Chapter 12
Translator: True Detective
[The Saintess Awakens - 02]
Six months were passing since Ed became my educator.
There wasn't exactly anything you could call a change.
Ed didn't seem to particularly want me to change either, but since there was no change at all, perhaps he was slowly getting sick of it. I didn't exactly have high expectations, but he was the first person to tell me it was okay to stay just as I am, so honestly speaking, I did have a desire for him to stay by my side a little longer.
I read a lot of books.
I already understood that I was different from other people, but the more I read the books Ed recommended, the more I could tell that I was not normal.
It seems normal people feel pity for others and possess a heart that knows how to empathize.
If a child falls into the water, they feel pity.
If a person dies, they feel sad.
If it's someone close to them, they can despair.
That was one of the emotions I couldn't quite understand, and I wondered if I would be able to feel that sensation if someone around me died, but I haven't tried it yet. More than that, Ed would definitely stop me with all his might, and I would definitely feel nothing anyway.
For example, right now, the people I could call close to me were the Pope and Ed, but if those two died, would I feel sad?
It seemed I would have no other thought besides the light recognition of, 'They died.'
As if there were no need to remember someone I would never meet again because they died, I might forget their very existence after a few years pass. I learned through books that this is a terribly cold way of thinking, but I couldn't deny at this point that this was the existence known as Anastasia Lacroix.
'Ed, you seem to be working hard, but it seems my fundamental nature won't change. Your efforts will definitely be useless, but still, since I find you interesting for now, I'll play along with your education game.'
My interest in Ed hasn't faded yet.
My inquiries haven't disappeared either.
Ed easily resolves my inquiries and, at the same time, gives me new ones. While that happens, I intend to play along with Ed's education game, but the point will come when that interest and inquiry no longer arise, and at that moment, I had no intention of continuing to play along with that education game.
Because all I had to do was appropriately let it go in one ear and out the other.
"G-Good morning, Saintess."
While walking down the hallway, a nun who had been awake since early morning greeted me.
She was holding a broom in her hand.
Ed told me there were people who cleaned, and that nun must be one of those people who clean.
"Yeah, okay."
Well, she wasn't exactly someone I knew, but since she greeted me, I accepted it for now and kept walking, and the nun gasped.
"Hup."
"What, why?"
"N-Nothing! E-Excuse me!"
She is a strange one.
Most people were strange, and because I was very strange even among them, I couldn't understand the cause and effect of people's actions.
For example, saying they did something because they were happy regarding a certain situation.
Or they did it because they were sad.
There are such words, but Ed says an existence like me absolutely lacks the capacity for empathy regarding moving by emotions in cause-and-effect relationships, like 'because I'm happy' or 'because I'm sad'. He said it was by no means a good symptom, and that it was the most necessary thing for living in society.
I thought, isn't ability the most necessary thing for living in society? But he said most people don't have the talent and ability to do everything from one to ten on their own. There are very few people who can live on their own, and that's why people maintain sociability or etiquette, he said.
They maintain it not because it's something people rightfully should do, but because it's necessary.
Hearing him say that, I could understand a little about that sociability or etiquette.
Showing courtesy to gain an advantage.
If I hear that people cultivate sociability to avoid suffering losses, that was within the realm of what I could accept.
'The problem is, it's still difficult to apply that to myself.'
Light wavered at my fingertips, swirling slightly to form a shape like a marble.
By making the mana intricately tangled, it would now be impossible even for Ed to easily sever my mana. Of course, there might be other methods, but it wouldn't be easy, and perhaps if I had an all-out 1-on-1 fight with Ed right now, I might win.
Of course, since it's Ed, he might have prepared some other method or trump card, but that would probably be quite high-risk, and depending on the case, at a level where he'd have to risk his life. In other words, if we were to fight head-on again, there is a high probability that I would win.
From the start, even in that first sparring match, if I had made slightly different judgments, the one to win would have been me.
'I really can't change.'
It was a bit regrettable that despite him making such an effort, my way of thinking didn't change. I still didn't have any particular thoughts about others, and if it was annoying, I just wanted to solve it with power. If the person next to me had been someone other than Ed, they might have died several times already.
