Delphina Cornwall (2)
"Please. Don't take it too much to heart."
The head butler said it low, to Delphina, who stood in silence watching the airship Evangeline had all but fled into.
"...I have some idea. Why Her Highness reacted like that."
Delphina's voice had sunk.
"My mother... Narcissa Cornwall died in the Third Defense of Roubille."
"...So you knew."
"And that Her Highness was there with her."
She went on, calm.
"For me, the day I first saw Her Highness and the day I last saw my mother's face are the same day."
"...Do you resent her?"
"As if."
At the butler's careful question she answered at once, smiling.
"From the time I was little, there was something Mother said so often it turned into a habit. That she was a knight of the kingdom, a life already given under Failon's banner—so it would be no strange thing if she died at any moment, and I was to keep my heart braced for it. Always."
"...A cruel thing to tell a young daughter."
"Well. Yeah. Honestly, sometimes I do resent her for it. I'm only seventeen. Why did she have to go so soon?"
Delphina lowered her head, a bitter smile on her lips.
"...But this is how I see it. One mother was sacrificed—Delphina Cornwall's mother—and because of that, the mothers, the fathers, the children, the kin, the friends of countless nameless people of the kingdom..."
She lifted her sleeve and scrubbed roughly at the corners of her eyes. Then she raised her face to the sky and let the rest out like a breath she had been holding.
"One person's sacrifice, and Her Highness lived, and so many others with her. So... wasn't it for the best?"
"...If Her Highness heard you say that, she would sink to the ground and weep."
The butler smiled, bitter.
"Would she?"
Delphina laughed, scratching at the nape of her neck.
He watched her a moment without a word, then spoke quietly.
"...Lady Delphina. I leave Her Highness in your hands."
"Of course."
She nodded and turned toward the airship. Two servants followed with her bags, and the butler kept his eyes on her until she had climbed aboard.
Please. Let the two of them be all right together.
How many decades had it been since he last made a wish of God? In his heart, the butler prayed with everything he had.
Inside the airship, Delphina gathered every servant and set one request before them.
"For the time being, please see to it that Her Highness and I don't cross paths."
At that the servants stirred, startled, and murmured among themselves.
He said everyone aboard could be trusted. Remembering the head butler's words, Delphina went on.
"Please don't misunderstand. Attending Her Highness is my duty—but so is taking care that the sickness of her heart doesn't break the surface."
She let her gaze travel slowly over them.
"I don't know the cause, but Her Highness is uncomfortable around me. Until she calms her heart and chooses, of her own will, to see me—only until then—I'd be grateful if you were as careful as you can be."
Only then did the servants begin, one by one, to nod.
I was afraid. Afraid of facing Delphina Cornwall. Afraid that from that smiling face, from the mouth shaped into that smile, words would leak out to resent me and condemn me.
"...What the hell are you looking at."
In the full-length mirror fixed hard to one wall of the room, Narcissa Cornwall stared straight through me, no different from every time before. I had seen her so often that I was beginning to resent even her. I wanted to scream it at her through tears—why do you keep appearing in front of me? But it was obvious she would give me no answer, and so there was nothing else I could do.
Slumped on the bed, I reached out at random, and a soft pillow came into my hand. For the sake of a meaningless vent, I hurled it at the mirror. I thought I had thrown it without holding anything back, yet the pillow flew with a strange feebleness, barely grazed the mirror's edge, and dropped to the floor.
A clock hung just above the mirror. Four hours had already passed since I boarded the airship. From the moment I shut myself in this room, fleeing Delphina, I had not stepped outside once. And now, somehow, it was time to eat.
The flight from the capital of the Failon Kingdom to Polaris Academy took thirty-two hours in all—a full day and eight hours more in the air, near enough to a night and two days spent inside the ship. The airship was fitted, accordingly, with its own galley and a storeroom for provisions. Simply running that galley, though, burned through a considerable store of magic stones, so outside the appointed mealtimes, cooking was impossible.
The dining hall held several round tables, each with only a chair or two. Delphina sat at one tucked into a corner a little left of center. The meal had not come out yet; a plain piece of bread lay on the table ahead of the courses, and she was staring blankly out the window.
