The Twisted Longinus
“What kind of conversation…?”
Valac carefully eyed Do-ha.
“Come on, relax. Why are you looking so tense?”
“…….”
For a moment, Valac swallowed the words that had risen all the way to his throat.
He already knew the guy was a lunatic, but he never expected him to actually pick a fight with the Demon God.
How the hell was he supposed to relax in front of a human like that?!
Especially when he himself had been beaten half to death by the man before—more than once. At least four times, minimum.
Then—
“Brought him.”
“He’s not dead, right?”
Canteas arrived carrying the unconscious cardinal, and Do-ha glanced over.
He had carefully controlled his strength so the man wouldn’t die.
“There’s no way an ant survives getting stepped on even if you hold back—”
“Hm?”
“Nothing.”
“Still alive, I see.”
Feeling the pulse still beating, Canteas immediately bound the cardinal.
“Do-ha, seal his pressure points for me.”
He’d already tied the man up and blocked his demonic energy, but pressure-point sealing would make it airtight.
The problem was that pressure points didn’t work on someone stronger than yourself.
“Got it.”
Whoosh.
Tap. Thud-thud-thud.
Do-ha used Finger Flicking Force to seal the points with casual ease.
“…….”
Watching the scene, Valac shook his head without realizing it.
That poor bastard.
When he got hit by an Absolute, he should’ve just bitten his tongue and ended it right there…
Instead he was still breathing, which meant he was going to die in agony.
At first Valac had wanted to kill the cardinal for summoning him, but now he almost felt sorry for the guy.
“Anyway… what exactly did you want to talk to me about…?”
Valac looked at Do-ha with uneasy eyes.
Whenever this man grabbed him for a “conversation,” it was never something light.
Surely he wasn’t about to demand the locations of the Demon Kings or force him to betray the Demon God… right?
Or worse—both?
“I don’t know where any Demon Kings are, and I have no intention of betraying the Demon God.”
“Who said anything about that?”
“Oh… so that wasn’t it?”
Valac scratched the back of his head.
Then what the hell was he dragging this out for?!
“Open the portal to the recycling yard.”
“Excuse me? What…?”
“The portal that leads to Heaven’s Recycling Yard. Open it.”
“I’d rather just tell you where the Demon Kings are. I’ll even betray the Demon God.”
“Shut up and open the portal to that place. Do that and I’ll let you go.”
“I don’t know how to—”
“Hey now, lying already? Maybe losing a few fingers one by one will clear your head. A treasure-hunting specialist like you? No way you don’t know.”
“…….”
Valac’s face crumpled into a miserable pout.
How did he even know Valac could open portals…?
“If I mess this up, Heaven will put a target on my back and hunt me down…”
“Want me to hunt you instead?”
“Haha, I’ll just go fight Metatron.”
Fighting a bunch of angels would be better.
At least that would be a clean, honorable death compared to tangling with this damn lunatic Absolute.
“But why do you even want to go there…? There’s nothing there an Absolute would find useful.”
Heaven’s Recycling Yard.
A place nestled between Heaven and the middle realm, stacked high with objects saturated in Heaven’s holy power.
It wasn’t a treasure vault—just a pile of items on the verge of being discarded.
Hence the name: Recycling Yard.
Too awkward for angels to keep using, yet not quite suitable to hand out to the faithful either.
“I’ll handle that part. Just open the portal.”
“Haaah…”
Valac let out a deep sigh.
If this went wrong, the entirety of Heaven really might come after him.
And if that happened, the Demon Realm would exile him just to keep the sparks from flying their way.
“Seriously, what did I ever do to deserve this…”
Whoosh.
Whirl.
In the end, Valac waved his hand and opened a portal.
CRACK-CRACK-CRACK!
Unlike a normal portal, the space itself began to fracture and shatter.
“It’s open. Hurry up and go in. I can’t keep it open long…”
“See? When you actually do it, you do it so well.”
Pat. Pat.
