[Saintess for You - 03]
[Saintess for You - 03]
Lately, the Saintess-nim has been blatant.
Insanely blatant.
And it's driving me crazy.
I don't remember exactly when it started, but I began to feel a sticky, clingy sensation in the way the Saintess-nim looked at me.
There was nothing I could do about it even if I worried, so I half-ignored it, but lately, it's become so blatant that, honestly, it's troublesome.
If the Saintess-nim were an ordinary person, I could have just thought, 'She'll forget about it once she's an adult,' or brushed it off lightly, thinking, 'She'll find someone else~'.
Or, another method would have been to speak a bit sternly, as if disciplining her, to brush it off.
Though it's the worst-case scenario, simply running away was also an option.
But the moment that person became the 'Saintess-nim,' most of what I could do was blocked off.
'I have never felt interest in anything in my life. Even if I did, it was just a momentary flicker, like something volatile, and it disappeared quickly.'
Until now, she had lived her life relying on that 'volatile interest.'
As the Saintess-nim herself said, she lived with the act of resolving her own questions as her only standard; there was no morality or ethics there, no concept of good or evil, and no pleasure or displeasure.
It was only the 'achievement of the purpose' of having solved the question.
Even though there wasn't even a sense of accomplishment.
'No, maybe there was a little sense of accomplishment, but it probably wasn't the kind of feeling people usually talk about.'
Anyway.
I don't know what triggered it, but she started to feel value in me in that life she had been living.
That emotion was indescribable, it touched the very root of the Saintess-nim, and she began to be somewhat obsessed with me.
Despite being a pain in the ass who wouldn't listen, she suddenly started perfectly pretending to be a good person, listening well in class, and not only that, she was showing only her good sides to everyone as the Saintess.
I'm not joking, in about 1~2 years, the Saintess-nim's reputation became very good.
Because she accepts anyone and heals their illnesses, her reputation among the citizens could be said to be very good.
And all of that.
It was because I wished for it.
It was because I considered such a Saintess-nim to be good.
In the sense that she could do that for someone else, the Saintess-nim could be seen as having improved, and could be seen as having grown.
Since she feels no value in anything other than me, the value I feel became the Saintess-nim's value.
'Originally, her sense of self was a bit faint. It might not be an exaggeration to say that my ego has been overlaid on her to some extent.'
Just like the saying that a child is a mirror of their parents, the Saintess-nim is pursuing the 'justice' and 'good' that I speak of, and she doesn't know if that's truly right.
She wasn't interested in whether it was truly good.
It's just that because I am teaching through education that such things are good, kind, and right, the Saintess-nim is living kindly in that way.
It was no exaggeration to say she was literally socialized, and she seemed to 'understand' how to make people view her favorably.
The reason for all of that.
'For me.'
Because she wants to be evaluated well by me.
Because she wants me to like her.
'And the people around us all know it, too.'
I don't know if she did it on purpose, but everyone in the Cathedral knows that the Saintess-nim is interested in me.
The Pope-nim has a 'the more the better' attitude, wearing a grandmotherly smile hoping that the Saintess-nim and I end up together, and Harold, perhaps because he married a younger woman similarly, often looks at me with pity.
Eris feels like the Saintess-nim's loyal dog to begin with, and since she's been heavily influenced by me and the Saintess-nim in many ways, she seems to half-consider me and the Saintess-nim as her dad and mom.
It seemed like the fact that the Saintess-nim is younger in age wasn't even in her head.
"My head hurts."
It was beyond the level where I could do anything about it.
No matter what I do, the Saintess-nim blocks it this way, and no matter how I do it, she blocks it that way.
Even if I moved with the mindset of someone whose brain is addicted to drugs, just solving everything with brute force, there was no guarantee that I could definitely beat the Saintess-nim right now.
Honestly, in the last 1~2 years, her mana capacity has risen insanely again, so I can't really gauge it.
In the past, I could at least get a feeling, like, 'Hmm, this much mana capacity, huh?' based on my standards, but lately, it's been reaching a level where the limit of that mana is invisible.
It was an absurd amount of mana for a single living being to possess, and even powerful monsters don't carry around that much mana.
