Reflection (1)
Following the uproar in the Central Garden, we returned safely to the 3rd Prince's Palace.
I examined Emilia's injuries at once. Fortunately, the child had suffered severe bruising only on the surface; neither bone nor muscle had sustained damage. To have been kicked by a growing boy and come away with nothing worse than that was extraordinarily lucky.
"I'm so sorry! Truly, I am so sorry, Your Highness! If only—if only I hadn't stepped away, none of this would have happened!"
Catherine, for her part, was utterly horrified at the sight of Emilia's dark purple bruises. She could not stem her tears until the princess's treatment was entirely finished. Perched by the bedside with a face swollen from weeping, she looked thoroughly miserable.
"Crying will not heal Her Highness's wounds, so please stop. You will wake her."
"N-Nanny..."
Ignoring Catherine's sniffling, I gathered the ointment and towels. "Why did you leave your post so carelessly in the first place?"
"Th-That's..."
"It is not as though you could take responsibility if something were to happen to either of Their Highnesses."
At my reprimand, the tears streaming from Catherine's eyes poured down even harder. Seeing those wide eyes brimming with guilt stirred an uncomfortable pang in my chest.
"...As her nanny, my leaving was the greatest fault. It is not entirely your doing."
"N-No! You're wrong, Nanny, you did nothing wrong! It was me—I got ahead of myself, insisting I could attend to Their Highnesses, and then..."
"Enough. What is done is done. We simply must ensure nothing like this ever happens again."
"*Sniff*, yes! I'll never let it happen again! Never!" Catherine wiped her tears and nodded vigorously.
I rose from my seat. "Then I shall go check on Prince Edwin. I will call a maid to watch over the princess—"
"No, please. I'll stay here by her side today."
"What about your duties as head maid?"
"They can wait until tomorrow. Young children are fragile, after all. A fever might develop later, or somewhere else might start to ache..."
Catherine could not tear her gaze away from the princess. Her gentle light-brown eyes, fixed upon the sleeping child, were drenched in regret and sorrow.
"Very well, then."
I quietly slipped out of the room. A good-hearted sinner needed ample time to atone in their own way.
"I am coming in."
When knocking brought no response, I pushed open the prince's bedroom door without hesitation.
Edwin was standing motionless before the window. Outside, a torrential downpour had begun to lash against the glass.
"Your Highness, your injuries..."
"How is Emilia?" he asked, his eyes still fixed on the rain outside. His voice was drained of all strength.
"Her Highness has just been treated and is asleep."
"Was she hurt badly?"
"Only superficial bruising, though it looks worse than it is. She will recover shortly."
Hearing my words, the prince gave a faint nod.
"You must tend to your own injuries as well, Your Highness."
"I'm fine."
"I saw the cuts on your face earlier. Let me apply this ointment—"
I stepped toward Edwin and reached out.
At that moment, he struck my arm away and yelled, "I said I'm fine—!"
The medicine jar was knocked from my hand, clattering loudly across the floor.
"Ah..."
Edwin shrank back, flustered and horrified by his own outburst. Hunching his shoulders defensively, he raised his voice in futile bravado. "I told you I was fine, so why—urk!"
"Your face says otherwise."
Having his chin caught firmly in my grip in the blink of an eye, Edwin flushed crimson.
"Wh-What do you think you're doing?! Laying hands on an imperial prince's face is—"
"Your Highness. When you realize your own mistakes, your anger should be directed at yourself. Not at others."
The young prince's eyes wavered at my cold, dispassionate tone.
"So do not lash out at someone else in this manner."
Edwin's eyelashes quivered. Without another word, he lowered his gaze.
He's quieted down at last.
Only then could I properly inspect his wounds. He had taken only a single punch, but his lip was split.
"You took a solid hit."
"Ow, that hurts!"
"And here you claimed you were fine."
Holding the protesting boy still, I smoothed the ointment over the cut. Fortunately, it seemed the blow to his face was the only injury he had sustained.
"Your Highness committed two grave errors today."
"What?"
"First, stepping foot outside the palace walls alongside the princess without an escort."
I released Edwin's chin.
"Second, recklessly challenging an opponent stronger than yourself without any semblance of a plan."
"Then was I supposed to just stand by like a coward in that situation?!"
"The weak are supposed to be cowards."
Edwin's eyes widened at my words.
"Because that is the only way they survive."
