Regret
A dense forest came into view ahead of us as we ran on and on.
Between the massive branches that swallowed up the sky, faint threads of sunlight spilled down onto the forest floor, and the sight of it was beautiful.
"Once we cut through the heart of this forest, the Fairy Forest is right there."
That was what Sapi said — though his expression never loosened, not even a little. I simply followed him, running at close to a full sprint.
"Sapi, can't we rest for a bit before we go on?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Trust me."
A short answer, without a flicker of hesitation in it.
"Is it enemies? If it's enemies, we can fight them off like we did before and—"
Sapi kept his eyes fixed straight ahead as he answered.
"It's time."
"Time?"
"You won't understand what I'm about to say. That's fine. Just listen."
"What?"
Even as he spoke in that grave tone, Sapi never once slowed his pace.
"Fate is like a spring. Press it down, and it sinks for a little while. You can twist it sideways, too. But the moment you let go—"
Sapi opened his hand, palm up.
"—it springs back to where it belonged."
"..."
"No matter how hard you try to change cause and effect, fate always finds its way home in the end."
A brief silence passed. Then, clenching that hand into a fist, Sapi said:
"So before the spring you crushed comes flying back up, you have to do everything you can. All of it."
I didn't understand a word of it. But his back, at least — that I saw with a strange, impossible clarity.
He looked like a man who had spent an eternity holding that spring down. Like someone who knew everything would come apart the instant he let go, and who still, to the very end, could not bring himself to give up.
Without truly understanding any of what Sapi had told me, we pushed deep into the forest.
"...Maha Prajna Paramita Heart Sutra."
Then came the hollow knock of a wooden fish — one of those round drums monks strike as they chant — and a voice reciting words I couldn't understand.
At the source of the sound sat someone cross-legged in the very middle of the path: a man with a wooden fish for a face.
The moment Sapi laid eyes on him, he clicked his tongue.
Whether he heard that click or not, the wooden fish man turned his gaze on us.
"So you really did head south after all."
"..."
"We came here to kill Lebetri. However, I believe now is not yet the time."
The wooden fish man rose slowly to his feet and asked:
"Sentient one. Do you believe in fate?"
The wooden fish man's gaze was aimed straight at Sapi. Perhaps sensing it, Sapi answered flatly, without a hint of feeling.
"I do."
The wooden fish man gave a small nod.
"As I thought... your eyes are those of a man who has given up on everything."
"..."
"And no doubt that is precisely why you came to believe in fate."
Sapi said nothing at all. The wooden fish man slowly lifted his eyes to the sky.
"Unlike you, I do not believe fate exists."
"..."
Sapi kept his silence and listened.
"What exists is cause and effect, and nothing else. Where there is a cause, there is a result — that is all. Change the cause, and the result changes with it. Such is the way of this world."
Sapi laughed as though the very idea were absurd.
"That theory of yours sounds nice and tidy."
"It is not a theory."
The wooden fish man looked Sapi dead in the eye.
"Plant a seed, and a flower blooms. Set fire to wood, and it becomes ash."
"..."
"In other words — change the cause, and the result changes too."
Sapi spoke, calm and even.
"You're right. Cause and effect do change."
On the surface, it sounded like agreement.
"I changed the methods. Changed the process. Killed off countless variables, one after another..."
Sapi went on in a low voice.
"But the ending always arrives at the same place. That's my conclusion."
"Sentient one. This 'fate' you speak of is nothing but a name the defeated invented, so that they could accept their results."
"Maybe so... Fine. I'll grant you that much."
"Ho... I did not expect you to concede so readily."
"And that is all the more reason... why Lebetri has to live."
The wooden fish head simply sank into quiet silence. Then he reached down and lifted the massive wooden club lying at his feet.
"A shame, truly. That one capable of such a fine discussion should be the very one aiding Lebetri—"
- Bang!!
Before the wooden fish man could even finish, Sapi had already fired the first shot.
- Bang!
The gunshot tore through the forest. The sound had come from the pistol in Sapi's hand.
The bullet punched clean through the wooden fish man's heart. But the hole it left behind sealed itself over with smooth new skin, as if the bullet had never existed at all.
The wooden fish man was already moving, sweeping his colossal wooden club through the air.
I quickly turned the spot into a save point, keeping close watch on the swing of that enormous club.
At this timing... with my Linear Leap, I can reach him!
Drawing my beam saber, I slipped past the club's attack — and closed the distance right up beside the wooden fish man.
But.
"...!"
The colossal club was a hair's breadth from crushing my skull. The wooden fish man hadn't been aiming at me — more likely, he'd simply swung the club without so much as a glance my way, and I had wandered into its path.
