The Porter's Perks
There are all sorts of advantages to joining a Hero's Party as their porter.
First: just the fact that you handle the rough work for the Hero's Party makes it easy to charm the village housewives.
Second: after spending a night with a widow, you suddenly have the perfect excuse to leave without a shred of lingering attachment.
Third: you get a front-row seat to the wholesome romances of young people.
The weight of the luggage piled high on my shoulders didn't bother me in the least. What mattered was that the lighthearted conversations and the warm scenery stretching out ahead were enough to make even a heart worn down by the weight of life flutter with excitement again.
"Hero! Look at this! This flower is called an Elysia! They say if you brew it and drink it, it's good for your skin and your health!"
"Oh, really? Then we should brew some with Mille and share it."
The Hero accepted Mille's gift with a bright smile, and Mille stamped her feet, her face flushed bright red. The way she looked—just like a little child presenting a gift to an adult she admired—brought a warm smile to my face.
"Ashuria, do you want some too? Mille picked them."
The Hero stretched out a hand toward Ashuria this time, wearing a smile free of any malice. Ashuria blinked as she faced the Hero, then smiled and replied,
"Thank you for the kind offer, Hero. I would be delighted to join you if I may."
Ashuria lowered her gaze and directed a subtle smile at Mille, who frowned and muttered under her breath.
"She's saying she wanted to eat it just the two of them with the Hero."
Lena was walking alongside me with a nonchalant expression. Since I was the porter and could get into trouble if I fell behind alone, one of the party members always walked with me. Usually it was Mille, with her short stride, or Lena, who had good instincts, who kept me company at the rear.
"Did you read her lips?"
"Of course. You have no idea how hard I've worked to get by. If you're going to steal other people's stuff, you can't miss even the tiniest clue."
Lena said that as she rummaged through my bag. I tilted my shoulder to make it easier for her to open it. When she pulled out the jerky Mille had made, a fragrant meaty aroma wafted out. Lena popped one piece into her mouth and held another out toward me.
"Ah."
"Aigoo, thank you."
It was jerky worthy of an elf born to hunt. I took it like a pet and chewed as I spoke.
"What do you make of it, Lena?"
"Of what?"
"The Hero. Who do you think he'll end up with?"
"The childhood friend waiting back in the village."
Lena's answer was full of indifference toward her fellow party members on the journey. She didn't seem particularly interested in the two women, or even the Hero. I tore into the jerky and asked,
"You never know with people's hearts, do you? He might end up with one of those two. Aren't you interested in the Hero yourself, Lena?"
"Nope."
Lena answered firmly as she tore into her jerky. It was so deeply infused with flavor that every bite released an even richer aroma. Lena said to me,
"You've got a bunch of pretty girls right here, but you're always off hunting for widows in the villages. Are you a pervert?"
"Please call it a healthy preference. No group lasts long if scandals break out inside it. While serving a Hero who will one day defeat the Demon King, I can hardly go around causing trouble like that when I can't even be of much help."
People's hearts crumble easily. I had no intention of clumsily diving into that bothersome, murderous free-for-all and leaving scars behind. How many soldiers had deserted just because they broke up with their girlfriends, and how many officers had been so tormented by depression they couldn't function?
I thought of the Hero as my comrade, and as the hero who would defeat the Demon King.
"Huh, unexpected. So you're actually a pretty decent guy, Ahjussi. Except for the widow-hunting part."
Lena spoke as if my behavior surprised her. She tore the jerky into thin strips and rolled them onto her tongue. I glanced briefly at the snake-like shape before answering.
"Widows are a perfectly healthy preference. It's a noble act of granting a single night of pleasure to a woman who lost her husband on the battlefield. If the Hero saves the world by defeating the Demon King, then I can call myself a hero who saves a woman's life on the bed."
"Womanizer."
"That's what the world calls it, too."
Lena laughed and nodded. She said,
"Still, I'm glad you're a good person, Ahjussi. When the porter's weird, the whole trip gets delayed."
Lena patted the bag as she spoke.
"I trust you, Ahjussi."
Seeing her smile, I looked ahead at the Hero, the elf, and Ashuria. With such reliable members, I felt I could follow them all the way to the Demon Realm.
".....Is this really okay?"
That was three days ago, when I still thought of them as truly wonderful companions. Right now I was standing in the middle of a plain with ogre-luring scent sprayed all over my body and meat wrapped around my waist. Beside me stood the Hero with a complicated expression, while Mille hummed a little tune as she evenly sprayed the scent over me.
Lena called out from a distance.
"It's fine, Ahjussi. You won't die, you won't die. We've got a Hero here who can beat down even ogres."
"Lena. Still, isn't this too dangerous?"
The Hero said that with a worried look. But before the Hero could voice an opinion, Mille shook her head and said,
"It's fine! We've set traps up front, and if anything happens Ashuria will jump out and stop it!"
