Goyo-ran
Boom.
A tremendous blast — the explosives Gwanghwamun had laid in advance, going off where no one would have thought to look. I couldn't see the damage, but the enemy had to have taken heavy losses. It also meant, of course, that our first line of defense was gone.
For a little while after the explosion, the gunfire stopped. The ones pushing in had gotten a proper scare.
"I really wanted to build a settlement here."
I'd been sure that was how it would go. Everyone in the crew had thought so; that much I knew. Steeped in that atmosphere, I'd absorbed it without even noticing. Raising the settlement was a foregone conclusion. Only a matter of time.
And yet the one person who had never quite believed it would truly come to pass was the boss herself. She had always been anxious. She had only pretended to be fine, so the crew wouldn't catch on.
"All I ever dreamed of was living safely with my family. Eating when it was time to eat."
One hell of a dream.
"I knew this world wouldn't allow even that. Still... we fought so hard to get this far."
She had done well enough. Saying so to her face was another matter.
"So Gwanghwamun was a second family to all of you."
"Something like that."
"And you still lived like a real one. That's something. They call you boss, but you were just brothers and sisters."
"You don't have to work so hard at comforting me."
Mm.
"You're right, though. Everyone did live like family. Funny, but maybe that's why I feel a little less sorry toward the crew."
"Huh?"
"I believe they'll understand. You aren't supposed to do this to family. Even so, I believe they'll understand."
She had the right to say it. That was the difference between her and the Old Man.
"Because you understand them, too."
"If that's how it looks, then I'm glad."
Bang! Bang!
Bap-bap...
They were at it again.
"That's why I'm sorry. To you, Jeonggu."
For the briefest moment, my chest went cold. She had been thinking the same thing I was.
"I really don't belong in Gwanghwamun."
I couldn't speak for the others, but the boss, at least, had clearly never counted me as family. I'd thought the same, so it wasn't much of a blow. Yeah.
"I knew. I got greedy anyway. I should have sent you off sooner. Then you wouldn't be stuck here like this..."
Bap-bap! Bang!
Close.
"Boss."
"Yeah. Time to do what needs doing. Let's wipe them out."
Her eyes changed. That a person could turn over so completely, just like that, was its own kind of remarkable.
Reliable.
A fight with no chance of winning, but they'd have to spend plenty of lives to finish it. There was a little comfort in that.
Fwoosh — boom!
An explosion from overhead. The shock of it was enormous, and it was this building. We hadn't brought any explosives down here. Their attack.
Fwoosh — boom!
"Is that a rocket?"
"Those beggars have no business with weapons like that."
The military, then. They must have had a brutal time getting this far. If the enemy had been the army from the start, it would have been a different story, but this had never been a line street gangs could punch through easily. Getting even this far was impressive, and only because the army had been feeding them supplies. The hidden charges must have killed a good number of them, too. Unable to stand by and watch, the military was helping with great enthusiasm.
So this really is the end of us.
They'd clear the shooters on the high ground with rockets, then push inside. Sweeping the first floor wouldn't be hard. The only ones who could make a fight worthy of the name were the ones down here in the basement.
Fwoosh — boom!
The screams never stopped. An overwhelming gap in firepower. I'd thought a crisis this absolute would leave room for nothing but my brother and sister.
Click.
"Get ready."
Now that it was here, that wasn't all that came to me. They did come — I just wasn't swallowed by them. Stronger than that was the thought that I had to shoot my best and take as many with me as I could.
Because I don't want to be a weight on her.
I remembered how, only moments ago, she had shifted her whole stance between one blink and the next, and her fighting strength had risen with it. Maybe she hadn't wanted to be a weight on me, either.
"You've never actually killed anyone, have you, Jeonggu?"
"It doesn't matter."
I'd read plenty about the hesitation of a first kill. I'd rehearsed the moment over and over in my head so I wouldn't make that ugly show of it. Real combat would be different in the end, of course.
"You don't have to worry."
There was more than one man I'd already beaten to the edge of death. For all I knew, someone had failed to recover from where my knife went in and was already dead. I only had to do what I'd always done. The only difference was aiming for a place that would finish them.
Bang!
"Come on in, you bastards!"
The Head Cook's roar. My finger itched where it met the trigger.
Thud. Whump.
"You little shit—!"
"Die!"
The sounds tangled together. And then two bodies, locked in each other's arms, came tumbling down the stairs all the way into the basement.
"Head Cook!"
By the time I realized it, I was already sprinting out.
"Son Jeonggu!"
Too late. I was committed. One enemy in front of me. Finish him fast and get back.
"Jeonggu... don't come!"
The two of them thrashed without a pause, tangled so tight I could hardly aim. The boss was no better off. She had her eye jammed to the scope, straining for a shot; the muzzle drifted by inches, and I doubted she could bring herself to pull the trigger.
Close quarters.
I drew the P210. Grab him by the hair, wrench his head around, and shoot. Simple.
The two of them kept rolling through a slick of blood. The moment the man got the Head Cook under him, mounted, and drove him into the floor with his weight—
"Ghk!?"
I came up behind him, calm, caught a fistful of hair, and bent him backward.
"Nngh!"
His limbs could flail all they liked. It did him no good. The Head Cook had hold of him fast. I set the muzzle against his temple.
"You goddamn little brat...!"
