The Words I Really Wanted to Say
"I like you."
Ziiiiiiiiing!
The words burst out of my mouth, and at that exact moment, the vibration buzzer on the table went off like a fire alarm.
Myo A-rin said nothing. She just picked up the buzzer and headed for the counter.
What did you just say, you idiot?
Beats me.
Who blurts out their true feelings at a completely random moment like that??
Is something in my brain broken?
More importantly...
Did she hear it?
That buzzer had gone off at the most exquisite timing imaginable.
Please, God, let it have been swallowed up in all that noise.
A-rin came back with both arms loaded down with boxed-up desserts, wearing an expression I couldn't read at all.
"Huh. The buzzer keeps going off right when you're about to say something."
Wait. She didn't hear it?
"...Wait, did you not hear what I said?"
Really? You really didn't hear it?
"Me?"
"Yeah. Couldn't hear a thing over the buzzer just now."
"Oh... I was asking how you like your new job!"
"Ah—it's amazing! Absolutely love it!"
Whew—
I let out a long breath of relief inside.
Guess she really didn't hear it.
Somehow, I'd dodged the bullet.
But seriously, why did that come flying out of my mouth all of a sudden?
It was like a sneeze—I just couldn't hold it in.
My head's been a mess, that's all.
Once I got home, I needed to get a proper night's sleep.
"Remember what I told you before? About wanting to work in team operations."
A-rin continued with a little smirk on her face.
"Right, you did say that."
"Mm-hm! And I'm just so, so satisfied. I'm sure I'll run into parts I don't like eventually, but so far? Satisfaction at maximum. Actually, what I wanted to talk about today was work-related too."
"The thing you've been trying to say since earlier?"
"Yes! You keep interrupting at the worst timing. So, about the game against the Vanguards..."
Oh. So that's what it was.
And here I'd been getting worked up over nothing.
There was no way she was about to confess to me out of nowhere...
Haah—
The knot in my chest came undone in an instant, and for the first time in a while, it felt easy to look her in the face again.
"Right. About this game?"
Though I have to admit, I felt a tiny bit deflated, too.
Whether she knew what was going on in my head or not, A-rin kept going, her eyes sparkling.
"Your whole pitching repertoire got exposed. The fact that you can throw from any form you want."
It was true—I'd wanted to keep that hidden a little longer.
But it was a critical situation, and more than anything, I didn't want to lose that game. The manager had given me the green light to throw like that, and switching forms mid-at-bat was simply the best call I could make in the moment.
"Yeah, that's fair."
"Mm. So ever since that game, every single team's analysis department has started running numbers on you."
"I figured as much. I'm a pretty unusual type, after all."
"Unusual doesn't even begin to cover it. You're a completely unique existence."
A unique existence... somehow, that felt pretty good?
"Come on, it's not that big a deal..."
"So, I did some analysis of my own. On you."
"On me?"
"Yep. We need to build a game plan too, you know."
A-rin pulled an Apple Pad out of her bag, opened a file, and handed it over to me.
On the screen was my personal profile, organized alongside my detailed stats and other information.
It looked like a basic five-page template with data simply slotted into the blanks.
Huh. Kind of thin, isn't it?
"This is it?"
"Hm? But I worked really hard on it?"
"There's barely anything here?"
I handed the pad back to A-rin with a shrug.
"Ah! My bad, wrong file. That's the standard template they gave me when I first joined the company."
A-rin swiped through a few screens and showed me the display again.
"This is the updated version, with all my own additional analysis included."
She revealed a document of overwhelming scale—nothing like the basic template I'd just seen. First, I was stunned by the sheer volume. Then, second, by the quality of what had been distilled from it.
Things even I didn't know about myself.
My expression shifting ever so slightly depending on the pitch I was about to throw. The big, deliberate breath I took right before releasing my out pitch. All those tiny details, laid out in immaculately clean formatting.
"You've only made three appearances in the pros, so I factored in the exhibition game footage and the videos we shot during practice."
"The whole analysis team worked on this?"
"Nope? I did it alone. I'm still a rookie learning the ropes, so I just worked on it bit by bit in my spare time."
"All by yourself?"
"Yep. Well, it hones my skills, it helps you out—everyone wins. Plus, my superiors keep showering me with praise, which is a nice bonus."
"You'll be general manager before long."
"You think?"
A smile bloomed across A-rin's face, brimming with quiet pride.
Cute.
"This is what I wanted to show you. But when did you even learn all those different forms? I've only been able to pull up your file recently. Even after you got signed, I had no idea you were hiding your pitching forms—that's why I about fell out of my chair watching that game."
"I trained in the psychiatric ward's time chamber while I was in the hospital."
The truth that no one would believe no matter how many times I said it.
