To Rise One Step Higher - 6
Night fell, and Hong Ryeon and Chae Jin, who had been meditating to prepare themselves for entering the Mirror Secret Realm, gathered together in a single room. Sa Yun watched the two of them anxiously, while Chae Ryeon and Hyeon Hwi gently held her hands.
"I honestly don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep. I'm too tense."
Hong Ryeon murmured it in a small voice, and Chae Jin voiced her agreement.
Doje flashed a grin at the pair of them.
"I can force you to sleep, if it comes to that."
Oh. Is he about to seal their sleep points? Pressure-point arts really are the flower of wuxia. Even in Cheonsang Myeongwol, no one was ever put under by sealing their sleep points—and here I was, about to witness it firsthand...
He raised a cudgel.
"One good knock on the head with this, and you'll be out in no time."
That's not falling asleep. That's passing on to eternal rest.
Coming from anyone else it might have been a joke—but this was Doje announcing he would hit them. The two hastily clamped their mouths shut and squeezed their eyes closed.
"Right, off to bed with you!"
"Good night, everyone."
I looked at Doje, and he smirked.
"It was a joke."
It did not sound like one.
I'd heard that those who trained in martial arts could fall asleep at will, guiding the flow of their internal energy. Perhaps that was why. The two lying on their beds were soon breathing soft, even breaths, fast asleep, and I turned to Sa Yun. It was long past her bedtime, and yet she couldn't sleep for worrying over Hong Ryeon and Chae Jin. It pained me to see it.
"Time to sleep now."
"But..."
"If anything happens, Lord Doje will be here. And I'll be watching over them too."
Though if something actually happened, I'd be the one stepping in.
I told Hyeon Hwi and Chae Ryeon to sleep as well. They hesitated, then headed for the inner room, leaving the door slightly ajar as if they meant to rush out at the first sign of trouble. Doje, who had been watching them go, gave his hand a small flick. That alone shut the door without a sound.
How much time passed like that? When even those inside seemed to have drifted off, I took out the Heart Soul Mirror he had given me. He gazed at the two empty sockets where gems should have been set into the mirror, then chuckled and began to speak, a little haltingly.
"As I told Lady Sa, every person carries an inner demon. But that demon hides itself away, revealing its form only when the heart grows weak—which is why the strong simply come to believe they have none at all."
A brief silence. He studied me for a moment, then went on.
"It was some years ago. After I obtained the Heart Soul Mirror, I too entered the Mirror Secret Realm, hoping to overcome the demon that dwelled within me."
If he had succeeded, only one gem would have been destroyed. He had failed—and it seemed someone had used the mirror to pull him back.
Bitterness lingered at the corners of Doje's mouth.
"I failed, and my wife saved me. Thanks to her, my inner demon never came to rule over me."
I couldn't help but be stunned by this hidden history—one I had never heard even in Cheonsang Myeongwol.
Still, if even Doje carried an inner demon, did Geomseong have one too? I turned the thought over, then shook my head. Of course she did. She had lived through all of that. And if so... could I use this to help her overcome it?
"I'll step outside for a while."
Doje left as well. I was the only one remaining in the room. I sat cross-legged and closed my eyes.
"Ugh...!"
A low groan reached my ears. I turned my head slightly. It was seeping out of Hong Ryeon. If that got worse, I could simply go in, couldn't I? I fingered the Heart Soul Mirror Doje had given me inside my pocket.
"Hkk...!"
Her body flinched. Chae Jin's lovely face twisted in a grimace, and her frame gave a light jolt. But that, too, was brief. When Chae Jin settled again, I returned to watching over them both. Again and again, the two of them cried out in intermittent pain. Each time they seemed determined to fight through it and quickly went quiet—but their condition was steadily worsening all the same.
The candle I had lit to mark the time melted slowly down. It was just as the flame of that half-spent candle gave a little shudder—
"Agh...!! Ughhhh...!! Hkk...!! Kgh!"
Anyone who heard those groans would know at once that she was enduring agonizing pain. It was Hong Ryeon. I watched her a moment, then rose from my seat and opened the window. Outside, Doje stood with his pipe between his teeth, deep in thought.
"I'm going in to her now."
"Mm. Be careful."
I lay down beside her as she thrashed and cried out in agony, cold sweat streaming down her face. And when I saw the tears even welling at the corners of her eyes, I raised the Heart Soul Mirror. The mirror showed Hong Ryeon. But my own figure was nowhere in it. The instant I registered that, the world around me began to wash over white.
