The New Professor Is a Lunatic (4)
The academy students moved like they were wading through molasses. Half the obstacles barely functioned, and they "fired" empty bows with nothing but their mouths. Whenever anyone tried to pick up the pace with any real enthusiasm, the teaching assistants would bellow at them to stop — they might get hurt, after all.
Watching it all from the control tower, I felt the truth of it in my bones. Peacetime really was peacetime. Ten years ago, when the Demon King's army still ran rampant, this kind of farce would have been unthinkable.
The mastermind who had shaken the entire continent was gone, and the nations that had suffered so terribly in the four-year war were setting aside their old grudges — for now — and pouring themselves into postwar reconstruction. On top of that, even the Principal was steeped in safety-first self-preservation. Of course nothing around here worked properly.
"There are mages at this academy, right?"
"There are, but… what for, exactly?"
"Call one. From this moment on, I'm taking direct control of this field."
When I laid out my plan to the mage who arrived at the training ground, the Combined Combat Training professor cried out in shock.
"That's not allowed! It's far too dangerous!"
"You think we can send them into actual combat at this level? They'll all die like dogs."
"But the Principal has already personally conducted a Safety Evaluation and—"
"Enough. I'll take full responsibility. I cannot tolerate training like this."
Anyone watching might have taken me for a Chief Professor overflowing with passion and a sense of mission. Not even close. My only concern in the world was keeping Principal Kirlin in her post.
If those mangy, half-baked kids were sent into the field as they were, we'd get cursed out six ways from Sunday. The Second Princess, who had been sharpening her knife for just such an occasion, would use it as a pretext to kick Kirlin out and try to drop me into her chair. If I refused, she'd drag Linus back instead.
For both Linus and me to live in peace, Kirlin had to remain Principal. And for Kirlin to remain Principal, the academy students' level had to be raised dramatically.
The problem was that Kirlin was currently so terrified of a safety accident costing her her head that she had shrunk into herself completely. She didn't even realize that was the very thing putting her position in jeopardy.
So it was up to me, the Chief Professor, to step in.
"So, if I understand you… you want me to fire offensive magic just barely behind the academy students?"
The mage who had received my instructions licked his lips, eyes gleaming. Given the academy's current atmosphere, he hadn't gotten to use any real magic in ages, and he was all fired up for the first time in a long while.
When he cast the spell and the first explosion went off, the academy students who had been jogging along at a leisurely shuffle all looked back in bewilderment.
"What are you standing around for?! Stay there and you'll be roasted!"
A few of them went down at the second blast, and only then did the rest finally grasp the situation and start running. Offensive magic rained down behind them without pause.
Watching the training ground erupt in successive detonations, I nodded. Yeah. Now this was starting to look like something. This was the level you'd expect from an imperial spy school.
"You crazy bastard!!!"
That was when I spotted Principal Kirlin screaming from the training ground entrance, charging this way at a dead run.
"Ah, Principal. You've arrived."
"What the hell are you doing?!"
With a single leap befitting a dark elf, Principal Kirlin sprang up onto the control tower and lunged for my collar. I twisted aside. She came at me again, and when I slipped that too, she finally gave up on shaking me by the throat and just shouted.
"Are you trying to kill the kids!?"
"I'm not trying to kill them. I'm trying to save them."
"Shooting offensive magic at them isn't killing them, then what is it?!"
"If those kids graduate in their current state, your head's going to roll, Principal."
Kirlin's hand, which had been excitedly drawing a dagger from her sleeve, froze.
"What…? My head…?"
"If the students this academy trained turn out to be a mess, whose fault is that? The Principal's, right?"
"Th-that's…"
"And you already know they're hunting for any excuse to fire you at the Imperial Palace, don't you?"
"Ugh…"
She did know, apparently. Kirlin sheathed the dagger and took a few steps back. I smiled and held up my fingers, counting it off for her.
"To avoid taking responsibility for accidents, you slash education and training to the bone. The academy students' skill level tanks as a result. The departments that receive those new agents file complaints. Her Highness the Second Princess is delighted. And you, Principal, go back to the forest."
"N-no…!"
"The very actions you take to preserve your position become the noose around your own neck. Do you understand?"
"I know that too…. But…"
The Principal looked down at the training ground, where magical smoke was still bursting, with fearful eyes.
A dark elf clan that had sided with the Demon King's army and then defected once more. She was out here in civilized society representing that clan — of course the burden and the responsibility would be crushing. I wasn't unsympathetic.
Be that as it may, now that I had seen the academy's true state with my own eyes, my latest goal was to make it so this Principal could be recognized by the Imperial Palace.
Kirlin keeps her post, the Princess gets quality graduates, Linus gets to raise his kid in peace, I don't get drafted as Principal. Everything's perfect.
I spent the entire day walking the academy, taking stock of the situation.
The curriculum at the Imperial Special Task Academy fell into two broad categories. One was, as with any ordinary academy, a mix of advanced theoretical subjects — the Theory Department. The other was the Combat Department, of the sort I had just observed: infiltration, assassination, kidnapping, terrorism, guerrilla warfare, and the rest.
