Chapter 194
Translator: penny
Chapter: 194
Chapter Title: Lingering Trauma
The sudden turn of events left me feeling deeply unsettled.
Especially since Baek Ilryeong—the one who had shoved me away—was trembling uncontrollably.
'This makes it look like I was about to rape her or something.'
Of course, it was true that I'd harbored some lustful thoughts, but I swear on my life, I had no intention of forcing myself on her.
I'd just planned to give her a light embrace, swept up in the moment.
Yet Baek Ilryeong's reaction right now was so intense it reminded me of the women on the verge of being assaulted by me in the past.
"Senior Baek?"
Even at my call, Baek Ilryeong kept shaking, her eyes wide with terror.
And the direction she was staring wasn't at me, Mok Jimyeong, but off into empty space somewhere.
'Could this be... symptoms of psychological trauma?'
The kind of reaction people who’ve endured shocking events sometimes show.
It varies slightly from person to person, but they often feel overwhelming fear in moments reminiscent of their trauma and desperately try to flee the situation.
There was a reason I knew so much about this condition...
'Because I went through it myself in the past.'
I, Mok Jimyeong, had been through the exact same thing.
'Aeng-i.'
Aeng-i—the first woman I experimented on after acquiring the Blissful Creation Art, and the courtesan who lost her life because of it.
After that incident, I suffered massive psychological trauma.
How severe was it? For twenty years afterward, I couldn't bring myself to touch a single woman.
That was why, even after turning forty, I remained a second-rate warrior, still ignorant of the true essence of the Blissful Creation Art.
Can you believe it?
Me, the Flowery Playboy who used to sleep with courtesans every single day, abstaining from women for a full twenty years.
'And that wasn't all.'
To survive the lecherous fiend Chu Munrak back then, I personally branded my own handsome face with a hot iron.
That, too, was an extension of this psychological trauma.
Of course, I also genuinely hated the idea of offering my body to a man like that.
But I wasn't the type of person who would go so far as to disfigure my own face over it.
The trauma from Aeng-i's incident simply triggered an extreme action I never would have taken otherwise.
Having suffered so severely from it myself, I immediately recognized the signs when I saw Baek Ilryeong's reaction.
And it wasn't hard to guess the cause.
'It must be from witnessing her own mother being raped right in front of her as a child.'
Not only that, but she'd lost her entire family and nearly died herself, so developing trauma wasn't surprising at all.
However...
'This is a big problem...'
Having experienced it firsthand, I could say with certainty:
Seducing Baek Ilryeong was going to be incredibly difficult now.
In the past, to overcome this affliction, I'd walked the path of the Lecherous Demon.
A lot happened over those twenty years, but I only fully recovered after choosing that path myself.
'Whereas Baek Ilryeong has lived her whole life as a virgin.'
I'd previously chalked it up to her simply not liking men, or maybe because she was a Taoist of the Mount Hua Sect.
But now, I had no choice but to think differently.
The odds were high that she hadn't overcome her psychological trauma.
'There are treatments, though...'
The simplest one I could think of was to take her right here by force.
Then, using the Blissful Creation Art, make her realize how pleasurable relations between man and woman could be.
That would be the easiest way.
But that was just rape in the end.
Not the approach I wanted.
'Save that as a last resort.'
The other method was to approach her slowly, gradually helping her get used to men.
Truth be told, I wasn't confident in that one.
I'd succeed eventually with persistence, but I only had three months.
What I'd once thought was ample time now felt woefully insufficient.
'Still, I'll give it a shot.'
For now, I decided to wait until Baek Ilryeong calmed down.
A moment later, I saw the light return to her eyes.
"Senior Baek?"
"Where...?"
Baek Ilryeong acted as if she couldn't remember what had just happened.
But since it was familiar territory for me, I responded naturally.
"Are you okay? You were suddenly sweating bullets."
"Oh, sorry. I was lost in thought for a second... Ah! Is the spot where I pushed you okay?"
Now that her memory seemed fully back, she started fretting over shoving me earlier.
I flashed her a bright, carefree smile.
