Stubbornness (2)
Stubbornness (2)
Morphine was discovered in the early 1800s.
Well, since morphine itself is a derivative of opium, I could roughly guess it appeared around then without researching the historical period separately. Besides, morphine showed up frequently as a painkiller for soldiers even in works set during the First World War.
As the strongest painkiller humanity ever extracted from naturally occurring plants, morphine's effects were powerful, and it acted on the brain extremely quickly. That was why it was handed out to soldiers like crazy all the way through the Second World War.
And it also became a cause of immense suffering for the soldiers who survived the First and Second World Wars. It was, after all, a form of that infamous substance—opium.
Its addictive potential was so extreme that even in the modern era, it was a narcotic painkiller used only as the absolute last resort, when no other analgesic worked.
People in the past used it because they focused solely on the drug's effects while the side effects were relatively under-researched. And truthfully, there wasn't really any alternative drug to replace it.
And I had been keeping that morphine in my room.
"...... What is this?"
"......."
Of course. It wasn't as if people in the past were unaware of opium's harmful nature. Wasn't there that famous war, the Opium War, which broke out because Britain zealously sold opium to the Qing Dynasty, and the Qing, believing the opium was destroying their country, pushed back?
It wasn't that people in this world used it without knowing its effects.
They used it 'despite knowing.'
And now, I was being forced to reveal the locations of every single dose of morphine I had stashed in my room.
Because Alice was going through my room, searching under the bed and on top of the wardrobe.
"Your Highness."
"...... You wouldn't. Right?"
Alice asked, looking at the morphine sitting on top of the bed.
It wasn't a large quantity. I'd never needed a large quantity to begin with. An amount sufficient for one or two injections was enough. I kept about three small bottles as a reserve, just in case.
But it was more than enough to arouse Alice's suspicion.
"Hm? You're not addicted or anything, are you?"
"...... Your Highness."
I called out to Alice calmly as she questioned me, sounding immensely anxious.
"Have you ever seen me exhibit symptoms of opium addiction?"
"......."
One of the most easily observable external symptoms after taking morphine is pupil constriction. I had seen it in person a few times already. A few years ago, in the count's territory.
Furthermore, if I were truly 'addicted' to morphine, it would already be impossible to hide. When intoxicated by an opiate like morphine, a person loses their senses for a while and acts like a maniac, and the withdrawal symptoms include blatantly obvious signs like vomiting, fever, and diarrhea.
Yet my body was in perfectly fine condition. I worked incredibly hard whenever necessary, so those withdrawal symptoms should have appeared, but I had never once shown such signs. Strangely, I hadn't even caught a common cold.
"Then why do you have this?"
Alice stared hard at me as she asked.
"For emergencies."
"...... There are mages in the palace."
That was true.
This was a world where magic existed. A place where mages who used Mana Stones to perform magic genuinely existed.
They could heal damaged areas of the body, leaving almost no scars, and I had heard they'd recently even succeeded in reattaching a severed leg.
"Healing a body with magic takes far too long."
"Then in the meantime......!"
"And an unhealed body feels pain, and therefore grows sluggish."
No matter how well-trained a person is, it is impossible to move exactly the same after being injured as before. That was why, when necessary, it was crucial to deceive the brain, override pain perception, and move urgently.
...... Honestly, I felt a little wronged. I genuinely hadn't used it yet.
But my plan was, should the need arise, to use it once, experience that situation, and then turn back time.
There are psychological reasons for becoming dependent on drugs, but the biggest reason is the physical effect. Especially the damage to the brain and nervous system is extremely severe. Seeking drugs when addicted isn't like 'looking for food because your mouth is bored.' It's the same behavior as a starving person desperately searching for food. The brain has already been fooled into believing it's hungry.
However, I could cancel out even that kind of brain and nervous system addiction entirely.
So, if there was an unknowably dangerous possibility requiring me to sustain a major injury, I could endure as much as possible, glimpse the future, apply that knowledge, and attempt it anew. Without drugs, of course, in the final version.
"......."