Do-ha smiled and clapped Valac on the shoulder.
At the same time—
Grab.
“???”
Do-ha seized Valac by the scruff of the neck, and confusion flooded the demon’s face.
He’d done everything he was told—why the hell was he being grabbed by the neck?
“I-I really did open the portal to the Recycling Yard! It’s not somewhere else!”
“I know.”
Holy power was pouring out of the portal in waves—how could he not know?
That wasn’t why he was holding him.
“Come on. Let’s go.”
Grab!
“W-Where?”
Valac’s startled eyes locked onto Do-ha’s wrist.
Under normal circumstances he would never dare lay a hand on the man’s body, but right now he had no room to care about that.
“The Recycling Yard. You’re coming with me.”
“What?! Why do I have to go there?!”
Drag-drag-drag.
Do-ha applied force, and Valac’s body was pitifully hauled forward.
He tried to dig in his heels, but resistance was pointless.
Clench!
“W-Wait a second! If I go there, all hell’s going to break loose! We could end up starting the Great Heaven-Demon War—”
“Oh, that’d be perfect for me.”
“…….”
Do-ha smiled, and Valac’s face went rigid.
Right… this guy was human, wasn’t he?
Why had he been thinking of him as a Demon King?
“When it’s time to come back, you’re the one who has to open the portal again.”
“I’ll just give you the coordinates! Or I can wait here and open it when the time comes!”
“Shut it.”
Thud.
Wham!
In the end Do-ha kicked Valac straight through the portal.
This bastard should’ve just gone in when he was asked nicely.
Whoooosh.
“Nooooo! You damn lunatic!”
“Do-ha, that guy’s cursing you out.”
Whoosh.
Canteas dove into the portal while snitching.
“Guess he forgot we’re all going to the same place. He’s dead.”
Do-ha leapt through the portal as well.
CRACK-CRACK-CRACK!
Whoooosh.
BOOM!
Thud.
Tap.
“Are you even a noble? You’re supposed to land, not crash.”
Canteas shook his head at Valac, who was buried under a pile of debris.
How was a guy like this even a baron-rank demon?
“Aaaagh! W-We have to get out of here!”
Valac clawed his way free of the wreckage and screamed in the tiniest possible voice.
Even if this wasn’t Heaven proper, it was still Heaven-owned territory.
If anyone discovered a demon was here, all hell would break loose for real.
“Stop panicking. We just need to find the item and leave. So if you want out fast, help.”
“Haa… O God…”
“Why are you calling for the Demon God?”
When Valac invoked a god, Do-ha clicked his tongue.
Calling that worthless bastard wouldn’t help—he would never lift a finger.
“What item are you looking for?”
In the end Valac edged closer to Do-ha.
Better to grab whatever the Absolute wanted and get out of here as fast as possible.
“Longinus.”
“…….”
“What?”
“Why the hell would you look for Longinus here, you lunatic.”
Wham!
Valac, who had blurted out his true thoughts without thinking, took a punch for it.
Longinus was treated as one of Heaven’s most precious treasures.
Its hiding place was classified; no one below the rank of Archangel knew its location.
Even the Demon God himself had no idea where Longinus was.
“I’m not looking for the real Longinus.”
“Huh? Then…”
“A long time ago there was a mage who idolized Heaven’s power.”
Of course, that admiration had been twisted beyond recognition.
He wanted to create an object filled with holy power using his own hands, and in the end he crossed a line that could never be uncrossed.
“He captured angels one by one, killed them, drained their blood, tore off their wings, and extracted their holy power.”
“What for?”
“While forging a single sword, he quenched the steel in angel blood as he hammered it. When he stoked the fire, he fed it the wings so the holy power would burn.”
“…….”
“After that, he poured the extracted holy power into the finished blade.”
And so he created a twisted Longinus.
But the moment Heaven learned of it, countless angels flew into a rage, and the mage was killed before he ever got the chance to swing the sword.
