The Perfect Hideout (Not)

Early morning. The student cafeteria.

"Heh, this looks good."

I was stuffing my face with a freshly baked croissant and piling salad onto my tray.

A silhouette stood rigidly at the entrance.

Silver hair, completely out of place in the cafeteria’s warm bustle.

Huh... what, did sleep deprivation finally break my brain? Am I seeing shit?

She swept the cafeteria with her eyes, and then ours met.

Almost immediately, frost began to bloom at the tips of her right hand.

Without hesitation, I dove into the kitchen behind the salad counter.

-CRASH!

The salad bowl on display was smashed to pieces by a fist-sized chunk of ice.

Bits of vegetables flew everywhere.

"Fuck."

Ignoring the cooks’ resentful glares, I fled through the back door.

From behind me, a voice thundered down the hallway. "Stop right there, you perverted bastard!"

It had already been three days since that incident in the infirmary.

Ever since then, my daily life had been a nonstop survival game from hell.

Magic attacks kept flying at me at all hours except during class.

Honestly, with my academy-failure-tier rotten-ass stats, I should’ve been a corpse long ago.

I have no idea how I’m still alive.

Two days ago, after afternoon class.

I came out of the bathroom after taking a dump, and there was Selah, casting a massive ice spell.

Right before the spell was fired, I dove into the girls’ bathroom, where the line was long as hell.

Even if she was a psychopath bitch, I couldn’t let other students get caught in the blast.

I got slapped by some girls, but that was better than getting frozen solid.

The same thing happened that evening in the training grounds.

I was running around the training hall to test my agility stat.

Selah, approaching without a sound, tried to drive a giant icicle through my back.

Lucky for me, I tripped over a stone at just the right moment and dodged it.

Then I quickly picked up a pebble rolling around on the floor and nailed the guardian golem’s sensor with it.

The golem glitched out and came charging at me, and I clung to its leg like my life depended on it.

She glared daggers at me, huffing in anger, and had no choice but to leave me there.

And the next morning too, at the shop, while I was sleeping in the dorms, and so on...

After several days of running around the academy and getting chased from one end to the other, an unexpected side effect started to appear.

A strange rumor began spreading among the students who’d witnessed my cat-and-mouse game with Selah in real time.

Yesterday at lunch, while I was hiding behind the snack counter and eating bread, I overheard a conversation drifting through the wall.

“Hey, did you hear? Apparently Lady Selah’s been ditching class to chase some F-class loser around like she wants to kill him.”

“Yeah, I saw it! She was in the hallway screaming, ‘I’m going to kill you, you perverted bastard!’ while blasting magic everywhere!”

That part was true.

“But think about it. Why would that perfect, uptight knight obsess over some nobody trash for no reason?”

“Don’t tell me... he got dirt on her or something?”

“No way! She said, ‘I’m going to kill you, you perverted bastard!’ That kind of line usually means...”

The girl’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.

“...a woman who got dumped, going off on a man who ran away without taking responsibility.”

“...Holy shit! That bastard got the Ice Princess?!”

I almost spat out the milk I was drinking.

Did these idiots have noodles for brains or what?

All I’d done was make her do squats all night and they were already spouting this bullshit!

“Damn, that’s insane. An F-rank loser hooking up with the northern ducal house’s young lady and then running off...”

“But who knows when he’ll get caught and killed? Shouldn’t we be holding a funeral during next week’s practical exam?”

They giggled as they walked off.

...I’m seriously losing my mind.

I couldn’t even explain it.

Even if I said, “No, actually, I just gave her some PT and absolutely wrecked her lower body,” the rumor would only get weirder.

Still, with my throat about to get slit at any moment, I guess I didn’t have time to worry about gossip.

That was about the only comfort I had.

Anyway, back to the present.

After slipping out through the cafeteria’s back door, I crouched in the bushes and thought it over.

No, I can’t keep running like a rat forever!

Constantly living in a state of maximum tension had pushed my exhaustion to the limit.

I needed a perfect hideout, somewhere completely outside their search net.

The old building, far away from the main campus.

And at the very back of the basement, the last room down the hall.

The Alchemy Research Club room.

No professor managed it, and nobody ever came by.

The club president herself was basically a shut-in who might show up once a week, if that.

I’d hole up there, make some potions in secret, and try to recover some of my energy.

After making up my mind, I started infiltrating right away.

Basement of the old building.

At the very back, a crooked sign hung askew.

When I turned the handle, the door opened with a creak.

I slipped inside at once, shut the door, and locked it behind me.

"Haaah."

I let out a breath of relief.

The clubroom was a complete disaster.

Broken beakers, dust-covered boxes, books strewn all over the floor.

And some weird bundled-up blanket pile on the sofa for no reason I could understand.