The first thing I saw was a desert. A desert without end. And through its heart ran a road, marked with the traces of someone's passing. Had Hong Ryeon walked this way? I followed it. And as I walked, something came into view—a small bag. I picked it up and looked inside.
"I'll do it. Let me look after the disciples."
It was Hong Ryeon's voice. A voice that sounded younger than the one I knew. Along with it appeared a red-haired girl—surely the Hong Ryeon of her childhood.
"Master is worn out. I'll do it."
"Are you certain? It will be a burden on you..."
"I'm fine! That's what the eldest sister is for, isn't it?"
With that bright smile, the girl took charge of the Hongseong Sect's household affairs. However brilliant her talent, it was no simple thing for a girl so young to manage the affairs of an entire sect. Even so, she kept the Hongseong Sect—already robbed of so much—steady and whole. And to manage it, she gave up every chance to adorn herself. Fine cloth that came her way went to her junior sisters; money that might have bought powders and paints went toward things for her sect sisters instead. And still she never grieved. Because she believed it was simply what the eldest disciple, the eldest sister, had to do.
Shouldering the bag, I walked on—and found another.
"Why not continue your training under me a while longer?"
At Geomseong's suggestion, Hong Ryeon—younger than now, though the girlishness had already left her—shook her head. Training under Geomseong mattered, but she could not give up her work with the Murim Alliance either.
"The funds I'll earn from this Inspection Department posting—I mean to buy a new sword with them. Ryu Gang's blade is nearly worn through, you know?"
"But your own training..."
"Teaching my junior sisters is growth enough for me."
"Then at least take this elixir. I made it for you myself."
To Geomseong, whose heart ached for her, Hong Ryeon answered with a smile.
"Ryu Hyeon's internal energy is lacking right now. I might be able to earn an elixir through my work for the Alliance, so..."
She had yielded even her own strength. As Geomseong's first disciple, she could have demanded much for herself—yet she chose her junior sisters instead. She wanted the Hongseong Sect to grow; she wanted her junior sisters to become strong. And so she abandoned her own desires. The desire for growth that any martial artist is entitled to.
When the vision faded once more, I gathered the bag and walked on. Another bag appeared. And another. And another. Every last one of them was something Hong Ryeon had given up in her years as the Hongseong Sect's eldest disciple. I gathered them all and walked, until at the road's end I came upon the carcasses of countless monsters. And beyond those remains, a red-haired woman sat collapsed upon the ground beneath an enormous burden. Everything she carried gleamed a brilliant, radiant red—gems, all of them. I knew what they were. The Hongseong Sect. The disciples of the Hongseong Sect.
Even as she cast aside her own wants and wishes, she was trying, somehow, to carry them all with her. Smiling, I approached her and sat down at her side.
"Are you all right?"
Hong Ryeon turned her head, just slightly. Then, with a delicate smile in her eyes, she leaned her head against me. The rich scent of Thousand-Day Plum Blossoms washed over me. She looked up at me, saw the bags I had brought, and smiled.
"...Ahh. Here I am, leaning on you again."
She must have been struggling far more than she ever let on, to act this spoiled when she never did. I was right to come, after all.
"You won't be taking these with you, then?"
Hong Ryeon gazed at the bags I had carried with wistful eyes. Then she nodded.
"Those are all things of the past now."
The moment her words left her lips, the bags I had gathered vanished. Yet there was no bitterness on her face. She only watched them fade with something like pride—pride, it seemed, in the life she had lived, in the things she had given up and carried all this way.
"Shall I carry some of it for you?"
If I took her burden from her here, she would find some ease—but overcoming her inner demon would become impossible. Still, it was better than sitting collapsed here forever. When I held out my hand, Hong Ryeon stared at it quietly, then shook her head.
"This is mine to carry. Even leaning on you is a burden I'm laying on you—I can't hand you this as well. But instead... would you walk with me?"
"Mm. I will. Though—what's that one? It looks different from the rest."
"Ah. Th-this one is... um..."
It was unlike everything she had carried until now—a bag suffused with a faint blue glow. Unlike the others it looked almost new, and perhaps because she had no wish to give it up, Hong Ryeon hugged the little bag tight to her chest. To her fumbling hesitation, I simply nodded.
"If you'd rather not say, you don't have to."
"...Thank you."
