A Dream-Like Dream
'I wonder if Sion is doing okay…'
Today, like always, I'd spent the day seeing patients, handling consultations, and assisting with rehab sessions. With work wrapped up, it was time to check on Sion, whom I'd left resting due to the withdrawal symptoms from her buff addiction. I'd instructed Serin to notify me immediately if anything happened, so she should be fine.
"?"
Heading to the inpatient ward to see Sion, I found Serin sitting in the hallway outside Room 104.
"Serin. What are you doing out here?"
"You've arrived, Doctor."
At my call, Serin stood and faced me.
"I asked you to keep an eye on Sion."
"Sion asked to be left alone."
"When?"
"Right after you left."
Right after I left? I'd settled Sion in her room and started consultations a bit after 3 p.m., so…
"So you've left her alone for over three hours?"
"Yes…"
"Does that make any sense? I told you to watch her!"
"I was monitoring her. Through the window in that door the whole time."
"And how is she now?"
"Nothing unusual, so you'd be better off seeing for yourself. She just seems to be lying on her side, perfectly still."
Lying still on her side… Come to think of it, Serin had described Sion's usual state as, "She's mostly still unless she's with you."
Since Serin had been keeping watch, maybe I should take a look too. See what Sion was like when I wasn't around.
'…….'
Peering through the window at the entrance to her room, I saw exactly what Serin described: Sion clutching her ladybug cushion tightly, lying on her side with her eyes squeezed shut, motionless.
Is she asleep?
'?!'
I was trying to observe calmly, wondering if she was sleeping, when Sion suddenly opened her eyes and looked right at me. Our gazes locked in an instant, so to avoid seeming like I was spying, I hurriedly opened the door and stepped inside.
"I'm here, Sion."
"Doctor Hope!"
As soon as I entered, Sion bolted upright, got off the bed, and ran toward me… how?
"Sion?"
"Ahh, Doctor! I missed you so much! I waited for you. I waited forever!"
She hopped right into my arms. Back in the gym, she'd been embarrassed about clinging like a koala, but now that we were alone in her room, she was doing it anyway? And though I'd caught her on reflex, how was she even moving like this?
"How are you moving right now?"
"Huh? Moving? Me?"
"You just ran and jumped into my arms."
"Did I? I jumped into your arms?"
Sion, wrapped around my back with her arms and legs, seemed fascinated by the tension in her body and started squeezing me tighter, pressing her limbs against me.
"Haha, the doctor's here and my body's moving—feels great. Is this a dream? Looks like I'm having a really nice one~"
A dream? Oh no. She thought she was asleep. Her body and brain seemed to have entered some euphoric state, triggering a delusion at the same time. For now, I had to stop her from moving. Overdoing it could lead to a nasty backlash later.
"Sion, relax your body first. You can't push yourself—let me put you back in bed."
"Heehee, even in my dream, the doctor's saying the same things."
"It's not a dream, Sion. Moving like this could be really bad."
"But it is moving! It feels so good~ To hug you like this—it's like a dream come true. Or is it a dream? Heehee."
She nuzzled her cheek against me while clinging like a koala. A dizzying rush hit me, nearly making me lose focus, but I managed to steady myself. Telling her it wasn't a dream wouldn't get through. To someone in a seizure or hallucination, their belief was reality—denying it was pointless.
This episode was truly dangerous… Stopping her eager embraces felt harder than comforting her through pain or agony. For now, her tensed limbs were risky, so holding her as-is, I sat in the chair, positioning her bottom on my lap. This was basically sitting, so less strain than hanging off me.
"Doctor Hope. I waited for you. My body wouldn't move, and it felt like I'd never rehab again—it was scary… so hard, so depressing, so painful, but I endured somehow. Because you promised you'd come after work!"
She smiled as she spoke, but the content shocked me. So Sion had really been… thinking like that? Suffering, depressed, in pain. Her delusion was dangerous, but it let me hear her true feelings—a silver lining. I'd tried various approaches to gauge her emotions, but getting honest answers in this unexpected way was a surprise.
"Sion…"
She was the hero, but she'd suffered too. I'd vaguely assumed she was okay because, as the hero, her endurance for pain far exceeded others'. But even pain she could bear was still pain, felt the same by anyone—I'd ignored that. Worse, the more pain one could endure, the greater the suffering—and I'd overlooked it. In a situation that would've broken anyone else's mind, Sion had stood firm, bearing it all. I hadn't realized she wanted to cling to me like this, acting spoiled. What kind of therapist was I, oblivious to my patient's pain… how could I rehab her?
"Didn't I do well, Doctor? Just thinking you'd come to see me let me endure anything. You'll praise me, right? If you do that, I can keep going from now on…"
"What do you mean, 'did well'?"
"……Huh?"
I was the one who deserved scolding, yet pathetically, I blamed Sion. I wasn't as strong as her, couldn't shoulder as much.
"If you're hurting or it's hard, you should've told me. Why hide it from the guy who's supposed to fix your pain? If you just grit your teeth and endure, just cling and hold on…!"
And I couldn't even properly scold her. My throat tightened; words failed.
"I… can't fix you."
Finally finishing, I checked her state. She'd been rubbing against me, but now sat on my lap, pulling back just enough to face me. And her expression…
"Did… I do something wrong?"
Her trembling eyes brimmed with fear, like a child scolded by a parent.
"I pushed through the pain and hardship… Was that bad? Then what should I have…!"
Damn, what the hell was I doing?
- Sniff
"?!"
I placed my hand on the head of Sion, who wore a tearful, about-to-burst expression. Startled by the unexpected gesture, she blinked wide-eyed, staring up at me in a daze.
"You did well, Sion. It's all on me for being useless. But from now on, if it's hard or you're depressed, you have to tell me. Got it?"
"……."
She slowly lowered her head.
"Praise… received."
Did the head pat feel good? Her lips curved faintly into a smile.
"You're always doing great, Sion. I'll praise you plenty, so promise me now. That you'll tell me if it's hard or depressing. That you won't grit your teeth and endure alone."
"If it's hard, I'll tell you. I won't endure alone. Got it. I promise."
Pleased she'd promised, I moved my hand atop her head, stroking her hair a bit. She buried her face in my chest, hugging me again. A sigh of relief—at least we'd gotten past that. Her depression was worse than I'd thought.
Since coming to this world, buff addiction cases that failed rehab were still uncharted territory for me. There wasn't much data on withdrawal symptoms post-buff cessation, patient reactions, or countermeasures. Among those afflicted, failures, abandonments, or total breakdowns were common tragedies—and despite that looming, I'd optimistically relied on Sion's strength.
I needed a more proactive approach. Simply cutting buffs and hoping she'd tough it out was a failure now. At least while she suffered like this, focusing solely on her seemed best.
"Sion."
"Yes, Doctor."
"Starting next week… let's go on a retreat together."
"Huh?"
"To help your buff addiction withdrawal pass quicker—someplace with fresh air and peace, total rest. No treatments, no exercises, just you and me. Sound good?"
"……."
No reply for a while. What was she thinking?
"Haha, what a great dream. A retreat with Doctor Hope."
Couldn't believe it? Fine, let it slide for now; I'd bring it up again later. Seeing her reaction then would be fun too.