Alice bit her lip.
"Is it because of me?"
"......."
Hm.......
It wasn't 'only because of Alice.' Strictly speaking, it was simply a supply I'd prepared after considering all possible scenarios. Because, who knew, there might come a time when I genuinely had to assassinate the emperor.
The emperor himself ranked among the strongest people in the world. Even Lucas couldn't defeat him in a sword fight, so he was probably far stronger than the current Sword Saint.
Still, being human, there would be a very, very tiny opening.
But that opening would be so microscopic that to properly locate and exploit it, I might have to repeat things thousands of times, down to the second.
And so, this morphine was a tool to add a little efficiency to that process.
Whatever she concluded from my complete silence, Alice suddenly reached out and grabbed me.
Alice was...... honestly, in terms of raw 'talent,' she was vastly superior to me. Even thinking about it simply, she was the daughter of 'that' emperor. Her physical abilities were top-tier, and she was incredibly intelligent. Frankly, if I didn't turn back time, I could never beat Alice in a one-on-one confrontation.
Academics were the same. I could read the same book dozens, hundreds of times, listen to hundreds of hours of lectures from a tutor and only invest the same amount of time as others...... no, I was someone who could simply erase the elapsed time and extract only the knowledge if I set my mind to it. That was the only reason I could manage. If I had just studied normally, I wouldn't have even gotten into the academy.
I wouldn't have survived this long to begin with.
So, well.
This meant that when she suddenly grabbed me by the collar like this, I couldn't dodge. I had no choice but to be yanked forward until my face was barely a fist's width away from Alice's.
...... Should I turn back time?
The thought flickered briefly, but I decided to postpone it. First, I would assess the situation and then decide.
Because Alice was also one of the characters I liked.
I didn't want to undo the time we spent together if I could help it.
"Hey."
Ah.
This was bad.
Alice seemed genuinely furious.
"I'm going to ask you questions now, so answer me straight."
"......."
It was sheer luck that my expression didn't crumble. The effort I usually put into practicing my composure seemed to be paying off.
"What do you think of me? And what do you think of yourself?"
"Your Highness is the person who will become the emperor of the Empire. I am merely in a role that assists that."
"As Father ordered you to?"
"......."
No, this was my own will.
If Alice weren't here, I would have run away immediately. Preferably somewhere near Claire...... or to wherever the heroines and the male protagonist were, or even—reluctantly—to where other male characters gathered, to ask for help and hide. Except for the Holy State.
I didn't know what she made of my silence, but Alice looked at me with burning eyes as she spoke.
"Then I'll ask differently. What will you do if Father names you as crown princess instead of me?"
"Such a thing—"
"If you think Father wouldn't pull something like that, then you are greatly mistaken."
...... Hm.
I thought the one mistaken was Alice, but this didn't seem like the right situation to say that.
"—If that were to happen, I would do my utmost to ensure that imperial authority is transferred to its rightful place."
"...... Even if it were Father's command?"
"Yes. Because that would be the right thing to do."
At least this was sincere.
I had absolutely no intention of becoming emperor. In fact, considering the story up to the point it had progressed, it was doubtful whether the emperor could continue the imperial line at all. Because...... wasn't that the case? The emperor was the head of the evil empire, after all.
Ultimately, the one who would triumph in the end would be the protagonist, with the heroines and the other male party members helping at his side. Along with countless other supporters.
The ending hadn't been released yet, but most players speculated that the finale would be a democratic revolution.
Even if Alice couldn't inherit the throne, she could still become a hero of the people. And that would be far better for her future. No matter how many elements were drawn from reality, it was still a game in the end. Considering the developer, they probably wouldn't have the entire imperial family beheaded.
"Even if it means ruining your body?"
Alice's eyes flicked toward the morphine bottle on the bed.
I nodded.
"Yes, that is correct."
Of course, I had no intention of using it to the very end, but if I answered honestly, there would be no reason for me to be hoarding morphine. So I gave that answer, partly as an excuse.
"......."