...Calm down.
I pressed hard against the breath coming short in my chest and chanted it inwardly, over and over. She isn't someone I can refuse to face forever. They say if you take the lash long enough, you get used to it. All I have to do is get used to it. Walk over, speak, look her in the face. That's all. It's fine. It isn't difficult in the least.
How long did I stand there, rooted, muttering? Only a little, but the tension seemed to ease. I started toward Delphina, raised a hand with care, and opened my mouth.
"...De-Delphina?"
"Your Highness?"
At the sound of my voice she whipped her head around. She blinked at me as if startled, then cleared her throat, working the tightness out of it.
"Ahem. Did you come out to eat?"
"Y-yeah. You too, Delphina?"
"O-of course. If you don't mind, would you sit with me?"
"Th-thanks."
I let out a breath of relief, soothing my chest from the inside. Delphina looked every bit as awkward as I was, and yet she seemed far more practiced at it than I.
I drew out a chair and sat, then wet my bone-dry lips with the water on the table. It must have been set down only a moment ago; it was still cold. I opened my mouth toward her—and closed it again, fumbling, without a word. Delphina tilted her head.
I have to speak. If I'm going to face her, I have to say something. Anything. My mouth would not come unstuck.
"...It's all right."
She had been watching me in silence. Now she said it quietly.
"...Huh?"
"I... actually already know. So you don't have to trouble yourself over it so much, Your Highness."
At those words—I know—something sank inside me. It felt as if something had snapped and fallen away, and also as if something had dropped and sealed my stomach shut. What was certain was that it was no good sign.
"...Are you all right?"
Worry crossed Delphina's face.
"You don't look well."
Slowly, I looked up at her.
Stop. I muttered it at myself. Shut your mouth and smile like you're supposed to. You came here to apologize. Know your damn place. But contrary to what I thought, my mouth moved on its own.
"...Then. Do you know that, too?"
"Know what?"
"The story about your mother."
Delphina's eyes went wide.
As if something had taken hold of me, I went on.
"About the last battle Narcissa Cornwall fought in."
I wanted to know. What she thought of her mother—and of me. Looked at a certain way, it was kin to the urge to destroy myself. A gluttonous want that asked for nothing but an honest answer had already swollen past all control, from the instant I saw her.
Instead of answering, Delphina looked at me without a word.
Her cold voice lashed out at me.
"Of course."
The voice rang and buzzed inside my skull. I couldn't bear it in my right mind; before I knew it, I had bitten my lower lip.
"You drove thousands of people to their deaths, and still they hoist you up so prettily—the Princess Knight, and all the rest. Tell me. Didn't you feel the least bit of guilt?"
The cold, sneering voice echoed at my ear. I didn't want to hear any more of it. I shook my head and bowed it. My teeth chattered, ugly and helpless, like a child separated from her mother on a road at night.
"If it hadn't been for you, Mother wouldn't have died."
"...ness."
"Princess Knight? Don't make me laugh. What did all those soldiers ever do wrong, the ones who had to die in your place?"
"...Highness!"
"A murderer, and you still—"
"Your Highness!!"
"......Huh?"
Only then did I open my eyes.
The first thing I saw was Delphina's face, flustered, cold sweat standing on her skin. The tablecloth in disarray. A scatter of dishes and napkins strewn across the floor. And her hands, gripping both my shoulders from across the table, trembling.
"Listen carefully, Evangeline Failondia."
Slowly, strength gathered in Delphina's hands where they held me. She looked me straight in the eye and began to speak the way a mother teaches a child—each word set down clear and separate.
"I don't know what it is you think you heard, Your Highness. But I have never once said anything hostile to you."
She cut the words off, firm. My head was still a tangle, but her voice, at least, reached my ears cleanly.
"It hasn't happened, and it never will. I promise you. I don't hate you, and I don't resent you. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing you need to be afraid of."
She said it while holding both my hands, and it was as if she could see straight through into me.
"Don't lose, Your Highness."
Delphina smiled—a smile that, somehow, looked sad.
"Because from now on, I'll be at your side."