Back to the Start

"Cha Seoha! What kind of nerve do you have, showing up here!"

When Kang Min finally lost his temper and seized me by the collar, Heo Junseong and Kim Jihoo hurried in to stop him.

"Cut it out. Doyeong's right there. There are a lot of people watching..."

"I get why you came, but just leave."

The sight of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the three of them standing guard over the funeral until the very end filled me with both relief and a crushing ache. Their friendship was real. Mine, apparently, no longer had a place in it.

I can't stand over there.My place isn't here.Because I'm a traitor.

"I'll just say hello and go."

"..."

"Please."

Leaving the three of them still looking uncomfortable behind me, I took heavy steps toward the urn.

A photograph with a face I knew too well came into view.

Lee Doyeong.

Looking at the boy's smiling face, I could almost see the last traces of youth flickering through it. Youth had carried me to the end of an orange corridor, where I chose success, and you were the one left behind here.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I offered the apology too late to matter.

By the time I left the funeral hall and got home, the sun had already gone down.

The moment I stepped inside, I went straight to the bar cabinet and hauled out every bottle I had. Wine, whiskey, rum, vodka... I kept drinking without pause and took out the frame I had treasured so carefully.

It was a photo from the days when we were still a band, the five of us crammed together in one shot. Lee Doyeong, Heo Junseong, Kim Jihoo, Kang Min, and me, all dressed in shabby clothes in some rundown rehearsal room in Hongdae, smiling so brightly as if nothing in the world could make us happier.

We had almost nothing, and yet we had been absurdly, achingly happy.

But I had shattered that happiness.

There had been a reason.

My grandmother had been sick.

I had signed an unfair contract to cover the cost of surgery at the time, but I never told the others. Pride had stopped me from wanting their pity. I hadn't wanted to burden them. And somewhere in me, I had believed that if I left coldly enough, the band would be able to bring in a new vocalist and succeed without me.

Reality had turned out very differently.

Someone had waited for me, someone had resented me, and the band had fallen apart.

After that, our music was left hanging somewhere between memory and nostalgia, and the reason I had left no longer seemed important.

It was all over.

I had told myself that if each of us found success in our own way, we would one day meet again and laugh about it. But that never happened.

Only Lee Doyeong had stayed there like a fool, waiting for us... and the misfortune of finding him had become a fatal accident.

Plop. Plop.

"Damn it..."

I wiped the tears that had fallen onto the frame with my sleeve. And then, at that very moment—

"Huh?"

There was nothing inside the frame.

I blinked, then rubbed my eyes hard a few more times, but it was the same every time. Was I drunk out of my mind? Or maybe I was just exhausted.

Success chosen in place of friendship wasn't sweet at all. And when I thought about all the schedules I had canceled today, crashing back down on me like a tidal wave, my chest tightened.

Then a question, borrowed from my drunken haze, drifted up in my mind.

What if I had achieved this success with the friends from back then?

Would my chest still feel this tight?

That was the last thing I remembered before drunkenness dragged me under and I fell asleep.

Smack!

"Cha Seoha. Do you think this is your bedroom at home?"

Someone had hit me on the head. I lifted my face and found a middle-aged man glaring at me.

Had I fallen asleep on a film set?

And he hit me in the head for that?

No, that didn't make any sense.

Was this some kind of hidden-camera prank?

Then another heavy slap came down, and my sleep vanished in an instant.

"Hey, punk. No matter how much of an athlete you are, you can't just openly sleep in class."

"...In class? Me?"

I couldn't remember the last time I had graduated from school, so what class was he even talking about?

"Good grief. Get a grip."

The man, who seemed to be pretending to be a teacher, let out a deep sigh and returned to the podium.

I looked around, wondering if this was some kind of concept variety show, but there wasn't a camera or staff member in sight.

What's more, the classroom itself gave me a terrible sense of familiarity.

High schools were all more or less the same, sure, but this looked way too much like the one I had attended.

While I blinked in confusion, someone beside me tapped my shoulder and whispered softly.

"Hey. Still half asleep?"

"Heo Junseong?"

"What?"

"Why are you... younger?"

"He's still half asleep. Definitely still half asleep."

Was this a dream?

The next second, a familiar back of a head came into view, and I shot up from my seat.

Lee Doyeong.

The boy who had definitely died was sitting right there in the classroom.

A thought too absurd to put into words swirled through my head, and then the teacher exploded.

"Cha Seoha! Get out into the hallway! Go wake yourself up out there, you little brat!"

The quiet hallway was, if anything, a better place to sort out my thoughts.

As I listened to the teacher's faint voice continuing the lesson, I took out my phone.

2017.

I stared blankly at the year displayed on the screen, then slapped my own cheek hard.

It hurt.

This isn't a dream.

I had no choice but to accept it.

For reasons I still didn't understand, this wasn't 2028. It was 2017.

I had gone back eleven years into the past.

And the only clear thought clawing its way out of my confused mind was this:

I need to live ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a different life.

I need to do the thing I never even dared to think about properly unless I was drunk.

Which meant...

I needed to form a band.

With my friends, one more time.