"Pffft... What on earth is that supposed to be?"
Called it.
"Honestly, I read the article about your accident. Sounds like you went through a lot."
"No, I'm telling you, I trained in the psychiatric ward's time chamber?"
"Sure, sure. I hear you."
With a nod that said something along the lines of yes, yes, whatever you say, A-rin steered us back to the original topic.
"Anyway! We've gone off the rails again. I figured showing you this analysis would actually help you on the mound."
"Help? It's a godsend."
My weakness was my unremarkable velocity and raw stuff.
My strength, on the other hand, was my variety of forms, pitches, and pinpoint control.
Building on those traits, I pitched a style of game that threw batters into confusion with unconventional, unpredictable deliveries.
Which meant I had to be that much more obsessive about the details.
When a guy's velocity and stuff are pure monsters, analysis often doesn't matter at all.
Come hit it if you can. You can throw a four-seamer dead center over the plate with that mindset, and the batter still can't touch it.
But me? I had to win the sneaky, underhanded way—tricking batters, fooling their eyes. I needed to make it as hard as possible for anyone to guess what was coming.
And if habits like mine pile up until the terrifying analytical machinery of modern baseball finally digs them out, I might as well be a live batting practice machine.
Which is to say, this one analysis file was an upgrade to my greatest strength.
"Did I do well?"
"Immensely. I'm so proud of you I kind of want to pat you on the head."
Pat her on the head.
Myo A-rin got flustered by any display of stereotypically feminine affection. This time would be no different—she'd scrunch her face in disgust and shudder at the very suggestion.
"What's that supposed to be!"
Called it.
"Well, then... I mean, go ahead and pat it, I guess..."
Wait, what?
Her cheeks had turned faintly pink.
"Y-you mean it?"
"You said you were proud of me!"
"...I did."
Carefully, I lifted my hand and placed it on top of her head.
Now what?
Just do it like you'd pet a puppy, I guess.
"...Why'd you stop?"
"Um..."
Screw it. Here goes nothing.
I vigorously scrubbed my hand back and forth through Myo A-rin's hair.
"...You did a really good job!"
"..."
She seemed satisfied with that, too.
So happy she couldn't even manage another word, apparently.
Good. That's how it should stay.
Please.
"Heh heh heh..."
A-rin smoothed her hair back down and let a small smile slip through.
Thank goodness.
Part of me wanted to pull her into my arms and thank her with everything I had, but for today, this much would have to be enough.
"Seriously, thank you. I'll go home and study this thing properly tonight."
"No need. All you have to do is practice."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"The back pages have all your areas for improvement, collected and organized."
Flipping to the back, I found it written out so meticulously that all I'd have to do was follow the steps one by one.
Wow... she even went this far.
"...Can I pat your head one more time?"
"No."
"Aw..."
"Anyway. I'm really glad it helps. Hehe."
Cute.
Her sheepish grin made my heart lurch all over again.
"Thanks for today."
"Mm! Make sure you tell your mom these were a gift from A-rin!"
"Obviously. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah."
And with that, A-rin said goodbye to Han-sae and made her way home.
She opened the door, more or less kicked off her outer coat, and buried her face straight into her bed.
"..."
Frozen in that position for a moment, she replayed the day's events in her head.
"KYAAAAAH! What do I do! Seriously!! What was that, HAN-SAE!!"
That awkward, clumsy hand ruffling her hair.
The way his eyes had lit up looking over the material she'd worked so hard on.
And above all...
"I like you... KYAAH!!!"
Spitting those words back out with her own mouth, A-rin hugged a pillow to her chest and let out a scream of pure happiness.
She'd resolved before that today, when she saw Jang Han-sae, she'd try to show off her charms a little more actively.
But the moment she actually saw him, embarrassment had nailed her to the spot.
"Honestly, what is even happening right now?"
And yet today had brought something completely unexpected—something enormous.
The impossibly dense Jang Han-sae had gone and confessed, with his own two lips, that he liked her.
Thank goodness the buzzer had rung at the perfect moment, letting her play it off as though she hadn't heard a thing.
If she hadn't, she'd have frozen solid right there on the spot, too flustered to move a muscle.
"Haah... this really isn't a dream, right?"
A-rin pinched her cheek hard.
The searing pain proved that all of it—every last bit—was real.
She felt like her body might just float off the ground like a cloud.
Clutching her giddy, swirling chest, A-rin let out a sigh that was more bliss than anything else.
Jang Han-sae's face kept floating up before her eyes, again and again.
I like you.
"I like you too."
Grinning into the empty air, A-rin confessed her heart to no one at all.
And so, right up until the edge of sleep, A-rin's lovesick, utterly ridiculous one-woman show went on and on.