Thank me for what, exactly.
Seemingly restored, Hong Ryeon set off down the road at my side once more.
"Is this road my inner demon? Or this burden? Or this desert?"
"Hard to say..."
"...You saw them, didn't you? The things I dropped along the way?"
"I did."
"...There were times I regretted it. Times it was too much."
Trudging step by step, Hong Ryeon went on. The weight that Geomseong's first disciple had to bear, and the duty that came with it. It would have been a lie to say it hadn't been hard. She was human too, and that burden had worn her down more than once.
"...And still. I could keep going. Because everyone was there."
Because everything she carried now was worth carrying to the very end. Having said it, Hong Ryeon gazed toward the road's end, her face much lighter.
"...Eldest disciple of the Hongseong Sect. First disciple of the Sword Saint. Inspector of the Murim Alliance. The Sun-Falling Sword... everyone's elder sister. Those things are what make me who I am."
"But isn't Hong Ryeon herself missing from that list?"
"Honestly... yes. But that's changed, a little."
Hong Ryeon glanced up at me. With a smile so gentle it seemed to melt, she fingered the small bag that held the blue gem.
"Because I have something precious now that I could never give to anyone. So... this is enough for me. For the next time things get hard."
Gently, Hong Ryeon took my arm.
"You said you'd stay by my side, didn't you?"
"I did say that."
"Hehe. That's enough for me. I'm... no. Honestly, I fall short too."
Hong Ryeon dipped her head. And so we walked on without another word, until before I knew it we had reached the end of the road. A great door—the exit of the Mirror Secret Realm—stood revealed before us. As we drew near, the road and the desert we had crossed began to wash white and fade away.
"Walking it alone, I thought it would never end. Walking it with you, it feels so short. Thank you. Truly."
"No. I haven't done anything."
And I meant it. She had shouldered everything alone; it might have been different if I had carried her load for her. All I had done was walk beside her. At my answer, Hong Ryeon smiled, eyes fixed on the exit. And then—
"...You asked me what this was, remember?"
She fingered the little bag with its blue gem.
"Hehe. I think I want to say it here, at least."
Hong Ryeon laughed softly. Then she took a step toward me.
"This is my heart."
Another step.
"The feelings I have treasured."
And another.
"The feelings I fear to show, for fear you might refuse them."
One last step.
"This heartbeat I cannot bring myself to throw away."
"...Huh?"
"I can't tell the real you yet. So these are my true feelings, offered first to the you inside me—the you my own mind has made."
"...Huh? Wait. Hong Ryeon, hold on—"
She seemed to be laboring under a tremendously dangerous misunderstanding.
She appeared to believe I was a Yu Wol conjured up by her own mindscape.
"I'm—!"
The instant I tried to speak, Hong Ryeon—now standing fully before me—caught my face in her hands and rose onto her toes. Her lovely face drew near. It was clumsy. She moved so suddenly that our teeth grazed, and her lips trembled hard enough that I could feel how nervous she was. And still, her lips were full, and soft, and sweet.
Before I could even savor it, Hong Ryeon slowly lowered herself from her tiptoes and fell back. Then she threw her arms around me, pressed her face into my chest, and—unable to lift her head, unable to hide her burning nape and ears—spoke in a voice like honey.
"Do you know, Yu Wol? I like you. Ahh. I said it. I actually said it. If only I could say it like this out there, in the real world too..."
With that wistful note, Hong Ryeon slowly drew away and looked at me with sorrowful eyes. Her white hands, fallen limp, were slowly curling into fists. Filled with will. With the resolve to see it through, no matter what.
"Someday, I'll say it to your face, proud and unafraid. So... the you inside me—please cheer me on. So that I can say I like you, just like this."
With those words she moved toward the exit—then glanced back over her shoulder.
"So... wait for me."
Perhaps because Hong Ryeon had passed through the Mirror Secret Realm, I came back to myself. Judging by the candle, hardly any time had passed at all.
"...Ugh. Aghhhh... Hkk...! Aaaagh!"
There was no time to sort through any of it. Seeing Chae Jin beside me wracked with pain, I took up the Heart Soul Mirror at once and went to her. And the moment the mirror reflected the two of us together, the world around me washed white once more and remade itself.
So this was Chae Jin's mindscape. A groan escaped me as I looked around. If Hong Ryeon's mindscape had been a road through an endless desert... Chae Jin's was an underground prison, steeped in darkness.