The Theory Department didn't appear to have any major problems. They had a Theory Chief Professor in a position identical to mine, the faculty were all experts in their respective fields, and since the work was indoors, Principal Kirlin didn't particularly intervene.
The real problem was, of course, the pointless training with zero practical sense that had grown out of the Principal's self-preservation — in other words, the Combat Department education I was supposed to command.
Most field exercises had been replaced with classroom theory. Even the outdoor sessions had anything with so much as a whisper of injury risk scaled back or cut entirely. They had been reduced to little more than a picnic.
This was probably the area I would be involved with most. I didn't know the first thing about theoretical education anyway, and the reason the Imperial Palace and Linus had sent me here in the first place was to put my field experience to use.
So first things first: that bizarre Safety Evaluation, or whatever it was called, had to be torn apart and rebuilt. On top of that, I compiled every measure I could think of to develop the Combat Department and wrote it all up as a report.
When I headed to the Principal's office to get it approved, the Chief of Administration took one look at me and shook his head.
"You'd be better off dropping it, Combat Chief Professor."
"Dropping what?"
"It's about making the Combat Department courses more practical, isn't it? That's what made the previous professor run away."
"Ah. Is that so?"
The Chief of Administration let out a deep sigh.
"She rejects everything the Combat Department tries to do, so of course nothing ever gets done. Well, if you're really going in there, I won't stop you."
"Thanks for the advice. I'll go in, then."
I entered the office and walked Kirlin through the report. As she listened, her complexion shifted by the second.
"That's not allowed! What if someone actually gets seriously hurt?"
"No problem. There's an infirmary here, isn't there?"
"There is, but…"
"Then that's settled. We'll cut the Safety Evaluation items in half and run the kids through practical training."
"But if they really get hurt, that's a problem."
"It's not a problem, I keep telling you. Wait a second…"
Something in Kirlin's eyes gave me an ominous feeling.
"Don't tell me there are children of noble houses among the academy students?"
Kirlin nodded in silence. I shrugged.
"We're still going ahead. They weren't dragged here against their will. If they don't like it, tell them to leave."
"I absolutely cannot say that!"
"It's fine. Noble or not, they're all the same academy students here. And."
I looked straight at Kirlin, who was still wringing her hands with anxiety.
"If outsiders start raising hell because the training was too intense, just say I did it all. I won't put you in a difficult position over this, Principal."
"Huh?"
"I'll protect you. So don't worry."
"Huh…?"
Kirlin stared at me for a moment, then suddenly flushed a dark, furious red.
"If anyone heard that, they'd think I was being passive because I was scared!"
"That's the truth, isn't it? Why act surprised now."
"Then I'll leave this here, so please approve it quickly. If you don't, I'll become Principal myself and approve—"
"Get out! Put that down and get out right now!"
I backed away, snickering.
"And clean up those documents while you're at it. What even is all this?"
When I pointed at the mountain piled on her desk, Kirlin let out a sigh thick with exhaustion.
"They just keep coming no matter how much I clear them…"
"Haha. Well, nothing to be done about that. Good luck!"
"That insane human!"
Kirlin burst out in sudden anger and flung the pen she was holding. Quite some time had passed since Dian left the office, but she couldn't concentrate at all.
It wasn't the contents of Dian's Combat Department reform report that were bothering her. It was what he had said.
"Aaaagh!!"
"What's wrong, Principal?!"
The door flew open and the Chief of Administration rushed in as Kirlin clutched her head and screamed.
"Did something happen?"
"No. Nothing. Go back to work."
Once he had gone, Kirlin sprang up from her chair and flung the window wide. A warm spring breeze swept in, scattering her black hair. But far from calming her, the wind only made her heart race harder.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it."
To wrestle her chaotic feelings back under control, Kirlin forced the rough words out and drew the dagger from her sleeve. The moment her fingers found the cool, sharp edge of the blade, her heart settled — just a little.
Kirlin had lived her entire life in the dark elves' forest.
Dark elves were cold and cynical compared to other races. For them, whispered words of love and warm physical affection were acts that simply should not exist. Kirlin was a dark elf too, and she had never heard a single affectionate word from anyone. From her father, she had received only the relentless pressure to elevate the clan's honor.
To someone like that, Dian's promise to protect her had landed like a thunderbolt. It was as if—
"Get a grip, you idiot!"
Kirlin shouted, clutching the dagger tight.
That remark just now was a completely innocent, purely conventional expression meaning he'd take the responsibility himself. Don't you dare get stupidly excited!
She slapped her own cheek without mercy, then strode back to her desk — and immediately grimaced, covering the stinging skin with her hand.
"Ah… that hurts…"
And with that, she scrawled her signature across the approval line of Dian's report.
It looked like a death warrant, but it couldn't be helped. Weighing every factor together, there was something about this human named Dian.
Maybe this human might just save me…