“Wow… what a talent…”
“Talent, my ass. Anyway, they dumped that sword here.”
That was why he had come to the Recycling Yard.
“Wouldn’t they have destroyed it?”
“They can’t.”
As he’d said, the sword was a twisted Longinus.
Why call it twisted?
If it had simply radiated demonic energy, they would have given it a different name.
“That sword devours holy power.”
“What??”
“It doesn’t react to demonic energy, internal energy, mana—any other force. The only thing it responds to and absorbs is holy power.”
That was why, when they recovered the sword back then, they had to send down a Throne-class angel just to haul it away.
“Ooooh, that sounds tempting.”
Valac’s eyes sparkled.
A weapon like that would be incredibly attractive from a demon’s perspective.
“Planning to snatch it from me?”
“……Ah.”
Reality snapped back, and Valac slowly turned his head away.
Right—there was an Absolute standing right here…
He’d almost gotten himself killed.
“If you want it, take it. Fine by me.”
“Huh? Why would that be fine… Wait, does it have a tracking function?”
“Yep. The moment that sword falls into a demon’s hands, it reacts instantly. Even if you leave the Recycling Yard, it still reacts.”
Whoosh.
At Do-ha’s words, Valac slowly turned his back.
Grab.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“You said it reacts the second it leaves this space! If I take it, angels will swarm us immediately!”
“I can disable the tracking.”
“Oh, really? I thought…”
Valac nodded and went back to digging through the debris alongside Do-ha.
True to its name, the Recycling Yard was just a mountain of useless junk.
Nothing was organized—pure garbage heap.
“Canteas, summon some skeletons and search.”
“……Did you forget this place is drowning in holy power?”
Valac was a noble-rank demon, so he could endure it, but Canteas could barely breathe.
How was he supposed to summon skeletons here?!
“Ugh.”
THOOM!
In the end Do-ha cast a formation over Canteas’s body.
It couldn’t block all the holy power, but it let the energy flow off him.
“Oh, that feels better!”
“Now go look.”
“Got it.”
Excited, Canteas summoned skeletons and began rummaging through the debris.
Rummage-rummage.
Poke.
“Aaagh!”
While digging through the wreckage, Valac got stabbed by a spear charged with holy power and screamed.
This godforsaken place!
Weapons saturated with holy power kept hiding between the piles of junk.
“Quiet. Spend less time screaming and more time searching.”
“……Lord Do-ha.”
“What.”
“Wouldn’t it be better if I searched farther away too?”
Valac glanced at Canteas off in the distance.
Canteas was searching on his own—why did Valac have to stick right next to Do-ha?
Splitting up would let them find it faster.
“There’s a reason. Shut up and dig.”
“Yes…”
At Do-ha’s words, Valac’s face fell as he went back to rummaging through the debris.
Clatter.
Sliiiide!
“Whoa! Almost fell through.”
His leg plunged between the stacked wreckage, and Valac nearly jumped out of his skin.
Would it kill them to organize this place a little? Why pile everything up like this?
Damn angels.
Whoosh.
Tug.
“Huh?”
As he pulled his leg free, Valac tilted his head.
Something was snagged around his ankle?
Wiggle-wiggle.
“Ah, what the—”
Yank.
Stab!
“Gyaaaah!”
The moment he yanked his leg free, something stabbed him and he screamed.
Whoosh.
“W-What is this?!”
“Oh, found it!”
Do-ha approached with a smile.
The weapon embedded in Valac’s calf.
It was the counterfeit Longinus.
No matter how twisted it was, the weapon still held holy power.
When it sensed demonic energy nearby, it slowly crept closer, trying to purify it.
Think of it like a magnet, inching forward little by little.
“I figured it would start drifting this way. Knew it.”
“Th-Then… every time I got stabbed by weapons in the debris…”
“Yep. They were creeping closer.”
“Son of a… So that’s why you dragged me around with you.”
Valac let out a long, resentful sigh.