"Mille, you seem especially cheerful today. Don't you feel even a little sorry for me?"
Mille was preparing the operation while humming, the complete opposite of how she acted when a deer died. When I asked her that, puzzled, she tilted her head and shot back,
"Huh? Why would I feel sorry for you, Ahjussi? You're sacrificing yourself for us, so you should be happy about it, right?"
"....Right."
I tried proposing a compromise by asking Mille again.
"But why me? Can't we just spray that... scent ogres like on a tree or something?"
"Female ogres only get excited and come looking when they smell a male, and Ahjussi the porter has the strongest smell of all."
"Hahahaha! Ahjussi's smell!"
Lena, who had climbed up a tree, burst out laughing loudly. Ashuria was crouched in the bushes covered in strong-smelling grass to mask her own scent. The Hero also laughed awkwardly and said to me,
"It was hard to find volunteers in the village, too. I'm sorry, Ahjussi."
"No, no. It's for the village, after all. I'll gladly sacrifice this body of mine."
The request we received in the village we'd spent days reaching was to exterminate a mid-rank monster: an ogre. To take down an ogre that would require an entire unit of ordinary soldiers, the Hero's Party currently on standby at the front lines had been deployed as a special task force.
Our Hero's Party had been formed to either disrupt the rear when the front lines expanded, or to cover monster attacks in places where the front lines were thin like this.
"Alright, everything's ready. Do your best, Ahjussi!"
Mille gave my knee a couple of encouraging pats. The moment she turned back, the joking atmosphere vanished and everyone melted into the bushes and shadows. A chilly wind rose, and only the faint shadows and strands of hair barely visible from my position let me know I was still with the members of the Hero's Party.
Standing like this brought old memories flooding back. The memory of running down a dark corridor and accidentally discovering a room with the light on. I frowned and focused my vision into the darkness. Beast-like eyes gleamed in the forest where no light entered.
"Uoooooh...!"
The monster flared its nostrils and prodded its upper lip with its fangs. Its green skin and solid trapezius muscles made me wonder if a sword could even cut it. In its hand it held a massive club, and through the clothes roughly made from beast hides, enormous breasts swayed. The monster sniffed around, then spotted me, rolled its eyes back, and roared.
"KuoOOOOOOOOH!"
Then it started tearing at its own clothes and shaking its body.
"Sh-shit...!"
I was so overwhelmed by the destructive spectacle that I couldn't move. The massive green breasts swaying right in front of me felt like giant green grapes come to life. The monster twisted its naked body and charged at me, and its foot snapped the rope of the trap set on the ground.
Thud.
"Got it!"
Mille sprang up and shouted cheerfully. At the same time as her cry, a sharply sharpened log slammed into the monster's belly. The ogre's body was shoved back, and green blood trickled from its mouth.
"Kuaaaargh!"
But the ogre didn't stop there. Despite the log embedded in its belly, it actually pushed forward and snapped the trap's ropes. Even with green blood streaming down the log, the sight of it charging, consumed by lust, was pure terror.
"Damn it!"
I turned and started running. The ogre raised its arm to grab me.
"Kuaaaaaaagh!"
But the raised arm tumbled to the ground before it could even swing at me. Mille nocked another arrow and gestured for me to keep running. The ogre finally slowed, unable to overcome the pain, and Ashuria appeared between me and the ogre, kicking up a thick cloud of dust. The ogre, apparently failing to notice Ashuria's appearance because of the strong grass smell, frowned and just stared at its own hand.
Boom!
With a flash of white light, the ogre's body bent into a C-shape. Unable to withstand the heavy blow that had been driven in, the ogre's body tilted heavily. Before it could fall to the ground, Ashuria aimed a straight punch at the stake embedded in its belly.
Boom!
The stake shot through the ogre's body like a crossbow bolt and flew across the forest.
Trees split left and right with the sound of something tearing through the air, sending green leaves fluttering like cherry blossoms.
The ogre, its side torn open, couldn't even scream as it rolled its eyes back and reached a hand toward Ashuria.
Ashuria faced the ogre with an indifferent expression, and the monster's hand tried to grab her.
Ashuria didn't move even as the hand approached.
"Sister!"
Just as I turned to grab Ashuria, the ogre's body twitched and then stopped moving.
Then, starting from the tip of the ogre's fist, its body began to fall apart as if butchered in a meat shop, until the entire ogre collapsed into diced chunks.
Beyond the pile of what had been the ogre, the Hero wiped the blood from his sword and asked Ashuria,
"You okay?"
I sank to the ground with a sigh, and Ashuria twisted her body as she said,
"Thanks to you, Hero."
The Hero approached me as well and asked,
"Are you hurt anywhere, Ahjussi?"
"Ah, yes. I'm fine, Hero. Thanks to you."