three.”
It was simply too strange that Do-ha knew secrets hidden from both the Jade Emperor and the Queen Mother. No one in Seon-gye itself was aware—not even Dool’s closest friends.
“Hand them over first. Then I’ll talk. And I’ll spare this one too.”
“…Ugh.”
In the end Dool drew three small silk pouches from his robes. Like a mage’s spatial bag, each pouch held a similar power that kept the peaches perfectly preserved.
Thud.
“Kh… Do you have any idea how carefully I’ve kept these…?”
Dool set the three pouches in Do-ha’s palm with a face ready to cry. He had already decided to give them up, yet the moment they left his hands the regret was crushing.
“Here. Take him.”
Thud.
The instant the peaches were in hand, Do-ha kicked the unconscious Hwa-ryeong away with one foot. Sparing someone who had attacked him was a rare mercy.
“Now tell me. How did you know I possessed the peaches?”
“Nothing special. You told me yourself.”
“Don’t joke with me.”
“I’m serious.”
When Dool’s expression turned deadly earnest, Do-ha merely shrugged. It was no lie—thirty years ago Dool had confessed everything.
“Remember that time you came down for a while and we all drank together?”
“…The night I blacked out completely…?”
“Yeah. You spilled it all to me then. That you’d once watched the Peach Garden, and that when the Queen Mother was away you’d pocketed five of the rejects.”
“….”
Dool’s face hardened, then drained to the color of earth. Had he really run his mouth while drunk? If Do-ha’s words were true, the other immortals of Seon-gye might already know—after all, he drank with his friends up there as well.
“A-among your friends…?”
“None of them know. You only told me while I was looking after you. Ah—Canteas here knows now, of course.”
“Doesn’t matter to me. I’m already immortal even without a peach.”
“In skeleton form, sure.”
“Argh, stop calling me a skeleton!”
“Curiosity satisfied?”
“…Yes… Thank you…”
Dool nodded like a man whose soul had left his body. He had fretted over how the secret leaked, only to learn he had blabbed it himself. He had never imagined he possessed such a drunken vice.
Had he told the other immortals of Seon-gye as well? Did the Queen Mother already know?
“Haa…”
Dool exhaled a long, complicated sigh. Watching him, Do-ha shook his head inwardly.
Back then I actually cast Honest Answer on him…
The spell that forced a person to speak only truth. He hadn’t been fishing for secrets; he had simply wondered whether the magic would work on an immortal. So he had cast it while Dool was thoroughly drunk—and it had worked perfectly. Everything Dool had buried came pouring out.
“I’ll put the peaches to good use.”
“…I’ll be going now.”
Dool offered a limp farewell and gathered up Hwa-ryeong.
“See you around.”
“…I’d rather not.”
Normally Dool would have forced a polite agreement; this time the refusal was heartfelt. Ever since meeting this damned Absolute Being, nothing had gone right.
“Ah, right! Wait!”
“?”
Dool, already turning away, looked back. What now? What new excuse was he about to invent?
“Just a second.”
Rustle, rustle.
“…What are you doing?”
Do-ha stepped close and began rifling through Hwa-ryeong’s pockets. Dool stared, dumbfounded. In all his long life he had never expected to watch a mortal pick an immortal’s pockets.
“This bastard turned the whole area upside down. Buildings collapsed everywhere.”
“That was your doing!”
Earlier Do-ha had been flinging Meteors around; the neighborhood had been reduced to rubble.
“What are you talking about? Didn’t you see this damned mountain god cast Meteor first? Even without me, this place would have been a wasteland.”
“Fine, I understand. But what does that have to do with emptying his pockets?!”
“I need reconstruction funds for the area.”
Swoosh.
“Oh, this’ll do nicely.”
A gem the size of a watermelon emerged, and Do-ha smiled. As expected of a mountain god—he carried treasures like this.
“I’ll use it for Kunlun’s reconstruction costs.”
“Ugh…”
Dool could only groan. If it was truly for rebuilding Kunlun, he could hardly object.