"Come on, who do you think I am? I'm the Divine Dragon, the Divine Dragon. No need to worry."
"Mm... Still, I'm sorry."
Maybe I'd come off too cocky, because her expression turned a bit sullen.
But thanks to that, the mood had lightened considerably.
Once Baek Ilryeong had pulled herself together, we resumed our journey.
We'd been walking for a while when she spoke up first.
"Aren't you going to ask why I freaked out like that earlier?"
"Huh? About what? Oh~ You mean shoving me?"
"Yeah..."
She bowed her head, embarrassed even after bringing it up herself.
Here, I had to pause and think.
I could pry into her past and offer to help treat her trauma.
After all, a patient's own willingness is crucial in therapy.
But I opted for a slightly different approach.
"Hey, everyone has off moments sometimes. Besides, you already apologized to me, right?"
"Still..."
"I just figure you remembered something unpleasant. Whenever you're ready to talk about it, when your heart feels a bit lighter, let me know then."
I took a step back instead.
I had plenty of time, after all.
Three months might not be enough to fully heal psychological trauma, but pulling back like this could actually be part of the treatment.
'First things first, I need to build her affection.'
From my own experience, this wasn't the kind of illness you could just will yourself out of.
If it were that simple, why had I suffered for twenty years?
But conversely, it could also be cured with shocking ease.
'Just overlay the bad memories with good ones.'
Like using the Blissful Creation Art to reshape her views on intimacy into something positive.
But as I'd said, that was off the table.
So I needed another way to overwrite her memories.
The method was simple.
Make her like me more than the pain of her trauma.
At first glance, it might sound like my usual seduction tactics, but it was actually quite different.
Normally, I preferred creating an atmosphere and pushing things forward aggressively.
Since I was confident I could seduce any woman for a one-night stand.
But not this time.
'I'll seduce her with sincerity.'
Until she comes to me first, even if I don't make a move.
I planned to make her fall head over heels for me.
Maybe my feelings got through to her, even just a little.
Baek Ilryeong blushed faintly and murmured softly.
"...Thanks for understanding."
Things were off to a good start right from the beginning.
Ten days passed since then.
Just as I'd planned, we grew close at a rapid pace.
Baek Ilryeong, who had always been aloof, now smiled often, and these days, we even traded silly banter.
"Senior Baek, today..."
"I told you to speak casually. Try calling me 'sis'~ Come on, 'Sis'!"
Everything was flowing smoothly according to plan.
But inwardly, I was growing increasingly anxious, a stark contrast to the outward calm.
'Damn it, is this method really working?'
We had definitely gotten closer, no doubt.
But I couldn't tell if it was genuine romantic closeness.
On top of that, two more things were making me uneasy.
One was that she still hadn't opened up about her past.
'She should've confided in me by now.'
No matter what, the patient's mindset is key to treatment.
Yet after ten days, Baek Ilryeong stubbornly kept her history hidden.
I regretted not pressing her when I had the chance before.
And the second issue: her psychological trauma showed no signs of improving.
Yesterday, during a meal together, I'd casually wrapped my palm around the back of her hand while handing her a cup, under the pretense of just passing it over.
Exposing someone to similar situations repeatedly in daily life was another way to treat trauma, on top of overlaying good memories.
But the instant our hands touched, she flinched in shock and flung the cup aside.
'If this keeps up, I'm really screwed.'
The plan was progressing smoothly, no question.
But my patience was wearing thinner by the day.
'Tch, should I just pounce? No, if I were gonna do that, I'd have done it the first day.'
Truth be told, there was another factor fueling my psychological unrest:
I hadn't touched a woman in ten whole days.
As you know, I get incredibly edgy after just three days without one.
Yet here I was on day ten, not even able to hold her hand properly.
Normally, I'd hit up a brothel alone, but since I'd resolved to sincerely win over Baek Ilryeong, that was out of the question too.
'Haa, I'm going crazy. Should I just take her at night?'
As I wrestled with these agonies day after day, before I knew it, we arrived in Taewon, home of the Mok Family Clan.