Nightmare
A thunderous rumble echoed through the silent night-duty room.
The culprit was Elise, sprawled out and fully occupying my bed.
"……."
"……."
Our eyes met in midair.
An ordinary woman might have flushed red with embarrassment, but this one was an S-rank witch. She had long since thrown shame to the dogs.
"Hey, air conditioner."
"Yes."
"I'm hungry. Give me food."
"You already ate breakfast earlier. You even licked the tray clean."
"That was the appetizer. Bring me meat. Something big and greasy."
She smacked her lips and ran her tongue over them. Her red eyes gleamed so hungrily that if I didn't produce meat, she looked ready to chew on me instead.
"There's still an hour until lunch. Please hold on."
"No. Right now."
"This isn't a convenience store."
"Holding it in makes you sick. You know my temperature spikes when I get stressed, right?"
Whoosh.
Threat flames shimmered up from the tips of her hair like heat haze. The room temperature shot up ten degrees in an instant.
Ah. This was a matter of survival.
"……Understood. I'll look for something."
I surrendered and rummaged through the night-duty room fridge. Thankfully, there was a chunk of beef sirloin I'd stashed away. It had been my precious protein supply, but better that than getting roasted for offending a witch.
"Oh, meat!"
Elise's eyes sparkled. She sprang off the bed like a coil and snatched the meat from my hand.
"How do I eat this? Just chew it raw?"
"You have to cook it. There's an induction burner in the corner, so……"
"Why bother with something that annoying."
She snorted.
"Did you forget who I am? I'm the Witch of Hellfire. Fire is my specialty."
"Still, cooking lives and dies by heat control……"
"Shut up. Move."
She set the meat on a plate and stretched out her hand with a solemn expression.
"Watch closely. This is S-rank direct-flame grilling."
KWA-AAAANG—!
"Aaaagh!"
I screamed and dove under the desk. A little spark? Not even close. A pillar of flame on the level of a flamethrower erupted from her palm.
"Cough! Cough! Prisoner! Fire! Fire!"
"Huh?"
Once the smoke cleared, a single black lump of charcoal sat on the plate where the meat had been. No—the plate itself had melted and fused to the floor.
"……."
Elise poked the charcoal with chopsticks.
Crackle.
It crumbled into dust.
"……This meat was defective."
"The meat wasn't defective—the firepower was! Who grills a steak in a blast furnace?!"
"Tch. I just had a little trouble with the heat control."
She turned her head with shameless ease. But the growling didn't stop. That S-rank stomach apparently had zero sense of the room.
I heaved a deep sigh and opened the cupboard. Time to break out the secret weapon.
"Have this instead."
What I pulled out was a packet of instant ramen. The soul food of Koreans. The red-hot standard-bearer.
"What's this? A snack?"
"Ramen. Magical food that soothes the souls of commoners."
"Hmph. The packaging looks tacky."
She eyed the packet with open suspicion. I pulled out a dented aluminum pot and set water to boil. On the induction burner, the water began to bubble merrily.
"Watch carefully. This is real alchemy."
I dropped in the noodles and shook in the magic powder. A sharp, spicy-savory MSG fragrance bloomed through the air. Elise's nostrils flared.
"The smell…… isn't bad?"
"We're not done yet."
I cracked an egg from the fridge and dropped it in, then snipped green onions over the top with scissors. Bubbling red broth, a soft-cooking yolk, the green of the scallions—perfect harmony.
"It's ready."
I set the whole pot on the table. Steam rose in thick white curls. Elise swallowed hard even as she tried to cling to her haughty airs.
"Hmm. The visuals look a bit like a hodgepodge. Not sure it's worthy of me."
"Just try it. No idea if it'll suit an S-rank palate."
I held out chopsticks. She carefully lifted a strand of noodles. No blowing—straight into her mouth.
Slurp.
"……!"
Her eyes went round. She froze like a paused frame. A moment later her mouth began to work.
"……Hey."
"Yes."
"What is this?"
"I told you. Ramen."
"You're insane. This is drugs, right? You put drugs in it?"
Her chopsticks accelerated. Slurp, smack. Slurp. All her usual elegant table manners vanished. She buried her nose in the pot and vacuumed up the noodles.
"Hot! Spicy! But it's good!"
Beads of sweat dotted her pale forehead. Her lips swelled red from the heat, but she didn't stop. I understood. For a first-timer, this bombardment of sodium and capsaicin was a whole new world.
"Broth! I want the broth too!"
She tried to lift the entire pot and drink. I panicked and stopped her.
"It's boiling! Pour it into a bowl!"
"Shut up! It's mine!"
