Chapter 16
Translator: True Detective
[The Saintess Awakens - 06]
I wanted to clear away the things in my life that needlessly annoyed me.
My original family name.
My original family.
It was no different from already being severed the moment I became a Saintess, but nevertheless, the bond called blood relations, which clung persistently, still connected me and them. The surname Frendisiv, which I had discarded, was still within me, and it seemed to have become an uncomfortable truth within them.
The bond that should have been severed the moment my surname changed to the Saintess's surname, Lacroix, was continuing until now simply because we shared blood, causing us to blush uncomfortably at each other. So I thought it would be better to just sever it and never meet again.
Since we were already nothing more than strangers who only shared blood anyway, it wouldn't matter.
Well, I wasn't a demon either.
I could easily expect that if I suddenly severed ties with them, it would put a crack in the name of the Frendisiv family, so I didn't mind just making it a tacit rule. It would be enough to make a sort of promise and contract that I would never be involved with them again.
I just had to take away their obligation to tell me that the surname Frendisiv was a surname of the past, and make them forget the fact that I am the eldest daughter of the Frendisiv family.
If someone else heard my story, they might be sad, or they might try to persuade me.
I think that is actually the universal reaction.
But you.
You, again.
Without a word, you just drink black tea next to me, listening to my story without particularly arguing back or trying to persuade me. In the past, I had a faint awareness that all my actions were far from normal, but it would be no exaggeration to say it was practically non-existent.
But as I spent time with Ed, listened to various stories from Ed, and read the books Ed gave me, I understood that many of my actions were different from those of normal people. Things I found annoying to be self-aware of, and things I didn't want to be self-aware of, I was forced to become self-aware of.
In fact, I had no other recognition besides 'Oh, I see'.
And I was a little shocked by the fact that I wasn't shocked.
At that point, I was certain that I was not normal.
Yet the person who let me know that I wasn't normal doesn't actually try to correct me or change me somehow. He merely listened to my story and didn't put a stop to my actions. No, I was actually dumbfounded by the fact that he points out my everyday actions but says nothing about such a big action like this.
As I dropped a sugar cube into my black tea, Ed spoke.
"Please stop putting in sugar cubes."
"It's my only joy; you have to put in this much for it to be called sweet. The guys who eat dessert and say 'It's good that it's not sweet' are the weird ones."
"Sigh……." Ed let out a sigh. You. Are you an idiot.
'Why do you point out things like this when you don't say anything about the other stuff?'
He points out and nags about me putting a lot of sugar cubes in my black tea, yet why doesn't he say anything to me, who wants to sever ties with my family, make no criticisms, and just listen to the story, change the topic back to our usual conversation with an 'I understand'?
No, from Ed's perspective, he might not have changed the topic.
The story was simply over, so it just naturally shifted to a different conversation.
I took a sip of black tea and looked out the window at the outside, which had grown dark as the sun set.
"Are you not going to say anything?"
Ed, who was reading a book, looked at me for a moment at those words and then turned his gaze back to the book.
"What is it you want me to say? You possess a surprisingly maiden-like heart, I see."
"Isn't your way of speaking to me getting rougher and rougher?"
"Because someone keeps treating me roughly. I almost suffered a serious injury a few times, no joke. A human's heart is not made of steel; it gets hurt."
"How petty."
"If I were petty, I wouldn't be by your side."
He really doesn't lose a single word.
"……." "……Are you hesitating about severing ties?"
"No, there is no reason to hesitate. They don't consider me family either, and I am a stranger who only shares blood with them……. No, am I not even a stranger? It's not much different from a person I don't know, so I came to finish things so as not to annoy them." "I don't know what kind of annoying things you are anticipating, but you are hesitating."