- WHAM!
I threw my prosthetic arm up to shield my head, but the impact rode straight up through it and knocked me skidding backward.
Then—
- Bang! Bang! Bang!
Sapi's shots rang out one after another. The bullets threaded themselves between the swings of the wooden club and bored straight into the wooden fish man's heart.
And once again, the wounds sealed themselves shut. As if they had never been there.
A faint, drifting laugh rose from the wooden fish man.
"So long as cause and effect hold true, the result you desire will follow."
I had no idea what he meant, but it was obvious he was trying to get under Sapi's skin. Then the wooden fish man raised his club high toward the sky — and brought it crashing down onto his own head.
"...Maha Prajna Paramita Heart Sutra."
The same chant I'd heard just before we came upon him.
But wait a second... Something felt wrong. Something was flying toward us—
"Snap out of it, Lebetri!"
Sapi seized me by the collar and hurled me to the right. Only then did I see it — small iron beads streaking in toward us from far away, faster than the eye could follow.
But while I was still thinking, could they really be dangerous enough to make Sapi shout like that—
- KABOOOOM!!
The iron beads detonated.
I hadn't been caught in the blast. But Sapi... had.
"Sapi?"
No answer. There was nothing to see but a churning cloud of dirt and dust.
"Sapi...?"
My heart began to hammer, wild and ragged. And in that moment—
"Just as you want to reach your goal, I have one too — something I want to see through, one way or another."
"That's why I need you. I'm asking you — once again."
"That's why I need you. I'm asking you — once again."
The words he'd spoken that day — when I'd suddenly balked at heading south — came flooding back to me.
Those words... had never been a lie. Sapi really had been putting me ahead of his own life.
The heat of the blast slowly began to ebb. Dirt and dust scattered on the wind.
I stood staring, hollow, at the place where Sapi should have been.
"...Sapi?"
No answer came back.
That enormous blast. No one could have survived something like that.
I knew it better than anyone. Thanks to my regression, I've died enough times to know. This one — this kills you.
"No..."
I tried to deny it. He's alive. He has to be.
Ever since I'd gained this power of regression... he was the one person who truly wanted me to live, all the way to the very end.
The dust hadn't even finished settling. Any moment now, he'd stroll out of there like nothing had happened. That's just the kind of man he was...
"...Sapi."
One step. Then another. I walked, slowly, toward where the explosion had struck.
And my lips began to tremble.
No... there's no way he's dead...
He was always so much calmer than I was. He knew so much more than I did. He read every situation flawlessly.
And a man like that... had just thrown his life away, here, for my sake? For nothing?
The dust cleared completely.
All that remained was a vast, scorched crater.
"..."
Sapi wasn't there.
In that instant, my heart dropped like a stone.
"You're lying..."
My voice shook.
"Hey... this is a joke, right?"
There was no answer. The forest was still in a way that felt utterly wrong.
There was nothing but the sound of my own breathing. My knees gave out beneath me.
- Thud.
"You have a healing ability, don't you... so heal, damn it..."
I collapsed right where I stood. My fingertips wouldn't stop shaking.
Why? Why did you push me away?
His voice kept circling through my head.
"Just as you want to reach your goal, I have one too — something I want to see through, one way or another."
"That's why I need you. I'm asking you — once again."
Only now were those words beginning to make sense. He had known from the very beginning. That he might die... And even knowing, he had shoved me out of the way.
"Why..."
My lips trembled.
"Why..."
My vision blurred. So many people had died in front of me by now, and every time, it had hurt.
But never like this. It felt as if the center of my chest had been scooped out and left hollow.
That hollow ache refused to let me breathe — even as I drew air in, it wouldn't allow a single breath to pass.
"Sapi..."
I called his name... and nothing answered back.
"Hrrk—"
Guilt wrung my worthless little pride right out of me.
"Sapi..."
With my power... even now... I could turn all of it back. I could just start over, the way I always had.
"..."
But my body wouldn't move.
If I regressed, I would see him again — of course I would. Sapi too... Sapi would be alive again.
And yet. If I went back to the person I had been back then...
Could I really look at this moment as if it had never happened? That hand, shoving me away. His back, turning to face the blast.
Knowing all of it — could I still wear a face that showed nothing, and say...
Hey.
...to him, like it was nothing?
My breath turned ragged.
I knew. I knew exactly what my regression really was.
It wasn't a power that erased death. It was a power that made me, and me alone, remember someone's sacrifice.
All Sapi had ever done was let me forget that curse for a little while.
And all that came out now were tears.