Alice glared at me for a long moment, then released the collar she had been gripping tightly. I tried my best not to stumble. Once again, whether nearly ten years of effort had borne fruit, I managed to avoid staggering pathetically.
"I'll be taking this with me."
"......."
Alice picked up the morphine that had been on the bed.
And looking at me, she spoke.
"Don't worry. I won't have any occasion to use it. 'A princess of a nation' can't be a morphine addict, can she?"
And that phrase, 'a princess of a nation,' was also directed at me.
"......."
"Furthermore, I will ensure that such items cannot be obtained within the imperial palace. From now on, these things will only be handled by professionals who can judge when they are absolutely necessary. Not by a dignified existence like a princess. Understood?"
"...... Understood."
Only after I said that did Alice nod with a stiff expression. Then she spun around sharply and walked out of my room.
"......."
I counted roughly thirty seconds, and then,
"Hoo......."
I let out a long breath.
As befitting the emperor's daughter, her force of spirit was no joke. I thought I might get crushed the entire time she had me by the collar.
Fortunately, I managed my expression well enough that no need to rewind time arose.
A short while earlier, when I followed Alice, the emperor had already vacated the spot. I didn't know whether the situation could have been resolved even if I had met him directly, but the fact that I hadn't even gotten the chance to see if it could be resolved seemed to have really struck a nerve with Alice.
Fuming, Alice had returned to my room and, unable to contain her anger, had stormed around before yanking my bag open.
For a moment I wondered what she was doing, but she began pulling out every single item inside.
Of course, since they were my belongings, she didn't exactly throw them around, but she apparently wanted to return them to the state they were in 'before I packed the bag.'
I was staring at this in disbelief when Alice, who had been pulling things out of my bag, discovered one bottle of morphine, and that was how the commotion started.
"...... Hm."
Honestly, even if Alice ordered the confiscation of morphine, obtaining more would be easy enough. This was a world where opium dens operated unremarkably in the back alleys of the city. It was illegal, of course, but the Empire paid little attention to the miserable lives of the lower classes.
Thanks to that, opium was somewhat fashionable even among the nobility. Naturally, nobles were harder to catch than commoners. The count had carried on with that filth brazenly right up until he was assassinated, after all.
...... Still, bringing morphine back into the imperial palace would be rather risky.
If Alice caught me next time, I might genuinely be suspected of addiction and forcibly admitted to a sanatorium. The mental hospitals of this era were, well...... didn't they have a somewhat barbaric side? I had no particular desire to be put inside one.
"Hmm......."
If not morphine......
Well, there were a few other pharmaceuticals that came to mind. Not painkillers, but drugs that could dramatically increase my chances of success in my attempts.
For example, well, there was a substance that had been released so recently in this era that its harmful nature and side effects hadn't been properly identified yet.
A drug that, when ingested, boosted concentration exponentially, allowing the user to complete tasks at double the normal speed, with even more reliable accuracy than usual. It wasn't some kind of magical potion. It was a narcotic that existed in the reality we lived in, too.
Methamphetamine.
A substance that had actually been openly distributed as an over-the-counter drug.
In reality, the brand name for that drug was 'Philopon.'
Because the pharmaceutical company was Japanese, people also called it 'Hiropon,' following the Japanese pronunciation directly.
Of course, being a narcotic, it severely damaged the human body. Didn't they say it permanently damaged dopamine receptors? And dopamine was used to create positive human emotions. Meaning, once you took it, you could never again feel everyday happiness. Unless you kept taking drugs.
Though, for me, I could just turn back time and fix it.
"...... Maybe I should drop the idea after all."
Morphine could potentially be utilized for 'exploring possibilities,' but methamphetamine was strictly a drug for 'forcing a result.' Any result obtained through that narcotic would be unusable.
Because even if I succeeded in an assassination while on that drug, my only options would be to live the rest of my life as a drug addict, lose the ability to feel any pleasure outside of drugs, or ultimately turn back time and have to reproduce the result without the drug.
Nothing was ever easy, really.
I let out another long breath.