By reading numerous books, I had now at least understood that doing so was 'wrong'.
Since that was also what Ed talked about every single day, I understood it more than enough. However, I merely understood it, and I didn't empathize with it in the slightest.
I could still kill if necessary.
I want to kill if it's annoying.
No matter how much I think about a reason to endure when something annoys me, an answer doesn't come out.
'As I continue to grow, I will become even stronger, and then that etiquette and sociability will become even more unnecessary.'
As I said earlier, I am interested in Ed right now, and since Ed gives me inquiries, I am listening to his words. But if that disappears, I'll have no reason to listen to them, so I wouldn't be able to accommodate him.
"……." I walked inside the Cathedral as if taking a stroll.
The presence of people could be felt since early morning. It seemed the presence of various people was mixed together: people walking around cleaning like that nun earlier, people working, people who were originally diligent.
"S-Saintess……!"
Everyone overreacts when they see me. Well, it's because I rarely come outside.
Ed kept nagging me to walk a bit instead of just staying in my room, so I had no choice but to walk a little every morning. The scenery I saw didn't change drastically. Because even if I call it a stroll, it's nothing more than walking inside the Cathedral. Still, the sensation of the scenery I see changing even a little wasn't all that bad.
"Yeah, keep up the good work." "……!"
I passed by, giving a rough greeting. Besides, thinking while walking was surprisingly not bad. There were moments when it was more efficient than staying still, so it seemed it would be good to take a stroll often in the future as well. Or, even when efficiency was bad, walking without thinking wasn't bad either, so I thought this was good in its own right.
"Ouch, I got a little cut."
"I told you to be careful when handling the kitchen knife."
"I just spaced out for a moment."
I heard voices as I was passing by the kitchen, so I muttered as I walked past.
"Heal."
"Huh? What the?! The cut disappeared!"
"Huh!?" I remembered being called a genius among geniuses, the likes of which were rare in history, for being able to activate magic even from a somewhat far distance.
It might be that I am even stronger than those geniuses who were rare in history.
Proving that might also be fun.
Who is the strongest person in this world right now?
Ed had said that he wasn't weak himself, but he couldn't be called the strongest. He might have just been taking a humble attitude, but Ed is quite objective in that regard, so there are probably quite a few people stronger than Ed.
If I defeat all those people and prove that I am the strongest, perhaps no one will be able to defy me.
No.
Just because I defeated the strongest person, without even directly wielding violence in front of their eyes, it doesn't mean everyone in the world will turn submissive to me. For example, just because I defeat Ed right now, it doesn't mean people weaker than Ed will become submissive to me.
Unfortunately, it didn't seem like it would be that simple.
If that happens, I would have to wield violence against people one by one to crush them. But with so many people in the world, am I supposed to do that one by one? More than that, it just seems like it would only cause backlash, so it's annoying.
I fiddled with my hair as I walked.
'It's annoying, let's stop.'
In the first place, I couldn't figure out where proving I was the strongest could be used.
Food, a bed, money—those things come on their own even if I don't go out of my way to do that.
Oh?
Aren't there many cases where violence only has high demerits and risks?
Hmm, no.
Depending on the case, I could just crush everything with power and take it.
No, Ed said the knights would come if I did that.
Then those knights, too.
Then even more knights would come, and if a bounty or something was placed, everything around me would become an enemy.
Annoying.
Yeah, it's annoying.
"Sigh, let's stop."
Everything suddenly became annoying, so I stopped thinking and moved my steps to return to my room.
Then, by chance, I happened to run into Ed at the corner of the hallway.
"Ed."
"Saintess, good morning. Have you had your meal?"
"Not yet……. They were making it in the kitchen, though."
Ed truly suffered a lot, too.
No matter how much he educates and works hard, he can't bring about any change in me, yet he still has to educate me as ordered. Since he seems to have a somewhat diligent personality from the start, it seemed he couldn't even just do it half-heartedly.
"Would you like to eat together?"
At those words, I looked at Ed for a moment and then spoke.
"Yeah, well……. I don't particularly mind."
I didn't exactly have a reason to refuse.
That was the reason I decided to eat together.