His neck was wrenched halfway around, his face turned upside down toward me. He rolled his eyes up with everything he had, trying to see my face — up, and farther up. In those inverted eyes the pupils were sinking toward the floor. In the end they hid almost entirely beneath the lids, and there was nothing left but white. Those eyes glared at me.
None of the rehearsals had looked like this.
"You son of a—"
Bang!
His head blew out to one side. I hadn't pulled the trigger. A round had come in from somewhere.
A wet slap. The soft things that burst from the ruined skull struck the wall, stuck, and began, little by little, to slide. Something rustled. Shards of bone, scattering.
Clack.
A casing spat from the boss's sniper rifle.
"Son Jeonggu! Hold your position!"
And the Head Cook?
"Jeonggu... hold... your ground... cough."
All that blood had come from the Head Cook's body.
"Hur...ry..."
Throat or lung, I couldn't tell. Somewhere in him the blood had risen and filled it. His voice was gone.
"Son Jeonggu! Get over here!"
The Head Cook's lips moved. Three syllables. He didn't have the strength to lift an arm; only a finger came up. His thumb. I closed my hand around it once.
"Go! Now!"
I was back in position.
"You ignored me again."
"Sorry. From now on I'll only fight the way you tell me."
"Pfft..."
I thought I'd never see her laugh again.
"From now on, he says... All right. Then you'd better listen."
"I will."
The gunfire stopped. Now and then the first-floor boards, failing under the weight of footsteps, let out a creak. They had the building. All of it, except this basement.
"...When Gwanghwamun first became a family, it was just me and the Head Cook."
I hadn't known that.
"We didn't even have a name like Gwanghwamun back then."
"Families don't come with names."
"That's right. A family's just a family."
"Anybody check the basement?"
"What about upstairs?"
"Pretty sure we cleared it."
"I'll go down and take a look."
A long breath left me on its own.
"It's all right. Being nervous is normal."
What hit hardest was that I hadn't been able to pull the trigger. I'd gone and done exactly the thing I'd only ever read about in books. Once I had, even the confidence I'd started with was gone.
"The first time's always like that. The second isn't exactly easy, but once you're past the first, it gets a little better."
"The eyes..."
"Not looking them in the eye is something that only works in books. How could you not look? It's a person you're killing. You're bound to see their eyes. It isn't a question of what comes after. If you're human, you can't help it."
"..."
To think a line out of some third-rate killer novel — that you never forget the look in the eyes of the first person you kill — would be what undid me.
"They're saying nobody could find Goyo-ran?"
"What? What the fuck is going on!"
"We're screwed. Those army bastards are gonna lose their minds."
"There's a kid, too, right?"
"The kid from the rumors?"
"They didn't find either of them?"
"Who's going down to the basement with me?"
My hands were shaking. I needed to get on the rifle. I was still holding the P210.
"Son Jeonggu. Look at me. You have to calm down first."
The boss closed her hand tight around my trembling one.
"Ease up. Come on — look at me. Quickly. You do this every day."
Every day. I lifted my head and looked at her. She had taken her eye from the scope and come right up to my face: the same face I studied every day, searching for a Core ability.
"Loosen your hand. Close your eyes, slowly. You said you'd fight the way I tell you."
"This is fighting?"
"Getting ready is part of the fight. Now!"
I closed my eyes. I let the strength out of my hand, as told. I felt her touch — over my head, my shoulders, down my arms. Forearm. Wrist. The hand on the gun was still shaking. Then she reached it and took my hand in hers. The trembling seemed to be letting go.
"There's a body down here?"
"Fuck! Guns up!"
"Settle. Be still. Stay calm."
Her fingers tapped lightly against my hand. Little by little, strength seemed to enter them. She tightened her grip. Tighter.
Bang.
"...?"
"Gunshot!"
"What happened!"
"We haven't even gone down yet!"
I opened my eyes. She was still in front of me. My hand was growing warm.
"Here! It's Goyo-ran!"
"Wait — wait!"
A voice I'd heard plenty of times. This voice was—
"Kid! You were alive!"
Socrates.
"Cough."
Blood came up in the boss's cough and spattered across my face, and that was what Socrates saw.
"K-kid! Hah — I knew it! Everybody, guns down!"
I couldn't think at all.
"The kid betrayed Goyo-ran! I know that brat! He promised he'd come over to our side, I'm telling you! Bwahaha! Would you look at this cute little bastard!"
Socrates started toward us. I put out a hand.
"Wait. Don't come any closer."
"Huh?"
"Just a second... I'll come to you."
"Oh, yeah, yeah! Look at me, no sense of timing! If you've got payback to dish out, dish all you want!"
The boss fell forward. Our foreheads knocked. I caught her by the shoulder and barely got her upright again.
"...?"
"Cough... You said you'd fight the way I tell you... so listen to me. End it here. Join their side. You have to live..."
A hand came up and touched my face.
"Look. The eyes..."
Observe.
"Only the first time is... like this... Next time it'll be better..."
She pitched forward again. Somehow her body was far too heavy. I couldn't lift her.
"The eyes. Look well..."
She forced her eyes open.
"This much... isn't a bad... memory..."
If I didn't speak now, the silence would only grow more unbearable. My lips wouldn't come apart.
She let her whole weight settle onto me. For an instant she started to slide sideways, and I barely caught her.
Ting.
I thought it was a casing. It wasn't. The gas-piston pin had fallen from her hair.
"The kid from the rumors did it!"
I was alive.