“May I leave now?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Hoo… I should have died to the Demon God… Why did I have to survive…?”
“Sounds like something that was supposed to stay inside your head just slipped out.”
“I said it so you’d hear it!”
Clouds billowed. Whoosh—
Supporting Hwa-ryeong, Dool vanished into the mist.
“By the way, you cast Honest Answer on Dool to get that information, didn’t you?”
“You knew?”
“I arrived late to the drinking party that night because of research. On the way I saw you casting magic on him and wondered what you were up to.”
“That’s right. Everything I learned came from Honest Answer. Heh.”
“…You really are a con man.”
Canteas shook his head at Do-ha. Poor Dool. Of all the people in the world, he had to get reeled in by someone more demonic than the Demon God himself.
Shake.
Thud!
“When we get home, let’s squeeze this bastard for information on Mammon.”
Do-ha glanced at the bottle containing Furcas. Whether the demon was unconscious or simply lacked a body, conversation was impossible in this state.
“And on the way I should tell Je-u to handle the village reconstruction.”
“Huh? Just tell him?”
“Of course I have to tell him. You expect me to rebuild it myself?”
“No, I mean… shouldn’t you hand over the gem? You said you’d use what you stole from Hwa-ryeong for reconstruction.”
“Stole? This is consolation money. Compensation for the sorrow of being picked on.”
“So you’re saying you’re just going to keep the gem and eat it?”
Whoosh!
“Gem? What gem are you talking about?”
Do-ha teleported the watermelon-sized jewel away and shrugged.
“Wow… seriously…”
Canteas’s mouth fell open. What kind of person was this…?
“I finally get it.”
Canteas wore the expression of a man who had just achieved enlightenment.
“Get what?”
“Why you wanted to kill the Demon God.”
“Where did that come from?”
“They say there can’t be two suns under heaven. You’re far more suited to be the Demon God, so you wanted to get rid of the old one and take the seat! Now I understand! You really were the better fit for Demon God!”
Smack!
Canteas took a solid hit and shuddered from head to toe.
Drip.
Sizzle.
“Hmm.”
The moment Furcas was pulled from the bottle he simply died. Do-ha frowned. The barrier of the water-gate must have pushed him past his absolute limit.
“He was already dying, then.”
“Looks like it.”
Whoosh.
Bubble, bubble.
Do-ha sighed and purified the corrupted ground. As Furcas’s remains melted, the earth had been tainted and demonic energy was seeping out.
“This insect bastard spreads demonic energy in someone else’s yard.”
Do-ha cursed the dead Furcas.
“So what are you going to do with the peaches?”
“Eat them.”
“All three?”
“No. One for Grandfather, one for me. The last one…”
“I’m fine. Like I said, I’m already immortal.”
“I wasn’t planning to give you one anyway.”
“…That’s just cold.”
Canteas’s face turned wounded. Would it have killed him to at least pretend he was offering?
“Just give it to me! I’ll eat it!”
“This possessed skeleton is at it again. Shoo~ get away.”
“I’m not some fly you’re chasing off…”
“I’ll hold onto the last one for now.”
Dimerof, Namgung Je-u, Emilton. If any of those three ever needed it, he would give it. They were the sort of people for whom an immortal peach would not feel wasted.
“When I eat the peach, stand guard for me.”
“You’re going into the Dream Calamity Extreme Light Formation like last time, aren’t you?”
Previously Do-ha had spent several months sealed inside that formation, emerging only when a wave struck.
“Not this time. It won’t take nearly as long.”
Do-ha gazed quietly at the peach. He already knew exactly what he needed to do to break through to the next realm. Originally he had planned to accumulate far more internal energy first, but with an immortal peach in hand the breakthrough would be far smoother.
“If the energy I release starts thrashing wildly…”
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure the family stays safe.”
“Good. Thanks.”
Do-ha smiled at Canteas’s words.
Swoosh.
Chomp.
Seated on the ground, Do-ha took a huge bite of the immortal peach.