And her mana control was also tremendous.
She created a new technique, and this technique is so broken that I was worried she might be trying to become some final boss somewhere.
I'm not joking, I thought that if I weren't there and she grew up as she was, she might have become the final boss and an enemy of the world.
Not just me, but the Saintess-nim herself would surely admit it.
"......Haa."
I couldn't just brush it off now with the thinking that 'time will pass and she'll forget because it was a childhood thing,' or 'she'll meet someone better.'
Far from fading as time passed, the stickiness of the Saintess-nim's gaze looking at me was deepening, and the people around us were looking at us with warm gazes, as if they were looking at a girl who had fallen in love for the first time.
The justification was being placed directly into the Saintess-nim's hands, and 'public opinion' seemed to be becoming the Saintess-nim's ally.
It even felt like a scripted scenario.
I couldn't completely rule out the possibility of it being a coincidence, but there was also a possibility that the Saintess-nim was doing something behind the scenes.
Even so, it wasn't like the Saintess-nim was with me 24 hours a day, and she talked to many people under the guise of social life, and the Saintess-nim often talked to other believers, nuns, and holy knights as well.
-A Saintess who cares for and is considerate of her subordinates....... Perfect, right?
Actually, by taking care of them like that, sometimes bringing them food, healing people who got hurt during training, and cheering them on diligently, everyone liked her.
Harold had even testified that especially the holy knights seemed to train harder because a beautiful woman with the noble position of Saintess was cheering them on.
Because men, in any world, want to show off in front of women.
"Pope-nim, it's Adrian."
"Yes, come in."
Every time I enter the Pope's room, I think about it—should I call it the scent of nature?
I don't know if it's because of the bonsai she's growing, but the smell of grass would always prick at the tip of my nose. It had that peculiar smell you get when you enter a grandmother's or grandfather's room.
Even though she actually is a grandmother.
"Here are the report and the vacation request."
"I heard the story from Anastasia. It's your first time returning to your hometown since you were dragged off when the war started, right?"
"I walked into the war on my own two feet, so I wasn't dragged off."
Even if that was the only option at the time, it was an option I chose myself.
The Pope-nim shook her head at my words.
"You went to the Monster War that broke out, so you were dragged off. Honestly, when they said you were the hero of that war, I imagined a slightly more rugged impression."
"......."
"Anyway, since you're returning to your hometown for the first time in a while, go and rest comfortably."
"Um, by the way....... They say the Saintess-nim and Eris are going with me."
"Yes, I approved it."
"......."
"Eris, well, she's the Saintess's escort, so she has to go with her. And Anastasia has also been working hard continuously after being educated by you. Rather, she worked so hard that I was worried she might only be working too much."
That is true.
It was no exaggeration to say that the Saintess-nim hadn't had any proper time to rest lately. She was moving voluntarily beyond what she was supposed to do, and kept doing something.
Whether moving to make people's impressions of her good, or moving for her reputation, anyway, she was really doing her best to achieve something.
I was a little worried, too.
She moves so passionately, but I wonder if she'll feel a sense of emptiness once she actually gets what she wants, and if her condition will worsen.
I find myself thinking that without realizing it.
There are many people who work hard for what they want, but I've often seen people who, once they actually get what they want in their hands, lose their passion and let it go.
There was no guarantee that the Saintess-nim wouldn't do the same, and if she actually works that hard to get it and then thinks, 'That's enough,' the tower she's built up until now will collapse in an instant.
"That child is still young, isn't she? Shouldn't you accept some of that childishness?"
"......."
Damn it.
I have no allies.
It seemed like the Saintess-nim had made the Pope-nim—who cherishes her like a granddaughter more than anyone else, and who is no exaggeration to call a king within this Cathedral—her ally.
Look at that warm gaze; that's not the look of someone watching the relationship between a man and a woman who are more than a decade apart.
My head really hurt.
The Saintess-nim, who wants to obtain me and wants to get the assurance that I am by her side.
If she comes to obtain me and gets that assurance.
What will happen to that emotion?
I didn't have that assurance right now.
"Understood, I will go with them."
"Yes, and since Eris is there too, and you're just visiting your hometown, go and rest comfortably."