Idol activities had been good to me, but I still couldn't forget the raw force of the first band I had ever tasted over those long years.

The experience of hearing one song made from a tangle of real instruments move the hearts of so many people had been the first time in my life I truly felt alive.

In this life, I was absolutely going to form a band.

Of course, there was something that came to mind even before that precious resolution...

As soon as class ended, I marched outside and dug through my memories. There had to be a house from back then somewhere in this alley.

The more familiar the street became, the faster my steps turned.

If I really had come back to the past, then there was one person I wanted to see more than anyone else.

Thump-thump.

Just thinking about seeing that person again made my heart start pounding faster.

When I walked through the familiar gate, I saw an old door standing half-open for the summer.

Beyond the crack, I could see a familiar figure catching the breeze from a fan.

"Grandma!"

I practically kicked off the sneakers that always seemed impossible to take off and ran into her arms.

"Oh, look who's come home. My puppy's here?"

She was the most precious person in the world.

She was more of a parent ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to me than the parents who had abandoned their child and run.

Grandma had flinched, as if my behavior was strangely unfamiliar, and then she started rubbing my back.

Three years ago, when her illness returned and she was admitted to the hospital, she had eventually passed away last year.

But not yet.

When I buried my face against her shoulder, that familiar, comforting scent filled my nose.

"What's wrong with my puppy? What happened?"

"...Nothing."

My voice trembled faintly at the end, unlike my words.

"Did somebody bully you? Want Grandma to teach them a lesson?"

It was almost funny.

At this point in time, I was a taekwondo athlete on the verge of making the national team. Who on earth was going to bully me?

If this had been the old me, I would have snorted and laughed it off, but now I understood.

This was what it meant to be a parent.

And I knew what it felt like to be the child who lost one.

"Grandma, let's go get a health checkup."

If this was 2017, then it wasn't too late.

No, it was actually early.

If she got checked every year starting now, we could catch cancer cells early and remove them.

"What a waste of money. Don't you know your grandma's healthy?"

"Then I'll make a lot of money and pay you back."

"Now that does sound tempting."

Grandma probably thought I was talking about after I graduated from high school, but that wasn't it.

I was going to make money through the band as soon as possible.

If all I cared about was money, then idol work from my previous life would have been the best choice.

I had left the band I played in with my friends and gone on to become hugely successful as an idol.

Group activities were successful enough, but solo work was where things really took off.

And yet I had regretted that choice for a very long time.

Popularity, high streaming rankings, and ever-rising album sales meant nothing at all.

The fans' love had been overwhelming and something to be grateful for, but that was exactly why I had felt even more sorry to them.

The version of me they loved was an empty shell with no substance inside.

I had no intention of making the same mistake again.

While I was thinking that, the phone rang loudly.

The caller was my taekwondo coach. He must have been furious that I had skipped training without a word.

After his final warning, I hung up and looked at Grandma.

"So my puppy's quitting taekwondo?"

She looked genuinely startled.

"Grandma, you trust me, right?"

"Of course I do."

Even after I told her I was quitting a sport I had practiced my whole life, her face still held complete trust in me.

There was a little hesitation in her expression, but that was only natural if she was worried about my future.

"I'm going to become something amazing. Together with my friends."

"...Are you sure this isn't some kind of pyramid ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠scheme?"

"What are you talking about?"

I gave a helpless laugh, but come to think of it, maybe it wasn't so funny after all.

If I took Grandma's savings and put them into crypto or real estate, wouldn't I be rolling in money?

I do know the future, after all.

"Um, Grandma?"

"What is it?"

"You said you trust me, right? So, would you maybe be open to investing some money—?"

But the look in her eyes made me change my mind instantly.

"Ah, I'm kidding!"

Come to think of it, there was no guarantee that the stocks that had once hit the jackpot would rise again this time.

What if I used up all of Grandma's money and ended up ruined?

The future could change in countless ways.

It would be better to invest with money I earned myself.

Absolutely not because her stare was terrifying.

"Yesterday was just an uncharacteristic lapse caused by stress. Starting today, you're back in training. You know very well that every day you miss leaves you two days behind the competition, don't you?"

"I'm sorry. I've made my decision."

The coach looked at me like he couldn't understand a word of it and was clearly frustrated, but I couldn't explain everything to him.

After the same exchange went back and forth more than a dozen times, he finally asked, "Are you serious?"

"Very serious. More serious than when I first started taekwondo."

"Do you have a plan?"

"Yes."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"You'll see later."

After a long silence, the coach finally tossed out, "If you ever change your mind, come back to the gym."

"Thank you for everything."

I was certain that if I formed a band, things would go well.

I had future knowledge, memories of real success, and experience in the entertainment industry.

My own talent was a given, and my friends' talent and skill were more than enough.

If I hadn't been the one to walk out, they would have been a team that could have shone brilliantly.

In Korea, bands were still outside the mainstream, but that didn't mean the market turned its back on good music.

Besides, bands were going to catch on within the next ten years anyway.

But one problem had already appeared.

A really big problem. A huge obstacle.

Just how in the world had these idiots ever ended up in a band together?

I had no idea.