Edwin scowled fiercely, his voice rising in outrage. "Is surviving all that matters?! Even if you're treated like worse than an insect, as long as you survive, is that enough?!"
"Of course."
My reply came swift and unwavering, my expression devoid of emotion.
"In this life, nothing takes precedence over survival."
"But—!"
"Moreover, defiance from someone who does not know their place accomplishes nothing except fueling their opponent's fury."
Edwin looked devastated by my harsh assessment. "Then are you saying I should have just done nothing while Emilia was being kicked?!"
"You should have begged."
"...What?"
His wide blue eyes trembled in shock.
"In the first place, Your Highness remained silent when the Second Prince compared Her Highness to a beast. You stayed your hand as well when he poured tea over her hand." Looking down at him with an impassive face, I asked, "Why did you not endure it until the very end?"
"That's—that's because—!"
"Shall I tell you why? The first and second times were simply bearable to you. You thought that by being a coward for just a moment, it would blow over."
Edwin's face flushed bright red in an instant. Clenching his small fists tightly, he protested, "Well—verbal insults can just be brushed aside, and the tea wasn't even hot...!"
"I am not reprimanding your cowardice, Your Highness. In fact, I believe you made the right choice."
I looked down at him with cool, calculating eyes. "The issue lies in how you ended it. You were utterly reckless."
Had he simply remained a coward throughout, the situation would never have escalated so disastrously. The problem arose because he charged forward with blind recklessness at the very end.
"If it had been me, I would have swallowed my pride to flatter the Second Prince, restrained Princess Emilia, and found any pretext to flee the scene."
Even if it earned him the label of a coward, that had been the best course of action available to the Edwin of today.
"Your Highness, do you recall the promise you made to the princess last night?" Looking straight into Edwin's clear, expansive eyes, I pressed on. "A vow to protect someone is not something to be uttered lightly."
Edwin bit his lip.
"Had His Majesty not intervened at that precise moment, no one can say what would have become of either of you."
"I... I just..."
Unable to answer, Edwin finally bowed his head toward the floor.
"You told me you would not live as a coward. But as you are right now, Your Highness, living as one would serve you far better." Looking down at the crown of his dejected head, I continued, "For Princess Emilia's sake, and for your own."
Even to my own ears, my voice sounded chillingly devoid of emotion. But it was necessary.
I cannot always be there to bail him out as I did today.
Leaving Edwin standing with his head hung low in silence, I turned on my heel. Just as I moved to quietly leave his chambers—
"Wait."
When I turned back, Edwin was looking at me, his gaze clouded with doubt.
"How did you know what happened to Emilia?" He furrowed his brow, struggling to piece it together. "You only showed up while I was fighting with Brother Lloyd."
Unnecessarily sharp.
Averting my eyes for a fleeting second, I answered straightforwardly. "I arrived long before then."
"What? Then... you watched everything that happened to Emilia and me?" Edwin looked up at me with deeply wounded eyes. "And you just stood there watching until then?"
"Yes."
I had arrived the very moment Edwin located Emilia. Yet I had deliberately held back.
It was because of what Catherine had blurted out the moment she caught sight of the Second Prince.
—What do we do?! The Second Prince bullies Prince Edwin whenever he lays eyes on him!
Her frantic warning had overlapped with the sheer dread etched upon Edwin's face. So I had observed intentionally—to see whether he could truly stand his ground when confronted by the person he feared most.
"Why?! You're my nanny! You said you'd protect me!" Edwin's face twisted in agonized betrayal. "You're supposed to be on my side! So why?!"
He grabbed a handful of my skirt, clinging desperately. "Why didn't you help? Why did you just stand by and watch?!"
I looked down at the young prince.
An innocent, naive child. A boy to whom words like 'protection' and 'refusing to be a coward' still came easily. That was precisely why I wanted him to realize, through bitter experience, just how heavy those words truly were.
I pried his clinging hands from my skirt, one by one.
"I helped as much as I was able."
Stepping into a quarrel between two imperial princes was already an enormous risk on my part. A mere nanny could be executed on the spot for daring to meddle in imperial affairs. In truth, had the Emperor and the King of Adamant not intervened when they did, I would have been the one in genuine danger.
"Remember this well, Your Highness."
I spoke to the young prince with unvarnished sincerity.
"So long as you remain weak, you cannot protect yourself, others, or anything at all—unless you are willing to be a coward."