It was the exact opposite of the main building’s facilities, but it was a hell of a lot more comfortable to rest in.

"First things first, let’s make a potion."

I pulled out the herbs I’d been gathering.

Then I blew the dust off the mortar and pestle on the table.

If I were doing this the proper way, I’d lay the leaves over a basic transmutation circle and burn out the impurities with mana.

But did I have that kind of high-end ability?

So I went with the natural method.

And that was—!

Thanks to the trait, sticky sap soon started oozing out of the leaves.

I quickly lit the alcohol lamp and heated the beaker.

The bitter smell of herbs filled the clubroom.

"Oh? This is actually turning out pretty legit?"

I carefully shook the bottle while adjusting the lamp flame.

"At this rate, I might actually have some talent for alchemy."

I muttered to myself, drunk on my own sense of accomplishment.

"Talent, my ass. You just squeezed the juice out of some grass and called it alchemy..."

"What else am I supposed to do when I can’t use magic? I’ve gotta grind it out somehow."

"Oh, really...? So that’s how you separated the impurities using a traditional method? Huh. That’s kind of impressive."

"I mean, I did control it pretty delicately-."

Huh?

Something was off. Who the hell was I just talking to?

Chills...

Slowly, I turned my head toward the voice.

The old, neglected sofa in the corner.

From the bundled-up blanket ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠piled on top of it, someone wriggled and popped out.

"Yaaawn... I was sleeping so well..."

Messy jade-colored hair.

Dark circles that practically swallowed the skin beneath her eyes.

A girl in a loose research coat sat up on ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the sofa.

The club president of the Alchemy Research Club.

A nerdy beauty who’d managed to build up a decent fanbase—Chloe Lumina.

With a lollipop in her mouth, Chloe slipped on her glasses and looked straight at me.

How the hell do you even fall asleep with a candy in your mouth?

Chloe scanned me from head to toe and then opened her mouth.

"You’re wearing an F-class tie. What’s your name?"

"...Siel."

"Siel, huh... wait."

She fiddled with her magic watch.

Probably checking the messages she’d missed while she was asleep.

"You just made this without using any mana, right? Didn’t even draw a transmutation circle."

"That’s right."

She climbed down from the sofa and shuffled toward me in her slippers.

She picked up the bottle on the table and held it up to the light.

"Almost no impurities. Did you separate the layers by calculating the boiling point?"

No, I don’t know anything about that. I just used the method the game told me to use...

"It’s survival."

"Survival? That’s just filthy pragmatism insulting the very foundation of alchemy, isn’t it?"

Chloe’s eyes gleamed with something nasty.

For a second, she looked exactly like some college professor who’d promised to buy me meat—

"I like it. You’re going to be my assis—!"

"Sorry! I’ve got a lot to do, so—!"

I snatched up the potion and stuffed it into my bag in a panic.

I’d rather die than go through another round of slave labor. I fucking meant it.

"My apologies, senior. I’ve taken up too much of your time. Please get some rest."

"Hey, wait a sec. If you join our club, I can seriously—"

Chloe grabbed my sleeve and started trying to talk me into it.

Ssshhhhh—

Suddenly, the temperature in the clubroom plunged.

My breath came out in white mist.

Frost began spreading from the crack beneath the door.

No way... no, it can’t be.

-CRASH!!

The clubroom entrance was frozen solid, then shattered into pieces.

Through the pale cold haze, a silhouette walked in.

"At the very end."

Messy silver hair. Blue eyes half-lost in focus.

"...You really thought you could hide until the very end?"

Selah Krauss stood there in a state of complete fury, a massive ice spear clutched in her right hand.

How the hell did she even find this place?!

This was the basement of a corner in the academy’s outer edge.

There was no way even Selah could have guessed this spot, much less tracked it down!

Then, beside me, Chloe—who’d been staring blankly ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠at Selah—waved a hand.

"Yo, Selah. Welcome."

"..."

"I sent you a message just now, but you got here fast. I already made this month’s potions."

Chloe fucking snitched on my location to Selah?!

Selah’s gaze slid past me and landed on Chloe.

"Hold on a second. I’ll deal with this trash first."

Chloe rolled the lollipop around in her mouth and pointed at me with her chin.

"So what kind of guy is he that you’ve been chasing him all this time?"

"...A perverted bastard I’m going to tear apart with my own hands."

Chloe Lumina and Selah Krauss.

They were friends?

I’d been stuffing my face with this game for half a year, and I never knew that?

Well, of course I didn’t...

I’d never even treated Chloe like a real character with glasses in the first place.

Either way, I was fucked.

Trying to run from a tiger only to wander straight into the tiger’s best friend’s den.

"Ah..."

I gave up and squeezed my eyes shut.