"I said there is no reason to hesitate." "If there wasn't, you wouldn't ask such a question." I fell silent for a moment. I asked myself. I myself came to sever ties, and I came to convey what I had wanted to say for a long time. If they didn't consider me family, if they were scared of me, or if they were too terrified to have me near, my mindset was that I would disappear from their side. "Setting aside whether it is in a good sense or not, you have developed hesitation about severing ties with your family." "No, it's just……. Because I thought that if it were you, you would try to stop me. It's related to what people commonly call morals and ethics, isn't it? The story that family must be protected, that kind of rigid story." "Hmm." "Why?"
"Saintess. You have started to care about the gaze of others, Saintess."
"……."
"The gaze of others, which you had never once been conscious of until now, you have started to care about it, even if it is just a narrow part called 'me'. Whether that will head in a good direction or a bad direction is not something I can know. ……But at least, we can tell that the Saintess from half a year ago and the Saintess right in front of my eyes now are different people." "I haven't changed." "No, you have changed. No matter how much you yourself deny it. You have now come to at least roughly return the greetings of the nuns or the people below you, and you have come to have the thought of healing a person who got injured while you were passing by."
I recalled for a moment.
The memory of me roughly answering 'Yeah, hi' to the people who greeted me as I passed by came to mind. The memory of me using Heal from a distance on a person who got a cut from not handling a kitchen knife properly in the kitchen as I passed by also came to mind.
"That's that. You still give me inquiries, and you said the most important thing in my life is inquiries. I am just accommodating you a tiny bit because you give me those inquiries. You can consider it a reward given to you for working hard."
I put down my black tea.
"Right, acting. ……It's what you call acting. I just thought it would be okay to do that kind of acting while you are still interesting to me and still give me inquiries."
That is acting.
I haven't fundamentally changed, and it was nothing more than a whim because I still have an interest in the man named Ed. After all, whether a person thanks me or curses at me, it's all the same, and the ripples rising in my heart do not change.
Ed looked at me like that, smiled a little, and spoke.
"How amusing."
"What is?"
"In the end, you are doing that acting because you care about me, aren't you?"
"……." "And, as I told you before, I am not trying to change your innate nature, Saintess. Please, I want you to continue wearing that mask you yourself don't even acknowledge right now……. the mask called acting. It is fine if you don't change, so please at least pretend to have changed." "Are you okay with that?"
"With what?"
Ed often said to me.
That he isn't trying to change my innate nature, nor is he trying to reform me. He merely teaches me the etiquette that fits society, teaches me how to respond, and tells me as 'knowledge' that it is correct to say these words in this situation, and it is correct to take this action.
"In other words, you are telling me to become a liar. Isn't that what's commonly called an immoral act?"
"That's true. It is exactly as you say. Even though they say there are white lies, a lie is fundamentally a sin, and it can be called the biggest culprit that destroys human relationships."
"Then why?"
"Because it is better for you to be a liar. Because you are someone who can keep up that lie until the day you die. The smart Saintess already knows, so I won't go out of my way to hide my intentions."
"……."
"I do not deny you. Because being born like that cannot be helped. So, let us……. make an effort so that you can live well despite being born like that. Even though you might not like it, Saintess."
I continued to stay silent and looked at Ed.
You have never once denied me, and you seemed to just want me to live well even if I am like this. It's funny to say it myself, but if I had grown up just like that, there was definitely a high chance I would have become what is commonly called a bad person. No, as someone who went around casually attacking people, I definitely would have already been a bad person at that point.
Furthermore, the reason I attacked was simply because it was annoying. Whether I liked it or not, the half-year I spent with Ed had started to seep into me. Is that a kind of acting for Ed, something temporary? Or is that mask becoming my face right now? Not even I could get an answer.
"……." Silence. I do not answer.
Because an answer did not come out from within me. In the meantime, Ed looked toward the door. "What's wrong?" "Someone is coming. ……It seems like, a child." "How do you know?" "I will tell you later." With that conversation as the end, the door opened roughly. With a bang sound, the door opened, and a little girl with pure white hair just like mine revealed herself.
Who is it? "It's been a long time, Sister……!" Sister.
Ah.
"It's been a long time, Ellyn."