Gulp, gulp. She poured the scalding broth straight down her throat. Being fire-attribute, she apparently handled heat just fine.
"Khaaah……."
Having emptied the pot to the bottom, she let out a middle-aged man's sigh of pure satisfaction. She stuck out her tongue and fanned herself with her hand.
"Haa, haa. My tongue hurts. My whole mouth is tingling."
"That's why I said to eat slowly."
"But it feels good. Like everything just cleared out."
She pushed her sweat-damp bangs back and smiled in pure contentment. Stress melted right off her face. Cheeks flushed from the spice, eyes a little moist—honestly, she looked…… kind of cute.
"Hey, air conditioner."
"Yes."
"Bring me the alchemist who made this. Immediately."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm hiring him as my personal chef. A hundred billion a year should do it, right?"
"……He's the chairman of a major conglomerate, so scouting him might be difficult."
She smacked her lips in disappointment, then tapped the empty pot with her chopsticks.
"One more."
"What?"
"Not enough. Boil another."
"You just finished the whole thing, broth and all."
"Already digested. Hurry up."
She waved the chopsticks impatiently. I shook my head and tore open a second packet. To think the great witch had fallen to a single bowl of ramen. My chest swelled with the majesty of K-food.
Only after clearing the second bowl did Elise finally pat her stomach and flop onto the bed. Full belly, warm back—sleep was clearly coming for her.
"Haa…… hot."
She flapped her sweat-soaked shirt. The spicy food had pushed her body temperature even higher than usual. The thin fabric clung to her skin, outlining every curve. I hastily averted my eyes from the dizzying silhouette.
"Hey. Come here."
"I have to do the dishes."
"Later. Come here right now."
She stretched out a hand and yanked me by the waistband. I had no choice but to let myself be dragged to the bedside.
"Hand."
She took my hand and placed it on her stomach. The rounded, full belly was warm and soft.
"Rub it. Help me digest."
"Am I some kind of healing hand?"
"Yeah. Your hands are cold. You're a digestive aid."
I sighed and began rubbing her stomach in slow clockwise circles.
Absolute Calm
Weak output — soothing effect applied
The moment I let a gentle stream of the skill flow, her expression went slack and drowsy.
"Mmm…… nice."
She murmured languidly under my touch. Every time my hand moved, her body gave a little twitch.
"You're pretty good at cooking. You pass."
"Boiling ramen hardly counts as cooking."
"No. It's delicious because you made it."
She cracked her eyes open and looked up at me. Mischief danced in those red irises.
"From now on, you cook. I'm appointing you my personal chef and air conditioner."
"Do I get a raise?"
"I'll give you my entire fortune."
"……Just cover the ramen money."
She giggled and pressed my hand down harder. Under my palm her abdomen rose and fell in a steady rhythm. A strange atmosphere settled over us. This was getting kind of…… suggestive.
"Cheapskate. Your problem is you sell yourself way too low."
The words sounded like a scolding, but her voice was gentle. In the cramped night-duty room, thick with the smell of ramen, the witch and I spent a drowsy afternoon just like that.
Three in the morning.
The hour when the world should have been at its quietest. Instead, my night-duty room had turned into a sauna.
"……Hot."
I woke drenched in sweat. Had the air conditioner broken? Had I kicked on the heater in my sleep? Neither.
The source of the heat lay beyond the wall—in the panic room where Elise slept.
Vmmm—
A faint vibration. And a sharp, acrid smell stinging my nose. Something was burning.
No way.
I bolted upright and threw open the emergency door to the panic room.
"……!"
My breath caught.
The entire room glowed a deep, bloody red. Mana pouring off Elise's curled-up body on the bed painted every surface crimson.
"Ugh…… uuh……."
She was moaning. Not the arrogant, commanding voice I knew. The terrified whimper of a small child.
"Don't…… stay away……."
She was having a nightmare. The bedsheets were already blackened and smoking; the pillow clenched in her fists was a heartbeat from catching fire.
"Prisoner! Elise!"
I sprinted to the bed. Heat that would have kept any ordinary person from even approaching—but I had Status Condition Immunity.
All status ailments nullified — extreme heat/burns resisted
"Snap out of it!"
I grabbed her blazing shoulders.
Hisssss!
The instant my palms met her skin, steam exploded outward. She was soaked through with sweat. The thin slip clung to her body, every trembling line of her laid bare.
"No…… I didn't burn them…… I didn't do it……."
She muttered deliriously. Tears slipped from beneath her closed lids—only to evaporate halfway down her cheeks in the heat.
"Mom…… I'm sorry…… don't throw me away……."